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(OT) To all parents on HN that are not from the US: Have you ever tried reading parenting.stackexchange.com, which is (I assume) mostly used by US-american user

by kleiba 5y ago

(OT) To all parents on HN that are not from the US: Have you ever tried reading parenting.stackexchange.com, which is (I assume) mostly used by US-american users. I find the different mindset that seems common to American parenting very far removed from the parenting style I experience around me (in Europe), it's almost shocking. But as such an impression is, of course, very subjective, I'm wondering if others have found the same?

cranekam 5y ago
Any examples to share? I am a parent in Europe but have lived in the US (specifically the Bay Area) but before I had kids so I didn't pay a huge amount of attention to parenting styles. That said, I expect users of parenting.stackexchange.com are much more educated and wealthy than the average parent and don't really represent a generic American approach to parenting.
- thesumofall 5y ago
  Second hand, but friends moved over to the US to find that kids would watch TV in kindergarten. This would just be absolutely unacceptable in most parts of Europe
  - iends 5y ago
    It’s unacceptable in the US too, but some of the private schools I have visited have had TVs in the classroom to occasionally play educational media.
    - AlwaysRock 5y ago
      Is it? I don't know any parents who haves kids under 5 who don't use tablets on a regular basis.
      - yurishimo 5y ago
        You’re moving the goalpost. Using a tablet at home is different than watching TV for 7 hours at school.
      - Markoff 5y ago
        you are meeting lazy parents, which is sadly standard nowadays, my kids 4 and 6 never used tablet and phone (ok, I let them press button occasionally or they can stop alarm clock or timer when I have full hands, but their total use would be in minutes, I occasionally show them their photos/videos or picture of something we talk about), they watch children tv shows on TV ~45mins before dinner and 1-2 kid movies on weekend. Yeah I've got lazy with the TV but I still feel their use of technology is healthier than at most of the people/children since everywhere I look people just put phones/tablets to hands of little kids and still get them hooked at early age, let alone potentially ruin their eyesight development.
Aeolun 5y ago
My impression is that parents in the US (and Japan) have a much more specific idea of what a correct lifepath for a child looks like. In the Netherlands (Europe), I felt like basically following the system would land them wherever was appropriate based on their aptitude and inclinations. There was basically no better path to follow than public education. Extracurriculars don’t factor into anything, sports are just sports, and solely for recreation. No extra lessons outside of school just to make the entrance exam for your junior high school. I feel like this lack of need to worry about the future lends itself well to a much more relaxed style of parenting. I don’t feel like this is true in the US (or Japan), where which school(s) you go to has a significant effect on your future, so parents have to consider everything from the start.
- treis 5y ago
  I don't know about the Netherlands, but at least for the UK and France which university you go to is extremely important. At least there's a big divide between top schools and the rest.
  - detritus 5y ago
    In the UK at least, this is only true for a certain type or - shudder - class of person. For the vast majority of people, just getting the right course is the reason for the choice of university to attend. Certainly, for the vast majority of people I've ever known, getting a spot at Oxbridge not only was not 'extremely important' - it wasn't even a consideration.
    - maccard 5y ago
      You don't have to be talking about Oxford or Cambridge for this to be true. There's a world of difference between warwick and Wolverhampton universities for example
      - detritus 5y ago
        Or Newcastle, or Durham, or St Andrews, or St Martin's (if you're that way inclined), or... . I know, the list is longer than Oxford and Cambridge. But it's a neat shorthand.
cycomanic 5y ago
Late reply, but my general impression is that US parents tend to have much more a view of "ownership" over their children. By that I mean you read a lot of views that seem to indicate that parents really consider children their property and they should be able to decide everything. I find it quite baffling considering the very strong importance of personal liberties in the US.
- dudul 5y ago
  Instead of saying that children are their property I would say that they are their responsibility. In many countries parents are happy to outsource their kids education to the government. In the US parents want to actively be part of the process. That's the personal liberty aspect I guess.
- kwhitefoot 5y ago
  > I find it quite baffling considering the very strong importance of personal liberties in the US. It's because in the US the thinking regarding such things seems to revolve around rights and never mentions duties. In Europe we tend to view our duties to our children differently. In my view one cannot have liberty without duty. That is to say, there is no such thing as perfect liberty.
karaterobot 5y ago
Glancing at the front page of that site, I see a lot of questions that most parents I know would respond to by saying "you're worrying too much", or something polite which would really translate to "lol wut?" As I'm sure you know, but which bears repeating: parenting.stackexchange.com, or really any other online community, is not representative of most people. Communities like that are self-selected and insular. Even open communities create and reinforce their own perspective. There are kinds of questions which become acceptable to ask, and kinds of responses which are acceptable to provide, but only within that small shard of reality.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

by kleiba 5y ago

cranekam 5y ago

Any examples to share? I am a parent in Europe but have lived in the US (specifically the Bay Area) but before I had kids so I didn't pay a huge amount of attention to parenting styles. That said, I expect users of parenting.stackexchange.com are much more educated and wealthy than the average parent and don't really represent a generic American approach to parenting.

