3 ms·

The fact that someone would write this on a blog give me the sense that he/she is over analysing this dating thing. Analysis works for accounting and engineerin

The fact that someone would write this on a blog give me the sense that he/she is over analysing this dating thing. Analysis works for accounting and engineering, it does not work for dating. So stop analysing and go have some fun in life.

Brian_K_White 4y ago
ignorance is never the superior tactic
- deepstack 4y ago
  It is true, however ignorance and analysis are not mutually exclusive. Just because one analyse it doesn't mean one can avoid being ignorant. Certain things are just not meant for analysis. Dating, Love fun are in those things for my personal experiences.
  - Brian_K_White 4y ago
    One can run all day and still not travel a mile. One can not travel a mile without travelling a mile. The fact that you can run in circles does not mean therefor running produces nonresults and the only way to travel is to rely on the luck that you magically land where you want, even though that does happen to a few people.
- CipherThrowaway 4y ago
  Being knowingly ignorant is less ignorant than being unknowingly ignorant. Over systematization of dating creates illusory knowledge that impedes connection. I've seen how the obsessive-analytic mindset fares in dating. I'll take bumbling along any day.
  - Brian_K_White 4y ago
    This article specifically decries systems. The advice not to over-analyse is itself an analasys and a piece of wisdom, which you and anyone you tell it to is better off for knowing. You have improved your and any readers life by becoming less ignorant. Your analasys is actually merely about optimization, specifically over-optimization or mis-directed optimization. And that is just one of the many thhings that are valuable to know, and which you can only know by thinking about it. Maybe you're a thoughtless person and you only get it after years of unthinking miserable victimhood. Maybe you're a thoughtful person and this understanding occures to you on your own before you waste your life. Maybe you have the good fortune to have a parent that doesn't think ignorance is bliss and they imparted the wisdom to you. But one way or another, to have the understanding, you had to think about it, it had to be a tbought that existed in your head. But you know who really does advocate for ignorance? Predators.
    - CipherThrowaway 4y ago
      Yes, the article decries some systems. But it's still over-thinking and over-systematizing in it's own way. People saying "don't overthink it" aren't advocating for ignorance. They are recognizing that over-systematizing and over-thinking is its own form of ignorance. It's a particularly seductive form of ignorance for engineers because we carry tacit assumptions about how systems can be broken down and analyzed. These assumptions are a bad fit for dating and many other non-technical domains such as people management. In art classes beginners are often taught to "see like an artist." That is, in terms of shape, color and composition rather than objects and logical descriptions. It's not that the logical view is factually incorrect. It's that it emphasizes the wrong sort of knowledge. >But you know who really does advocate for ignorance? Predators. This and your "miserable victimhood" comment make me wonder if your views aren't being driven by some personal pain or trauma. If so then it might be worth unpacking your experiences with a therapist. Overthinking doesn't protect you from pain or abuse. It is the opposite if anything.
      - Brian_K_White 4y ago
        I listed 3 exam0les. Why aren't I equally as likely to be the thoughtful person who arrived at the understanding on their own, or the person fortunate enough to have a parent who gave sensible advice? Do I now get to take my fair turn at attacking the person instead of their argument? For instance maybe your fondness for ignorance is consistent with being ignorant of the fact that abuse is a thing that actually happens, and that manipulation is how it happens, and relies on the victim being unaware of recognizable patterns and processes. You can become aware of a problem even if you've had the good luck or the good sense to have avoided suffering it yourself. For instance I don't have to be a female myself to at least try to guess at the plight of females in general in the world we all share. "It might be worth unpacking your lack of empathy with a therapist."
- johnywalks 4y ago
  It's more favorable than operating on false beliefs.
  - Brian_K_White 4y ago
    study and consideration is not false beliefs
    - tuyiown 4y ago
      Taking time to think and consider lowers your risks to harm yourself and others but: Anything you believe that have loose variables with irreproducible outcome is false belief. Those false belief are decisive when built properly, and you need them for functioning, but never ever rely on them for more than that.
- jdrc 4y ago
  and knowledge is a boner-killer
  - Brian_K_White 4y ago
    Ah, an artist. https://youtu.be/ZbFM3rn4ldo https://youtu.be/ZbFM3rn4ldo
- nickpeterson 4y ago
  Sometimes people are not aware of limits that even cursory research would have shown them. They then produce the impossible, because they didn’t know it was impossible. Technical Example: I remember reading awhile back about a demoscene contributor who used to watch amazing 3d scenes and never understood they were not rendered in real time, so he worked at it until he figured out how to render 3d scenes as quickly as some of the other examples he had seen but his were real-time. He was so sure that others were doing it, he kept trying to optimize/improve until his were grossly better. Dating Example: Lookup the first interview between David Letterman and Nick Offerman (Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec). They talk about how he’s married to Megan Mullally (from Will and Grace). He didn’t know who she was when he met her (she would have been quite famous at the time), and complimented her and asked her out. His ignorance of basic known things allowed a confidence to succeed at something ordinary that would otherwise intimidate a lot of men. To be clear, I think it definitely helps to look into things, but ignorance can sometimes counter-balance doubt, which can grossly affect outcomes.
  - Brian_K_White 4y ago
    That is gambling which does produce the occasional miracle, but that is only a superior tactic in the aggregate. Sow 100 dandelion seeds so that 5 of them actually germinate somewhere. To consider that the superior tactic you have to be willing to accept the failure rate and treat your one and only entire life as just one of those hapless shots in the dark. Besides this is isn't a valid analogy anyway because we're only talking about self-awareness not engineering a partner. And the comment you just wrote yourself, about self-inflicted limits, was an example of advice and learning, and every reader is better for having read it and become less ignorant about that.
astrange 4y ago
I think analysis says the best option is to marry whoever you date second. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem

