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A wild turkey is attacking people in D.C.
- duxup 5y agoI lived in a area with wild turkeys. That is what wild turkeys do. When they got numerous it was an almost daily event that I'd get threatened by a turkey just walking to my car. Some seem to get a bit more acclimated to people but others are pretty quick to be aggressive.
- codyogden 5y agoOur true national bird taking to the streets of DC to inflict terror on lawmakers. We have turkeys all over urban Minneapolis. It is easy to get them irritated. I keep my distance and steer clear of them because once they go into fight mode they do not back down.
- aaronbrethorst 5y agoI had literally never heard about this until I saw a high school friend of mine posting on Facebook yesterday about the urban turkeys in S.E. Minneapolis. I moved away from Mpls in 2003, so I assume this must have become a thing sometime in the last 19 years. Any idea about the backstory?
- huffmsa 5y agoFranklin's revenge
- codyogden 5y agoHah! Ironic that I see them mostly crossing Franklin Ave on my way to the dog park.
- gullywhumper 5y agoI used to live at 1st and Hennepin overlooking the Hennepin Ave bridge. During the lockdowns there were at least 4 times I remember either lone turkeys or small groups coming over the bridge in the middle of the day. And just yesterday, driving through the tangle of 35/94/55, my wife pointed out a dead turkey on the side of the road.
- chasd00 5y agoCan’t you drown a turkey in like a cup of coffee? I find it hard to believe these live very long while attacking a person.
- dahfizz 5y agoA turkey would lose a fight against a human 10 out of 10 times. But turkeys are good at being intimidating so the humans usually just run away.
- MiddleEndian 5y agoTo no avail, I've tried explaining to many friends and coworkers that turkeys, swans, and geese are no match for them, or even a middle schooler.
- moron4hire 5y agoWhenever I'm in a group of people that want to play "share the interesting facts about yourself", I pull out "I once punched a goose". They don't usually ask for a second or third fact after that.
- Tao332 5y agoWhere did you punch this goose? I should think the head/bill area would be hard to hit and painful. The breast would be hard to get to on account of wings and neck. Punching a goose in the back doesn't seem sporting, but maybe it was attacking someone. Do you pick the duck-sized horses or the horse-sized duck?
- moron4hire 5y ago>> Where did you punch this goose? On a golf course. >> I should think the head/bill area would be hard to hit and painful. Significantly harder to hit but significantly less painful than a human head. Plus geese lead with their heads. Classic boxing mistake. I didn't hurt the bird, but a good pop did make him and his two buddies rethink trying to attack me for daring to come within 200yrds of them on the fairway. I've seen some people get upset about pace of play, but this was the first time I saw the forward group come after the back one. I went with a punch instead of the golf club I had in my hand because I didn't want to kill the bird.
- duxup 5y agoA while back fair number of turkeys were living around TCF Bank (well I guess it Huntington Bank now) Stadium in Minneapolis for a gopher football game. Urban area, 40k+ people attending a football game. And the turkeys had picked out a plot of grass next to the tailgaters and just happily hanging out like they were tailgating. Compared to rural turkeys I've encountered they were very used to / comfortable around people. I was impressed how well they adapted. Compared to rural turkeys I've encountered they were quite calm.
- heelix 5y agoHiking through some of the wooded trails here in the Twin Cities, you can get a rafter (?) of these cruising hidden in the darkness. They certainly give off velociraptor vibes. :)
- tomcam 5y agoPP refers to it as "Our true national bird" because the ever-practical Ben Franklin championed it (unsuccessfully).
- EdwardDiego 5y agoI had to learn turkey psychology to fight off a gang of toms who had claimed my rural property as their turf. Luckily, turkey psychology is easy - if the tom perceives you as a manly turkey, you're another tom, and we need to fight to establish who is the bigger turkey. If you're perceived as a lady turkey, you're a potential date, so I'm going to inflate my gross head penis (aka snood) at you to impress you. So all I had to do was whack them in the wings with a putter when they tried to hit me with them, until they admitted I was indeed the biggest turkey. Although they still kept showing their obscene snood to my wife for a bit, until I convinced them that she was my lady turkey, and off limits.
