18 ms·

I decided that I must live my life on my terms

• evekeen 5y ago
  I feel the same, just quit my job a month ago and it’s so good! Let’s build something together! https://ivkin.dev https://ivkin.dev
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    Congrats! And it's awesome what you're building, good job :)
• ghoomketu 5y ago
  Your post reminds me of the intro for Eckhart tolle's Power of now. He had a similar experience though he became enlightened after his. I quick google helped me find the passage from his book. I got goosebumps when I first read it, and his book did have quite an effect of me, alas, I felt back to my old comparing-money-worrying self rather quickly. But read that book if you haven't already, maybe you will relate with him: “I cannot live with myself any longer.” This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. "Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the 'I' and the 'self' that 'I' cannot live with.“ ”Maybe,“ I thought, ”only one of them is real." I was so stunned by this strange realization that my mind stopped. I was fully conscious, but there were no more thoughts. Then I felt drawn into what seemed like a vortex of energy. It was a slow movement at first and then accelerated. I was gripped by an intense fear, and my body started to shake. I heard the words “resist nothing,” as if spoken inside my chest. I could feel myself being sucked into a void. It felt as if the void was inside myself rather than outside. Suddenly, there was no more fear, and I let myself fall into that void. I have no recollection of what happened after that. I was awakened by the chirping of a bird outside the window. I had never heard such a sound before. My eyes were still closed, and I saw the image of a precious diamond. Yes, if a diamond could make a sound, this is what it would be like. I opened my eyes. The first light of dawn was filtering through the curtains. Without any thought, I felt, I knew, that there is infinitely more to light than we realize. That soft luminosity filtering through the curtains was love itself. Tears came into my eyes. I got up and walked around the room. I recognized the room, and yet I knew that I had never truly seen it before. Everything was fresh and pristine, as if it had just come into existence. I picked up things, a pencil, an empty bottle, marveling at the beauty and aliveness of it all. That day I walked around the city in utter amazement at the miracle of life on earth, as if I had just been born into this world. For the next five months, I lived in a state of uninterrupted deep peace and bliss. After that, it diminished somewhat in intensity, or perhaps it just seemed to because it became my natural state. I could still function in the world, although I realized that nothing I ever did could possibly add anything to what I already had.
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    Interesting, I had not prioritized reading this book, but will definitively do now, thank you for sharing!
• dreddd 5y ago
• oriettaxx 5y ago
  be aware of that "my terms": be sure it is really "your" and you do not fell in somebody's else "terms": I mean, it is so easy to think you are doing what "you" want while you are just obeying :) So, I would at the same time invest a log on how you choose: and I would add a "simplify" everywhere!
• slingnow 5y ago
  Sounds like you're finally ready to change the world!
• pif 5y ago
  The first one is gaining just enough money that I can ponder the meaning of life. The second one is pondering the meaning of life.
  • crate_barre 5y ago
    I’m mostly just interested in the first one. That peace of mind is peace, and that’s good enough value from the treasure trove of value from the meaning of life for me. “Money isn’t everything but not having it is” - Kanye
    • fundad 5y ago
      And justice is incredibly expensive
    • chasd00 5y ago
      Also, "money doesn't buy happiness but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes"
      • yetihehe 5y ago
        Money gives you freedom to pursue your happinness.
        • JackFr 5y ago
          Money gives you the illusion of freedom to pursue your happiness.
          • crate_barre 5y ago
            Then you to see the reality of misery with limited money.
      • dimitrios1 5y ago
        and, "I know everybody says money can't buy happiness, but it could buy me a boat, a truck to pull it, and a Yeti 110 iced down with some silver bullets"
• evancoop 5y ago
  “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.” ― Bob Dylan I aspire to this and to help others do the same.
  • dgb23 5y ago
    Reminds me a bit of: “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” ― Albert Camus
    • hugohamelcom 5y ago
      I love these two quotes!
• AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
  I'll let you know if I ever figure that out. In the mean time, I will die a lot sooner if I do not work a job I find no fulfillment in so I can afford to survive and do the things in life I don't hate doing.
• cosmiccatnap 5y ago
  I think many frequent users of HN should really consider this more. I'm glad you are enjoying Vue but it's also your kids 3rd birthday and your dad's 68th and neither of those things hit you as hard as transpiling some js? Priorities are lost in the hustle culture that silicon valley built and you are punished for not doing it constantly. It's toxic and we need to do better, there are more important things than a computer.
