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To counter the Washington Pizza Index, I propose that the United States establish a Strategic Pizza Reserve. Daily pizza orders from Domino's will be stablized

To counter the Washington Pizza Index, I propose that the United States establish a Strategic Pizza Reserve. Daily pizza orders from Domino's will be stablized at slightly above average demand. Excess pizzas will be frozen and stored in the Reserve, possibly stacked in former missile silos. During peak demand periods, pizzas will be released from the Reserve to supplement the stablilized daily supply. The government may also release pizzas from the Reserve to aid survivors of natural disasters.

zasdffaa 4y ago
Check out the global strategic maple syrup reserve (https://www.ediblegeography.com/syrup-stockpiles-wine-lakes-butter-mountains-and-other-strategic-food-reserves/ https://www.ediblegeography.com/syrup-stockpiles-wine-lakes-...)
xg15 4y ago
While sounding reasonable on first glance, I caution that this strategy might impose risks for national security: There is substantial difference how much satisfaction a fresh pizza can cause vs a frozen, stored and reheated pizza. So by restricting consumption to reheated pizzas, you might end up with unhappy, overstressed staffers. Unhappy staffers will make worse decisions, and worse decisions might potentially cause a government crisis to spiral out of control. So for the sake of world piece, do not reheat the pizza.
- MichaelCollins 4y ago
  For the life of me, I cannot fathom why somebody would ruin leftover pizza by heating it.
  - CharlesW 4y ago
    State secret: Reheat leftover pizza with a skillet. https://www.dropbox.com/s/4kj2348rt1n4l82/reheat-instructions.psd https://www.dropbox.com/s/4kj2348rt1n4l82/reheat-instruction...
    - mysterydip 4y ago
      I've used an air fryer with good success.
      - mjevans 4y ago
        I avoid leftovers at all costs... But a proper convection toaster oven does wonders too. Problem there is if it's a cheesy or greasy slice.
        dragonwriter 4y ago
        Air fryers and convection (toaster or not) ovens are essentially the same thing.
    - deleted 4y ago
      [deleted]
  - xboxnolifes 4y ago
    While I prefer my leftover pizza cold, I don't see how reheating pizza in the oven ruins it.
  - williamscales 4y ago
    Pizza French toast
  - darth_avocado 4y ago
    The best way is to reheat it on low temperatures in an oven. Heats it just enough without ruining it.
- cwillu 4y ago
  There is no food that is not made better by cooking it twice.
gullywhumper 4y ago
How can we be sure a President with poor approval ratings won't release a bunch of pizzas right before an election? Politically motivated pizza parties seem like a cynical abuse of power.
- johnny-lee 4y ago
  Especially if the President eats their pizza slice in a non-standard manner. see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Asv7EB1btok https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Asv7EB1btok And what type of pizza is placed in the Pizza Reserve? New Yorkers would have conniptions if Chicago-style deep dish pizza found its way into the Reserve. see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBLVjyTtkMc&t=207s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBLVjyTtkMc&t=207s
squokko 4y ago
The Strategic Pizza Reserve idea is centralized and obsolete. Instead there should be a decentralized Web3 pizza reserve policy where people store a few pizzas in their freezers for situations where they are needed. Policy compliance can be arrested and verified on the blockchain.
- Invictus0 4y ago
  Pizzas are not all made equal my friend. Instead of serving monotonous frozen pizzas, let us bake pizzas with non-fungible toppings. A large supply of unique, all-American pizzas is all that stands between us and anarchy itself.
  - bch 4y ago
    > let us bake pizzas with non-fungible toppings. Not all of us are that averse to mushrooms.
- Wistar 4y ago
  SPDN. Strategic Pizza Distribution Networks.
- btown 4y ago
  It's times like this that I'm grateful for the blockcheese.
quickthrower2 4y ago
Be patriotic and buy a large chest freezer and fill it with pizza!
dontbenebby 4y ago
>To counter the Washington Pizza Index, I propose that the United States establish a Strategic Pizza Reserve. Sir please don't even JOKE about the strategic pizza reserve, some knowledge was meant to stay esoteric. I still remember at Derbycon when they thanked us hackers for spending more money than the Kentucky Derby despite the event being one day fewer in length. I've quit drinking since then, and also come out as like... queer or whatever. What will really blow your brain is the same staffers who used to always order an extra large cheese pizza because it clouds how many they are dining with and for how long (because it's freezable) would go on to do things like lobby for information that would have previously been considered CPNI (that's "customer protected network information") to be able to be sold to third-party marketing firms without first securing the affirmative consent of the customers of the pizza shop. You haven't truly lived until some absolute moron figures out you tend to freeze a pizza when you suspect the nukes are gonna fly, then again I also had a period where every time I tried to go into the local park to smoke weed, folks would show up and start shooting softcore pornography -- I nearly gave them the same "just because it's legal to strip down nude in the portland airport doesn't mean you should" speech that I gave one of Ron Wyden's staffers before he uh... definitely didn't get fired from the ACLU. (I'm being a little passive aggressive in this comment, but the last time I called the IRS they made some smartass comment about if I was taking notes for "my" senator. I felt like going, hey, you dumb bitch, I know how to crash the internet and we used to joke the high school looks like an airport and it's also got a rapist out front -- they're all my senator, since the running joke has always been I'm not a cultural fit for the FBI because they don't want to let me anywhere near firearms. Anyways, that was the last time I tried to deal with anything related to federal taxes -- I will not be abused on the phone by some fed. Their model is to fear interaction, mine is to show up five goddamn years later in the samn damn "Bernie 2016" shirt, red eyed, openly amused many of my enemies have shot themselves with their own weapons, and feel guilty I'm gonna throw out some of the pizza I didn't freeze because I fear it's sat in the fridge too long. (Did every Catholic elementary school hold you in for recess if you didn't eat all your food, or was that a hyperlocal thing? Either way, pizza day was fun. Peace out!!)
dredmorbius 4y ago
I'd strongly urge consideration of a decentralised failure- and surveillance-resistant food distribution network. The first node pair has already been well-documented: <https://idlewords.com/2007/04/the_alameda_weehawken_burrito_tunnel.htm https://idlewords.com/2007/04/the_alameda_weehawken_burrito_...>

