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Honestly I don't know where else to look. I don't go to church. I have few friends and those I do have do not have any connections to introduce me to people. I

• sgjohnson 4y ago
  > The apps don't work for me. I get at most 3~4 dates a year out of them. It's better than zero but not by much. Consider paying for them. From a male perspective, it’s strictly a numbers game. Tinder Platinum did wonders for me. Saves your time, and gets you pushed higher in the stack of the cards, which leads to more matches.
  • Grimburger 4y ago
    > gets you pushed higher in the stack of the cards What's the outcome when everyone pays for it?
    • sgjohnson 4y ago
      > What's the outcome when everyone pays for it? Back to the popularity contest, and virtually impossible to use without paying. Or they’ll just add a higher tier. It’s a very cruel numbers game.
    • imtringued 4y ago
      In theory the goal is to get married and quit the app but something tells me that their business model isn't based on that idea.
      • sgjohnson 4y ago
        > In theory the goal is to get married and quit the app It’s very dependent on the age group (and of course, people themselves). I’d be willing to bet that in 18-25 (maybe even higher) age group most people are looking to have fun, not get married.
    • AlwaysRock 4y ago
      "Everyone" wont. When I was 22, in pretty good shape, and had a full head of hair I didnt need to pay for bumble. Last time I was on an app I was ~27, in okay shape, and bald. If I was taking it seriously I would have paid for it because I saw a massive impact on my matches based on age/hair status.
  • gernb 4y ago
    I've paid for several. Hasn't helped at all.
  • awinter-py 4y ago
    yeah there's a harry stebbings interview of whitney wolfe where at the end he says 'bumble wasn't working that well for me until I dropped $300 a month for it, and blam', and she kind of chuckles and promises to work on his profile with him unintentional blindside question in a softball interview
    • sgjohnson 4y ago
      $300 a month is super excessive. I was paying £69 a year for Tinder Gold and then £99 a year for Tinder Platinum.
      • ChuckNorris89 4y ago
        Depends on the age as well. Tinder overcharges guys over 30. Platinum is €120 per year for me.
        • sgjohnson 4y ago
          I’m pretty sure that this is illegal in the EU.
          • ChuckNorris89 4y ago
            A lot of things that are illegal in the EU still fly until the offending company is taken to court and order to pay damages and mend things. Having laws is one thing, enforcing them is another. Just look at the huge number of websites that are not GDPR compliant.
            • dcow 4y ago
              Actual question: if you do not make a product or service available in the EU, does your globally accessible marketing website need to be GDPR compliant?
              • ChuckNorris89 4y ago
  • logicchains 4y ago
    Not only this, but pay for a professional photographer (and even a stylist if you can afford it!). Photo quality has a huge effect on how attractive someone appears; bad lighting can make a 10 look like a 5, and good lighting, dress and posing can make a 5 look like an 8.
    • vrc 4y ago
      Just don’t go too far past what you can deliver in person. The matching party could feel catfished and that will just push your failure down-funnel. I.E. don’t take shots with perfectly styled hair, a leather jacket, and a motorcycle, if your day to day and date attire will be a t-shirt and jeans and you’re going to arrive on an e-scooter.
• atoav 4y ago
  I am with the same girl for half my life, so I might not be totally qualified to answer, but I met most interesting girls outside a work context. That means: on concerts, on hacking camps, in art exhibitions, especially exhibition openings, on film sets etc. These places reflect my interests of course, so I don't go there because of women, I go there because the stuff there interests me. So for you it could be a sports club, a library, an animal rights organization or any number of other, similar places where people of similar interest gather. The point is: if you want to get to know people (regardless of their gender) exposing yourself to situations where you actually get the chance to meet new people is a good way to increase your chances. Just like your chances of rolling a 6 increase with every roll of the dice. The important thing is to do it because you like, not because you expect to find women there.
  • gernb 4y ago
    I agree that getting out and doing thing you like will let you meet more people but just to be picky here. "concerts?" I couldn't talk to anyone at a concert as the music is too loud". "hacking camps", never seen more than 3% woman at any tech event. library? "shhh!, you're not supposed to talk at a library > The important thing is to do it because you like, As I said, I do, but none of the things I like involve enough people of the opposite sex. It doesn't help that I'm old so it might be true there are some 20 somethings at a hacking event but there are no 50 somethings.
    • CaptArmchair 4y ago
      Cooking classes, book club, movie club, volunteering (e.g. environment, local heritage, animal shelter, first aid,...), amateur acting, art classes, group travel, hanging out at vintage records store, coffee bar, dancing classes, music festivals, sports,...