  • 52-6F-62 5y ago
    In this very thread there are people spouting pop-philosophical aphorisms who spend their working days building out machine learning algorithms to help target people in ads better. It's more than toxic, it's ailing. It's not just HN, it's the general inability of people to perceive themselves. These things are taught in the humanities, a field of study that's pretty poo-pooed in the tech world as nonsense. It's no surprise, especially when you can make such a great living targeting people in ads better, roping them into buying more useless crap by confusing their own personal philosophical journey while stumbling face-first into your own. Everyone has to face down the abyss at some point. Usually at many points. It's interesting to hear about the 'journey' from people who've spent their careers heaving people into that abyss (metaphorically speaking, of course)... I agree, though. If more people faced the reality that: they do not know why any of us are here, and that there is no rule that dictates tomorrow, that we didn't exist at one point and one day will die (and even further, how we figure we are at all extricable from our surroundings)... then I think people would make vastly different choices.
    • sjg007 5y ago
      That ML and those targeted ads may help identify a depressed teenager and help them get help. A lot of folks who are depressed, especially kids, do not know that they are. And many adults in their lives do not see it either.
      • 52-6F-62 5y ago
        Lol. I'm sorry, but that is not what is happening here. All one has to do is look around their world the past decade. But credit where credit is due—that's a new one. "Targeted ads are for saving lives" Come on, man. edit: For the record, I've been down that road. Drowning in cynical consumerism is not only not the answer, it's actively harmful to be awash in that much vampiric information. If you found help because of a chance encounter with an ad, I'm happy for you. The universe is a crazy place and good can most certainly come from bad (and the other way around). But my god man, those are not designed to help people—they are designed to extract maximum revenue at any cost—social, personal, or otherwise.
• bprasanna 5y ago
  We are nothing but a future memory in people's mind. So, even if we can make a difference in one person's life, that should be it. Well it would be nice to be on the good side of memory. To make memories we have to do something. Doing what we love and making an impact is a win-win. All the best.
• deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
• dimitrios1 5y ago
  To become one with God, through his commandments, mostly by loving, clothing, and feeding my neighbor. However, my performance is woefully inadequate. Luckily, my God is a loving God, and has me on a PIP, so hopefully we see some good progress with the time I have left.
  • nanna 5y ago
    A Pain In the Posterior?
    • thelittlenag 5y ago
      Aren't all gods?
    • kayodelycaon 5y ago
      Performance Improvement Plan.
    • dimitrios1 5y ago
      Funny enough, I have been dealing with sciatica for so long now, I am considering a career change!
  • uhtred 5y ago
    • throwaway4aday 5y ago
      Such an insipid argument. If we entertain the idea of a Creator and try to make logical sense of the world I think we'd find pretty quickly that it isn't as simple as "make suffering impossible". What does that mean? What are the constraints? A few solutions in no particular order: Don't create the world in the first place, attractive only to nihilists. Make cruelty on the part of humans impossible, easy to do without free will or choice, now we're all p-zombies with no internal life just forever going through the motions of existence. Make man immortal, static and unchanging. Might as well be an action figure on a shelf still sealed in the box. The world isn't perfect, neither is man but at least there is a world and we do exist and we have a choice as to how we treat each other. Everything that happens here is of our own doing, that is both terrifying and inspiring. Just don't try to use your own failings and that of man in general as a criticism of the concept of a God, the responsibility for our actions will always lie with us.
• bwaldrep 5y ago
  Remember O man that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return. Our work is important, but is not the only source of purpose, meaning, or identity.
• timcavel 5y ago
• rmellow 5y ago
  I find it very curious that the phrase "None of this matters!" can be simultaneously depressing and liberating, depending on who is reading. Understanding can't just be transmitted through words, and requires introspection. Congratulations on your epiphany! I optimize life for happiness. I try shape my life to enjoy the process like you said: good work-life balance, doing something that challenges me just enough on average, that I enjoy, with people I enjoy. I try to bring that to my teammates and actively contribute to a culture of zest for our profession at my job. Why? You're happier when surrounded by happy people. If you're surrounded by people doing the same, it's less likely for culture to change in a negative way. I mentor teammates and grad students. Helping others grow makes me happy, and especially during the pandemic it's been a good way to stay connected to others. There will always be rough moments, but there's no happiness without pain. It requires constant maintenance: keep yourself healthy, your mind stimulated, your body exercised, your social skills challenged. Make time to also stop and enjoy doing nothing.
