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My assumption based on experience is that any stranger who strikes up a conversation with me is either mentally unstable or is looking to get something from me.

smugma 5y ago
Today I said “beautiful day out” to some guy who looked maybe homeless. He immediately offered me a beer, which was nice, but I declined as I had 4 kids to watch at the beach. It turned out we went to the same college (Berkeley) and he graduated a year before I started. He was on the football team and knew my old roommate, who was also on the team. He definitely was a bit weird. Visiting SF from Alaska after his wife’s death, but totally friendly and not creepy. Interesting enough that I felt like I had a story to tell without being creeped out. It’s been a long two years, and I missed these sorts of small interactions with people very different than me.
positus 5y ago
That sounds like a miserable way to live. Do you have the same assumptions when others engage you in conversation over the internet, or is it only in person?
- dharmab 5y ago
  This might be a regional/cultural difference. In my city in a flyover state, any stranger who tries to talk to you beyond small talk is almost certainly going to try to sell you something. (Obviously, outside of socialization contexts such as bars, clubs, meetups, etc)
- SketchySeaBeast 5y ago
  Nice try cultist!
- xwdv 5y ago
  Most people live miserable lives, especially in this day and age. Occasionally there are moments of joy, but they are fleeting.
  - recursive 5y ago
    If that's really true, I'm even more privileged than I realize. I'm rarely miserable. I thought that was pretty normal.
    - fladrif 5y ago
      To be fair, rarely do people have an accurate grasp on what normality is. Just the breadth of human experience is impossible to capture much less experience and process, not to mention the experience of people that is never expressed (I may be having a bad week, but I wouldn't express it, much less share it openly with coworkers)
      - sammalloy 5y ago
        > To be fair, rarely do people have an accurate grasp on what normality is. Well said. I’ve been thinking about this idea for a very long time. Like another user said above, the negativity bias has a large role to play here. I live in a small town and talking with strangers is considered normal and healthy.
- damontal 5y ago
  Only in person. I live in a major US city. When I was younger I would freely engage anyone who spoke with me. But I found myself in situations where I would be in physical danger sometimes being screamed at sometimes threatened after what began as a seemingly innocuous interaction. And I also got sick of people trying to sell me things or get money from me. I remember in my late teens some guy on the street saying “Hey man! I like your shirt!” My Jimi Hendrix shirt? He must like Jimi Hendrix too. So I started talking with him and in a few minutes he was asking for money. Weeks later I’m wearing a different shirt and I hear “Hey man! I like your shirt!” Once on a commuter train a guy struck up a conversation with me about a book I was reading. It was an interesting conversation. We kept talking as we exited the train and kept talking on the platform as all the other commuters went to their cars and drove away. Now he’s getting kind of excited and raising his voice. And I’m now aware of how large he is and how we are the only two people left at the station. I managed to politely get out of there. Over and over again this kind of thing would happen until I just made a policy to not engage.
  - tomcam 5y ago
    Man that’s a depressing state of affairs.
  - robocat 5y ago
    > until I just made a policy to not engage That sounds sad. You remind me of a friend (probably on the spectrum), that is too open/polite and just doesn’t know how to filter out abusive people. Unfortunately, the good people that are really really worth talking to, can often read that you are closing yourself off, so they politely won’t interact with you. The “bad” people will ignore your social cues. Perhaps there is a certain amount of channeling. Most women (and plenty of men too) have been on the receiving end of excessive unwanted attention at some point in their lives, and they learn how to read genuine worthwhile friendly approaches, versus predatory unwanted approaches. Spot your friends with that skill, and then try to learn from them? The friends I know that have the skill end up meeting worthwhile people in most any situation they are in; even in predatory environments. Location makes some difference, of course. I have travelled a lot, and some countries or towns everybody is trying to grift, while other places everyone is genuinely open and friendly. Or pubs where everyone is welcoming without pressure, versus other pubs where everyone is trying to use or scam you. Your own context makes a difference: if you are with dogs or kids, more people will default to thinking you are okay (modulo other cues) etcetera. Disclaimer: I’m not great at the above, but I try to learn to improve. The friends I know who are great at the above get awesome opportunities - they also tend to be good people themselves. It is like a secret split in society where kind people recognise each other via unobvious protocols. If you don’t know the protocols, then you end up grouped with users and grifters, which is self-reinforcing and hard to change.
