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Social media. Can my kids have a healthy relationship with it? On the one hand, I'm inclined to just ban it. On the other hand, if every kid at school is conne

Social media. Can my kids have a healthy relationship with it? On the one hand, I'm inclined to just ban it. On the other hand, if every kid at school is connecting via TikTok, I wouldn't want my child to feel disconnected from their peers. But I really worry. TikTok seems to provide kids with ready access to topics which they are not ready for, pedalled by adults who should know better. Different category of content, but kinda funny in a despairing way. My wife is a teacher and said a recent TikTok challenge was to take a shit and smear it on a wall. And kids were literally doing it. And sharing it on TikTok!

ipnon 4y ago
The worst part is how it doesn't stop. The platform is designed to avoid reflection. Whenever you get the opportunity to think about what you just consumed you simply swipe to the next video, and this is a detriment to mental development.
- Dan_Sylveste 4y ago
  Precisely. It's children's programming in the absolute worst possible interpretation of the term. As a parent I'd 100% ban.
digisign 4y ago
Did you parents have a hard time banning Playboy magazine and cigs, even though other kids had access?
- SantalBlush 4y ago
  Using apps like TikTok is more about participating in pop culture, which is very important for young people.
  - digisign 4y ago
    I'd invite you to read the grandparent's post again, all the way to the end. People tend to forget today but smoking was a very social activity done by all the 'cool kids.'
    - SantalBlush 4y ago
      I read it, thanks. Do you know what proportion of young TikTok users are smearing crap on walls? Of course you don't. But you're quick to advocate for banning the entire app because of an outrageous story. This sort of ban-happy moral panic has happened with comic books, rock and roll, video games, etc. It's a tale as old as the hills.
      - digisign 4y ago
        Kids copy what they see, obviously. I have a great story regarding Mr. Hankey from South Park. Morality is not the primary concern here in my mind. Submitting to sophisticated corporate manipulation and surveillance is not a path to success for the vast majority. The dangers are well documented (see sibling comments), utility outweighed. Something from today: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31920756 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31920756
      - actfrench 4y ago
        The filthy content was an aside. The bigger concern is the mechanisms built within the app that make it addictive and the abundant research we’ve seen on how this is adversely impacting mental health in teens, leading to depression, anxiety, self-mutilation and suicide.
        SantalBlush 4y ago
        If the opinions in this thread I replied to were driven by research, then they would have supplied a link to some of the research and discussed that. Instead, they were discussing an anecdote about kids smearing shit on walls. For the record, TikTok is ridiculous. But let's not put on airs and pretend these opinions are driven by research. They're not.
- assttoasstmgr 4y ago
  Are you really drawing an equivalency between a kid stashing some Playboys under his bed or in the woods, vs. having a device in his pocket where he is always one click away from access to a seemingly endless library of the most depraved filth and fetishes imaginable, beheading videos, etc?
  - actfrench 4y ago
    Yeah, I recommend a look at Nir Eyal's book "Hooked." It's pretty great at describing this phenomena. Also here's a brief overview just the tip of the iceberg about social media and teens https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/teens-and-social-media-use/art-20474437#:~:text=Social%20media%20harms&text=Another%202019%20study%20of%20more,and%20depression%20or%20anxiety%20symptoms https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-....
  - digisign 4y ago
    You seem to have taken a wrong turn somewhere. If you're not being sarcastic, I'd also recommend starting the thread over.
actfrench 4y ago
This is such a toughie. There is so much research coming out that's demonstrating the horrendous impact social media is having on teen's mental health. At the same time, I'm a firm believer it's important to give teens their freedom and autonomy. That said, would you let your kids smoke cigarettes, do drugs, drink a lot of alcohol? Can we reliably say that social media isn't as bad or worse? I think one problem that we are all backtracking post-Covid. so many parents who never wanted their kids to go online were forced to do that during the pandemic because it was the only way for them to learn and socialize. So how do we say, it was ok before, but it's not Ok now. We recognize we let you do this before, but now we're setting a limit for xyz reason. One thing you may want to remember is that boundaries are love. So if you really feel that this is endangering your child and you feel equipped to set a healthy boundary, than go ahead and by all means do it! You say "I wouldn't want my child to feel disconnected from their peers," but I have some serious doubts as to whether social media actually really makes us more connected. Aren't they going to be more connected to their peer if they go on a hike together as opposed to send each other Tik Tok videos of people doing a shit on the wall challenge? Ultimately, social media is addictive and I think things that cause addiction go in a special category. First of all, I'd research as much as you can about the impact of social media and share this in detail with your teen. Ask them how they feel about healthy limits and explore together what these limits could be. I'd also consider bringing other parents in on the limit setting. Maybe you could suggest that your PTA host a meeting about this. If all the parents ban together, than it will be less of something that only YOUR teen can do. Perhaps I'm old-fashioned but I do believe that knowledge is power and the more knowledge you can share and explore together with your teen together, the better. Last not least, if you limit your teens social media usage, you should limit your own as well. It's not fair to ask them to do something you are not doing yourself. I am going to write more on this topic because it's a huge one and is impacting all parents with teens (video games too by the way)

ipnon 4y ago

The worst part is how it doesn't stop. The platform is designed to avoid reflection. Whenever you get the opportunity to think about what you just consumed you simply swipe to the next video, and this is a detriment to mental development.

