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Perhaps my wording was not as eloquent as it could have been. I'm not attempting to be her friend. I'm attempting to help my kid navigate her decisions for post

by SAlpas 4y ago

Perhaps my wording was not as eloquent as it could have been. I'm not attempting to be her friend. I'm attempting to help my kid navigate her decisions for post high school education and I'm woefully uneducated in that which she is trying to determine. If she were interested in medical school, which is my field, then having a conversation with her about trending specialities, the future of surgical robotics etc. would not be considered pressuring her. It would be the same thing millions of parents across the country are doing to ready their children for college. However it isn't medical school, and I don't think I should be faulted for trying to at least be able to understand the terminology of some of her thoughts and concerns?

ilaksh 4y ago
No, I don't think you should be faulted for trying to understand terminology. And I think its great you are reading HN and interested in staying up on technology in general and talking her through decisions. But let me break this down a bit more concretely. The question you actually asked is pretty much impossible to answer. As I said, there are numerous subfields in technology. For you to "better educate yourself in her chosen field" you would need to actually know what she was studying. Her field could turn out to be databases, or AI, or geographic information systems, or one of literally hundreds of different technology-related careers. So for you to really be able to advise her in these areas.. I think the only way to do that would be something like this: * (assuming she goes for CS) wait 2 years for her to finish her general education requirements and start digging into the computer science * find out exactly what classes she is taking * get the textbooks for those classes Now, how do you think she would feel if she found out you had bought the exact textbook she used for her class? Suppose that you _were_ an expert in all matter of technology. The main point would be the same. She needs to make her own decisions about what field to go into. And she doesn't need her parent to make suggestions or tell her what is trending. But overall I am not trying to fault you. I am trying to help you. I believe your are looking to maintain a relationship with your daughter. Or at the very least, help her make decisions. You cannot help her if you are not able to maintain boundaries and are creeping her out. As I said, that will push her away, and make it more difficult for you to give her advice. I believe that you are already overstepping your boundaries. If she is graduating next year, then the time to start making decisions for herself has long past. If she is not good a making decisions or researching, focus on those general skills. But for you to be so involved into her decisions or so keen to be an expert in her field (which again, has not yet been chosen) is interfering with her development and as I said, _will_ push her away. EDIT: thinking about this more, I actually think your question would make sense if she was like 7-9 years old and you had some years to help dig into software development or whatever with her. But if we are talking about late teens, there is no way you are going to be able to help her the way you think in a short time, and as I said, she is past the point in her development where that approach is appropriate.
O_H_E 4y ago
just as another point of view from someone who was recently close to your daughter's age I generally agree with ilaksh, but I don't think this is what you are doing (or that you are taking it far[1]). It is very frustrating when one build a new thing, learn something exiting, or be really hyped about a new development in the field and not be able to share that with their parents. or them not really "getting" it and being disproportionately proud. Hilariously, I usually had the opposite problem where I'd slap something together haphazardly by following an internet tutorial (with 0 actually understanding of what is going on) and my dad would be visibly proud and happy with the cool demo even when I tell him that I just downloaded X and copy-pasted Y and Z. [1] unless you really want to answer the "what is the best language?" question as most of us view (Learn these top 5 X_technologies in 2022) articles as superficial bs. I see from your other comments that this might not be what you really meant. Which is fine. It is just funny seeing people triggered by it lool (I guess I also kinda was). I just wanted to elaborate that we have our own hypes, trends, and tabloid-like articles that answer questions akin to "You need to know about these top 5 hospitals in NY" or "Surgeons who use x-surgical-tool are paid the highest"

by SAlpas 4y ago

ilaksh 4y ago

No, I don't think you should be faulted for trying to understand terminology. And I think its great you are reading HN and interested in staying up on technology in general and talking her through decisions. But let me break this down a bit more concretely. The question you actually asked is pretty much impossible to answer. As I said, there are numerous subfields in technology. For you to "better educate yourself in her chosen field" you would need to actually know what she was studying. Her field could turn out to be databases, or AI, or geographic information systems, or one of literally hundreds of different technology-related careers. So for you to really be able to advise her in these areas.. I think the only way to do that would be something like this: * (assuming she goes for CS) wait 2 years for her to finish her general education requirements and start digging into the computer science * find out exactly what classes she is taking * get the textbooks for those classes Now, how do you think she would feel if she found out you had bought the exact textbook she used for her class? Suppose that you _were_ an expert in all matter of technology. The main point would be the same. She needs to make her own decisions about what field to go into. And she doesn't need her parent to make suggestions or tell her what is trending. But overall I am not trying to fault you. I am trying to help you. I believe your are looking to maintain a relationship with your daughter. Or at the very least, help her make decisions. You cannot help her if you are not able to maintain boundaries and are creeping her out. As I said, that will push her away, and make it more difficult for you to give her advice. I believe that you are already overstepping your boundaries. If she is graduating next year, then the time to start making decisions for herself has long past. If she is not good a making decisions or researching, focus on those general skills. But for you to be so involved into her decisions or so keen to be an expert in her field (which again, has not yet been chosen) is interfering with her development and as I said, _will_ push her away. EDIT: thinking about this more, I actually think your question would make sense if she was like 7-9 years old and you had some years to help dig into software development or whatever with her. But if we are talking about late teens, there is no way you are going to be able to help her the way you think in a short time, and as I said, she is past the point in her development where that approach is appropriate.

O_H_E 4y ago

just as another point of view from someone who was recently close to your daughter's age I generally agree with ilaksh, but I don't think this is what you are doing (or that you are taking it far[1]). It is very frustrating when one build a new thing, learn something exiting, or be really hyped about a new development in the field and not be able to share that with their parents. or them not really "getting" it and being disproportionately proud. Hilariously, I usually had the opposite problem where I'd slap something together haphazardly by following an internet tutorial (with 0 actually understanding of what is going on) and my dad would be visibly proud and happy with the cool demo even when I tell him that I just downloaded X and copy-pasted Y and Z. [1] unless you really want to answer the "what is the best language?" question as most of us view (Learn these top 5 X_technologies in 2022) articles as superficial bs. I see from your other comments that this might not be what you really meant. Which is fine. It is just funny seeing people triggered by it lool (I guess I also kinda was). I just wanted to elaborate that we have our own hypes, trends, and tabloid-like articles that answer questions akin to "You need to know about these top 5 hospitals in NY" or "Surgeons who use x-surgical-tool are paid the highest"