- saxonww 5y ago
  ...Absolutely? When we get unsolicited communication over phone, text, email, IM, etc., we consider it spam. It's almost always someone trying to get you to give money to them or their interest group. As someone who spends most of their day online, it's not hard at all to see why I might start thinking that way about in-person communication from people I don't know.
- mise_en_place 5y ago
  On the internet I would be even more wary, as anonymity or pseudo anonymity allows degenerates you would normally never interact with to grace your life with their presence. Some of the people I have met online make the two wackos the author met look like saints in comparison.
- kQq9oHeAz6wLLS 5y ago
  Not necessarily. Introverts are content to stick to the friends they already have, and/or just being alone. There's less stress that way.
- throwawayboise 5y ago
  It depends on context. If I meet someone because of a common interest or thing we are doing (we are at the gym, I recognize them as a regular, and say hi, or whatever) then yes I'll have some light conversation. A totally random person walking up to me and starting to talk? No, that's weird and I'm immediately at yellow alert at minimum, if not searching for the nearest exit.
woodruffw 5y ago
I've also had plenty of terrible experiences with strangers trying to talk to me. But I think it's wrong to build a policy from that: I've also had plenty of great conversations with complete strangers, some of them in contexts where I'd be considered "captive" if I wasn't a willing participant (airplanes, trains, etc.). IMO, serendipitous conversations are a key part of a healthy society. Few things have as strong of a humanizing effect.
- bavila 5y ago
  Context is definitely important. If I'm in a situation where I'm obviously just trying to get some work done in a coffee shop, I'd going to be very skeptical of a stranger who insists on striking up a conversation with me. It's just too pushy and frankly kind of creepy. However, I've also done some backpacking on the Appalachian Trail several years ago, and it's far more socially acceptable to start up a conversation with random people you meet along the way. It's understood that we're all strangers but we have a shared goal of hiking the trail, and what else are we going to do when we stop for the night other than chat a bit with the other people in the area? Had almost nothing but positive experiences speaking with random people while hiking, except for one nutcase (trail name was Mountain Lion) who was carrying a firearm and disclosed to me that he was kicked out of the military for mental health reasons (got to appreciate his honesty, though). I made sure to put as much distance between the two of us ASAP. Later found out he ran out of food, tried to steal from other people, and had to get airlifted out after getting injured. Good times.
  - woodruffw 5y ago
    Certainly; context accounts for a lot. I wouldn't wish Mountain Lion on anyone :-) I think what it boils down to for me is this: the world is full of loons. If we don't allow ourselves to be open to spontaneous interactions, the average spontaneous interaction we have is more likely to be one involving a loon. Those memories also tend to be more salient because of their negativity, so we need to be intentional in remembering all of the lesser but positive experiences we've had with strangers.
- endgame 5y ago
xwdv 5y ago
This has been my observation as well, and this is why I look at compliments with great cynicism, and why I do not give compliments or strike up conversations. And if I do want something from someone, I state those intentions early so they don’t think my conversation is a ruse.
- nobody9999 5y ago
  >This has been my observation as well, and this is why I look at compliments with great cynicism, and why I do not give compliments or strike up conversations. And if I do want something from someone, I state those intentions early so they don’t think my conversation is a ruse. Please don't take this as a jab at you as it certainly isn't intended to be. That said, you express a really transactional view of human interactions. That seems to be a sad way to view the rest of your fellow humans. Transactional interactions are a normal part of life but, at least for me, I will interact with people, including strangers, because I like interacting with people, not because I want something from them. Obviously, when transacting with a cashier, a shopkeeper, a waiter, etc. it's transactional. But in other circumstances, and even sometimes in those circumstances (if that's not inconveniencing them) I will engage others without any expectations or intent to manipulate or use those folks. Sure, there are folks out there who will engage with you because they want something from you. In my experience, however (and I've lived most of my life in NYC and travelled quite a bit around the US and less around the world) most people are decent, kind people who aren't out to get something from you or trying to scam you.
recuter 5y ago
You're not wrong, especially if you live in NYC or most of California. But this is a cultural thing. Roberto Benigni type people are real, they might just not be around where you live. Consider moving. Whether you move away or towards where these sort of characters congregate is of course entirely up to you. If you would like to know which places to seek out/avoid feel free to chime in. P.S. - Please don't go to Rome and expect it to be filled with Benignis.
- fellowniusmonk 5y ago
  Best part about Austin outdoor culture is the random friendly conversations, met a dude who founded arcade fire like 6 months ago just because we we're talking about places to eat. It's just part of Austin's hippy music fest heritage and is the best part.
- borski 5y ago
  I’ve had more serendipitous and pleasant conversations in NYC and CA (both places I’ve lived) than anywhere else. :) It’s not limited to Austin or the south. :)
  - tomcam 5y ago
    Yes. I have found people in New York City to be generally enjoyable and willing to help. The same was true in Southern California, where I lived for years. My Chinese wife was blown away at how helpful Americans tend to be.
    - gumby 5y ago
      Yes, when my cousin came to visit me she was terrified that her family would be gunned down in the street. You can’t tell from the news but Americans are generally friendly and helpful in person. The Borat film was supposed to show how deranged Americans are but the half I watched was all about people trying to be nice to him despite his antics.
      - tomcam 5y ago
samuellavoie90 5y ago
In the U.S., its part of their culture that striking up a conversation with a total stranger is normal. It just looks weird to the rest of the world, but I think it works out in their favor.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
wslack 5y ago
This is region dependent. In the US South its normal to have light conversations with strangers in public spaces (waiting in line, for example).
- silisili 5y ago
  Yeah, I do this. I don't like just passing time on a phone like many seem to, so anytime I get bored(lines, DMV, airport, airplane) I'll strike up conversation. Then again maybe I'm just a bit mentally unstable...
  - JasonFruit 5y ago
    I personally love when people do that. I'm a homeschooling stay at home father, so I don't have a wide or close social circle; I thrive on those casual conversations.
    - jsnodlin 5y ago
- astura 5y ago
  It's normal most places in the US, not just the south. I've had plenty of light conversations with strangers in public spaces in the Northeast.
thrownawayalre 5y ago
That changes with kids fortunately. Parents bringing their kids to playgrounds, that have not much to do except talking to other parents. Being at a playground with their own kid filters out most mentally unstable or interested parties. Very easy to strike conversations if kids have the same age. Lots of opportunities for new and sane friendships, with who you can then double-date when their kid come home to play with yours.
- sjg007 5y ago
  Ski resorts are another one. Everyone is there for the snow so you can chat with folks on the lift or apres ski.
  - robocat 5y ago
    There is a selection bias at ski resorts. And plenty of the interactions are a single serving, so comparatively safe. I presume you can still get an elevator/lift pitch.
- ryandrake 5y ago
  Having a kid really expanded my social circle. Im a shutin hermit and she is a social butterfly and makes friends in seconds, so she probably knows 100x more people in our community than I do. So I frequently have to stand there hanging around with stranger parents because my kid is suddenly best friends with their kid. These interactions have grown to the point where we have a “local dads” poker night and all we have to do with each other is our kids’ social circles. It’s actually kind of wholesome.
- thwayunion 5y ago
  The MLM stuff is STRONG in the SAHM community, though. I don't get any of it, fortunately, but for the wife it's every other convo at the playground.
0_____0 5y ago
