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> What you don't see is how those people feel. Do they feel lucky to have their partner? Or do they feel that it's mostly the partner who's lucky in having them

> What you don't see is how those people feel. Do they feel lucky to have their partner? Or do they feel that it's mostly the partner who's lucky in having them? This is not a magical question, its been researched multiple times. People are less picky than they think, and we grow attached to people. Even if someone had feel like they settled in a relationship (btw this isn't happening, young people are taking twice as long in the dating part before marriage) the feelings grow quickly and we are progressive in the sense of progressing the relationship over breaking it. If anything the problem is the opposite, people grow attached too quickly and many existing relationships shouldn't.

BlargMcLarg 4y ago
>This is not a magical question, its been researched multiple times. People are less picky than they think, and we grow attached to people. I'd really like some actual sources on this. This has not been my experience nor the experience of many people I know, at all. Both sides are pickier than ever before with instant gratification running rampant, both sides are advised not to settle too quickly. Even if I want to agree with the growing together part, I'm not getting nearly the same vibe from society pushing people to settle together as was prevalent prior to the sexual revolution.
- Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
  https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025860 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025... https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 > Both sides are pickier than ever before with instant gratification running rampant, both sides are advised not to settle too quickly. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797614552828 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/095679761455282... > I'm not getting nearly the same vibe from society pushing people to settle together as was prevalent prior to the sexual revolution. Young people ARE taking longer to settle, and divorces are also down, the longer courtship before the commitment can be related to a million things, including lessons learnt from the mistakes of our parents, overcoming religious pressures etc
  - BlargMcLarg 4y ago
    >https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 I can only access the abstract, but it seems fairly obvious there's a massive selection bias here which doesn't hold for the total populace. These people are selected to speed date in person by a commercial firm. That already surpasses the initial hurdle of trying to get a date. Furthermore, this doesn't tell me anything about pickiness, rather than "what people say isn't as they do". >https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/095679761455282 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/095679761455282... Same story, only abstract. Without knowing the details, I can only assume they got people over the initial hurdle of establishing contact. Yes, I agree once you get over the hurdle, it isn't as bad as people say. It's the initial hurdle which is the problem. The study also doesn't refute what I'm saying. Even if people are less picky than is indicated, it doesn't make a single mention that people are less picky or just as picky as they were a few decades ago. Given, that wasn't your point, but it is the point I am most interested in. >https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025... I fully agree with this one anecdotally, but again, it doesn't really deal with the initial hurdle. All it confirms is "once you get over it, it's not that bad". It speaks far more favorably of people willing to work through their problems and working together, but that won't help you if your potential partners never give you a chance. It's the approach phase I am most curious about and whether this has changed among younger generations.

BlargMcLarg 4y ago

>This is not a magical question, its been researched multiple times. People are less picky than they think, and we grow attached to people. I'd really like some actual sources on this. This has not been my experience nor the experience of many people I know, at all. Both sides are pickier than ever before with instant gratification running rampant, both sides are advised not to settle too quickly. Even if I want to agree with the growing together part, I'm not getting nearly the same vibe from society pushing people to settle together as was prevalent prior to the sexual revolution.

Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025860 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025... https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 > Both sides are pickier than ever before with instant gratification running rampant, both sides are advised not to settle too quickly. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797614552828 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/095679761455282... > I'm not getting nearly the same vibe from society pushing people to settle together as was prevalent prior to the sexual revolution. Young people ARE taking longer to settle, and divorces are also down, the longer courtship before the commitment can be related to a million things, including lessons learnt from the mistakes of our parents, overcoming religious pressures etc
- BlargMcLarg 4y ago
  >https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 I can only access the abstract, but it seems fairly obvious there's a massive selection bias here which doesn't hold for the total populace. These people are selected to speed date in person by a commercial firm. That already surpasses the initial hurdle of trying to get a date. Furthermore, this doesn't tell me anything about pickiness, rather than "what people say isn't as they do". >https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/095679761455282 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/095679761455282... Same story, only abstract. Without knowing the details, I can only assume they got people over the initial hurdle of establishing contact. Yes, I agree once you get over the hurdle, it isn't as bad as people say. It's the initial hurdle which is the problem. The study also doesn't refute what I'm saying. Even if people are less picky than is indicated, it doesn't make a single mention that people are less picky or just as picky as they were a few decades ago. Given, that wasn't your point, but it is the point I am most interested in. >https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025... I fully agree with this one anecdotally, but again, it doesn't really deal with the initial hurdle. All it confirms is "once you get over it, it's not that bad". It speaks far more favorably of people willing to work through their problems and working together, but that won't help you if your potential partners never give you a chance. It's the approach phase I am most curious about and whether this has changed among younger generations.