Brian_K_White 4y ago

ignorance is never the superior tactic

deepstack 4y ago
It is true, however ignorance and analysis are not mutually exclusive. Just because one analyse it doesn't mean one can avoid being ignorant. Certain things are just not meant for analysis. Dating, Love fun are in those things for my personal experiences.
- Brian_K_White 4y ago
  One can run all day and still not travel a mile. One can not travel a mile without travelling a mile. The fact that you can run in circles does not mean therefor running produces nonresults and the only way to travel is to rely on the luck that you magically land where you want, even though that does happen to a few people.
CipherThrowaway 4y ago
Being knowingly ignorant is less ignorant than being unknowingly ignorant. Over systematization of dating creates illusory knowledge that impedes connection. I've seen how the obsessive-analytic mindset fares in dating. I'll take bumbling along any day.
- Brian_K_White 4y ago
  This article specifically decries systems. The advice not to over-analyse is itself an analasys and a piece of wisdom, which you and anyone you tell it to is better off for knowing. You have improved your and any readers life by becoming less ignorant. Your analasys is actually merely about optimization, specifically over-optimization or mis-directed optimization. And that is just one of the many thhings that are valuable to know, and which you can only know by thinking about it. Maybe you're a thoughtless person and you only get it after years of unthinking miserable victimhood. Maybe you're a thoughtful person and this understanding occures to you on your own before you waste your life. Maybe you have the good fortune to have a parent that doesn't think ignorance is bliss and they imparted the wisdom to you. But one way or another, to have the understanding, you had to think about it, it had to be a tbought that existed in your head. But you know who really does advocate for ignorance? Predators.
  - CipherThrowaway 4y ago
    Yes, the article decries some systems. But it's still over-thinking and over-systematizing in it's own way. People saying "don't overthink it" aren't advocating for ignorance. They are recognizing that over-systematizing and over-thinking is its own form of ignorance. It's a particularly seductive form of ignorance for engineers because we carry tacit assumptions about how systems can be broken down and analyzed. These assumptions are a bad fit for dating and many other non-technical domains such as people management. In art classes beginners are often taught to "see like an artist." That is, in terms of shape, color and composition rather than objects and logical descriptions. It's not that the logical view is factually incorrect. It's that it emphasizes the wrong sort of knowledge. >But you know who really does advocate for ignorance? Predators. This and your "miserable victimhood" comment make me wonder if your views aren't being driven by some personal pain or trauma. If so then it might be worth unpacking your experiences with a therapist. Overthinking doesn't protect you from pain or abuse. It is the opposite if anything.
    - Brian_K_White 4y ago
      I listed 3 exam0les. Why aren't I equally as likely to be the thoughtful person who arrived at the understanding on their own, or the person fortunate enough to have a parent who gave sensible advice? Do I now get to take my fair turn at attacking the person instead of their argument? For instance maybe your fondness for ignorance is consistent with being ignorant of the fact that abuse is a thing that actually happens, and that manipulation is how it happens, and relies on the victim being unaware of recognizable patterns and processes. You can become aware of a problem even if you've had the good luck or the good sense to have avoided suffering it yourself. For instance I don't have to be a female myself to at least try to guess at the plight of females in general in the world we all share. "It might be worth unpacking your lack of empathy with a therapist."
johnywalks 4y ago
It's more favorable than operating on false beliefs.
- Brian_K_White 4y ago
  study and consideration is not false beliefs
  - tuyiown 4y ago
    Taking time to think and consider lowers your risks to harm yourself and others but: Anything you believe that have loose variables with irreproducible outcome is false belief. Those false belief are decisive when built properly, and you need them for functioning, but never ever rely on them for more than that.
jdrc 4y ago
and knowledge is a boner-killer
- Brian_K_White 4y ago
  Ah, an artist. https://youtu.be/ZbFM3rn4ldo https://youtu.be/ZbFM3rn4ldo
nickpeterson 4y ago
Sometimes people are not aware of limits that even cursory research would have shown them. They then produce the impossible, because they didn’t know it was impossible. Technical Example: I remember reading awhile back about a demoscene contributor who used to watch amazing 3d scenes and never understood they were not rendered in real time, so he worked at it until he figured out how to render 3d scenes as quickly as some of the other examples he had seen but his were real-time. He was so sure that others were doing it, he kept trying to optimize/improve until his were grossly better. Dating Example: Lookup the first interview between David Letterman and Nick Offerman (Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec). They talk about how he’s married to Megan Mullally (from Will and Grace). He didn’t know who she was when he met her (she would have been quite famous at the time), and complimented her and asked her out. His ignorance of basic known things allowed a confidence to succeed at something ordinary that would otherwise intimidate a lot of men. To be clear, I think it definitely helps to look into things, but ignorance can sometimes counter-balance doubt, which can grossly affect outcomes.
- Brian_K_White 4y ago
  That is gambling which does produce the occasional miracle, but that is only a superior tactic in the aggregate. Sow 100 dandelion seeds so that 5 of them actually germinate somewhere. To consider that the superior tactic you have to be willing to accept the failure rate and treat your one and only entire life as just one of those hapless shots in the dark. Besides this is isn't a valid analogy anyway because we're only talking about self-awareness not engineering a partner. And the comment you just wrote yourself, about self-inflicted limits, was an example of advice and learning, and every reader is better for having read it and become less ignorant about that.

astrange 4y ago

I think analysis says the best option is to marry whoever you date second. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem