9 ms·

This is not true, not even remotely

by Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago

ddorian43 4y ago
Please be more explicit. Do you need to be top 1%? Or?
- Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
  > Or? The 5% thing is entirely unsupported by any evidence whatsoever. You can just look outside your window and see the thousands of couples that exist, most of whom do not include a "top 5% man". The theory of hypergamy, and the idea that is so much worse in the digital age, is unsupported by facts. For exampple Tinder has a hidden rating for each person, so lets say you are an average girl and Tinder has rated you as a 5/10. You can probably only see men that Tinder has rated 4-6. Even if you wanted to go for a "top 5%" man, algorithmically he would not even show in your feed. Humans are biologically programmed to find suitable partners, we value many things beyond looks or social status and the basis of relationships is varied, complicated and researched to death. There is no gaggle of desperate women running after a succesful hot man in a suit who keeps denying their advances. This is simply not happening
  - shnobloos22 4y ago
    - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
      What does that prove? There are tons of celebrity gossip about super attractive people who don't sleep with each other anymore. Dead bedrooms and non working partner dynamics has nothing to do with the silly "women only want top 5% of men". Some of those men are in dead bedroom situations, thus if anything it furthers my point.
  - ddorian43 4y ago
    > There is no gaggle of desperate women running after a succesful hot man in a suit who keeps denying their advances. This is simply not happening Go to a place where there are a lot of women. The simplest example is dancing class(es). Become the top 5% guy there (not 5% in dancing, top 5% male in general) and see. The same thing by being top 5% in your high school or university.
    - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
      > Go to a place where there are a lot of women Literally anywhere, they are 50% of the world population > The simplest example is dancing class(es In what sitcom universe is dancing classes the simplest example of a place to find women? Also not a dating place, they are there to learn to dance. > Become the top 5% guy there (not 5% in dancing, top 5% male in general) and see. Do you need a card? Or is this one of those "if you are 6ft tall and rich women swoon over you like a disney movie" spiel? I have danced a lot and trust me, people who go in front of others and can dance, even if they are average, get way more attention than pretty boys who sit standing still in the back acting like they are too cool. Courage, getting out there, skill, practice, being fun to be around, are skills people value much more than looks. Btw see how I said people all the time and not women, because those skills work beyond dating, even if they certainly work for dating.
      - ddorian43 4y ago
        > Literally anywhere, they are 50% of the world population In a bar that plays soccer games, 3% are women. In a dancing class of bachata, ~75% are women. In a kickboxing class that have active fighters, 7% women. At least it is where I live in Europe. > Do you need a card? Or is this one of those "if you are 6ft tall and rich women swoon over you like a disney movie" spiel? Something like this is my opinion https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31750692 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31750692 > Courage, getting out there, skill, practice, being fun to be around, are skills people value much more than looks. Agree.
        Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
  - ratww 4y ago
    I'm not gonna try to defend GPs theory, but you're misrepresenting their post. The claim was that women supposedly "fought" for those "5%", in the context of dating apps. OP didn't claim women exclusively dated them or ended up with them in the real world. There's no "man in a suit denying advances". This is Tinder, people can just swipe to one direction or the other.
    - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
      > you're misrepresenting their post. thats true, I replied to what they implied rather than what they said. And then they replied and proved what I had read between the lines is what they meant. > The claim was that women supposedly "fought" for those "5%", in the context of dating apps. OP didn't claim women exclusively dated them or ended up with them in the real world. If you fight for something, then your attention, time and effort is spent on that. The resulting relationships would therefore just be women spent from trying to get with those men and settling for everyone else, again something demonstrably false by the countless happy couples out there. It would be impossible if the basis of 95% of them was a tired, desperate women who ended up with Craig cause that top 5% man said no to her repeatedly.
      - ratww 4y ago
        Again, nobody is "saying no repeatedly" to anyone, because the app works by swiping and matchmaking. There are no conversations without matches, so there's no "tired, desperate women" that got "rejected" by lots and lots of men (and vice versa, men also spend a lot of time there). That's absurd, there's just a lack of matches. Similarly, in the real world there would be no "hard rejections" if this OPs theory were true, just harmless refusal to flirt.
  - vintermann 4y ago
    Of course it's not happening, because that's a weak-man version of the argument (at best). We still have a strong norm for monogamy, so of course you're going to see plenty of couples when you look out the window. The "stable marriages problem" resolving itself is always going to lead to a lot of marriages... What you don't see is how those people feel. Do they feel lucky to have their partner? Or do they feel that it's mostly the partner who's lucky in having them?
    - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
      > What you don't see is how those people feel. Do they feel lucky to have their partner? Or do they feel that it's mostly the partner who's lucky in having them? This is not a magical question, its been researched multiple times. People are less picky than they think, and we grow attached to people. Even if someone had feel like they settled in a relationship (btw this isn't happening, young people are taking twice as long in the dating part before marriage) the feelings grow quickly and we are progressive in the sense of progressing the relationship over breaking it. If anything the problem is the opposite, people grow attached too quickly and many existing relationships shouldn't.
      - BlargMcLarg 4y ago
        >This is not a magical question, its been researched multiple times. People are less picky than they think, and we grow attached to people. I'd really like some actual sources on this. This has not been my experience nor the experience of many people I know, at all. Both sides are pickier than ever before with instant gratification running rampant, both sides are advised not to settle too quickly. Even if I want to agree with the growing together part, I'm not getting nearly the same vibe from society pushing people to settle together as was prevalent prior to the sexual revolution.
        Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
        https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025860 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025... https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 > Both sides are pickier than ever before with instant gratification running rampant, both sides are advised not to settle too quickly. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797614552828 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/095679761455282... > I'm not getting nearly the same vibe from society pushing people to settle together as was prevalent prior to the sexual revolution. Young people ARE taking longer to settle, and divorces are also down, the longer courtship before the commitment can be related to a million things, including lessons learnt from the mistakes of our parents, overcoming religious pressures etc
  - jseban 4y ago
    > There is no gaggle of desperate women running after a succesful hot man in a suit who keeps denying their advances. This is simply not happening There are gaggles of desperate women running after celebrities. It is happening.