    • orangepurple 4y ago
      There is a good flow chart for your dating life made by a specific YouTuber which I found highly effective. It can be found by searching YouTube for "wheat waffles flow chart"
• gernb 4y ago
  Let me also add, a thing I hate about dating apps is the pressure. At least for me, I meet someone I know nothing about and I feel like I have to decide at every moment "Do I want to be in a relationship with this person?". It feels very unnatural to me. There's a one in a million chance there will be instance chemistry but mostly no, I don't know the person well enough. Compare to most of the relationships I've had, those were people I knew 6+ months before we got interested in each other. Classmates, co-workers, group friends.
• fartsucker69 4y ago
  pick up other hobbies i started climbing and bouldering recently and while I haven't met anyone romantically (I have no interest in pushing this, I want to do it for the hobby first, and for meeting people second), the group I go with usually has more women than men and in the gyms it seems to be about a 50/50 split so I can easily see how you could meet someone there in the way you imagine. though I must emphasize not to do it to meet women as the primary purpose, I feel like that's kind of creepy vs. an event that is explicitly for that purpose (like single bars or whatever).
  • LesZedCB 4y ago
    > though I must emphasize not to do it to meet women as the primary purpose just seconding this. the gym is already a pretty tough environment and people coming for this purpose make it outright hostile. it's not a bar. do climb though, it's a great way to get strong and do something fun!
  • stickfigure 4y ago
    Long married now, but for many years, a trip to the climbing gym was my standard first date (that is - someone I met elsewhere, I would take them climbing). It worked really well: * It's a natural two-person activity with a bidirectional trust exercise. * Heights provide a little amygdala stimulation. * It's hard and physical and you feel like you deserve a beer afterwards. * If your date is not already a climber, you get to play the role of the teacher/master. * It weeds out the extremely uptight / neurotic.
  • latchkey 4y ago
    i was a climber for 8 years... i'd say that, in general, women in the gym i was going to several times a week definitely don't want to be hit on at the gym. why? because they go a lot and if you get into some awkward situation there, you don't want to keep running into the same person over and over again... that said, it does make for a good first date and i definitely got a bunch of random people into climbing that way... =)
• hypertele-Xii 4y ago
  > Honestly I don't know where else to look [...] Bars don't seem my thing So you do know where to look, you just don't want to look there.
  • ChuckNorris89 4y ago
    I got news for you. Bars are rarely the place for successfully meeting a nice lady in most places. Quality women don't often hang around alone in bars waiting to meet a partner as they'll be hit on by tons of drunks and creeps. Ditto for clubs. They usually go in groups and stay together. YMMV but that's the case in my area in Europe. Maybe the US has a different culture.
    • hypertele-Xii 4y ago
      OC didn't say they were looking for quality women, just prospective dates in general. There are also quality bars.
      • ChuckNorris89 4y ago
        You misunderstood. The quality of the bars is irrelevant here, as most people, guys and girls, go to the bar to sit at a table and drink with one or more friends, not to get hit on by random strangers. The Hollywood scene where girls hang around alone by the bar waiting for guys to hit on them doesn't exist here.
        • samatman 4y ago
          Your bars don't have pool tables? If you want to go to a bar and meet other people, go to one with a pool table. Hitting on women is much smoother when you meet their girlfriend's boyfriend first, and better tolerated whether she's interested or not.
          • ChuckNorris89 4y ago
            In Germany/Switzerland it's not common to go to pool bars and talk to "meet other people". People will look at you funny if a random stranger from the bar talks to them for no reason. Here at bars, you're expected to bring you own group of friends and stick with them. Not every country/culture has such warm/welcoming social etiquettes as US/UK/etc/
• StreamBright 4y ago
  The best locations are in my opinion where people already have lowered guard against getting hit on. For example: grocery store. The problem is that the introverts are not really good at small talk (not saying your are an introvert) and it is hard to come up with an opener.
  • rdtwo 4y ago
    Grocery store is a really poor example. Unless you go on busy days you have like 30 secconds to close which is not enough time
    • selimthegrim 4y ago
      There are certain grocery stores nationwide notorious for this - e.g. “Club Pub”(lix) in Tallahassee and a certain Safeway in DC.
      • leephillips 4y ago
        The “social Safeway” (there is also one called the “Soviet Safeway”).
• trevordixon 4y ago
  Are you satisfied with your friendships? I daresay it's more important to have abundant friendship than any romance, besides the fact that friendship leads to love.