How would you rate your social intuition? I would rate mine as moderate, undermined by anxious traits, but it's typically pretty obvious when someone is unstable/potentially dangerous or panhandling. I live in a major US metro and somewhat routinely talk briefly with people I encounter in a low-stakes way.
TuringNYC 5y ago
The sad thing is that -- this is how I met almost all my friends. Through random conversations. I agree that random convos at work/school are much less likely to be MLM, but I always wonder about what i'm missing when I filter too much. My best friend from college -- 25 years still -- is someone I met on line, waiting for lunch. I get pretty annoyed with MLM sales pitches, but I dont think we should close ourselves off to the world with strict policies on social interactions.
- bongoman37 5y ago
borski 5y ago
This is a bad assumption. I often do this because I’m an extrovert and find other people interesting/fascinating, but want nothing from you and, to my knowledge, am not mentally unstable. :) To be fair, I don’t lead with “have you ever done therapy?” or “what does it mean to be alive?” haha
monksy 5y ago
Or they're trying to get me to use Javascript.
aidenn0 5y ago
Maybe this is false nostalgia, but I feel like this is more true post smartphones than pre-smartphones. More people will just pop out their phones and check their messages/mail/play a game rather than talk to people around them; a fair amount of casual interactions were bored people stuck waiting in the same place.
walrus01 5y ago
> My assumption based on experience is that any stranger who strikes up a conversation with me is either mentally unstable or is looking to get something from me. I operate under this assumption any time I'm somewhere in a big city, unless I'm attending an event where people are specifically mixed together and expected to talk to each other (professional conference, etc) in a small town of 200-300 people/very rural area, I take a different approach of course
- brimble 5y ago
  > in a small town of 200-300 people/very rural area, I take a different approach of course Hell, in a town that size, you know the mentally unstable folks and might even enjoy chatting with (some of) them if you see 'em at the feed store.
gumby 5y ago
This is why I find it hard to just strike up a conversation, even at a conference. I’ve always admired people who can. At a party, it’s no problem.
alliao 5y ago
it's so unfortunate. I am an immigrant that left my birth country quite young, but I still remember couple of good friends. Out of around 7 friends whom I remembered their name and details enough that I later track them down online, only 1 replied, the rest all said they've been burnt heaps through the years by scammers etc. And that was it.
leephillips 5y ago
I pepper spray anyone who makes eye contact. So far, 100% success rate on not being recruited into a cult or MLM scheme.
pdonis 5y ago
For me it depends on what kind of conversation it is. I'll gladly exchange pleasantries with strangers and even have brief conversations when it's clear what the boundaries are--for example, someone in line behind me at the supermarket, where it's understood that as soon as I've checked out, I'm leaving. Where I draw the line is when strangers try to push a conversation beyond clear boundaries, or try to push a conversation in a situation where the boundaries aren't clear and they can try to manipulate them. That's what would have put me off in the "First Contact" episode in the article. For me it probably also helps that I'm an introvert and I have no problem just ending a conversation and going back to whatever I was doing. For example, at the point where the woman started asking follow-up questions, I would have said something like "I'm not really familiar with those places, sorry", and gone back to what I was doing.
jimmont 5y ago
What a remarkably unhealthy perspective. Yet engaged in communication here. My first thought was you must be American, but that could just as easily be quite a number of places and cultures across continents. In Israel personal boundaries are quite different and it's common to engage those around you in conversation. I wouldn't correlate mental stability with social norms--frankly I associate health with social engagement, so the opposite.
mettamage 5y ago
If you mean that I'm bored and want to kill time by having a conversation with a stranger, then you got me.
rurban 5y ago
Or it might be just a typical American. in Europe they are rare, but over in the states or on airports you are constantly small-talked about nothing. And then you can easily torpedo this small talk by actually being honest. that's what they are not used to at all.
Krasnol 5y ago
I got a new job and now I have to take the lift up to my office. I regularly take the lift and have at least once a day some random chat for the duration of the lift tour. Not all strangers are that bad and(but?) this is Germany!

smugma 5y ago

Today I said “beautiful day out” to some guy who looked maybe homeless. He immediately offered me a beer, which was nice, but I declined as I had 4 kids to watch at the beach. It turned out we went to the same college (Berkeley) and he graduated a year before I started. He was on the football team and knew my old roommate, who was also on the team. He definitely was a bit weird. Visiting SF from Alaska after his wife’s death, but totally friendly and not creepy. Interesting enough that I felt like I had a story to tell without being creeped out. It’s been a long two years, and I missed these sorts of small interactions with people very different than me.

positus 5y ago

That sounds like a miserable way to live. Do you have the same assumptions when others engage you in conversation over the internet, or is it only in person?

dharmab 5y ago
This might be a regional/cultural difference. In my city in a flyover state, any stranger who tries to talk to you beyond small talk is almost certainly going to try to sell you something. (Obviously, outside of socialization contexts such as bars, clubs, meetups, etc)
SketchySeaBeast 5y ago
Nice try cultist!
xwdv 5y ago
Most people live miserable lives, especially in this day and age. Occasionally there are moments of joy, but they are fleeting.
- recursive 5y ago
  If that's really true, I'm even more privileged than I realize. I'm rarely miserable. I thought that was pretty normal.
  - fladrif 5y ago
    To be fair, rarely do people have an accurate grasp on what normality is. Just the breadth of human experience is impossible to capture much less experience and process, not to mention the experience of people that is never expressed (I may be having a bad week, but I wouldn't express it, much less share it openly with coworkers)
    - sammalloy 5y ago
      > To be fair, rarely do people have an accurate grasp on what normality is. Well said. I’ve been thinking about this idea for a very long time. Like another user said above, the negativity bias has a large role to play here. I live in a small town and talking with strangers is considered normal and healthy.
damontal 5y ago
Only in person. I live in a major US city. When I was younger I would freely engage anyone who spoke with me. But I found myself in situations where I would be in physical danger sometimes being screamed at sometimes threatened after what began as a seemingly innocuous interaction. And I also got sick of people trying to sell me things or get money from me. I remember in my late teens some guy on the street saying “Hey man! I like your shirt!” My Jimi Hendrix shirt? He must like Jimi Hendrix too. So I started talking with him and in a few minutes he was asking for money. Weeks later I’m wearing a different shirt and I hear “Hey man! I like your shirt!” Once on a commuter train a guy struck up a conversation with me about a book I was reading. It was an interesting conversation. We kept talking as we exited the train and kept talking on the platform as all the other commuters went to their cars and drove away. Now he’s getting kind of excited and raising his voice. And I’m now aware of how large he is and how we are the only two people left at the station. I managed to politely get out of there. Over and over again this kind of thing would happen until I just made a policy to not engage.
- tomcam 5y ago
  Man that’s a depressing state of affairs.
- robocat 5y ago
  > until I just made a policy to not engage That sounds sad. You remind me of a friend (probably on the spectrum), that is too open/polite and just doesn’t know how to filter out abusive people. Unfortunately, the good people that are really really worth talking to, can often read that you are closing yourself off, so they politely won’t interact with you. The “bad” people will ignore your social cues. Perhaps there is a certain amount of channeling. Most women (and plenty of men too) have been on the receiving end of excessive unwanted attention at some point in their lives, and they learn how to read genuine worthwhile friendly approaches, versus predatory unwanted approaches. Spot your friends with that skill, and then try to learn from them? The friends I know that have the skill end up meeting worthwhile people in most any situation they are in; even in predatory environments. Location makes some difference, of course. I have travelled a lot, and some countries or towns everybody is trying to grift, while other places everyone is genuinely open and friendly. Or pubs where everyone is welcoming without pressure, versus other pubs where everyone is trying to use or scam you. Your own context makes a difference: if you are with dogs or kids, more people will default to thinking you are okay (modulo other cues) etcetera. Disclaimer: I’m not great at the above, but I try to learn to improve. The friends I know who are great at the above get awesome opportunities - they also tend to be good people themselves. It is like a secret split in society where kind people recognise each other via unobvious protocols. If you don’t know the protocols, then you end up grouped with users and grifters, which is self-reinforcing and hard to change.
saxonww 5y ago
...Absolutely? When we get unsolicited communication over phone, text, email, IM, etc., we consider it spam. It's almost always someone trying to get you to give money to them or their interest group. As someone who spends most of their day online, it's not hard at all to see why I might start thinking that way about in-person communication from people I don't know.
mise_en_place 5y ago
On the internet I would be even more wary, as anonymity or pseudo anonymity allows degenerates you would normally never interact with to grace your life with their presence. Some of the people I have met online make the two wackos the author met look like saints in comparison.
kQq9oHeAz6wLLS 5y ago
Not necessarily. Introverts are content to stick to the friends they already have, and/or just being alone. There's less stress that way.
throwawayboise 5y ago
It depends on context. If I meet someone because of a common interest or thing we are doing (we are at the gym, I recognize them as a regular, and say hi, or whatever) then yes I'll have some light conversation. A totally random person walking up to me and starting to talk? No, that's weird and I'm immediately at yellow alert at minimum, if not searching for the nearest exit.

