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How would you do it (serious question)? I live in US, and like China's approach on this specific issue. 1) Disallow smartphone until certain age. Which age?

• Gustomaximus 4y ago
  1) We decided for highschool for the first phone. Some parents give smart watches so the kids are contactable but don't have a big screen. 2) I have the Google controls. That said, its as you say kids can circumvent controls so the best thing you can do is have this conversation. We've spoken a buch of times with the kids about how other kids will look at gore/porn out of interest/shock value but they should choose not to as its not healthy etc. And other things like staying private online, predators, come to us if they are getting bullied or do something wrong like share an embarrasing picture and its getting used against them etc. Ultimately this one its about having a good/trusting parent child relationship I feel than via digital restrictions. 3) From the Google controls we have time restriction, both time of day and total hours. The other thing I feel is important 1) is making sure you do things with kids. It's easy to get tired as a parent and let them entertain themself but playing board games and sports etc is so important. Making sure you have quality time beyond screens makes it a smaller part of their life. And 2) Encourage the right friendships. Put the effort to organise events with kids/families with good values as the group surrounding them will have a big impact.
  • drewnick 4y ago
    This is excellent advice, and points out how difficult parenting actually is. None of what you mention is easy, or path of least resistence. Especially waiting for highschool for the phone. We did sixth grade and we regret it now that our middle schooler is mildly addicted. We are spending this summer working on that.
    • falcolas 4y ago
      I think it's fair to postulate that a high schooler will have the opportunity to become just as addicted. I'd even postulate that one cause will be the lack of experience self-regulating the use of a cellphone. And let's not forget the bullying and peer pressure a child who does not have a cell phone will endure. I saw this happen with a niece I tutor first hand, sadly. Not to mention that a good portion of her assignments come via the web or an app these days - which is super frustrating for me.
  • jerrya 4y ago
    single parents, parents working odd hours, divorced parents - they often must give phones to their kids at earlier ages are you certain your kids ~~are not sneaking a flashlight under their blankets to read books until dawn~~ do not have a secondary phone to scroll tiktok until dawn, are not learning from friends about vpns, are not browsing porn when your kids go to school or are away from home can you be certain they are not circumventing all those things you have had the talk about?
    • ipaddr 4y ago
      Why must single parents give phones let alone afford a phone?
    • Dylan16807 4y ago
      It's a lot more effort to get a secondary phone than a flashlight. Looking at some things at a friend's house is much less impactful than an everyday half-unlimited supply.
  • bcrosby95 4y ago
    I generally agree. However: > Ultimately this one its about having a good/trusting parent child relationship I feel than via digital restrictions. Your children still need someone you trust for when they don't want to go to you. Your friend, your sister, someone. Because regardless of how good of a parent you are, there will be times they don't want to go to you.
  • tintor 4y ago
    Smartwatch seems like a good idea.
• eredengrin 4y ago
  Not to mention, beyond the technical considerations, there's also social implications. To what extent can you remove kids from social media before they start feeling excessively socially constricted compared to their peers? For example, taking away phones altogether is likely to lead to a much harder social life. If the tech companies encourage more responsible use of social media, they can make it easier for both the parents and kids who may want to reduce usage of it. In the same way, the lack of any guardrails whatsoever helped bring us to where we are now. I imagine both pieces are necessary/useful. Disclaimer that I'm not a parent so haven't had to think about this too deeply but it is something I consider in a hypothetical sense at times.
  • chaostheory 4y ago
    Why not give children locked down phones instead of always opting for regulation instead? The first option is much faster and immediately effective.
    • falcolas 4y ago
      If a child can access porn on a locked down phone (they can, and do), they'll find a way to access anything they want. At some point you have to put some responsibility on the companies who are creating addictive experiences targeted at children.
      • chaostheory 4y ago
        Most children aren’t able to do that. Also parents can routinely verify. The responsibility for parenting should remain with parents and not the government.
  • tintor 4y ago
    Do kids really need to have an online social life?
    • dotnet00 4y ago
      It isn't much of a question of if they need to as it is a fact that they already do, thus anyone without such a social life is at a social disadvantage unless you outright legislate away internet usage for kids, which is of course absurd. At that point you might as well just lock them up and homeschool them.
• deleted 4y ago
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• whitesilhouette 4y ago
  To answer your questions 1/ You do that when you get the idea that they have grown smart enough and sneaking and doing it anyway on their friends' phones. 2/ Apple phones are good and hard to hack (at least by a regular kid). 3/ Yes. Plus a reward/punishment system for additional/curtailed hours on completion of chores. I personally have a slightly different approach. 1/ I have given them Kindle as replacement devices (they also have jailed phones) and socially engineered them to make them feel superior about that. I've also given them some RPi to play with (to practically apply the things they read and learn from the books on Kindle). This way, they don't take the phone as a forbidden fruit (since they already have it). 2/ I have created a normal user on Android phones with Microsoft ecosystem (I have a O360 family subscription) so, apart from the regular firewall stuff, it also logs everything my kids do on the phone and reports to me. Occassionally I go through the complete logs in their phones, to see if they tried to bypass their user profiles and do something funny. However, it's important to make them realise that all this is done for their own good. Plus I make sure not to interfere in everything they do. It's ok to make mistakes as long as I can make sure it's reversible. Otherwise I've seen deep rooted resentment in some other kids. For example, their map locations sync to me in real time. I make sure they understand that this is for their own convenience (kids don't care about safety so no point in highlighting that) like arranging an Uber if they need one or to give them directions. That way, they don't take it as spying on them and are completely comfortable with sharing their live location with me. On the contrary, they take it as their parent (me) taking care of them and are actually pretty proud about it. 3/ I avoid negative feedback loops. I don't say you can use the phone only for 2 hours daily. Rather I say, you can use the phone as long as you want but only after you finish your daily checklist. Chores/Class tasks etc. It's works pretty well.