  • ChuckNorris89 4y ago
    Friendships are not enough for most people. We also need sex and physical intimacy with a partner. That's why dating is a multi billion dollar industry.
• awinter-py 4y ago
  grad school is a legit possibility here not just for dating, for all kinds of 'network reboot'. doesn't have to be traditional grad school either, any kind of high-investment cohort-based bonding experience should do it agree with you that hollowing out of local institutions is rough, esp for over-30s post-pan. The web has not done a good job of delivering IRL social networks; tinder is IMO fairly good at this, with the caveat that it's impossible to turn the connections into a true community
  • lapcat 4y ago
    > grad school is a legit possibility here The tradeoffs though... like student loan debt!
    • koeng 4y ago
      You get paid for graduate school. Not much, but still get something.
      • lapcat 4y ago
        Sometimes. This varies widely.
      • confidantlake 4y ago
        In the US unless you are a TA or something you are probably paying.
  • deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
• slig 4y ago
  >I am going to a dance event regularly Is that ballroom dance with lead/follower? If that's the case, I cannot recommend it enough. It's hard as hell in the first couple of years, but then you'll grasp it. See this graph for the learning curve of ballroom dancing, and don't give up [1]. [1]: https://www.salsafs.com/site/assets/articles/learning_curve.jpg https://www.salsafs.com/site/assets/articles/learning_curve....
  • MezzoDelCammin 4y ago
    I'm not sure this is too legit. I love ballroom, been doing it more or less since high school (10+ years and some breaks), but I wouldn't really use this curve for any other reason than to motivate new men to attend classes. In the beginning, followers may have a slightly easier time since it's probably a bit easier for a follower to learn from a more advanced leader than the other way around, but this plateaus pretty soon (low single digit months). Also, leaders tend to pick and followers accept / reject, so in that respect, "attractive followers" will have a bit of an easier time (more offers) than if you're a shy, not very attractive leader. But that's mostly just for newcomers. Eventually, few dances in, people get familiar with your level and you with theirs in a given group. And I've yet to see a place where one could get no partners, even as a "beginner with only a handful of introductory classes" (unless through some pretty obvious breaches of ethics / personal hygiene). Eventually (maybe a few months in), both leaders and followers have to do some introspection and practice things like technique, posture and musicality. And there's simply no way other than mindful practice.
  • meristem 4y ago
    From my experience in Human Factors this is not a real graph. It is bs disguised as information.
    • deleted 4y ago
      [deleted]
• spoonjim 4y ago
  Just go talk to random people in stores. Men and women. Make it based on shared interests. Find a way to start conversations with them. And work out and stay fit and wear decent clothes. On a dating app women are happy to swipe left and see who's next but when there is a man right in front of them the calculus is way different.
  • probably_wrong 4y ago
    > Just go talk to random people in stores. I'd like to counter-argue with a quote from this random Reddit thread in /r/AskWomen [1] titled "What is one place you hate to be hit on?": > Grocery store. I'm just like, dude, leave me alone, I'm here to get my food and get out as quickly as possible. I'm not interested in having to pretend not to be annoyed by you interrupting my day, fuck off. And I'd like to point out that "Earth" is also an answer there. I feel for the OP because he's stuck between a rock and a hard place: hitting on women is often annoying for the woman being hit on, but at the same time not hitting on women means that he can only date people who he meets for reasons other than dating. It's like a Zen riddle: "What is that which you can only have once you stop desiring it?". This is the landscape that gave rise to the hell we call "dating apps", and I really wish we had something better. [1] https://old.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/pzojno/what_is_one_place_you_hate_to_be_hit_on/ https://old.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/pzojno/what_is_on...
    • eloisius 4y ago
      In my experience, the voices you read on Reddit are a special breed of high-anxiety thinkers. Especially in dating/relationship threads. I think a lot of people on there are bent out of shape from some experience, and that’s why they’re on Reddit talking about dating and relationships instead of doing them. I avoid using reddit posts as a gauge for anything about people in real life. Not saying go out and start hitting on women at the bus stop, but there’s nothing weird or socially unacceptable about talking to strangers if you don’t make it weird. Just ask a small question or make a comment about something in the environment. Don’t say “I couldn’t help but notice your beautiful eyes m’lady.” Band shirt, how do you cook that vegetable, whatever. If there’s tension, she’ll invite you to keep talking to her. If there’s not, move on.