woodruffw 5y ago

I've also had plenty of terrible experiences with strangers trying to talk to me. But I think it's wrong to build a policy from that: I've also had plenty of great conversations with complete strangers, some of them in contexts where I'd be considered "captive" if I wasn't a willing participant (airplanes, trains, etc.). IMO, serendipitous conversations are a key part of a healthy society. Few things have as strong of a humanizing effect.

bavila 5y ago
Context is definitely important. If I'm in a situation where I'm obviously just trying to get some work done in a coffee shop, I'd going to be very skeptical of a stranger who insists on striking up a conversation with me. It's just too pushy and frankly kind of creepy. However, I've also done some backpacking on the Appalachian Trail several years ago, and it's far more socially acceptable to start up a conversation with random people you meet along the way. It's understood that we're all strangers but we have a shared goal of hiking the trail, and what else are we going to do when we stop for the night other than chat a bit with the other people in the area? Had almost nothing but positive experiences speaking with random people while hiking, except for one nutcase (trail name was Mountain Lion) who was carrying a firearm and disclosed to me that he was kicked out of the military for mental health reasons (got to appreciate his honesty, though). I made sure to put as much distance between the two of us ASAP. Later found out he ran out of food, tried to steal from other people, and had to get airlifted out after getting injured. Good times.
- woodruffw 5y ago
  Certainly; context accounts for a lot. I wouldn't wish Mountain Lion on anyone :-) I think what it boils down to for me is this: the world is full of loons. If we don't allow ourselves to be open to spontaneous interactions, the average spontaneous interaction we have is more likely to be one involving a loon. Those memories also tend to be more salient because of their negativity, so we need to be intentional in remembering all of the lesser but positive experiences we've had with strangers.
endgame 5y ago

xwdv 5y ago

This has been my observation as well, and this is why I look at compliments with great cynicism, and why I do not give compliments or strike up conversations. And if I do want something from someone, I state those intentions early so they don’t think my conversation is a ruse.

nobody9999 5y ago
>This has been my observation as well, and this is why I look at compliments with great cynicism, and why I do not give compliments or strike up conversations. And if I do want something from someone, I state those intentions early so they don’t think my conversation is a ruse. Please don't take this as a jab at you as it certainly isn't intended to be. That said, you express a really transactional view of human interactions. That seems to be a sad way to view the rest of your fellow humans. Transactional interactions are a normal part of life but, at least for me, I will interact with people, including strangers, because I like interacting with people, not because I want something from them. Obviously, when transacting with a cashier, a shopkeeper, a waiter, etc. it's transactional. But in other circumstances, and even sometimes in those circumstances (if that's not inconveniencing them) I will engage others without any expectations or intent to manipulate or use those folks. Sure, there are folks out there who will engage with you because they want something from you. In my experience, however (and I've lived most of my life in NYC and travelled quite a bit around the US and less around the world) most people are decent, kind people who aren't out to get something from you or trying to scam you.