- BrandoElFollito 5y agoI've never seen a turkey live (yes, I grew up in cities) - is this really such a strong animal? Wouldn't grabbing it and kicking/strangling not be enough? A dog that weights the same has teeth that are designed to bite and cut, so the have an advantage in hand to paw combat - but a turkey?
- incanus77 5y agoBirds are deceptively big for their weight (or rather, the other way around). Male turkeys are quite large and, like many males in nature, are geared to fight off threats. Take a look at these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DE5Q-jwTaA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DE5Q-jwTaA I grew up in the country and a rooster (male chicken) could give a grown man a run for their money, at a lot smaller and shorter than a turkey.
- aaronbrethorst 5y agoI would never fuck with a goose, and turkeys seem to outweigh them by a good margin.
- geocrasher 5y agoTurkeys can be very aggressive and are not to be reckoned with. They could really hurt somebody. (Especially if you fill the fryer too full)
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- pseudo0 5y agoA solid kick would likely dissuade a turkey, but then you'd be on rather low moral ground for harming a relatively harmless bird. This turkey seems like quite the outlier, most birds just put on a show of hissing and flapping wings and it's sufficient to just walk away from them. Not to mention the risk that someone gets the incident on camera and posts it on Twitter, accusing you of animal cruelty.
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- wtf_is_this 5y agohttps://archive.ph/LoNbo https://archive.ph/LoNbo
- geocrasher 5y agoIt seems really funny but I've personally witnessed a turkey attack a friend. She ran to the car and got in, and the bird chased us as we drove away.
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- mansilladev 5y ago
- mothsonasloth 5y agoIn Scotland we have a bird half the size of a Turkey but twice as aggressive compared to it. It's called the Capercaillie. https://youtu.be/vjTH7ZN9DIU https://youtu.be/vjTH7ZN9DIU Really aggressive and menacing noises.
- izietto 5y agoI love it, can I bring one in Italy? EDIT Actually I discovered that it is a "gallo cedrone", it's fairly common here in Italy too, no need to import it from Scotland
- pvaldes 5y agoSadly vanishing from most southern Europe
- twic 5y agoNot only do you have them, but you use their feathers on a rather famous military hat: https://www.relicmilitaria.com/product/italy-scarce-5th-bersaglieri-hat-with-capercaillie-feathers-circa-1914-1918/ https://www.relicmilitaria.com/product/italy-scarce-5th-bers... https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/ww2-movie-characters/images/2/28/Alberto_Bertorelli.jpg https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/ww2-movie-characters/image...
- izietto 5y agoYou're right!! My father was a bersagliere, I remember he had that hat!
- rags2riches 5y agoIn Sweden we have an animal, half of which is a Capercaille. The other half is a hare. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skvader https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skvader
- tomcam 5y agoDistantly related the USA's Jackalope https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackalope https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackalope
- happygolightly 5y ago
- jeanlou 5y agoWhat I have just read? Just terminate the damn fawl.
- throwaway48375 5y agobased turkey
- IfOnlyYouKnew 5y agoErdogan again?
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- nathell 5y agoOnce on a kayaking trip, I experienced an angry bird encounter. It was a swan, not a turkey. The lake was small and really muddy. The only viable path through it was through the small patches of reasonably clear water by the east side, but not having noticed that, I and my partner rowed ourselves into the mud. The swan was large, female and obviously protective of her herd of cygnets, squeaking somewhere from within the reeds. She got real close and made angry noises at the kayak, waving her wings at us. She would swim away and then start an aggressive run at us, literally running on the mud, braking just inches away of our bow. We protected ourselves, the person in the front holding the row as a weapon, the one in the rear trying to frantically row ourselves back to clearer water. In the end, we were towed out to safety by another, more experienced duo of our group. But I learned to never underestimate a swan.
- huffmsa 5y agoSwans are deceptively large and aggressive, though it's a myth that they've broken people's arms. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17736292 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17736292
- dahfizz 5y agoYeah, this doesn't even pass the sniff test. Swans weigh less than 30 pounds and have hollow bones. If they managed to impact you had enough to break your arm, all of their bones would shatter. In general, birds have high intimidation stats but super low damage stats. Geese and swans are aggressive and mean, but they can't do anything to actually hurt you. The exception is birds with talons.
- throw93232 5y agoWhat is legal situation with self defense here? This thing can run faster than any human. What happens if it gets hurt or slaughtered while attacking a person? Is there an obligation to call a police or vet?