  • JKCalhoun 5y ago
    > "None of this matters!" Getting into genealogy has made me realize what a small blip I am in the long stream of human endurance on this planet (and what is that compared to the age of the universe, of course?). Being nothing has given me some comfort from the fears of death/oblivion.
    • loa_in_ 5y ago
      On the other hand you're one of the first living in the information age, when entities truly bigger than people actually exist
  • ehnto 5y ago
    I once told my brother, who was suffering from anxiety, that "No one cares about you when you're out in public". I meant it in the liberating way I had come to know it, which is that no one is paying you the negative attention you think they are, because we're all pretty similar so we all blend in with the crowds. But my parents saw it as an insult. Different perspectives I suppose.
• barrucadu 5y ago
  My goal is a simple one: to just enjoy the life I have. I don't care about leaving behind a legacy, bettering the world, or becoming mind-bogglingly rich. But I do care that I never wake up in the morning and think "why am I doing this?" More concretely I'm working towards FIRE and would like to get a dog. After that, who knows? I'll decide when I get there.
  • golergka 5y ago
    This was my conclusion as well. "Enjoying your life" may seem self-indulgent to some at first. But then you realise that a normal human being has morality, desire to help others and build something built-in, and in order to enjoy life to the fullest you have no choice but to do those things as well.
    • the_common_man 5y ago
      To add : Normal human lives sustainably and cares about his ecosystem.
    • Sohcahtoa82 5y ago
      > "Enjoying your life" may seem self-indulgent to some at first. It is, but I dispute the idea that "self-indulgent" is inherently bad, as long as you're not hurting anybody.
  • Sohcahtoa82 5y ago
    I've always thought that the idea of wanting to leave behind a legacy was narcissistic. 99.99% of people are unremarkable and will be completely forgotten by everyone within 2 generations of their death. Acknowledge and accept it. > More concretely I'm working towards FIRE Same. Retire early, live the remainder of my life in leisure. Work on completing the massive backlog of games on Steam I've wanted to play but just don't have the time.
• pettycashstash2 5y ago
  I believe you've just summarized this guys philosophy....Here's a great way to live https://www.tiktok.com/@masood_boomgaard/video/6988551554286521601?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1 https://www.tiktok.com/@masood_boomgaard/video/6988551554286...
  • pettycashstash2 5y ago
    Another one I really enjoyed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8An2SxNFvmU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8An2SxNFvmU
• bjelkeman-again 5y ago
  Good! For me it is working on stuff, that others seem too think is too hard, that make a difference. The last few years it is about improved food production systems. Tight nutrient loops with better food, in every aspect, as the end result. It seems to be working too.
  • jacknews 5y ago
    Please tell. I'm also interested, in the grand-scheme intellectual side, but also in the practical side, particularly where it's applicable to smallholders in 'developing' nations.
    • bjelkeman-again 5y ago
      Heart of the system is aquaponics. Fish and veg in closed water loop. Some internal waste from the plants, plus wheat bran, become food for insect larvae. They make up to 40% of the fish feed. We complement the feed with locally grown mussels, which take nutrients back from the sea, into the system. Instead of a nutrient loop that stretches across half the world (for example phosphor from Morocco to Brazil, chop down rainforest to grow soy, soy to fish feed for Norwegian salmon, dump the excess nutrients in the sea), we can create a local/regional nutrient loop, with extremely little leakage to the ecosystem. It will look different for a smallholder in a poorer country, you have to research, but I think it did possible there too.
• newbamboo 5y ago
  I want to become danG. It’s the all about the journey.
• someelephant 5y ago
  My main focus used be purposeful work as well. Now I'm more focused on doing things that make me feel good such as traveling, socializing and exercising. Since work is no longer my main focus, I work a lot less and enjoy my work a lot more.