• dalke 4y ago
  > I can't talk while I dance as I need to concentrate on getting the moves right (it's a well known style of dance, not just club dancing) I recognize that feeling! It took me a long time before it disappeared. Practice helps a lot. And if you forget a move, it's okay to get back to the basic (assuming you are doing a partner dance and not a line dance - I suck at line dances). I don't know which style of dance you mean. You may consider different dance styles. I did a bit of ballroom in grad school, then years later learned salsa, then added tango, then some swing and other dance styles (modern, Scottish country, Swedish folk dance). Each one has a different social scene. Where I lived, tango tends towards older people, and is usually combined with a social/café scene (a milonga). "Older" means 40s and up. Salsa is more at clubs. As a bouncer once pointed out, he loved the energy of the dancers, but they don't drink much so it doesn't make much revenue for the bar. It took a couple of years of salsa classes, and dancing salsa elsewhere, before I realized that I didn't like the salsa style my teacher taught, and preferred another studio. So that's also something to consider. Swing tended to be a younger, more energetic crowd (late teens/20s), with dance events at more specialized locales that had more open space (where I was, that was generally a yoga/dance studio or the OddFellows Hall, which hosted a lot of smaller dance events). My limited ballroom experience was that the higher levels tend towards ballroom studios. I got the feeling that engineers lean towards ballroom because there are more specific steps and progressions to learn. The folk dancing scene is pretty laid back. The basics aren't hard to learn, and people will help you with them. It's the most family-friendly of the dances I did, with quieter music, and more often held outside (if the weather is good) because it doesn't need a special dance floor. For what it's worth, at my peak I was dancing about 25 hours per week. I met my wife at a dance event, held at bar. Other things I did, to meet people, were local community college classes (as a new resident to the state, I like the local state history course the best; the teacher also hosted a monthly local history event, which I went to - nearly everyone was 55 and older so I was the youngest by far) and Sierra Club hikes.
• cafard 4y ago
  Might I suggest volunteering?
  • wintermutestwin 4y ago
    As someone responsible for volunteer coordination for a non-profit, I don't want to deal with people who aren't there due to passion for our mission. I actually developed conflict management training for volunteer coordinators of a certain non-profit that used a lot of college age volunteers who were generating a lot of drama due to their in-dating.
    • cafard 4y ago
      You have my sympathy. At the same time, do you really require passion, or can you get by with commitment? I suspect that most volunteer coordinators will be happy with volunteers who are perhaps not passionate but do turn out when they say they will, arrive prepared, and do the work.
      • wintermutestwin 4y ago
        In the specific case of my non-profit, passion is required in volunteers because the role requires a lot of patience that will overwhelm commitment. >I suspect that most volunteer coordinators will be happy with volunteers who are perhaps not passionate but do turn out when they say they will, arrive prepared, and do the work. Agreed.
  • bell-cot 4y ago
    THIS. But be mature, diverse, and kinda picky about what organizations you volunteer for, in what roles, and how much. Be especially wary of bringing your day job technical skills & attitude to a volunteer organization. (The food bank is far, far more likely to need food and reliable food handlers than it is to need you building a fancy new AWS-hosted web site & database for them.)
  • analogcollector 4y ago
    This only works if you're in an area that isn't hypersaturated with retirees. Nearly every volunteer event I attend has people that are mostly 20-30 years older than me.
• nprateem 4y ago
  • flopunctro 4y ago
    No. Please don't do that. It's called Pick-Up Artistry, and it is toxic. You will benefit more if you try to be a considerate human being, and not treat women like prizes, or prey to be captured. This way, you actually have a chance to healthy relationships.
    • nprateem 4y ago
      Please don't associate your preconceptions & biases with me.
    • bulkprotocol 4y ago
      Meh, honestly you can do it. It's more so a cultural thing. It also has nothing to do with treating people like prizes or prey, in a chill environment people are okay conversing with total strangers, but its very location dependent. I met my last girlfriend this way. I know friends who found partners randomly chatting on the train, in ubers (pool when that was a thing), at bus stops etc. Just dont be an asshole or a creep/creepy looking, and youd be surprised how receptive people can be
  • srvmshr 4y ago
    It is called being 'creepy'. Please don't do it or suggest it. The outcomes are neither favorable or painless (depending on whether it's a Taser or Mace). It is far better to send dozens of messages or interests in Tinder - than make a spectacle of yourself, be it US or India or EU/Asia
    • nprateem 4y ago
      Nice limiting beliefs you have there. If it was creepy I wouldn't date models.
