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I was introduced to Harris's theory in Pinker's books (I'm guessing How the Mind Works was the main one though I've read a couple of his books and wouldn't be s

I was introduced to Harris's theory in Pinker's books (I'm guessing How the Mind Works was the main one though I've read a couple of his books and wouldn't be surprised if he returns to the topic in a number of them). I think this article ignores one key leg of "Parents Don't Matter" team's argument. It's not that parents don't matter so much as peers matter a whole lot more. From Harris's Wikipedia article: Harris argues that children identify with their classmates and playmates rather than their parents and other adults, and that personality is formed both through efforts to fit in with the group or to compete with specific others. Kids are more interested in impressing their peers than their parents. Especially, in my experience, starting around puberty. So obviously parents can have a huge impact on their child's development by, say, locking the child in a closet for the first three years of his life. But in most cases, the argument goes, parents' ability to mold their child to their fondest ideals will be greatly circumscribed by these genetic and social factors. For a parent to overcome these forces requires extraordinary measures (see the Tiger Mom).

michaelchisari 4y ago
Wouldn't it make sense that peers set the short-term expectations but parents set the long-term expectations? My values at 15 were almost entirely dependent on my peers, true. But decades later, those have fallen aside and the values of my parents have endured in a way those of my peers did not.
orwin 4y ago
Or extraordinary will. You should read Judith Polgar autobiography, or if you're okay with really weird experiments, her father's book on his daughters. It's probably the most disturbingly rational book, and an interesting view on feminism, but also show that you can mold your children however you want, at least pre-teens.

michaelchisari 4y ago

Wouldn't it make sense that peers set the short-term expectations but parents set the long-term expectations? My values at 15 were almost entirely dependent on my peers, true. But decades later, those have fallen aside and the values of my parents have endured in a way those of my peers did not.

orwin 4y ago

Or extraordinary will. You should read Judith Polgar autobiography, or if you're okay with really weird experiments, her father's book on his daughters. It's probably the most disturbingly rational book, and an interesting view on feminism, but also show that you can mold your children however you want, at least pre-teens.