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When someone dares to step forward and speak up, listen. Just be. It's one of the most powerful things you can do. Hijacking conversation doesn't create connect

When someone dares to step forward and speak up, listen. Just be. It's one of the most powerful things you can do. Hijacking conversation doesn't create connection, it breaks it. I might be in a minority here but I feel a huge sense of relief when someone shares an anecdote that tells me they understand what I'm going through, because they've been through similar things themself. (I'm probably oversharing, but one of my daughters has some rather severe developmental difficulties and has threatened to kill me, my wife, and our other daughter more times than I can remember. It is oddly comforting to hear other peoples' stories and know I'm not alone).

SleepilyLimping 4y ago
It depends if they're using it to empathize, or if they're using it to call attention to themselves. It requires a self-awareness to know that the moment is "not about them".
larve 4y ago
Same here. If the person doesn't derail the conversation, but provides context to how they interpret what I might be saying, that's comforting and shared empathy.
alluro2 4y ago
I feel the same, it's not that clear-cut. I think it can serve to convey understanding, familiarity, and also safe space to share that particular thing without judgment (i.e. like saying "don't worry what I will think, I've been there"). That's why I also have the need to do it when listening to others and caring to make them more comfortable and trusting to share. Of course, the difference is usually whether it is done more as a side-note while keeping focus on the first person, once or twice in that conversation - vs getting excited and shifting focus to own experience, continuing to expand and branch the retelling, or remembering 5 additional occasions when that happened... I think it can generally be clear whether you care and are participating in the conversation by doing it, or being self-absorbed and not really wanting to hear and emphatize... Also, that sounds like a quite difficult situation, and glad to hear that you had opportunity (at least at those occasions) to share and feel un-alone in it. I hope it gets better.
vouaobrasil 4y ago
That is very interesting. I've never understood that phenomenon. I've been through a bunch of hard things but another person telling me they've gone through it too essentially does nothing for my emotional state. I actually prefer not to hear more about problems and distract myself instead with doing something else.

SleepilyLimping 4y ago

It depends if they're using it to empathize, or if they're using it to call attention to themselves. It requires a self-awareness to know that the moment is "not about them".

larve 4y ago

Same here. If the person doesn't derail the conversation, but provides context to how they interpret what I might be saying, that's comforting and shared empathy.

alluro2 4y ago

I feel the same, it's not that clear-cut. I think it can serve to convey understanding, familiarity, and also safe space to share that particular thing without judgment (i.e. like saying "don't worry what I will think, I've been there"). That's why I also have the need to do it when listening to others and caring to make them more comfortable and trusting to share. Of course, the difference is usually whether it is done more as a side-note while keeping focus on the first person, once or twice in that conversation - vs getting excited and shifting focus to own experience, continuing to expand and branch the retelling, or remembering 5 additional occasions when that happened... I think it can generally be clear whether you care and are participating in the conversation by doing it, or being self-absorbed and not really wanting to hear and emphatize... Also, that sounds like a quite difficult situation, and glad to hear that you had opportunity (at least at those occasions) to share and feel un-alone in it. I hope it gets better.

vouaobrasil 4y ago

That is very interesting. I've never understood that phenomenon. I've been through a bunch of hard things but another person telling me they've gone through it too essentially does nothing for my emotional state. I actually prefer not to hear more about problems and distract myself instead with doing something else.