• langitbiru 4y ago
  Some people use Twitter to find the one: https://twitter.com/ch402/status/1564631228166201345 https://twitter.com/ch402/status/1564631228166201345 https://twitter.com/TwtJodohMY https://twitter.com/TwtJodohMY
• pizza234 4y ago
  > Trying to go to meetups but COVID is still a thing so outdoors only In which country COVID is still a thing that prevents indoors meetings? Regardless, outdoor there is a world of events happening; it isn't just "indoors". Just check on meetup.com. > I can't talk while I dance as I need to concentrate on getting the moves right (it's a well known style of dance, not just club dancing) At social dances, dancers often socialize on the sides of the dance floor, taking a break rather than dancing the whole evening; socializing or not is very much a choice.
  • NegativeK 4y ago
    > In which country COVID is still a thing that prevents indoors meetings? I think you're confusing unable to go to indoor meetings versus unwilling.
• bsnnkv 4y ago
  I recommend taking up swing dancing if that's not already the style you're doing (Lindy Hop is great to start with). The majority of swing dance socials will have very low levels of intoxication (because everyone is there to dance!), and it is a social atmosphere where it is expected and encouraged to introduce yourself to strangers and ask them to dance. If you are a man (or dance the lead role), don't worry about not being able to do so much fancy stuff while you're dancing. Often, experienced followers are perfectly happy to try out individual stylistic variations while the leader holds a nice steady basic. I'd recommend going with the intention of trying to expand your social circle, and seeing where you end up! > dance
  • MikeTheRocker 4y ago
    Swing dancing is a lot of fun and a great place to meet people, but please don't be the guy that's obviously there to flirt. In my experience, most people there just want to enjoy their evening dancing, not getting hit on.
    • itsthejb 4y ago
      This is a very real problem! I didn’t actually work out the protocol here, seems tricky to ask for than a handful of people out, before you might get into trouble Alternatively, aim to make friends, and meet THEIR friends. This is always the absolutely best way
    • bsnnkv 4y ago
      Yes, for sure, please don't be that guy! I figured I'd add a bit of guidance in addition to "go with the intention of expanding your social circle" since I'm writing another message, for anyone that is interested: * Start going to swing dance classes (I recommend Lindy Hop for beginners) * In classes, say hello to all the people you dance with as you rotate, ask how they are doing, and start gradually making small talk focused around whatever moves you're learning that day (though not to the point of distracting from the class!) * Chances are some people coming to the class will be in couples. If there is one partner of the couple who you small talk a bit more freely with, at the beginning or the end of the classes, go and say hi and make some small talk with those couples, get to know their partners too * As a single person going to classes it's generally a lot more relaxed talking to couples than other single people to start with * Slowly start including others (couples or single people) in these pre/post class conversations * At this point everyone is probably still terrified at the idea of going to a social dance, thinking they aren't "good enough" yet * Make a group chat with the people you've been talking to before and after classes with the goal of coordinating a social dance that everyone can go to together so they don't feel so terrified of going alone * Add more and more people from the classes to the group chat, and more and more of the nice people you meet at the dances to the group chat (others in the group chat will be doing this too!) * Before you know it, you'll have a new social circle of 20+ friends, hooray!
• vorpalhex 4y ago
  Do interesting things. Meet people who also do those interesting things. Do the interesting things together. Drinking alcohol at the alcohol place is not an interesting thing.
• mancerayder 4y ago
  >Trying to go to meetups but COVID is still a thing so outdoors only. And it can be burn out on those two because rarely is there anyone I might be interested in. (single, age appropriate, and seem compatible). I know it's a numbers game, I just am running out of ideas on how to increase the numbers. Few things. First, why is covid still a thing? You can just as easily catch it on a date or at work, just go to the indoor meetups. I'm in a liberal big city in the US and covid isn't a thing anymore. It's been three years. I don't want to die alone, do you? I had long COVID, it sucks, but it's unfortunately not an option. Second, some meetups have different people going to it in each event. Those are the date targets. But, focus on making friends there, this happens if you go regularly, weekly, to the same ones.
• grapeskin 4y ago
  > I am going to a dance event regularly but so far nothing there and even then, I can't talk while I dance as I need to concentrate on getting the moves right (it's a well known style of dance, not just club dancing) Are you doing competitive dancing? If you’re dancing for fun yet you’re more concerned about dancing “properly” than you are about just socializing, people are probably wondering why you’re taking it so seriously.