This is not true, not even remotely

ddorian43 4y ago

Please be more explicit. Do you need to be top 1%? Or?

Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
> Or? The 5% thing is entirely unsupported by any evidence whatsoever. You can just look outside your window and see the thousands of couples that exist, most of whom do not include a "top 5% man". The theory of hypergamy, and the idea that is so much worse in the digital age, is unsupported by facts. For exampple Tinder has a hidden rating for each person, so lets say you are an average girl and Tinder has rated you as a 5/10. You can probably only see men that Tinder has rated 4-6. Even if you wanted to go for a "top 5%" man, algorithmically he would not even show in your feed. Humans are biologically programmed to find suitable partners, we value many things beyond looks or social status and the basis of relationships is varied, complicated and researched to death. There is no gaggle of desperate women running after a succesful hot man in a suit who keeps denying their advances. This is simply not happening
- shnobloos22 4y ago
  - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
    What does that prove? There are tons of celebrity gossip about super attractive people who don't sleep with each other anymore. Dead bedrooms and non working partner dynamics has nothing to do with the silly "women only want top 5% of men". Some of those men are in dead bedroom situations, thus if anything it furthers my point.
- ddorian43 4y ago
  > There is no gaggle of desperate women running after a succesful hot man in a suit who keeps denying their advances. This is simply not happening Go to a place where there are a lot of women. The simplest example is dancing class(es). Become the top 5% guy there (not 5% in dancing, top 5% male in general) and see. The same thing by being top 5% in your high school or university.
  - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
    > Go to a place where there are a lot of women Literally anywhere, they are 50% of the world population > The simplest example is dancing class(es In what sitcom universe is dancing classes the simplest example of a place to find women? Also not a dating place, they are there to learn to dance. > Become the top 5% guy there (not 5% in dancing, top 5% male in general) and see. Do you need a card? Or is this one of those "if you are 6ft tall and rich women swoon over you like a disney movie" spiel? I have danced a lot and trust me, people who go in front of others and can dance, even if they are average, get way more attention than pretty boys who sit standing still in the back acting like they are too cool. Courage, getting out there, skill, practice, being fun to be around, are skills people value much more than looks. Btw see how I said people all the time and not women, because those skills work beyond dating, even if they certainly work for dating.
    - ddorian43 4y ago
      > Literally anywhere, they are 50% of the world population In a bar that plays soccer games, 3% are women. In a dancing class of bachata, ~75% are women. In a kickboxing class that have active fighters, 7% women. At least it is where I live in Europe. > Do you need a card? Or is this one of those "if you are 6ft tall and rich women swoon over you like a disney movie" spiel? Something like this is my opinion https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31750692 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31750692 > Courage, getting out there, skill, practice, being fun to be around, are skills people value much more than looks. Agree.
      - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
- ratww 4y ago
  I'm not gonna try to defend GPs theory, but you're misrepresenting their post. The claim was that women supposedly "fought" for those "5%", in the context of dating apps. OP didn't claim women exclusively dated them or ended up with them in the real world. There's no "man in a suit denying advances". This is Tinder, people can just swipe to one direction or the other.
  - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
