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The thing about being biased towards saying yes, but insisting they ask, seems to be very powerful. We’ve never hidden sweets, we don’t have a lot around but wh

by simonh 5y ago

The thing about being biased towards saying yes, but insisting they ask, seems to be very powerful. We’ve never hidden sweets, we don’t have a lot around but when we do they’re accessible. We’ve always told the children to ask if they want sweets and that the answer will usually be yes unless there’s a reason, like it’s meal time soon or we’re saving those sweets for some reason. Trusting us that the answer would be yes (and we had to follow through on that occasionally), but having to ask created just enough of a barrier that our girls rarely bothered with sweets. They’ve never been a big deal to them, but I know a lot of parents have huge problems with sweets ‘stealing’ and sometimes when other kids come round we find out afterwards all our sweets have been cleaned out.

v-erne 5y ago
Unfortunately all children are not created equals and some will crave sugar som much that Your method would fail miserably. I see this in children of my neighbours. Mine are almost same as Yours (especially older one) - they like sweets, but often they will leave them laying around not touching them for days. But if You do this with children of my neighbours they will behave like little addicts and they are like this since when they were like 3. I think this works a bit like with drugs or somkes - some people just do not have addictive personality and it seems like they are born this way (maby its some chemistry in their brains working better or sth).
- simonh 5y ago
  That's quite possible, I really don't know, but kids learn a huge amount by the time they're 3. They'll cue off adult behaviour, and you can very easily accidentally teach them really bad behavioural habits very early on. If the adults exhibit addictive behaviour or magnify the significance of indulgent behaviour then kids will start learning that from day 1. So sure individual biochemistry can make a big difference, but a child's basic personality is largely established by age 4. Those early years make a huge difference.
  - Dylan16807 5y ago
    But if that's the problem, then that insight doesn't do anything to keep them from overeating candy, it just assigns blame. And it doesn't really work as advice to new parents except to say "be more perfect!"

by simonh 5y ago

v-erne 5y ago

Unfortunately all children are not created equals and some will crave sugar som much that Your method would fail miserably. I see this in children of my neighbours. Mine are almost same as Yours (especially older one) - they like sweets, but often they will leave them laying around not touching them for days. But if You do this with children of my neighbours they will behave like little addicts and they are like this since when they were like 3. I think this works a bit like with drugs or somkes - some people just do not have addictive personality and it seems like they are born this way (maby its some chemistry in their brains working better or sth).

simonh 5y ago
That's quite possible, I really don't know, but kids learn a huge amount by the time they're 3. They'll cue off adult behaviour, and you can very easily accidentally teach them really bad behavioural habits very early on. If the adults exhibit addictive behaviour or magnify the significance of indulgent behaviour then kids will start learning that from day 1. So sure individual biochemistry can make a big difference, but a child's basic personality is largely established by age 4. Those early years make a huge difference.
- Dylan16807 5y ago
  But if that's the problem, then that insight doesn't do anything to keep them from overeating candy, it just assigns blame. And it doesn't really work as advice to new parents except to say "be more perfect!"