  • inkcapmushroom 4y ago
    I disagree. I partner dance socially and getting good at dancing played a big part in making me comfortable while at a dance event. If I feel like I'm tripping over my feet, I'll be embarrassed to try and talk to the partner after the dance, I'll just want to run away instead.
  • dalke 4y ago
    I don't agree with your conclusion. I took years of dance lessons, and at my peak was dancing about 25 hours per week. My social life was my dance friends, made after I started taking it so seriously. My friends also went to dance lessons, and worked to get the moves right. My now-wife, for example, studied for a year to be a ballroom dance instructor then taught courses and private lessons. In traveling dances like tango and waltz, the lead must learn not only the basic forward motion, but also how to turn corners, and how to avoid people. At the beginning, this took me a lot of effort. My first few tango milongas were mostly "step, step, stop, think; repeat" unable to hold a conversation and dance at the same time. Things got better once I had enough practice in moving about floor, but at the beginning, it was tough. And that was after several years of salsa dancing. A real beginning tango dancer would likely have it worse. There are also people who believe "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing well." And some people have a sort of impostor syndrome - they know they are beginners, they see the better dancers, and they think people won't like them or dance with them until they get better. This is wrong, but the solution isn't to suggest stop taking it so seriously, but to get those dancers to know it really is okay to be a beginner dancer - everyone was a beginner once. "Taking it seriously" is respected because that's what those better dancers did to become better. There's also the opposite - beginners who want to learn more complicated moves right away, before they even get the basics down, and end up making the follow annoyed for being lead into uncomfortable positions, being stepped on, etc. To anyone reading - don't be like that.
• analogcollector 4y ago
  Yeah I agree about the meetup thing. It can be really hit or miss. Maybe if you pick a good one like hiking or sports. You have to screen out the meetups where there are a lot of retirees or married couples.
• scarier 4y ago
  I’m not convinced it’s a pure numbers game, at least from a perspective of long-term success (for what it’s worth, I was averaging 1-2 dates/year until I met my partner). I think it’s much better to have two high-quality dates than dozens of low-quality ones. The advantage of dating apps over more traditional ways of meeting people is that you can much more effectively set up bandpass filters to focus your efforts on interesting people. I think the best thing you can do is focus on yourself, particularly by cultivating hobbies that you enjoy—bonus points if they’re things you can enjoy alone and with others, because they’re easy inroads and great first dates (worst case you get to spend a bit of time doing something you like!). The second thing I’d encourage is to get any potential dealbreakers out of the way early (e.g. religion, political views, desires for parenthood, career aspirations). It’s a slow path, but it’s helped me avoid the major pitfalls I’ve seen in my friend’s’ and colleagues’ relationships.
  • Macacity 4y ago
    > I think it’s much better to have two high-quality dates than dozens of low-quality ones. But first you have to meet the person to go on a date with.
  • sweezyjeezy 4y ago
    I don't think I fully agree with this. I think most people are quite bad at dating, I know I was. 1-2 per year for me would mean too much pressure. If I'm taking nothing else from using dating apps for the last 10 years, it's that I feel calm and have a good handle on my feelings in those situations, when good people come along I have a much better shot with them now. Obviously 2 good dates > loads of average ones, but the average ones aren't pointless either.
    • scarier 4y ago
      Fair point—I never got good at “dating” as a standalone skill. I still think that’s the benefit of activity dates over bar/dinner-and-a-movie/whatever dates, though. Doing a thing that you’re both already reasonably confident at helps counteract the anxiety and pressure from being on a date, and if you both have a good time doing the activity it makes follow-on conversions easier and less stressful since you have a common foundation to build and/or fall back on.
• inkcapmushroom 4y ago
  > I am going to a dance event regularly but so far nothing there and even then, I can't talk while I dance as I need to concentrate on getting the moves right I usually don't talk while dancing with someone too, but social partnered dancing is how I met my wife. You don't have to be super social, but hopefully you naturally form some friends out dancing you can talk with while you're sitting out a dance. Just the act of being friendly and social with others puts you in the right situation; women usually prefer someone like that to someone sitting by themselves silently.
• JoeAltmaier 4y ago
  Trying to be helpful: music events - volunteer to help organize. Cycling club. Gardening group, perhaps a local Japanese garden or some such, even just watering potted plants they need volunteers. Book club - really! Dog show if that's your thing. Art classes.
• m463 4y ago
  http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.pdf http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.pdf
• Tiktaalik 4y ago
  Keep an eye on municipal/state/fed politics and volunteer to help support a good candidate when there's elections. You will meet a lot of people.