    > you're misrepresenting their post. thats true, I replied to what they implied rather than what they said. And then they replied and proved what I had read between the lines is what they meant. > The claim was that women supposedly "fought" for those "5%", in the context of dating apps. OP didn't claim women exclusively dated them or ended up with them in the real world. If you fight for something, then your attention, time and effort is spent on that. The resulting relationships would therefore just be women spent from trying to get with those men and settling for everyone else, again something demonstrably false by the countless happy couples out there. It would be impossible if the basis of 95% of them was a tired, desperate women who ended up with Craig cause that top 5% man said no to her repeatedly.
    - ratww 4y ago
      Again, nobody is "saying no repeatedly" to anyone, because the app works by swiping and matchmaking. There are no conversations without matches, so there's no "tired, desperate women" that got "rejected" by lots and lots of men (and vice versa, men also spend a lot of time there). That's absurd, there's just a lack of matches. Similarly, in the real world there would be no "hard rejections" if this OPs theory were true, just harmless refusal to flirt.
- vintermann 4y ago
  Of course it's not happening, because that's a weak-man version of the argument (at best). We still have a strong norm for monogamy, so of course you're going to see plenty of couples when you look out the window. The "stable marriages problem" resolving itself is always going to lead to a lot of marriages... What you don't see is how those people feel. Do they feel lucky to have their partner? Or do they feel that it's mostly the partner who's lucky in having them?
  - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
    > What you don't see is how those people feel. Do they feel lucky to have their partner? Or do they feel that it's mostly the partner who's lucky in having them? This is not a magical question, its been researched multiple times. People are less picky than they think, and we grow attached to people. Even if someone had feel like they settled in a relationship (btw this isn't happening, young people are taking twice as long in the dating part before marriage) the feelings grow quickly and we are progressive in the sense of progressing the relationship over breaking it. If anything the problem is the opposite, people grow attached too quickly and many existing relationships shouldn't.
    - BlargMcLarg 4y ago
      >This is not a magical question, its been researched multiple times. People are less picky than they think, and we grow attached to people. I'd really like some actual sources on this. This has not been my experience nor the experience of many people I know, at all. Both sides are pickier than ever before with instant gratification running rampant, both sides are advised not to settle too quickly. Even if I want to agree with the growing together part, I'm not getting nearly the same vibe from society pushing people to settle together as was prevalent prior to the sexual revolution.
      - Arkhaine_kupo 4y ago
        https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025860 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10888683211025... https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-18263-009 > Both sides are pickier than ever before with instant gratification running rampant, both sides are advised not to settle too quickly. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797614552828 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/095679761455282... > I'm not getting nearly the same vibe from society pushing people to settle together as was prevalent prior to the sexual revolution. Young people ARE taking longer to settle, and divorces are also down, the longer courtship before the commitment can be related to a million things, including lessons learnt from the mistakes of our parents, overcoming religious pressures etc
- jseban 4y ago
  > There is no gaggle of desperate women running after a succesful hot man in a suit who keeps denying their advances. This is simply not happening There are gaggles of desperate women running after celebrities. It is happening.