4 ms·

One could be “happy”* for a friend and also feel shitty about themself. “Damn. Matthew has changed jobs 3 times in the past 5 years already, each time to a bet

by k_sze 4y ago

One could be “happy”* for a friend and also feel shitty about themself. “Damn. Matthew has changed jobs 3 times in the past 5 years already, each time to a better paying job. Look at you. You’re still stuck in this shitty job because you suck.” This is literally the kind of thought I have had in the past. [*] Are you “happy” in a polite way? Or are you genuinely happy?

laputan_machine 4y ago
Genuinely happy, of course! I want to see my friends and family succeed in life and enjoy it. I don't feel like a lesser person in any way, I feel proud of them.
- amelius 4y ago
  What kind of therapy is recommended to get into this state of being?
  - orzig 4y ago
    Take it or leave it, Metta meditation is pretty squarely aimed at that. I’ve had only the tiniest bits of success, but trying a book/video/app is a ton cheaper+easier than therapy!
  - tappio 4y ago
    Sorry, it's only available for 0.0001% of population and unfortunately you are not one of the lucky ones. Fortunately, empathy and epistemological pluralism can make your life bearable.
- sanitycheck 4y ago
  I'd feel exactly the same way as you about that, and if we truly are in a tiny minority perhaps that does explain a lot about the world.
- johnnymorgan 4y ago
  You've never felt Envy towards someone? I kind of find that hard to believe. that was all OP was referring too and it's well documented. Honestly you come off as dishonest in this convo as it's quiet a normal emotion to feel and it's not negative per say, it can lead to negative actions but can also push people to do better. "It doesn't matter if the slight is real or not, its the perception of the person that matters" -- Jimmy Hoffa
  - laputan_machine 4y ago
    I've never felt envy towards my friends and family. No, never. I find it bizarre that you do. I never said I don't feel envy. You jumped to conclusions based on a very little sentence I wrote. I currently have a very severe skin condition, and I live in a country with 'free' healthcare. I am envious that some people get medical treatment for it and can live a normal life again and some people do not (such as myself). I don't give a shit if you think I'm dishonest, you do not know me.
    - sdevonoes 4y ago
      > I find it bizarre that you do. Why? Feeling envious is just human nature. Sure, one can argue that in our current society that kind of feeling is "bad", and we should "fix it". I tend to agree, but that you find it bizarre, it's bizarre to me :D Oh well, maybe you are a machine (based on your nickname), so yeah, machines do not have imperfections (just kidding).
      - guerrilla 4y ago
        > Feeling envious is just human nature. Or maybe it's not and that's just something you tell yourself to feel better about being an asshole.
        clausewitz 4y ago
        Uhh, no. Envy, like every other human emotion, is just that. One part of the vast spectrum of how we perceive the world and its inhabitants.
- sean_the_geek 4y ago
  If you feel truly happy about someone else but at the same time not let it reflect on you, then I would say you are minority. The first part of my sentence is achievable and is genuinely positive , at least in a way. The second part - not letting it reflect on you - is IMO most people struggle.
- dwringer 4y ago
  Superbia versus invidia, I suppose.
SyzygistSix 4y ago
That invokes the possibility for a better future for me as well. "Oh cool, a strategy that I can perhaps use to improve my life."
grapeskin 4y ago
I had that feeling. It pushed me to move to something better recently after stagnating for years. It’s an ambivalent feeling. I was definitely stressed for months thinking about how much worse my life is as a consequence of comparing myself to someone else. But at the same time, I’ve lifted myself up to a higher standard since that stress turned into motivation. That friend who I felt envious of is also happy for my success, and I’m also happy for his.
dwringer 4y ago
Indeed, it's even possible to be genuinely happy for someone but still feel inferiority and discouragement when trying to compare aspects of one's own life with others. It's great that not everyone struggles with that, but different people struggle with different emotions. Maybe we can all agree that whatever their nature and whatever we call them is beside the point, (I think) that social media engagement optimizations have notoriously exploited these effects as they relate to our attention and habits, taking many people on an unwanted emotional roller-coaster ride for arguably unhealthy amounts of time.

by k_sze 4y ago

laputan_machine 4y ago

Genuinely happy, of course! I want to see my friends and family succeed in life and enjoy it. I don't feel like a lesser person in any way, I feel proud of them.

amelius 4y ago
What kind of therapy is recommended to get into this state of being?
- orzig 4y ago
  Take it or leave it, Metta meditation is pretty squarely aimed at that. I’ve had only the tiniest bits of success, but trying a book/video/app is a ton cheaper+easier than therapy!
- tappio 4y ago
  Sorry, it's only available for 0.0001% of population and unfortunately you are not one of the lucky ones. Fortunately, empathy and epistemological pluralism can make your life bearable.
sanitycheck 4y ago
I'd feel exactly the same way as you about that, and if we truly are in a tiny minority perhaps that does explain a lot about the world.
johnnymorgan 4y ago
You've never felt Envy towards someone? I kind of find that hard to believe. that was all OP was referring too and it's well documented. Honestly you come off as dishonest in this convo as it's quiet a normal emotion to feel and it's not negative per say, it can lead to negative actions but can also push people to do better. "It doesn't matter if the slight is real or not, its the perception of the person that matters" -- Jimmy Hoffa
- laputan_machine 4y ago
  I've never felt envy towards my friends and family. No, never. I find it bizarre that you do. I never said I don't feel envy. You jumped to conclusions based on a very little sentence I wrote. I currently have a very severe skin condition, and I live in a country with 'free' healthcare. I am envious that some people get medical treatment for it and can live a normal life again and some people do not (such as myself). I don't give a shit if you think I'm dishonest, you do not know me.
  - sdevonoes 4y ago
    > I find it bizarre that you do. Why? Feeling envious is just human nature. Sure, one can argue that in our current society that kind of feeling is "bad", and we should "fix it". I tend to agree, but that you find it bizarre, it's bizarre to me :D Oh well, maybe you are a machine (based on your nickname), so yeah, machines do not have imperfections (just kidding).
    - guerrilla 4y ago
      > Feeling envious is just human nature. Or maybe it's not and that's just something you tell yourself to feel better about being an asshole.
      - clausewitz 4y ago
        Uhh, no. Envy, like every other human emotion, is just that. One part of the vast spectrum of how we perceive the world and its inhabitants.
sean_the_geek 4y ago
If you feel truly happy about someone else but at the same time not let it reflect on you, then I would say you are minority. The first part of my sentence is achievable and is genuinely positive , at least in a way. The second part - not letting it reflect on you - is IMO most people struggle.
dwringer 4y ago
Superbia versus invidia, I suppose.

SyzygistSix 4y ago

That invokes the possibility for a better future for me as well. "Oh cool, a strategy that I can perhaps use to improve my life."

grapeskin 4y ago

I had that feeling. It pushed me to move to something better recently after stagnating for years. It’s an ambivalent feeling. I was definitely stressed for months thinking about how much worse my life is as a consequence of comparing myself to someone else. But at the same time, I’ve lifted myself up to a higher standard since that stress turned into motivation. That friend who I felt envious of is also happy for my success, and I’m also happy for his.

dwringer 4y ago

Indeed, it's even possible to be genuinely happy for someone but still feel inferiority and discouragement when trying to compare aspects of one's own life with others. It's great that not everyone struggles with that, but different people struggle with different emotions. Maybe we can all agree that whatever their nature and whatever we call them is beside the point, (I think) that social media engagement optimizations have notoriously exploited these effects as they relate to our attention and habits, taking many people on an unwanted emotional roller-coaster ride for arguably unhealthy amounts of time.