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I can’t relate. I found a long-term relationship on Tinder. I found my wife on Tinder. Not to mention the countless flings. The key is to be honest about what y

I can’t relate. I found a long-term relationship on Tinder. I found my wife on Tinder. Not to mention the countless flings. The key is to be honest about what you’re looking for (though I found my wife when I “wasn’t looking for anything in particular”) > Abby, 28, has been on dating apps for eight years […]. A committed user, she can easily spend two or more hours a day piling up matches, […]. Not a single long-term relationship has blossomed from her efforts. Perhaps if you can’t find what you’re looking for in 8 years and 6000+ man-hours, the problem is you?

martin_a 4y ago
> I can’t relate. I found a long-term relationship on Tinder. Survivorship bias. I have friends who found their partners on there, too. But I got ten times more friends who did not get anything meaningful out of dating apps.
cosmodisk 4y ago
I used dating sites before Tinder was invented. Abby is what I could describe as a professional dater. The person knows the platform inside out, seems to be always online, knows half of the people there, etc. Goes to lots and lots of dates and...well, nothing happens. It's either chasing some unrealistic expectations or some deeply rooted issues that won't let the person to form meaningful, longterm relationships.
- swagasaurus-rex 4y ago
  You can't run from the problems you create
StrLght 4y ago
So much to unpack here, surprised the article didn't try to address this: what is the reason for that? Surely after 8 years this person might have looked back on failed relationships, and tried to understand why they've failed. Is it because of the dating apps, and if so, why precisely? Is it because of the people on dating apps? I feel like pointing fingers at dating apps in general is just wrong.
mpol 4y ago
> Perhaps [...] the problem is you? Maybe. Just some speculation here, but she might be looking for some kind of perfect man. Lots of people might seem perfect, but being perfect is quite something else. I would think finding a matching personality would be a better aim. Also, some people are quite suspicious and jealous, which are not attractive traits. The same counts for a certain aggressive attitude, and yes, many women have certain ways of coming accross as aggressive. Then there is the general issue that many people on dating sites are casual daters and not looking for the same as you. A lot of people that are good at relationships are already in a relationship. The people not being good at them will end up more on a dating site. Just a statistics thing, nothing directly personal. And something else... How do you recognize your life partner? I knew a friend who told me of a date, and she knew he was the right guy the moment she saw him. They are now together more than 10 years. I don't have that nose and am trying to refine my nose in that regard.
bradlys 4y ago
You’re likely well into the top 10% of attractiveness for men then if you got many matches and dates out of Tinder. You’re not representative of men at large. The overwhelming majority of men will never get a single date from online dating.
- metadat 4y ago
  Your attractiveness isn't a fixed value. You can do a lot of things to improve your level of attractiveness. Most of us don't roll out of bed looking like a peach, it takes conscious and consistent effort.
nprateem 4y ago
> The key is to be honest about what you’re looking for I'd say unless the girl is from out of town and it's a weekend you have to pretend you want a relationship even if you just want fun.
- sgjohnson 4y ago
  > you have to pretend you want a relationship even if you just want fun. This wrongly presumes that every girl on Tinder wants a relationship. Not to mention that it’s very dishonest.
elteto 4y ago
You were probably following the two cardinal rules of Tinder: 1) Be attractive. 2) Don't be unattractive.

martin_a 4y ago

> I can’t relate. I found a long-term relationship on Tinder. Survivorship bias. I have friends who found their partners on there, too. But I got ten times more friends who did not get anything meaningful out of dating apps.

cosmodisk 4y ago

I used dating sites before Tinder was invented. Abby is what I could describe as a professional dater. The person knows the platform inside out, seems to be always online, knows half of the people there, etc. Goes to lots and lots of dates and...well, nothing happens. It's either chasing some unrealistic expectations or some deeply rooted issues that won't let the person to form meaningful, longterm relationships.

swagasaurus-rex 4y ago
You can't run from the problems you create

StrLght 4y ago

So much to unpack here, surprised the article didn't try to address this: what is the reason for that? Surely after 8 years this person might have looked back on failed relationships, and tried to understand why they've failed. Is it because of the dating apps, and if so, why precisely? Is it because of the people on dating apps? I feel like pointing fingers at dating apps in general is just wrong.

mpol 4y ago

> Perhaps [...] the problem is you? Maybe. Just some speculation here, but she might be looking for some kind of perfect man. Lots of people might seem perfect, but being perfect is quite something else. I would think finding a matching personality would be a better aim. Also, some people are quite suspicious and jealous, which are not attractive traits. The same counts for a certain aggressive attitude, and yes, many women have certain ways of coming accross as aggressive. Then there is the general issue that many people on dating sites are casual daters and not looking for the same as you. A lot of people that are good at relationships are already in a relationship. The people not being good at them will end up more on a dating site. Just a statistics thing, nothing directly personal. And something else... How do you recognize your life partner? I knew a friend who told me of a date, and she knew he was the right guy the moment she saw him. They are now together more than 10 years. I don't have that nose and am trying to refine my nose in that regard.

bradlys 4y ago

You’re likely well into the top 10% of attractiveness for men then if you got many matches and dates out of Tinder. You’re not representative of men at large. The overwhelming majority of men will never get a single date from online dating.

metadat 4y ago
Your attractiveness isn't a fixed value. You can do a lot of things to improve your level of attractiveness. Most of us don't roll out of bed looking like a peach, it takes conscious and consistent effort.

nprateem 4y ago

> The key is to be honest about what you’re looking for I'd say unless the girl is from out of town and it's a weekend you have to pretend you want a relationship even if you just want fun.

sgjohnson 4y ago
> you have to pretend you want a relationship even if you just want fun. This wrongly presumes that every girl on Tinder wants a relationship. Not to mention that it’s very dishonest.

elteto 4y ago

You were probably following the two cardinal rules of Tinder: 1) Be attractive. 2) Don't be unattractive.