4 ms·

Good point. The features women are attracted to: confidence, money, physical prowess, etc. all go hand in hand with the masculine behaviors society is rallying

Good point. The features women are attracted to: confidence, money, physical prowess, etc. all go hand in hand with the masculine behaviors society is rallying against. It is a bit confusing to me as an adult with a long time relationship, I can't imagine how you would navigate that as a 13 year old. At 13 I was basically doing backflips trying to get girls to notice me lol. It is also possible that all the modern pressures and beliefs won't really override physical attraction. In general if someone is pretty to look at they have a lot of slack personality wise, whether they are a chest thumping mansplainer or an emotional crybaby.

lostdog 4y ago
There's good advice for an individual and good advice for a society, and as a young person it's hard to tell these things apart. Good for society: People should not be harassed or mugged when they walk at night. Good advice for an individual: Stay aware of your surroundings and make situational choices about your clothes and behavior. Good for society: Men should also express their feelings, including their bad ones. Good for individuals: Know who is safe to express your feelings to, and who is not. There was a big revelation that maybe we should try to improve society instead of all the victim blaming of the 70s-90s. I think it's great that we focus on perpetrators more than victims, but we forgot to tell individuals that they still live in a imperfect world, and that even though it's not their fault when they get targeted, they could still take action to protect themselves while waiting for society to improve.
- atq2119 4y ago
  > There's good advice for an individual and good advice for a society, and as a young person it's hard to tell these things apart. This is an awesome way to put it and applies to so many more topics of public debate. Consider as a simple example: Good for society: Close tax loopholes. Good for individuals: Exploit tax loopholes. We should all be mindful that this distinction exists, and acknowledging it openly should be part of healthy debate culture.
pfisherman 4y ago
> The features women are attracted to: confidence, money, physical prowess, etc. all go hand in hand with the masculine behaviors society is rallying against. I think this is wrong - like 180 degrees wrong. The mode of failure I see most often for men is low EQ - misreading the wants / needs of the woman and delivering the wrong things with no awareness of where they are going wrong. The reason why women find confidence attractive is because low self esteem / insecurity is often the root cause of negative and harmful behaviors. See pride and envy occupying the lowest circles of hell. Many guys totally misread this as women want assholes, rather than incessant approval seeking behavior indicates low self esteem / insecurity which has the potential to make her life hell. It’s not that you can’t be kind to women, you just need to be doing it for the right reasons - because you feel this is the right way to conduct yourself - and not because you are scared that you are unworthy of love or admiration.
- ericmcer 4y ago
  180 degrees wrong? So women are attracted to shy, poor, unhealthy guys? Why did I waste my 20s in the gym!! Damn I wish I had your pearls of wisdom back then. Women don’t want assholes, they want security, and the traits I listed are all indications of security, whereas being emotionally sensitive is less so. Hell everyone wants security, it’s why confidence is so attractive.
  - pfisherman 4y ago
    A shy, unhealthy, broke guy who is comfortable in his own skin will have happier more fulfilling relationships with women than a swole, rich, narcissist. Narcissism btw, is a one of those negative behaviors whose root cause is insecurity / low self esteem. If your time in the gym was a path to being more comfortable with who you are then it wasn’t a waste of time. Maybe you were good enough all along and just didn’t realize / believe it
    - lucaspm98 4y ago
      You may be right, but the point is that guy would have no shot at finding a relationship. Being comfortable with who you are would naturally stem from being wealthy, handsome, social, and fit.

lostdog 4y ago

There's good advice for an individual and good advice for a society, and as a young person it's hard to tell these things apart. Good for society: People should not be harassed or mugged when they walk at night. Good advice for an individual: Stay aware of your surroundings and make situational choices about your clothes and behavior. Good for society: Men should also express their feelings, including their bad ones. Good for individuals: Know who is safe to express your feelings to, and who is not. There was a big revelation that maybe we should try to improve society instead of all the victim blaming of the 70s-90s. I think it's great that we focus on perpetrators more than victims, but we forgot to tell individuals that they still live in a imperfect world, and that even though it's not their fault when they get targeted, they could still take action to protect themselves while waiting for society to improve.

atq2119 4y ago
> There's good advice for an individual and good advice for a society, and as a young person it's hard to tell these things apart. This is an awesome way to put it and applies to so many more topics of public debate. Consider as a simple example: Good for society: Close tax loopholes. Good for individuals: Exploit tax loopholes. We should all be mindful that this distinction exists, and acknowledging it openly should be part of healthy debate culture.

pfisherman 4y ago

> The features women are attracted to: confidence, money, physical prowess, etc. all go hand in hand with the masculine behaviors society is rallying against. I think this is wrong - like 180 degrees wrong. The mode of failure I see most often for men is low EQ - misreading the wants / needs of the woman and delivering the wrong things with no awareness of where they are going wrong. The reason why women find confidence attractive is because low self esteem / insecurity is often the root cause of negative and harmful behaviors. See pride and envy occupying the lowest circles of hell. Many guys totally misread this as women want assholes, rather than incessant approval seeking behavior indicates low self esteem / insecurity which has the potential to make her life hell. It’s not that you can’t be kind to women, you just need to be doing it for the right reasons - because you feel this is the right way to conduct yourself - and not because you are scared that you are unworthy of love or admiration.

ericmcer 4y ago
180 degrees wrong? So women are attracted to shy, poor, unhealthy guys? Why did I waste my 20s in the gym!! Damn I wish I had your pearls of wisdom back then. Women don’t want assholes, they want security, and the traits I listed are all indications of security, whereas being emotionally sensitive is less so. Hell everyone wants security, it’s why confidence is so attractive.
- pfisherman 4y ago
  A shy, unhealthy, broke guy who is comfortable in his own skin will have happier more fulfilling relationships with women than a swole, rich, narcissist. Narcissism btw, is a one of those negative behaviors whose root cause is insecurity / low self esteem. If your time in the gym was a path to being more comfortable with who you are then it wasn’t a waste of time. Maybe you were good enough all along and just didn’t realize / believe it
  - lucaspm98 4y ago
    You may be right, but the point is that guy would have no shot at finding a relationship. Being comfortable with who you are would naturally stem from being wealthy, handsome, social, and fit.