recuter 5y ago

You're not wrong, especially if you live in NYC or most of California. But this is a cultural thing. Roberto Benigni type people are real, they might just not be around where you live. Consider moving. Whether you move away or towards where these sort of characters congregate is of course entirely up to you. If you would like to know which places to seek out/avoid feel free to chime in. P.S. - Please don't go to Rome and expect it to be filled with Benignis.

fellowniusmonk 5y ago
Best part about Austin outdoor culture is the random friendly conversations, met a dude who founded arcade fire like 6 months ago just because we we're talking about places to eat. It's just part of Austin's hippy music fest heritage and is the best part.
borski 5y ago
I’ve had more serendipitous and pleasant conversations in NYC and CA (both places I’ve lived) than anywhere else. :) It’s not limited to Austin or the south. :)
- tomcam 5y ago
  Yes. I have found people in New York City to be generally enjoyable and willing to help. The same was true in Southern California, where I lived for years. My Chinese wife was blown away at how helpful Americans tend to be.
  - gumby 5y ago
    Yes, when my cousin came to visit me she was terrified that her family would be gunned down in the street. You can’t tell from the news but Americans are generally friendly and helpful in person. The Borat film was supposed to show how deranged Americans are but the half I watched was all about people trying to be nice to him despite his antics.
    - tomcam 5y ago

samuellavoie90 5y ago

In the U.S., its part of their culture that striking up a conversation with a total stranger is normal. It just looks weird to the rest of the world, but I think it works out in their favor.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

wslack 5y ago

This is region dependent. In the US South its normal to have light conversations with strangers in public spaces (waiting in line, for example).

silisili 5y ago
Yeah, I do this. I don't like just passing time on a phone like many seem to, so anytime I get bored(lines, DMV, airport, airplane) I'll strike up conversation. Then again maybe I'm just a bit mentally unstable...
- JasonFruit 5y ago
  I personally love when people do that. I'm a homeschooling stay at home father, so I don't have a wide or close social circle; I thrive on those casual conversations.
  - jsnodlin 5y ago
astura 5y ago
It's normal most places in the US, not just the south. I've had plenty of light conversations with strangers in public spaces in the Northeast.

thrownawayalre 5y ago

That changes with kids fortunately. Parents bringing their kids to playgrounds, that have not much to do except talking to other parents. Being at a playground with their own kid filters out most mentally unstable or interested parties. Very easy to strike conversations if kids have the same age. Lots of opportunities for new and sane friendships, with who you can then double-date when their kid come home to play with yours.

sjg007 5y ago
Ski resorts are another one. Everyone is there for the snow so you can chat with folks on the lift or apres ski.
- robocat 5y ago
  There is a selection bias at ski resorts. And plenty of the interactions are a single serving, so comparatively safe. I presume you can still get an elevator/lift pitch.
ryandrake 5y ago
Having a kid really expanded my social circle. Im a shutin hermit and she is a social butterfly and makes friends in seconds, so she probably knows 100x more people in our community than I do. So I frequently have to stand there hanging around with stranger parents because my kid is suddenly best friends with their kid. These interactions have grown to the point where we have a “local dads” poker night and all we have to do with each other is our kids’ social circles. It’s actually kind of wholesome.
thwayunion 5y ago
The MLM stuff is STRONG in the SAHM community, though. I don't get any of it, fortunately, but for the wife it's every other convo at the playground.