zasdffaa 4y ago

Check out the global strategic maple syrup reserve (https://www.ediblegeography.com/syrup-stockpiles-wine-lakes-butter-mountains-and-other-strategic-food-reserves/ https://www.ediblegeography.com/syrup-stockpiles-wine-lakes-...)

xg15 4y ago

While sounding reasonable on first glance, I caution that this strategy might impose risks for national security: There is substantial difference how much satisfaction a fresh pizza can cause vs a frozen, stored and reheated pizza. So by restricting consumption to reheated pizzas, you might end up with unhappy, overstressed staffers. Unhappy staffers will make worse decisions, and worse decisions might potentially cause a government crisis to spiral out of control. So for the sake of world piece, do not reheat the pizza.

MichaelCollins 4y ago
For the life of me, I cannot fathom why somebody would ruin leftover pizza by heating it.
- CharlesW 4y ago
  State secret: Reheat leftover pizza with a skillet. https://www.dropbox.com/s/4kj2348rt1n4l82/reheat-instructions.psd https://www.dropbox.com/s/4kj2348rt1n4l82/reheat-instruction...
  - mysterydip 4y ago
    I've used an air fryer with good success.
    - mjevans 4y ago
      I avoid leftovers at all costs... But a proper convection toaster oven does wonders too. Problem there is if it's a cheesy or greasy slice.
      - dragonwriter 4y ago
        Air fryers and convection (toaster or not) ovens are essentially the same thing.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
- xboxnolifes 4y ago
  While I prefer my leftover pizza cold, I don't see how reheating pizza in the oven ruins it.
- williamscales 4y ago
  Pizza French toast
- darth_avocado 4y ago
  The best way is to reheat it on low temperatures in an oven. Heats it just enough without ruining it.
cwillu 4y ago
There is no food that is not made better by cooking it twice.

