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I really appreciate the honest feedback everyone has given on this post. Some of it was hard to hear, but all of it enlightening. And I appreciate the generosit

I really appreciate the honest feedback everyone has given on this post. Some of it was hard to hear, but all of it enlightening. And I appreciate the generosity of the community in the time they took to engage in this issue. I do want to address one last thing before giving this post a rest. A lot of people on this post have made conjectures about my reproductive health and ability to have children at the age of 41. Among the other comments I heard, I found these particular comments to be the most frustrating and hard to stomach. In the last two years, I've gone to two fertility clinics. My blood samples were taken and I was given an ultrasound at one clinic, Kindbody, to determine my chances of having children. In fact, in order to get my eggs frozen, two nurses took my blood samples, examined my hormone levels and gave me an ultrasound every other day for two weeks. These licensed doctors gave me realistic and conservative assessments and recommendations from their evidence-based approach. Evidence-based recommendations and insights into my ability at this age to have a healthy child given many factors. People on this forum have found it fit to weigh in on their own views about my reproductive health - with only my age to go on, citing studies, that I presume they would suggest, presume that they understand my body better than I do. They have also suggested that "getting pregnant is easy." To assume that every woman's body works the same way and on the same timeline for every woman is wrong. There is a good reason that I reached out to licensed, experienced doctors for advice about my fertility at age 41, and not to a group of technologiests on Hacker News. Though people have found it fit to weigh in and rebuked me harshly for not accepting their viewpoints on my body's reproductive health. That you chose to contribute about this question (my reproductive health and chances of having a healthy baby) which I did not ask, is your prerogative and I accept that. I know it is too much to expect that someone would presume a well-educated woman would not have gotten the best advice about her fertility from knowledgeable doctors, but it is still disappointing. Every woman's body is different. And it's my job, with the help of my doctors to understand how my body works. Not yours. Roe V Wade was recently overturned. And many people in this community were very upset about this decision, particularly as it impacts women's autonomy over their own bodies. Women's autonomy over their bodies starts by everyone, you and me, deciding that a woman knows her body best and it's her job to understand how it works, not yours. If you consider yourself a feminist and a supporter of women's rights, I strongly encourage you to think twice in the future before you presume to understand a woman's body better than she does. Thank you for listening. Over and out:)

throw220702 4y ago
I hope you’ll chat with a few friends about why you decided to write this to the few remaining stragglers. I should do the same though I know why I’m a mess :) Your response is heartfelt. It misconstrues the point many were making. None of us know the details of your fertility. We don’t know anything more about you than what you say. The points about your fertility were about its perception not about its reality. You seem like the sort of person who tries to avoid making quick judgments based on stereotypes. Most aren’t like that.
- actfrench 4y ago
  I believe it touches on an important political issue. I feel that this country is very very divided. It's important we discuss these matters in our own community and not just yell and point fingers at the other side. This was bothering me. I feel men try to control women's bodies all the time. And diagnosing my fertility, I do believe, is a subtle way of trying to control my body, even if it isn't Clarence Thomas overturning Roe V Wade. Perhaps if I speak my peace, others will think twice before they make an assumption about an individual woman's body and assume they know better than her. It may have misconstrued some, but others were very very blatant in their beliefs about women's fertility in general - which I would argue, clearly had nothing to do with this post.
- actfrench 4y ago
  I talked to a couple friends. Most are women. Many laughed at me posting this on a forum dominated by men in their twenties. As not the best place to get advice on this issue. I, however, have found it interesting. I will argue with you though. If you look at the language, many people on this people volunteered their facts about my fertility without any expression that it was a perception, but just a fact. I will add that the moderators have been incredibly vigilant in deleting and flagging some of the more misogynistic comments that have been posted here including one that said, "your baby will definitely be abnormal" I feel and I have always felt that it's easy to point fingers at Trump for saying "grab them by the pussy" in a van, but it's harder to address misogyny in your own community and treat the people who are being misogynistic as human beings. That starts by expressing your own humanity and seeing theirs. These people can continue to go around telling women in their forties that they are infertile and act like they know better than a doctor, or maybe the next time they meet a woman like me, they will pause and see that might be hurtful, and be more curious instead of volunteering these unsolicited "Facts" about her body. These are random musings. However, the most important thing about writing that answer was that I needed to stand up for myself. And express why this bothered me so much. I know my body better than the people in this forum. The comments made me doubt that a couple times. I needed to stand up for myself. I felt better. Thanks for asking. Also, I am not a mess. I'm sorry if you feel you are. You don't seem like a mess, but you know yourself best :) Good luck to you.

throw220702 4y ago

I hope you’ll chat with a few friends about why you decided to write this to the few remaining stragglers. I should do the same though I know why I’m a mess :) Your response is heartfelt. It misconstrues the point many were making. None of us know the details of your fertility. We don’t know anything more about you than what you say. The points about your fertility were about its perception not about its reality. You seem like the sort of person who tries to avoid making quick judgments based on stereotypes. Most aren’t like that.

actfrench 4y ago
I believe it touches on an important political issue. I feel that this country is very very divided. It's important we discuss these matters in our own community and not just yell and point fingers at the other side. This was bothering me. I feel men try to control women's bodies all the time. And diagnosing my fertility, I do believe, is a subtle way of trying to control my body, even if it isn't Clarence Thomas overturning Roe V Wade. Perhaps if I speak my peace, others will think twice before they make an assumption about an individual woman's body and assume they know better than her. It may have misconstrued some, but others were very very blatant in their beliefs about women's fertility in general - which I would argue, clearly had nothing to do with this post.
actfrench 4y ago
I talked to a couple friends. Most are women. Many laughed at me posting this on a forum dominated by men in their twenties. As not the best place to get advice on this issue. I, however, have found it interesting. I will argue with you though. If you look at the language, many people on this people volunteered their facts about my fertility without any expression that it was a perception, but just a fact. I will add that the moderators have been incredibly vigilant in deleting and flagging some of the more misogynistic comments that have been posted here including one that said, "your baby will definitely be abnormal" I feel and I have always felt that it's easy to point fingers at Trump for saying "grab them by the pussy" in a van, but it's harder to address misogyny in your own community and treat the people who are being misogynistic as human beings. That starts by expressing your own humanity and seeing theirs. These people can continue to go around telling women in their forties that they are infertile and act like they know better than a doctor, or maybe the next time they meet a woman like me, they will pause and see that might be hurtful, and be more curious instead of volunteering these unsolicited "Facts" about her body. These are random musings. However, the most important thing about writing that answer was that I needed to stand up for myself. And express why this bothered me so much. I know my body better than the people in this forum. The comments made me doubt that a couple times. I needed to stand up for myself. I felt better. Thanks for asking. Also, I am not a mess. I'm sorry if you feel you are. You don't seem like a mess, but you know yourself best :) Good luck to you.