0_____0 5y ago

How would you rate your social intuition? I would rate mine as moderate, undermined by anxious traits, but it's typically pretty obvious when someone is unstable/potentially dangerous or panhandling. I live in a major US metro and somewhat routinely talk briefly with people I encounter in a low-stakes way.

TuringNYC 5y ago

The sad thing is that -- this is how I met almost all my friends. Through random conversations. I agree that random convos at work/school are much less likely to be MLM, but I always wonder about what i'm missing when I filter too much. My best friend from college -- 25 years still -- is someone I met on line, waiting for lunch. I get pretty annoyed with MLM sales pitches, but I dont think we should close ourselves off to the world with strict policies on social interactions.

bongoman37 5y ago

borski 5y ago

This is a bad assumption. I often do this because I’m an extrovert and find other people interesting/fascinating, but want nothing from you and, to my knowledge, am not mentally unstable. :) To be fair, I don’t lead with “have you ever done therapy?” or “what does it mean to be alive?” haha

monksy 5y ago

Or they're trying to get me to use Javascript.

aidenn0 5y ago

Maybe this is false nostalgia, but I feel like this is more true post smartphones than pre-smartphones. More people will just pop out their phones and check their messages/mail/play a game rather than talk to people around them; a fair amount of casual interactions were bored people stuck waiting in the same place.

walrus01 5y ago

> My assumption based on experience is that any stranger who strikes up a conversation with me is either mentally unstable or is looking to get something from me. I operate under this assumption any time I'm somewhere in a big city, unless I'm attending an event where people are specifically mixed together and expected to talk to each other (professional conference, etc) in a small town of 200-300 people/very rural area, I take a different approach of course

brimble 5y ago
> in a small town of 200-300 people/very rural area, I take a different approach of course Hell, in a town that size, you know the mentally unstable folks and might even enjoy chatting with (some of) them if you see 'em at the feed store.

gumby 5y ago

This is why I find it hard to just strike up a conversation, even at a conference. I’ve always admired people who can. At a party, it’s no problem.

alliao 5y ago

it's so unfortunate. I am an immigrant that left my birth country quite young, but I still remember couple of good friends. Out of around 7 friends whom I remembered their name and details enough that I later track them down online, only 1 replied, the rest all said they've been burnt heaps through the years by scammers etc. And that was it.

leephillips 5y ago

I pepper spray anyone who makes eye contact. So far, 100% success rate on not being recruited into a cult or MLM scheme.

pdonis 5y ago

For me it depends on what kind of conversation it is. I'll gladly exchange pleasantries with strangers and even have brief conversations when it's clear what the boundaries are--for example, someone in line behind me at the supermarket, where it's understood that as soon as I've checked out, I'm leaving. Where I draw the line is when strangers try to push a conversation beyond clear boundaries, or try to push a conversation in a situation where the boundaries aren't clear and they can try to manipulate them. That's what would have put me off in the "First Contact" episode in the article. For me it probably also helps that I'm an introvert and I have no problem just ending a conversation and going back to whatever I was doing. For example, at the point where the woman started asking follow-up questions, I would have said something like "I'm not really familiar with those places, sorry", and gone back to what I was doing.

jimmont 5y ago

What a remarkably unhealthy perspective. Yet engaged in communication here. My first thought was you must be American, but that could just as easily be quite a number of places and cultures across continents. In Israel personal boundaries are quite different and it's common to engage those around you in conversation. I wouldn't correlate mental stability with social norms--frankly I associate health with social engagement, so the opposite.

mettamage 5y ago

If you mean that I'm bored and want to kill time by having a conversation with a stranger, then you got me.

rurban 5y ago

Or it might be just a typical American. in Europe they are rare, but over in the states or on airports you are constantly small-talked about nothing. And then you can easily torpedo this small talk by actually being honest. that's what they are not used to at all.

Krasnol 5y ago

I got a new job and now I have to take the lift up to my office. I regularly take the lift and have at least once a day some random chat for the duration of the lift tour. Not all strangers are that bad and(but?) this is Germany!