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This is getting voted down, but while the percentage is debatable, it still feels somewhat true (in a limited set of contexts). Online dating (which often gets

This is getting voted down, but while the percentage is debatable, it still feels somewhat true (in a limited set of contexts). Online dating (which often gets mentioned in regards to this) gives people a sense of choice which they wouldn't necessarily get to such a degree when dating more "organically", thus it becomes easy to compare people against one another in a standardized manner and go for the ones you find to be the most appealing, which you wouldn't necessarily otherwise even meet in person. Similarly, being someone who's interesting and fun in person might also naturally catch others' attention - being the person with interesting stories, nice jokes and just someone who feels fun to be around and is confident. If you are close to "average", this might also lead to you comparing yourself against others to a degree that is similar to the one found in social media, the effects of which on one's sense of self-worth aren't necessarily all that positive, unless they make you strive to improve yourself. People suggest that you really should socialize outside of online dating and not get too caught up in it - both to improve your social skills, gain actual friends and acquaintances, as well as become more comfortable with approaching people in the romantic context, should the opportunity present itself. Personally, I've largely resigned myself from online dating and much of social media, though perhaps that's because of my introverted nature. Regardless, actually visiting other countries or even just participating in interest groups/events has been nice, as has been expanding my social circle - over the years, it has also lead to a relationship or two.

sytelus 4y ago
There was a very detailed article that used data collected in Tinder. It showed something like 80% of women fought for 20% of top men and other way around. This basically meant that large number of men are being left out cold in dating scene. This pattern is across all online dating causing steep rise in men who are alone without partners in their 30s. However, there will likely no impact on birth rates significantly because women ultimately bear children for multiple highly desirable men but from small pool (either through multiple marriages or staying single). This is not very different from times before agriculture as DNA analysis shows significant portion of men didn't had offspring as more powerful men had access to larger than their fair share of women. The online dating has made the game as fierce again but this time voluntarily from both genders.
- prohobo 4y ago
  Power and compatibility doesn't correlate from visual attractiveness, especially in photos where many otherwise attractive people are simply not photogenic. Yes the market (because that's exactly what it is now, which is what sets it apart from the pre-agriculture era) is fierce, and it's based on faulty preferences - it's almost completely about the photos. Statistically, couples who vet each other based on purely visual characteristics like height, body shape, skin colour and facial structure do not fare well in terms of relationship stability. This is a net negative for both women and men. Women do not find powerful or uniquely attractive men, they find conventionally attractive men and push the market towards homogenisation. That's incredibly damaging from a societal growth perspective; it weeds out innovators and eccentrics. It forces people to change their priorities to become more homogeneous, and at the same time be the best at it. This is keeping up with the Jones' on steroids. The technology we made for convenience is incredibly dangerous and potentially harmful in many aspects to both individuals and communities, and trying to rationalize it as weird but acceptable because of some parallels in history does nothing to address valid issues.
  - dumpsterdiver 4y ago
    > Statistically, couples who vet each other based on purely visual characteristics like height, body shape, skin colour and facial structure do not fare well in terms of relationship stability. You’re talking about people finding each other physically attractive. What world are you living in where physical attraction isn’t the dominant deciding factor for finding a mate?
    - prohobo 4y ago
      It's not a good basis for a relationship. In traditional courtship couples woo each other and show attractive characteristics besides the way they look - in fact your behaviour changes the way you look to others. That's why "friend of a friend" relationships have always been so common. It was always a safe and appropriate environment for courtship. Dating apps are creating a powerful disincentive against the possibility of creating relationships through communal meetings by changing the rules of courtship through market dynamics. Physical attractiveness may be pretty important, but romantics find a way to create beauty regardless; like the Quasimodo story. It should make it easier to find mates, not be a prerequisite.
SilasX 4y ago
> This is getting voted down, but while the percentage is debatable, it still feels somewhat true It’s downvoted because it’s true but trivial, on the order of “you can get rich easily, just capture 1% of <massive market>“.

sytelus 4y ago

There was a very detailed article that used data collected in Tinder. It showed something like 80% of women fought for 20% of top men and other way around. This basically meant that large number of men are being left out cold in dating scene. This pattern is across all online dating causing steep rise in men who are alone without partners in their 30s. However, there will likely no impact on birth rates significantly because women ultimately bear children for multiple highly desirable men but from small pool (either through multiple marriages or staying single). This is not very different from times before agriculture as DNA analysis shows significant portion of men didn't had offspring as more powerful men had access to larger than their fair share of women. The online dating has made the game as fierce again but this time voluntarily from both genders.

prohobo 4y ago
Power and compatibility doesn't correlate from visual attractiveness, especially in photos where many otherwise attractive people are simply not photogenic. Yes the market (because that's exactly what it is now, which is what sets it apart from the pre-agriculture era) is fierce, and it's based on faulty preferences - it's almost completely about the photos. Statistically, couples who vet each other based on purely visual characteristics like height, body shape, skin colour and facial structure do not fare well in terms of relationship stability. This is a net negative for both women and men. Women do not find powerful or uniquely attractive men, they find conventionally attractive men and push the market towards homogenisation. That's incredibly damaging from a societal growth perspective; it weeds out innovators and eccentrics. It forces people to change their priorities to become more homogeneous, and at the same time be the best at it. This is keeping up with the Jones' on steroids. The technology we made for convenience is incredibly dangerous and potentially harmful in many aspects to both individuals and communities, and trying to rationalize it as weird but acceptable because of some parallels in history does nothing to address valid issues.
- dumpsterdiver 4y ago
  > Statistically, couples who vet each other based on purely visual characteristics like height, body shape, skin colour and facial structure do not fare well in terms of relationship stability. You’re talking about people finding each other physically attractive. What world are you living in where physical attraction isn’t the dominant deciding factor for finding a mate?
  - prohobo 4y ago
    It's not a good basis for a relationship. In traditional courtship couples woo each other and show attractive characteristics besides the way they look - in fact your behaviour changes the way you look to others. That's why "friend of a friend" relationships have always been so common. It was always a safe and appropriate environment for courtship. Dating apps are creating a powerful disincentive against the possibility of creating relationships through communal meetings by changing the rules of courtship through market dynamics. Physical attractiveness may be pretty important, but romantics find a way to create beauty regardless; like the Quasimodo story. It should make it easier to find mates, not be a prerequisite.

SilasX 4y ago

> This is getting voted down, but while the percentage is debatable, it still feels somewhat true It’s downvoted because it’s true but trivial, on the order of “you can get rich easily, just capture 1% of <massive market>“.