- throwaway0a5e 5y ago>What is legal situation with self defense here? "Don't ask don't tell" I'm only 10% joking. This isn't the kind of thing that gets a lot of case law built up (because 99% of the time it happens it happens in a jurisdiction that DGAF, not downtown DC) so it's really a gray area. And in the case of gray areas courts tend to default to just whatever the local norms of "how things ought to be" are. This being the DC area if someone in a suit jacket decides to punt the turkey into traffic for being a twat nothing will probably happen but some college kid from the panhandle or Mexican service worker cracks its neck and then takes it home to cook/freeze (because that's what any sensible person on a Busch Lite budget would do) they'll probably get the book thrown at them. They're real big on those sorts of "the law is relative based on your station in life" type things down their.
- codingdave 5y agoWild Turkeys are not a protected species. I don't know squat about local laws in DC and IANAL, so I could be wrong, but I'm thinking about what happens if you kill a bird in general. For example, if you hit one with your car, you typically just keep on driving and feel bad about it - you don't report it to law enforcement or anything. This would seem to be the same scenario.
- mmcgaha 5y agoIf you ever have to kill a wild animal, the best thing to do is inform the game warden.
- krallja 5y agoQuick, what’s the phone number for the District’s game warden?
- sandworm101 5y agoManditory youtube on the cobra chicken. Leads down a fun rabbit hole of people in nice suits being attacked by birds that weigh less than thier briefcases. https://youtu.be/GvkkDRiLYkI https://youtu.be/GvkkDRiLYkI
- pfisherman 5y agoNever run from a Turkey. With them you need to square up, puff out you chest, spread out your arms, and make loud aggressive noses.
- dredmorbius 5y agoFortunately, I happen to have just the thing! https://yewtu.be/watch?v=YotMwwixPsw https://yewtu.be/watch?v=YotMwwixPsw
- andrekandre 5y agothats great but i was thinking something more like https://yewtu.be/watch?v=7M6Tgf5Nsik&t=9s https://yewtu.be/watch?v=7M6Tgf5Nsik&t=9s
- throwaway0a5e 5y agoHaving spent a decent amount of time in the DC area my initial reaction is that it's a shame the animal is a turkey and not a polar bear.
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- Perenti 5y agoHere in South East Queensland we have Brush Turkeys, which are megapodes. Males who can't get a mound travel in mobs and gang rape chickens. My good friend Shane the vetinarian treats traumatised chickens every year. Australia. Where a bird that _doesn't_ want to kill you is a sex pest.
- TomMasz 5y agoMy wife works for the local Board of Elections. Two years ago one of the polling places she manages had a wild turkey menacing the parking lot. Apparently, people had been feeding it and it had become used to getting handouts and was driving voters away with its aggressive behavior. They called the cops who came and lured it away with food. It wasn't the first time they'd been called there and they came prepared.
- monkpit 5y agoAnd thus, a new way to manipulate votes was born: trained attack turkeys deployed in weeks leading up to elections.
- tsol 5y agoHmm I wonder.. does that count as electioneering?
- bluedays 5y ago
- Ensorceled 5y agoPlease don't turn this into a right wing talking point.
- chefanboi 5y ago
- AlgorithmicTime 5y ago
- YokoZar 5y ago
- bartchamdo 5y agoNo one else thought of Rick and Morty and the Thanksplotation Spectacular Episode?
- jker 5y agoAbsolutely I did! That episode was a delight. Also the article in the Guardian about the turkey menacing Oakland had a number of the turkey trivia facts sprinkled through "Thanksploitation Spectacular:" https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/nov/25/oakland-turkey-gerald-attack-rose-garden https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/nov/25/oakland-turk... Side note, one thing I enjoyed about that episode was that, under the layers of cynicism and absurdity, there was a kernel of patriotism and national pride.
- bartchamdo 5y agoTotally agree, love the hidden messages in R&M
- shotta 5y agoStill mad about not being the National Bird.
- lifefeed 5y agoJust one? Metro-west Boston is filled with angry turkeys.
- andrethegiant 5y agoIn Oakland we had a turkey named Gerald who became more agitated during covid and would attack people in the rose garden. An animal trapper had to dress up as a feeble old woman to capture it. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/nov/25/oakland-turkey-gerald-attack-rose-garden https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/nov/25/oakland-turk...