thesumofall 5y ago
Second hand, but friends moved over to the US to find that kids would watch TV in kindergarten. This would just be absolutely unacceptable in most parts of Europe
- iends 5y ago
  It’s unacceptable in the US too, but some of the private schools I have visited have had TVs in the classroom to occasionally play educational media.
  - AlwaysRock 5y ago
    Is it? I don't know any parents who haves kids under 5 who don't use tablets on a regular basis.
    - yurishimo 5y ago
      You’re moving the goalpost. Using a tablet at home is different than watching TV for 7 hours at school.
    - Markoff 5y ago
      you are meeting lazy parents, which is sadly standard nowadays, my kids 4 and 6 never used tablet and phone (ok, I let them press button occasionally or they can stop alarm clock or timer when I have full hands, but their total use would be in minutes, I occasionally show them their photos/videos or picture of something we talk about), they watch children tv shows on TV ~45mins before dinner and 1-2 kid movies on weekend. Yeah I've got lazy with the TV but I still feel their use of technology is healthier than at most of the people/children since everywhere I look people just put phones/tablets to hands of little kids and still get them hooked at early age, let alone potentially ruin their eyesight development.

Aeolun 5y ago

My impression is that parents in the US (and Japan) have a much more specific idea of what a correct lifepath for a child looks like. In the Netherlands (Europe), I felt like basically following the system would land them wherever was appropriate based on their aptitude and inclinations. There was basically no better path to follow than public education. Extracurriculars don’t factor into anything, sports are just sports, and solely for recreation. No extra lessons outside of school just to make the entrance exam for your junior high school. I feel like this lack of need to worry about the future lends itself well to a much more relaxed style of parenting. I don’t feel like this is true in the US (or Japan), where which school(s) you go to has a significant effect on your future, so parents have to consider everything from the start.

treis 5y ago
I don't know about the Netherlands, but at least for the UK and France which university you go to is extremely important. At least there's a big divide between top schools and the rest.
- detritus 5y ago
  In the UK at least, this is only true for a certain type or - shudder - class of person. For the vast majority of people, just getting the right course is the reason for the choice of university to attend. Certainly, for the vast majority of people I've ever known, getting a spot at Oxbridge not only was not 'extremely important' - it wasn't even a consideration.
  - maccard 5y ago
    You don't have to be talking about Oxford or Cambridge for this to be true. There's a world of difference between warwick and Wolverhampton universities for example
    - detritus 5y ago
      Or Newcastle, or Durham, or St Andrews, or St Martin's (if you're that way inclined), or... . I know, the list is longer than Oxford and Cambridge. But it's a neat shorthand.

cycomanic 5y ago

Late reply, but my general impression is that US parents tend to have much more a view of "ownership" over their children. By that I mean you read a lot of views that seem to indicate that parents really consider children their property and they should be able to decide everything. I find it quite baffling considering the very strong importance of personal liberties in the US.

dudul 5y ago
Instead of saying that children are their property I would say that they are their responsibility. In many countries parents are happy to outsource their kids education to the government. In the US parents want to actively be part of the process. That's the personal liberty aspect I guess.
kwhitefoot 5y ago
> I find it quite baffling considering the very strong importance of personal liberties in the US. It's because in the US the thinking regarding such things seems to revolve around rights and never mentions duties. In Europe we tend to view our duties to our children differently. In my view one cannot have liberty without duty. That is to say, there is no such thing as perfect liberty.

karaterobot 5y ago

Glancing at the front page of that site, I see a lot of questions that most parents I know would respond to by saying "you're worrying too much", or something polite which would really translate to "lol wut?" As I'm sure you know, but which bears repeating: parenting.stackexchange.com, or really any other online community, is not representative of most people. Communities like that are self-selected and insular. Even open communities create and reinforce their own perspective. There are kinds of questions which become acceptable to ask, and kinds of responses which are acceptable to provide, but only within that small shard of reality.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]