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Good luck keeping a date once you’re out in the world. Not having an four year degree as a man in the dating world is heavily frowned upon. Maybe in 30 years we

Good luck keeping a date once you’re out in the world. Not having an four year degree as a man in the dating world is heavily frowned upon. Maybe in 30 years we’ll drop the “gender equality for me but not for thee” mentality but ain’t happening anytime soon.

johnnyanmac 5y ago
It's not about the degree, it's about the money. It's not like the dates looking for some sort of Doctor or Rocket Scientists are changing their opinion over a "regular" 4 year degree anyways, no point in worry about them. We could talk about the "fairness" of this all century, but for traversing in 2022; focus on your successes, not your shortcomings. It's harder, but not impossible to have a successful career without a degree.
- bradlys 5y ago
  It’s both actually. If you’re making 7-fig then sure - no one bats an eye. But work in the trades? Do something that isn’t known for having an educated workforce? Please accept your new destination: Purgatory. By all means - come to SF or NYC as a plumber and let me know how it goes.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - johnnyanmac 5y ago
    I feel that says more about plumbers and their reputation (which I agree, is unfair. Plumbers make bank) then degrees directly. Not saying all successful jobs are treated equally, but you have more power over how you frame yourself and what atmosphere you exude. Wallowing in that sentiment that your job "isn't sexy" doesn't help matters. In your example here: do you think a 4 year degree in Art would affect a potential date's perception if they find out you are a plumber? Even if you explain that plumbing made you over 3 times your salary compared to the year of commissions you did to stay afloat?
    - caddemon 5y ago
      It depends what stage of the dating game OP is getting stuck at I'd think. Getting first or even second dates I could see an art degree making a difference for a plumber. Because it would give him something else to lead with conversationally and it would make him stand out a bit more on the swiping apps. I'm sure some of the issue is people consciously looking down on plumbers unfortunately, and yeah a degree doesn't change anything for a woman that just would not marry a plumber. But I also bet a part of it is semi or even subconscious. You're often filtering through 100+ profiles to decide who to give a chance. One of the things you glance at is what they list in the education section. Could be an interesting experiment with fake Tinder profiles honestly.
Supermancho 5y ago
In the US, I'm not sure why would a woman use a filter that's so trivial to lie about? > Not having an four year degree as a man in the dating world is heavily frowned upon. Sometimes I've talked about what was studied in school or what my profession is (that's an important relationship anchor), but I don't believe I've ever been asked about a 4-year-degree (whatever that's supposed to tell you). This just isn't practical and certainly not common.
- caddemon 5y ago
  It's a pretty visible part of the profile on any major dating app. It's true that one could fairly easily lie about it at first, but you'd have to be committed to the lie if you're trying to get into a long term relationship. There are plenty of small things that could signal something weird about your supposed college experience, and lying about that is a good way to end a relationship even with someone who wouldn't have minded. As you get older and especially as you get a higher status job you could start to get away with leaving off the education section of the dating profile, and then sure it probably doesn't come up until later in the relationship when it's an unimportant point. But for a trade worker like OP I could see a degree having some effect on dating app success even into their 30s. I wish dating apps weren't the de facto way to meet people now, but where I live it's uncommon to find a couple that met outside of either dating apps or work/school. Obviously not going to college eliminates meeting at college, and working in trades one probably does not have many female coworkers. So basically that leaves dating apps. Women get a lot of swipes usually and can afford to be picky with the early screening. Hell, they might have to be picky with screening otherwise they would be bombarded by messages. Man I'd really love to see some real disruption to the current dating app scene. But the more wholesome stuff wouldn't necessarily be a great business model I guess.
caddemon 5y ago
Do you really find many women without college degrees that reject you over not having a college degree? I'd guess the problem is more the sheer number of women that get degrees - look at almost any subpar liberal arts college and you'll find an out of whack gender ratio. Those degrees really should not confer any legitimate social status, but unfortunately because they check the college box they sort of do. I'm not doubting your experience, I'm just saying I don't think it is hypocritical in the way you're implying. A lot of women, especially in coastal cities, have a degree. So they think their dating pool should be people with degrees. It's not rooted in double standard, they are just severely overestimating the value of their degree. And at the core, the reason a lot of women get such shit degrees is that other options like various trades are not as accessible for them. There are a lot of reasons for that - it's a complicated issue that I don't think can be boiled down to just misogyny or just misandry (or just both for that matter).
- bradlys 5y ago
  Personally, this is not my issue. I have a smartass degree from a reputable target school that makes everyone assume I must be a genius. That said - I meet a lot of women with masters or PhDs who look down on my woeful bachelors. (Ignoring I’ve had 7-fig jobs - SF is hellishly annoying on this) I just know men who have had this issue and I have a lot of compassion for them. Usual articles out there these days are like, “women are outnumbering men in college education. Men turning to other forms to get ahead. Women suffer.” And I think you’re really overestimating the rationality of most women on coastal cities - I’ve been married to one. She knows how many double standards she and all her friends have. She’s astutely aware but she’s like, “is what it is! I’m not changing!” And that’s how most women I meet also are. “Double standards are okay for me but not for thee…” We’ll get there someday but it’s not happening anytime soon. Idk why anyone here is all agro with the downvotes. Do none of you talk to single women under 35?
  - caddemon 5y ago
    I agree I don't understand why your post was so heavily downvoted. I actually upvoted it just because it seemed excessively downvoted. The impact of college degree on dating scene is interesting to me and it's a unique discussion topic instead of rehashing the same stupid circle jerk HN always has about college. I don't think the described dating behavior is unique to women though, that's probably why some people reacted negatively to the post as it does come across kind of bitter. Sure in the exact details women might be judgemental/hypocritical about different things than guys are. And yes in this particular post women's behavior is probably more relevant. But have you talked dating with single dudes under 35? They're by and large complete bums around the house even when the woman is the higher earner at work, talk about double standards. Doing group swiping I've heard plenty of comments on women's looks from guys that were pretty subpar looking themselves. And so on. People are frequently shitty. Sometimes in fairly gender-specific ways, but being an asshole in the dating world is overall pretty universal. Apps like Tinder aren't helping either.