- misc213 5y agoThis is not the news we wanted but it is the news we deserve
- ilamont 5y agoJust outside of Boston the local police keep hockey sticks in their cruisers to move them along: https://www.universalhub.com/2014/brookline-you-dont-try-shoo-turkeys-away-without https://www.universalhub.com/2014/brookline-you-dont-try-sho...
- exabrial 5y agoJust wait until you piss off a Cobra Chicken (Canadian Goose)
- dahfizz 5y agoWhat's a goose going to do to you? A turkey at least has sharp nails - not enough to injure you, but enough to be unpleasant. A goose can't do anything to hurt you, it just honks and flaps it's wings to try and scare you.
- olyjohn 5y agoOk then. Go mess with one, and then stand there and be super cool while it attacks you because it's not hurting you.
- exabrial 4y ago^ What he said
- josephcsible 5y agoThey have bones in their wings that really hurt when they hit you with them.
- greenie_beans 5y agothis is so foreign to me. it's turkey hunting season rn
- psb 5y agoWhen I was little my Dad had an aggressive turkey (well it would let my Dad pet it but no one else) I generally kept our Rottweiler between me and the turkey when I was anywhere near it
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- voakbasda 5y agoI am a small farmer that raises turkeys periodically, when there aren’t any more in the freezer. I would not hesitate to grab an attacking wild turkey by the neck and tearing its head clean off. Hold it upside down to drain the carcass, and you’re halfway home to roasting it for an excellent meal. No joke. I’m guessing that the local Fish and Wildlife Department might frown on that approach to solving the problem, but I would argue that they should have gotten off their asses and dealt with it.
- Fargoan 5y ago
- gcheong 5y agoIs it that easy to grab one that's coming after you by the neck without risking getting spurred? I agree that the idea that in an urban setting you couldn't deal with the problem without involving half a dozen agencies is rather ridiculous though.
- voakbasda 5y agoYes, there's some risk of getting beat up a bit, so it would be ideal to be wearing gloves and coveralls. I would not let that slow me down though, but I have experience with catching them in midair while they are coming at me. Mostly, it's a matter of being confident and moving quickly. You can expect to get hurt if your movements and reactions are slower than the bird; above all, do not let it gain the initiative or advantage. The same approach will help you to avoid running into any issues with the relevant government agencies. They won't charge you if they don't catch you. Wear an orange vest over the coveralls, and it's likely no one will even question your actions.
- 0des 5y ago> I’m guessing that the local Fish and Wildlife Department might frown on that approach to solving the problem I may be mistaken, but I think you are allowed to defend yourself regardless of season. Think about it, boars and bear, equally lethal in or out of season, some might argue bear are worse during off season due to cubs and such. Now if they catch you red handed with a bottle of tabasco, your goose may be cooked so to speak.
- jkmcf 5y agoThe ghost of Benjamin Franklin objecting to the state of the union. https://www.fi.edu/benjamin-franklin/franklin-national-bird https://www.fi.edu/benjamin-franklin/franklin-national-bird
- nope96 5y agoSeems to be a trend these days! Rabid fox bites nine people on US Capitol Hill (April 7) https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61031683 https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61031683
- rpeden 5y agoI've seen this happen in Toronto, too. Not quite an attack but I remember the Toronto Police tweeting about a turkey disrupting traffic: https://twitter.com/TPSOperations/status/1362483565267742721 https://twitter.com/TPSOperations/status/1362483565267742721
- 0xbadcafebee 5y agoTurkeys are right up there with swans, geese and deer as nuisance animals I can do without. The birds'll chase you for no reason, and they'll all fly right into your car and leave a nice-sized dent or smash your window. It would make quite the banquet stuffed and cooked up for homeless in DC. Just sayin'.
- kderbyma 5y agoThey know! the Thanksgiving turkeys are done and had enough!
- boringg 5y agoThis american life episode about wild turkeys. Worth a listen - funny and terrifying!
- pkphilip 5y agoI really like this turkey who is standing up for himself.
- vippy 5y ago
- zoom6628 5y agoRevenge of the turkeys. Go birds!
- jaygray0919 5y agoIt's the elected turkeys who are the real threat to your safety.