gullywhumper 4y ago

How can we be sure a President with poor approval ratings won't release a bunch of pizzas right before an election? Politically motivated pizza parties seem like a cynical abuse of power.

johnny-lee 4y ago
Especially if the President eats their pizza slice in a non-standard manner. see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Asv7EB1btok https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Asv7EB1btok And what type of pizza is placed in the Pizza Reserve? New Yorkers would have conniptions if Chicago-style deep dish pizza found its way into the Reserve. see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBLVjyTtkMc&t=207s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBLVjyTtkMc&t=207s

squokko 4y ago

The Strategic Pizza Reserve idea is centralized and obsolete. Instead there should be a decentralized Web3 pizza reserve policy where people store a few pizzas in their freezers for situations where they are needed. Policy compliance can be arrested and verified on the blockchain.

Invictus0 4y ago
Pizzas are not all made equal my friend. Instead of serving monotonous frozen pizzas, let us bake pizzas with non-fungible toppings. A large supply of unique, all-American pizzas is all that stands between us and anarchy itself.
- bch 4y ago
  > let us bake pizzas with non-fungible toppings. Not all of us are that averse to mushrooms.
Wistar 4y ago
SPDN. Strategic Pizza Distribution Networks.
btown 4y ago
It's times like this that I'm grateful for the blockcheese.

quickthrower2 4y ago

Be patriotic and buy a large chest freezer and fill it with pizza!

dontbenebby 4y ago

>To counter the Washington Pizza Index, I propose that the United States establish a Strategic Pizza Reserve. Sir please don't even JOKE about the strategic pizza reserve, some knowledge was meant to stay esoteric. I still remember at Derbycon when they thanked us hackers for spending more money than the Kentucky Derby despite the event being one day fewer in length. I've quit drinking since then, and also come out as like... queer or whatever. What will really blow your brain is the same staffers who used to always order an extra large cheese pizza because it clouds how many they are dining with and for how long (because it's freezable) would go on to do things like lobby for information that would have previously been considered CPNI (that's "customer protected network information") to be able to be sold to third-party marketing firms without first securing the affirmative consent of the customers of the pizza shop. You haven't truly lived until some absolute moron figures out you tend to freeze a pizza when you suspect the nukes are gonna fly, then again I also had a period where every time I tried to go into the local park to smoke weed, folks would show up and start shooting softcore pornography -- I nearly gave them the same "just because it's legal to strip down nude in the portland airport doesn't mean you should" speech that I gave one of Ron Wyden's staffers before he uh... definitely didn't get fired from the ACLU. (I'm being a little passive aggressive in this comment, but the last time I called the IRS they made some smartass comment about if I was taking notes for "my" senator. I felt like going, hey, you dumb bitch, I know how to crash the internet and we used to joke the high school looks like an airport and it's also got a rapist out front -- they're all my senator, since the running joke has always been I'm not a cultural fit for the FBI because they don't want to let me anywhere near firearms. Anyways, that was the last time I tried to deal with anything related to federal taxes -- I will not be abused on the phone by some fed. Their model is to fear interaction, mine is to show up five goddamn years later in the samn damn "Bernie 2016" shirt, red eyed, openly amused many of my enemies have shot themselves with their own weapons, and feel guilty I'm gonna throw out some of the pizza I didn't freeze because I fear it's sat in the fridge too long. (Did every Catholic elementary school hold you in for recess if you didn't eat all your food, or was that a hyperlocal thing? Either way, pizza day was fun. Peace out!!)

dredmorbius 4y ago

I'd strongly urge consideration of a decentralised failure- and surveillance-resistant food distribution network. The first node pair has already been well-documented: <https://idlewords.com/2007/04/the_alameda_weehawken_burrito_tunnel.htm https://idlewords.com/2007/04/the_alameda_weehawken_burrito_...>