Dan_Sylveste 4y ago
Precisely. It's children's programming in the absolute worst possible interpretation of the term. As a parent I'd 100% ban.

digisign 4y ago

Did you parents have a hard time banning Playboy magazine and cigs, even though other kids had access?

SantalBlush 4y ago
Using apps like TikTok is more about participating in pop culture, which is very important for young people.
- digisign 4y ago
  I'd invite you to read the grandparent's post again, all the way to the end. People tend to forget today but smoking was a very social activity done by all the 'cool kids.'
  - SantalBlush 4y ago
    I read it, thanks. Do you know what proportion of young TikTok users are smearing crap on walls? Of course you don't. But you're quick to advocate for banning the entire app because of an outrageous story. This sort of ban-happy moral panic has happened with comic books, rock and roll, video games, etc. It's a tale as old as the hills.
    - digisign 4y ago
      Kids copy what they see, obviously. I have a great story regarding Mr. Hankey from South Park. Morality is not the primary concern here in my mind. Submitting to sophisticated corporate manipulation and surveillance is not a path to success for the vast majority. The dangers are well documented (see sibling comments), utility outweighed. Something from today: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31920756 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31920756
    - actfrench 4y ago
      The filthy content was an aside. The bigger concern is the mechanisms built within the app that make it addictive and the abundant research we’ve seen on how this is adversely impacting mental health in teens, leading to depression, anxiety, self-mutilation and suicide.
      - SantalBlush 4y ago
        If the opinions in this thread I replied to were driven by research, then they would have supplied a link to some of the research and discussed that. Instead, they were discussing an anecdote about kids smearing shit on walls. For the record, TikTok is ridiculous. But let's not put on airs and pretend these opinions are driven by research. They're not.
assttoasstmgr 4y ago
Are you really drawing an equivalency between a kid stashing some Playboys under his bed or in the woods, vs. having a device in his pocket where he is always one click away from access to a seemingly endless library of the most depraved filth and fetishes imaginable, beheading videos, etc?
- actfrench 4y ago
  Yeah, I recommend a look at Nir Eyal's book "Hooked." It's pretty great at describing this phenomena. Also here's a brief overview just the tip of the iceberg about social media and teens https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/teens-and-social-media-use/art-20474437#:~:text=Social%20media%20harms&text=Another%202019%20study%20of%20more,and%20depression%20or%20anxiety%20symptoms https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-....
- digisign 4y ago
  You seem to have taken a wrong turn somewhere. If you're not being sarcastic, I'd also recommend starting the thread over.

actfrench 4y ago

This is such a toughie. There is so much research coming out that's demonstrating the horrendous impact social media is having on teen's mental health. At the same time, I'm a firm believer it's important to give teens their freedom and autonomy. That said, would you let your kids smoke cigarettes, do drugs, drink a lot of alcohol? Can we reliably say that social media isn't as bad or worse? I think one problem that we are all backtracking post-Covid. so many parents who never wanted their kids to go online were forced to do that during the pandemic because it was the only way for them to learn and socialize. So how do we say, it was ok before, but it's not Ok now. We recognize we let you do this before, but now we're setting a limit for xyz reason. One thing you may want to remember is that boundaries are love. So if you really feel that this is endangering your child and you feel equipped to set a healthy boundary, than go ahead and by all means do it! You say "I wouldn't want my child to feel disconnected from their peers," but I have some serious doubts as to whether social media actually really makes us more connected. Aren't they going to be more connected to their peer if they go on a hike together as opposed to send each other Tik Tok videos of people doing a shit on the wall challenge? Ultimately, social media is addictive and I think things that cause addiction go in a special category. First of all, I'd research as much as you can about the impact of social media and share this in detail with your teen. Ask them how they feel about healthy limits and explore together what these limits could be. I'd also consider bringing other parents in on the limit setting. Maybe you could suggest that your PTA host a meeting about this. If all the parents ban together, than it will be less of something that only YOUR teen can do. Perhaps I'm old-fashioned but I do believe that knowledge is power and the more knowledge you can share and explore together with your teen together, the better. Last not least, if you limit your teens social media usage, you should limit your own as well. It's not fair to ask them to do something you are not doing yourself. I am going to write more on this topic because it's a huge one and is impacting all parents with teens (video games too by the way)