• mafalda 5y ago
  As a trans person, I've spent most of my life wandering, evading some kind of self-loneliness. But in the last two years I've started comprehending that is not only about the way we spend our time, but also how we use our body-mind credit too. Living as much about the present as it is about the future. So it is important to understand that overworking today may impact your mental health tomorrow. With this in mind, the one thing for me is peace of mind. I want to have a nice live and enjoy the world around me in a healthy way. Giving my best to ensure that it not only does apply to me, but apply to people around me. I really do not care if this means improving a banking system do deliver better prices to clients, cooking or teaching people. If I can excel and do some good, it is valid.
  • 9wzYQbTYsAIc 5y ago
    > it is important to understand that overworking today may impact your mental health tomorrow That is so true. I find it helpful to go into situations like that with the cognizance that my main reason to do extra work now are to do less work later (spending a little extra time double checking work, for example, might make you stay an hour or two later for a while, but the return comes when you spend less time fixing bugs or responding to production issues). Not nearly as helpful to be working extra simply because a business operates as a skeleton crew, for example.
• skeeter2020 5y ago
  First, I recognize that the opportunity for this sort of focus is an incredibly rare and selfish privilege. Very few people are afforded to opportunity to not be all-consumed with just surviving. I'm not saying it's bad or that we should feel guilty, just that it is very important to recognize the reality and be thankful. Second, I focus on two things: riding bikes and building stuff. I stay on track by examining the artifacts produced, but focus on the act of doing. Progress encourages practice.
  • fullstackchris 5y ago
    Definitely. Part of this priviledge should truly be sharing your knowledge and helping others in need. It's almost a given in my book.
• ljloisnflwef 5y ago
  The majority of my life has been out of my hands or control. So it doesn't feel like "my life", rather on a ride I can't get off or interface with. For me to find value in something, it should grant at minimal autonomy.
  • mod 5y ago
    The only real rules are those the universe provides. We may not get to choose our place in the cosmos, but on our own planet? You have autonomy here.
    • xboxnolifes 5y ago
      Most people have a choice to die instead of working, but most people would also not consider that a choice.
  • JKCalhoun 5y ago
    I wonder how much that is "in your head"?
• ChrisMarshallNY 5y ago
  > Basically, I want to grow old doing what I love, not feeling that I am working. That’s where I’m at, now. I was forced into that, but, after a few years, I’ll admit it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m not rich; and likely never will be, but I’m going to be fine. I was considering working for another ten years, and adding more to a pile, but it would have cost me my soul. This was made quite clear to me, when I started interviewing, after leaving my previous job, of almost 27 years. Many companies were openly hostile and insulting; right out of the starting gate, and I found that I inevitably ran into at least one person, in subsequent interviews, that started the bullying. I’m pretty much certain that it’s because I’m older, although it may also be the zeitgeist of today’s tech working culture. Made it clear, that, even if the company hired me, they would be treating me with disrespect. So I took my toys and went home. Very grateful to have the means to do so. And I’ve gotten used to setting my own agenda, without insecure middle managers or cow orkers crapping all over my work. I never stopped “working.” In fact, I’ve “worked” harder in the last four years, than I ever did, when I was earning a paycheck. But it barely feels like work. I plan to keep "working" until the day I pop my clogs. The coroner will need to rub "YTЯƎWϘ" off my cheek.
  • HL33tibCe7 5y ago
    > cow orker A bovine creature from Orkney? :)
    • ChrisMarshallNY 5y ago
      Scott Adams (Dilbert) joke.
  • ehnto 5y ago
    > Many companies were openly hostile and insulting; right out of the starting gate, and I found that I inevitably ran into at least one person, in subsequent interviews, that started the bullying. I'm not particularly old (30s) and I am noticing that maybe not the people, but the workplaces are becoming hostile and condescending. Perhaps software divas have earned us the kickback, but it's been enlightening in that it's clear I need to make sure my life and my contentment outside of work is what I'm building up, as that will come with me no matter what I'm doing. Things that won't be affected if I quit tomorrow include: My fitness achievements, skills on the bike, progress into learning game development, progress into teaching myself a new spoken language, personal relationships, cooking skills... You get the picture. If you lay it all on the line for work, then you have everything to lose at every job.
• gualang 5y ago
  add value and life of service comes to mind. enjoy oneself, do no harm. Be well.
• Randolf_Scott 5y ago
  As long as you are obeying the law, then do whatever you think is necessary. No one wants to clean up a mess caused by a 'free spirit'.
  • amelius 5y ago
    Please also do not actively seek the limits of the law.
