3 ms·

You posted the comment I would have added. But let me ask, what do you have in your existential toolbox that helps you do this? What have you experienced in yo

You posted the comment I would have added. But let me ask, what do you have in your existential toolbox that helps you do this? What have you experienced in your life which might make this easier for you than for others?

freedom2099 4y ago
I did not post the previous comment but I am pretty much the same… I can indulge in alcohol and junk food with moderation (again I think my last hungover was more than 15 years ago)! I think to be able to “control” yourself one must posses discipline and mental health (and good genetics). I don’t drink to “escape” or “relax”… I genuinely like beer and wine for their taste (usually with some good food).
- mixmastamyk 4y ago
  I noticed a change in my "addictiveness coefficient" with age and stress level at work. So I no longer think of it as a constant multiplier.
marginalia_nu 4y ago
The secret, as I posted elsewhere, is that self-control is something you need to practice, like going to the gym for your amygdala. Every time your resolve wavers, resisting temptations gets harder. Every time you resist, the next time gets easier. This is what accounts for the stark differences in outlook. If you've practiced this, it feels easy, and it can be difficult to even relate to how others struggle. If you don't, it feels impossible, and it can be difficult to relate to how others find it so easy. It can be a surprisingly quick process. If you have some impossibly tempting snack you're struggling to resist, if you just grin and willpower your way through it a couple of times, rough as they may be, it takes less willpower each time. By the 5th or 6th time you've done this, it's maybe still effortful, but already noticeably easier. By the 20th time, you may not even feel the temptation at all. ... depending on what's got you hooked, obviously. Substance addictions may linger for a longer time, but the principle is the same. Even if you still crave cigarettes two months after you've quit, it's nowhere near as bad as it was 5 days in. It's not without reason almost every culture has had rituals of fasting or abstinence. It turns out this is a pretty good thing to practice every once in a while, even if you don't have to become a desert ascetic or go full Jocko Willink in the process.
- Eupraxias 4y ago
  Hear hear, and I appreciate the Jocko reference. My own middle path has evolved out of many things, but I imagine the three most prominent are: 1. Delayed gratification as part of childhood upbringing 2. Training to silence the internal dialogue 3. Appreciation of the miniature bonus: 4. Bach I suspect these things have kept me from the alcoholism that is rampant in my family. I truly enjoy a few strong drinks a week, though sometimes I forget about alcohol for months or years.
onion2k 4y ago
But let me ask, what do you have in your existential toolbox that helps you do this? I realized that I occupy very little space in other people's minds. Not just me though, this is true of everyone. I'm not exceptional or famous or rich. People may see me but they don't care. I don't mean that in a self-effacing "I wish they would care though!" way. I just mean that everyone is living their own life, fighting their own battles, and not really spending a lot of time thinking about other people. We think we're being judged harshly by those around us when we do things we perceive are bad, but the reality is that we're not. Other people aren't thinking about us at all. Consider this - if you go to a bar and see 300 other people, you might notice half a dozen and think "Hot", "Fat", "Even hotter", "Ugly", "Drunk", "Slightly less hot than the first one". You don't really see the other 294 people. And after 5 minutes you've forgotten them all. Even the hottest one. Everyone is like that. Why put any stock in what they might be thinking when the probability is very high that you aren't in their thoughts at all? I can live my life the way I want to because I don't really care about what other people think of me, because I realized that they just don't think about me. I will add that I do care about what my partner and my close friends think, but I'm also able to accept that they'd tell me if they thought something about me was 'wrong'. I don't need to worry about their opinions because I can just wait until they share them if they want to. I suspect the reason I'm able to think this way is that my partner is a therapist and talking to her for a decade has given me some useful tools for introspectively understanding what's going on in my head.
- mytdi 4y ago
  > I suspect the reason I'm able to think this way is that my partner is a therapist and talking to her for a decade has given me some useful tools for introspectively understanding what's going on in my head. Thank you for sharing some of those tools here!

freedom2099 4y ago

I did not post the previous comment but I am pretty much the same… I can indulge in alcohol and junk food with moderation (again I think my last hungover was more than 15 years ago)! I think to be able to “control” yourself one must posses discipline and mental health (and good genetics). I don’t drink to “escape” or “relax”… I genuinely like beer and wine for their taste (usually with some good food).

mixmastamyk 4y ago
I noticed a change in my "addictiveness coefficient" with age and stress level at work. So I no longer think of it as a constant multiplier.

marginalia_nu 4y ago

The secret, as I posted elsewhere, is that self-control is something you need to practice, like going to the gym for your amygdala. Every time your resolve wavers, resisting temptations gets harder. Every time you resist, the next time gets easier. This is what accounts for the stark differences in outlook. If you've practiced this, it feels easy, and it can be difficult to even relate to how others struggle. If you don't, it feels impossible, and it can be difficult to relate to how others find it so easy. It can be a surprisingly quick process. If you have some impossibly tempting snack you're struggling to resist, if you just grin and willpower your way through it a couple of times, rough as they may be, it takes less willpower each time. By the 5th or 6th time you've done this, it's maybe still effortful, but already noticeably easier. By the 20th time, you may not even feel the temptation at all. ... depending on what's got you hooked, obviously. Substance addictions may linger for a longer time, but the principle is the same. Even if you still crave cigarettes two months after you've quit, it's nowhere near as bad as it was 5 days in. It's not without reason almost every culture has had rituals of fasting or abstinence. It turns out this is a pretty good thing to practice every once in a while, even if you don't have to become a desert ascetic or go full Jocko Willink in the process.

Eupraxias 4y ago
Hear hear, and I appreciate the Jocko reference. My own middle path has evolved out of many things, but I imagine the three most prominent are: 1. Delayed gratification as part of childhood upbringing 2. Training to silence the internal dialogue 3. Appreciation of the miniature bonus: 4. Bach I suspect these things have kept me from the alcoholism that is rampant in my family. I truly enjoy a few strong drinks a week, though sometimes I forget about alcohol for months or years.

onion2k 4y ago

But let me ask, what do you have in your existential toolbox that helps you do this? I realized that I occupy very little space in other people's minds. Not just me though, this is true of everyone. I'm not exceptional or famous or rich. People may see me but they don't care. I don't mean that in a self-effacing "I wish they would care though!" way. I just mean that everyone is living their own life, fighting their own battles, and not really spending a lot of time thinking about other people. We think we're being judged harshly by those around us when we do things we perceive are bad, but the reality is that we're not. Other people aren't thinking about us at all. Consider this - if you go to a bar and see 300 other people, you might notice half a dozen and think "Hot", "Fat", "Even hotter", "Ugly", "Drunk", "Slightly less hot than the first one". You don't really see the other 294 people. And after 5 minutes you've forgotten them all. Even the hottest one. Everyone is like that. Why put any stock in what they might be thinking when the probability is very high that you aren't in their thoughts at all? I can live my life the way I want to because I don't really care about what other people think of me, because I realized that they just don't think about me. I will add that I do care about what my partner and my close friends think, but I'm also able to accept that they'd tell me if they thought something about me was 'wrong'. I don't need to worry about their opinions because I can just wait until they share them if they want to. I suspect the reason I'm able to think this way is that my partner is a therapist and talking to her for a decade has given me some useful tools for introspectively understanding what's going on in my head.

mytdi 4y ago
> I suspect the reason I'm able to think this way is that my partner is a therapist and talking to her for a decade has given me some useful tools for introspectively understanding what's going on in my head. Thank you for sharing some of those tools here!