johnnyanmac 5y ago

It's not about the degree, it's about the money. It's not like the dates looking for some sort of Doctor or Rocket Scientists are changing their opinion over a "regular" 4 year degree anyways, no point in worry about them. We could talk about the "fairness" of this all century, but for traversing in 2022; focus on your successes, not your shortcomings. It's harder, but not impossible to have a successful career without a degree.

bradlys 5y ago
It’s both actually. If you’re making 7-fig then sure - no one bats an eye. But work in the trades? Do something that isn’t known for having an educated workforce? Please accept your new destination: Purgatory. By all means - come to SF or NYC as a plumber and let me know how it goes.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- johnnyanmac 5y ago
  I feel that says more about plumbers and their reputation (which I agree, is unfair. Plumbers make bank) then degrees directly. Not saying all successful jobs are treated equally, but you have more power over how you frame yourself and what atmosphere you exude. Wallowing in that sentiment that your job "isn't sexy" doesn't help matters. In your example here: do you think a 4 year degree in Art would affect a potential date's perception if they find out you are a plumber? Even if you explain that plumbing made you over 3 times your salary compared to the year of commissions you did to stay afloat?
  - caddemon 5y ago
    It depends what stage of the dating game OP is getting stuck at I'd think. Getting first or even second dates I could see an art degree making a difference for a plumber. Because it would give him something else to lead with conversationally and it would make him stand out a bit more on the swiping apps. I'm sure some of the issue is people consciously looking down on plumbers unfortunately, and yeah a degree doesn't change anything for a woman that just would not marry a plumber. But I also bet a part of it is semi or even subconscious. You're often filtering through 100+ profiles to decide who to give a chance. One of the things you glance at is what they list in the education section. Could be an interesting experiment with fake Tinder profiles honestly.