  • mod 5y ago
    What kinds of messes are you even referring to, out of curiosity? The post is about a man who wants to do meaningful work, so I'm missing the leap to "messes."
    • Randolf_Scott 5y ago
      Many people have good intentions, but then in their emotional tantrums cause by their zeal, they will forget that law and order exists and will inevitably do more harm than good. So anyone that has ideas of going their own path, should temper it lawfully.
• slfnflctd 5y ago
  Being useful without over compromising, and continuing to reduce the suffering I cause in others or myself. Constantly improving the balance of self medications I can't seem to tolerate this grim world without. That's plenty.
• jf22 5y ago
  It's funny that learning to live life on my own terms has had the opposite effect on me. I pursue leisure and hobbies instead of building solutions or innovating.
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    For sure, we're 2 different people. To me, building things and improving things is my leisure and hobby. I find pleasure in having these small success and accomplishments.
• kyoob 5y ago
  Making people smile. I'm a funny, creative guy. I feel like I'm called to help other people enjoy their lives in whatever way I can. I did improv and sketch comedy for a long time and made a lot of people laugh. I work in the games industry and even when my work feels tedious or far removed from the end product, I can close my laptop at the end of every working day content that I did my part to bring a little joy to someone else's world. When I got married I put it in my vows that I'd make my partner laugh out loud at least once a day. As long as I stick to my word, it helps our relationship a lot.
• aronowb14 5y ago
  I wrote this back when I was 18, in response to the question “what kind of life do you want to live?” but I always come back to it. Something about it still resonates with me. “What kind of life do you want to live?” “A life full of color. I couldnt bear to have a boring life: I want my days to be full of joy and pain and laughter and success and failure and broken hearts and love. To be honest I don’t care where I end up, I just want to look back and smile at a life I painted with all the colors I could find.”
  • parthvader 5y ago
    This touched my heart.
  • durnygbur 5y ago
    Surely you didn't have to pay the rent and insurances back then.
  • frontman1988 5y ago
    How has that worked out for you?
    • aronowb14 5y ago
      honestly, not too bad :). I don't really use it as a "follow this as a guiding design pattern" piece of advice, but I think the philosophy is really useful when dealing with relationships with people, and taking risks in life. Over the past years, thinking "how will I aestheticize my life" has led me to some really interesting + fulfilling relationships and let me experience a lot of life. Sure, I have gotten burnt quite a few times, but in hindsight I regret nothing. I think the pain and joy and people I've met from just putting myself out there have given me a lot of perspective on life. That being said, I'm getting to the age where I think I'm ready to settle down a bit: this philosophy I think is most useful if you're young or lost and also don't have much responsibility.
  • 0xcoffee 5y ago
    My past idea of happiness assumed that happiness was a default emotion that would always be available, as long as your worked hard enough for it. As I got older, less and less things give me emotional response. Even love and heartbreak are patterns I recognize and don't give the rush they used to. For me it simply comes down to, 'help the next generation live in a better world' Take away the self, it's already experienced everything it needs to.
• barrenko 5y ago
  Eh.. In the end it's one of those "chop wood, carry water" situations. Big emotions are only useful for a while.
  • purplerabbit 5y ago
    Counterpoint: I had a life changing emotional experience 8.5 years ago and it’s still a central part of both my drive and my system of values
    • slothtrop 5y ago
      the emotion is, or what you learned from that time?
  • ehnto 5y ago
    Melancholy but I appreciate the angle, there are certainly portions of life that for me would have benefitted from this mentality.
