4 ms·

>I love learning, I'm highly qualified in the academic space and enjoy picking at problems. I've written papers, patents, well paid, etc. Highly successful by m

>I love learning, I'm highly qualified in the academic space and enjoy picking at problems. I've written papers, patents, well paid, etc. Highly successful by most metrics. Right - so imagine that you didn't have that opportunity to do that academic work because you have an elderly parent at home who needs care. You've got two little kids at home who aren't yet school age and thus needs care. You wouldn't be content with your work situation in that case, right? Sure, it might just be for a few years - but what if those few years block you from key promotions or research opportunities? Do you get it? I'm certainly not saying that everyone should be focused on their careers, I'm just observing that sometimes people are making tradeoffs between their careers and their personal life, and more often than not it is the female in the heterosexual relationship that is making more of those tradeoffs.

jimbokun 4y ago
Women can get pregnant and breast feed. Men can't. That is the primary reason women end up making more tradeoffs in terms of career vs. family. Sure, there are some cultural and political things that can be changed. But there are some fundamental biological realities that cannot. > Right - so imagine that you didn't have that opportunity to do that academic work because you have an elderly parent at home who needs care. You've got two little kids at home who aren't yet school age and thus needs care. Many people will choose the elderly parents and little kids over academic work and promotions, given they have enough money to support themselves. The academic work and promotions are just a means to an end, which for many is the ability to support and raise a family.
- Arainach 4y ago
  Making that choice doesn't mean that they have to be completely happy with the choice. If someone's partner became sick/disabled, many people would adjust their life to care for them rather than abandoning them, but many of those people would becomes resentful and ponder what their life would be without that situation - whether they voice that resentment or not.
- poulsbohemian 4y ago
  >Women can get pregnant and breast feed. Men can't. So that's 9 months + some amount of months breast feeding. What's the excuse after that? Couples of all types need to find the balance that is right for them, but the comments in this thread trying to use biology as an excuse to make 18 years (or life, as I see it) worth of child-rearing strictly a "women's issue" are living in the past. >Many people will choose the elderly parents and little kids over academic work and promotions, given they have enough money to support themselves. The academic work and promotions are just a means to an end, which for many is the ability to support and raise a family. Must be nice. Meanwhile, the people in my area have shitty low paying jobs and can't afford housing, and are still trying to support their kids and elderly parents, all while having eff-all in the way of access to quality, affordable health care.
  - llbeansandrice 4y ago
    Yeah I'm floored by these takes. God forbid society rewards child rearing with decent parental leave and accepting small resume gaps. Can't even consider things like government or job sponsored child-care or benefits to make things like breastfeeding easier while working. Changing to part-time for a period of time with a newborn, etc. The possibilities are endless to make having a child easier for both mothers and fathers and people are stuck on "women have to breastfeed so they have to sacrifice their careers". Why not something like a GI-bills structure to reward having children? Blows my damn mind people think sacrifice is a necessary part of having a child from society's point of view.
    - jimbokun 4y ago
      Except for surrogates and wet nurses, you cannot delegate pregnancy and breast feeding. You can make things more equal between men and women. But some unescapable biological realities still exist. > Why not something like a GI-bills structure to reward having children? Blows my damn mind people think sacrifice is a necessary part of having a child from society's point of view. Sounds something that Mitt Romney and moderate Republicans (if there are any other ones left) would be all in favor of. Would be a popular bi-partisan policy proposal in a sane US political environment.

jimbokun 4y ago

Women can get pregnant and breast feed. Men can't. That is the primary reason women end up making more tradeoffs in terms of career vs. family. Sure, there are some cultural and political things that can be changed. But there are some fundamental biological realities that cannot. > Right - so imagine that you didn't have that opportunity to do that academic work because you have an elderly parent at home who needs care. You've got two little kids at home who aren't yet school age and thus needs care. Many people will choose the elderly parents and little kids over academic work and promotions, given they have enough money to support themselves. The academic work and promotions are just a means to an end, which for many is the ability to support and raise a family.

Arainach 4y ago
Making that choice doesn't mean that they have to be completely happy with the choice. If someone's partner became sick/disabled, many people would adjust their life to care for them rather than abandoning them, but many of those people would becomes resentful and ponder what their life would be without that situation - whether they voice that resentment or not.
poulsbohemian 4y ago
>Women can get pregnant and breast feed. Men can't. So that's 9 months + some amount of months breast feeding. What's the excuse after that? Couples of all types need to find the balance that is right for them, but the comments in this thread trying to use biology as an excuse to make 18 years (or life, as I see it) worth of child-rearing strictly a "women's issue" are living in the past. >Many people will choose the elderly parents and little kids over academic work and promotions, given they have enough money to support themselves. The academic work and promotions are just a means to an end, which for many is the ability to support and raise a family. Must be nice. Meanwhile, the people in my area have shitty low paying jobs and can't afford housing, and are still trying to support their kids and elderly parents, all while having eff-all in the way of access to quality, affordable health care.
- llbeansandrice 4y ago
  Yeah I'm floored by these takes. God forbid society rewards child rearing with decent parental leave and accepting small resume gaps. Can't even consider things like government or job sponsored child-care or benefits to make things like breastfeeding easier while working. Changing to part-time for a period of time with a newborn, etc. The possibilities are endless to make having a child easier for both mothers and fathers and people are stuck on "women have to breastfeed so they have to sacrifice their careers". Why not something like a GI-bills structure to reward having children? Blows my damn mind people think sacrifice is a necessary part of having a child from society's point of view.
  - jimbokun 4y ago
    Except for surrogates and wet nurses, you cannot delegate pregnancy and breast feeding. You can make things more equal between men and women. But some unescapable biological realities still exist. > Why not something like a GI-bills structure to reward having children? Blows my damn mind people think sacrifice is a necessary part of having a child from society's point of view. Sounds something that Mitt Romney and moderate Republicans (if there are any other ones left) would be all in favor of. Would be a popular bi-partisan policy proposal in a sane US political environment.