Supermancho 5y ago

In the US, I'm not sure why would a woman use a filter that's so trivial to lie about? > Not having an four year degree as a man in the dating world is heavily frowned upon. Sometimes I've talked about what was studied in school or what my profession is (that's an important relationship anchor), but I don't believe I've ever been asked about a 4-year-degree (whatever that's supposed to tell you). This just isn't practical and certainly not common.

caddemon 5y ago
It's a pretty visible part of the profile on any major dating app. It's true that one could fairly easily lie about it at first, but you'd have to be committed to the lie if you're trying to get into a long term relationship. There are plenty of small things that could signal something weird about your supposed college experience, and lying about that is a good way to end a relationship even with someone who wouldn't have minded. As you get older and especially as you get a higher status job you could start to get away with leaving off the education section of the dating profile, and then sure it probably doesn't come up until later in the relationship when it's an unimportant point. But for a trade worker like OP I could see a degree having some effect on dating app success even into their 30s. I wish dating apps weren't the de facto way to meet people now, but where I live it's uncommon to find a couple that met outside of either dating apps or work/school. Obviously not going to college eliminates meeting at college, and working in trades one probably does not have many female coworkers. So basically that leaves dating apps. Women get a lot of swipes usually and can afford to be picky with the early screening. Hell, they might have to be picky with screening otherwise they would be bombarded by messages. Man I'd really love to see some real disruption to the current dating app scene. But the more wholesome stuff wouldn't necessarily be a great business model I guess.

caddemon 5y ago

Do you really find many women without college degrees that reject you over not having a college degree? I'd guess the problem is more the sheer number of women that get degrees - look at almost any subpar liberal arts college and you'll find an out of whack gender ratio. Those degrees really should not confer any legitimate social status, but unfortunately because they check the college box they sort of do. I'm not doubting your experience, I'm just saying I don't think it is hypocritical in the way you're implying. A lot of women, especially in coastal cities, have a degree. So they think their dating pool should be people with degrees. It's not rooted in double standard, they are just severely overestimating the value of their degree. And at the core, the reason a lot of women get such shit degrees is that other options like various trades are not as accessible for them. There are a lot of reasons for that - it's a complicated issue that I don't think can be boiled down to just misogyny or just misandry (or just both for that matter).

bradlys 5y ago
Personally, this is not my issue. I have a smartass degree from a reputable target school that makes everyone assume I must be a genius. That said - I meet a lot of women with masters or PhDs who look down on my woeful bachelors. (Ignoring I’ve had 7-fig jobs - SF is hellishly annoying on this) I just know men who have had this issue and I have a lot of compassion for them. Usual articles out there these days are like, “women are outnumbering men in college education. Men turning to other forms to get ahead. Women suffer.” And I think you’re really overestimating the rationality of most women on coastal cities - I’ve been married to one. She knows how many double standards she and all her friends have. She’s astutely aware but she’s like, “is what it is! I’m not changing!” And that’s how most women I meet also are. “Double standards are okay for me but not for thee…” We’ll get there someday but it’s not happening anytime soon. Idk why anyone here is all agro with the downvotes. Do none of you talk to single women under 35?
- caddemon 5y ago
  I agree I don't understand why your post was so heavily downvoted. I actually upvoted it just because it seemed excessively downvoted. The impact of college degree on dating scene is interesting to me and it's a unique discussion topic instead of rehashing the same stupid circle jerk HN always has about college. I don't think the described dating behavior is unique to women though, that's probably why some people reacted negatively to the post as it does come across kind of bitter. Sure in the exact details women might be judgemental/hypocritical about different things than guys are. And yes in this particular post women's behavior is probably more relevant. But have you talked dating with single dudes under 35? They're by and large complete bums around the house even when the woman is the higher earner at work, talk about double standards. Doing group swiping I've heard plenty of comments on women's looks from guys that were pretty subpar looking themselves. And so on. People are frequently shitty. Sometimes in fairly gender-specific ways, but being an asshole in the dating world is overall pretty universal. Apps like Tinder aren't helping either.