• firstplacelast 5y ago
  I finally made it to a point that I have no debt and racked up a considerable savings over the pandemic. I quit my job a couple months ago (have a side consulting gig that pays 80% of my expenses for minimal hours) and I have been loving it. I’m so busy! In the past week I have been working on perfecting a French omelette, started sprouting some heirloom seeds for a patio garden, hosted a dinner party, going on hikes/back in the gym. Previous two weeks I went to a few different cities to see old friends (one I grew up with and we had not even spoken for almost 8 years). I do fine financially, but will never be rich by my own hard work. Maybe I’ll get lucky, but I can’t control that. I don’t know if it is age or the pandemic, but I am very committed to living better now. I am doubling down on healthy measures, working out and being outside more, eating better, and getting away from drinking (took 3 months sober last year and about to go into another 1-2 months sober before summer). I am making an effort to connect and see old friends and especially family. Lots of phone calls and trips when it works out. I was just on the phone with a sibling for 3.5 hours last night, which was wonderful. I am splurging on gifts and experiences for family/friends to spread some joy around. I have thrown out a huge chunk of my wardrobe and have been updating that, I’m sick of wearing jeans and a T-shirt and want to feel/look great everyday (I’ve spent about 20k in the last 6 months on awesome clothes/shoes). The one thing for me right now is people. I’ve missed them. I want to feel great about myself and I want to be with people. Talk to them, enjoy them, help them. “Work” outside of being around people I love will only be for money right now. Don’t want to innovate or care or solve problems for anyone else’s bottom line. I’m still young enough that I can see this approach to life changing in 2-5 years, but right now I just want to be with and appreciate the many people in my life I have or had great relationships with.
  • atuladhar 5y ago
    If you don't mind my asking, what is your side consulting gig? Is it in software?
    • firstplacelast 5y ago
      Yes, in software. More data science related. Only got it because an old boss of mine reached out to me to do some side work.
• siskiyou 5y ago
  I was lucky enough to stop working in 2019 at age 49. I decided I would rather volunteer for charities that work on poverty, using my second set of technical skills (bicycle repair). I wish I had more opportunities, but it's been a lot more fun than "working". To start, I set a target of delivering more value than the amount of money I was donating to poverty-related charities while I was getting paychecks. Secondary goal is to train others to replace my volunteer labor after I am gone.
• purplerabbit 5y ago
  The ultimate value is creating possibility in the world. Possible futures branch out from us like trees. It is the purpose of our lives to nurture the forest that includes our selves and other living systems
• fsociety 5y ago
  My terms of living are to become a craftsman at what I do, use that skill to improve the mess that the internet is today, and then to teach others. We will see if I end up burning out before I reach the end, but as I get older I become better at managing my life and sticking to my principles.
• AlwaysRock 5y ago
  Life is short. Find things you enjoy doing. People you enjoy spending time with. Do those things. Spend time with those people. There very may well be some greater meaning of life but I know this one makes me happy and that is all one can really ask for in life.
• silisili 5y ago
  Spending time with family, helping others, or just doing anything I really enjoy. I came to a similar realization about 5 years ago. I was very much a work all the time, climb climb guy. It only took a series of panic attacks and subsequent health anxiety to change all of that. I realized if I'd died nobody would really even remember me or my works, and all my savings (not rich, btw) were for naught. Luckily, the panic/anxiety subsided, but the self reflection lessons did not. I find myself being a lot more selfless - giving time, effort, or money to people who deserve it, and work way, way less. I'm happy, but I'll never be rich and definitely won't be retiring early.
• jriddle567 5y ago
  I used to want this. To do what I like. But when I do that long enough, I get bored. I am now growing into the business side of technological improvement and although sometimes I hate what I do, I learn something new very often and in the end I am making these small and big changes and get credits I used to get rarely. I feel proud even though some of the work is just project administration.
• jconley 5y ago
  I also enjoy the art of creating something from nothing and improving people's lives. Observing systems and taking a different angle on things than others have done in the past. I've been lucky enough to be able to do this through my work for most of my life, but there have been compromises to live comfortably. Perhaps when my kids are old enough to take care of themselves I'll give up more material things and get back to the pure state of contributing to humanity without thinking about the financial incentives of doing so. E.g. Would love to bring joy to people by making a game without thoughts of optimizing monetization. Or form a non-profit in various areas. Or spend years on open source software solving big hairy problems. But for now I'd rather the kids eat well, be able to travel the country for sports, and enjoy a comfortable life.
• FinanceAnon 5y ago
  I've never heard of Alex Hormozi, but from googling it looks like he is a typical youtube guru selling scam courses on how to get rich. Seriously, I wouldn't listen to anything that he says.
  • cfcosta 5y ago
    I wouldn't say he's "one of the good ones" or anything like that. His currency is attention and trustworthiness, and that's what brings him good deals (he owns a VC firm), and his strategy is being brutally honest, even if sometimes a little bit cynical. Everyone seems to be aware of this trade, and I think he might have mentioned it at least once. He doesn't have any programs or paid courses, his book is free.
  • kentlyons 5y ago
    He totally is a sales guy. But his is clearly wicked smart. He has also had a good deal of self made success rather early in life. Beyond that, he also has a rather interesting perspective - not that interesting is enough to warrant following of course. I'd suggest watching the podcasts he did not too long ago with Graham Stephan. I'm not sure I'd follow what he says, but his perspectives are thought provoking.
• m3kw9 5y ago
  To be real in between the love what you do and obstacles, there will be everything in between love and hate where you won’t necessarily like at all. It boils back down to feel like you are working. It’s a whole new experience but in a rhymed manner to “office work”. You will also have a whole new set of problems regarding self control and accountability that was baked in the office setting, but you will need to implement on your own.
• thenerdhead 5y ago
  I've went through that journey over the last 5 years. My calling is writing. I write here on HN to help validate my ideas and perspectives where I include them in my books and persona online. In the meantime, I'm working on FIRE as a means to allow myself to do just that. Financial freedom has always been my first goal, because it allows me to have the true autonomy I need to fulfill my passions/mission.
• RobertRoberts 5y ago
  I chose to focus on the truth of everything, as I was surrounded by delusions and lies. (odd family and relationship/religion stuff) This allows me to say "why are we/I doing this?" to nearly everything in my life. But also it forces me to answer the questions I don't want to face too. (why am I treating my body so poorly by X action? What will happen if I can't stop doing this?) Just this morning dealing with 20+ year unresolved relationship communication issues... I was able to just say "can I have Y?" from my spouse and she said yes. But also I said "I feel like I am guessing what you want with Z, do you know what you want and are you waiting for me to guess?" And she said "I actually don't know what I want with Z." I was able to say "That's good, because if you did know and we wasted 20 years more of me just guessing, that would be a lot of wasted time you not getting what you want, and it would make me feel pretty bad about this. And you just saying 'I don't know' means we get to figure it out together, which can be great." Pure freedom, but it still only comes in moments despite my earth shattering experiences from the past, so you still have to work at it to keep it.
• nautilius 5y ago
  Would you mind sharing how old you are? I've had several similar transitions, and I'd be curious how that compares.
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    I'm approaching 30, and I've been doing inner work for the last 2 years. I still don't feel perfect about everything, as there's a lot of "inner demons" that are creeping in all the time, but it's a work in progress. I can finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I was starting to forget who I truly was but the inner work help, and slowly the fog is starting to dissipate and I can finally start to see more and more.
    • nautilius 5y ago
      Thank you for sharing! I had a similar path around that age.
• carlgreene 5y ago
  How old are you OP? Just because I'd like to compare myself with you ;). I really struggle with this and have yet to have the "click". I feel maybe I've been doing a bit better as I've gotten older (32 now), but still nowhere close where I want to be - both in terms of mentally letting go and objectively where I want to end up. The problem I really struggle with is the dichotomy of the two in my head. One part of me wants to be a "success". Professionally for me the score is kept with money. If it's in terms of my hobbies/other pursuits it's becoming somewhat known in those fields. However mentally success for me means being content...which contradicts those things in most ways and in my head they act as the destination for being content. If anyone has any advice on how you've managed this I'd greatly appreciate hearing about it
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    We're around the same age, I'm approaching 30, and I've been doing inner work for the last 2 years. And don't worry, I still not feel perfect about everything, as there's a lot of "inner demons" that are creeping in all the time, but it's a work in progress, and I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I was basically trying to fit in the mold of how business has become and I had forgotten who I truly was. Just keep doing the inner work, and slowly the fog start to dissipate and you finally start to see more and more.
  • kirso 5y ago
    Have been pondering a lot about this. There is no answer. Only the answer to yourself and your preferences but the question is: "Do you want success?" or "It is expected of you to be successful". Google "Cosmic theory of insignificance" by Oliver Burkeman and listen to 20m it will explain the concept that all your success is basically meaningless and its a good thing.
• ganzuul 5y ago
  I am disappointed with the pathetic level of realization on this plane of existence, its forgettable plans, and limited ambition. I spit on these worms, barely worthy of sentience for what they do with it. There is no unity, sense of purpose, or desire to know the absolute. There is not even meta-science worthy of the name. So, I am holding creation itself hostage until Elder things align with my demands. Demonstrate basic competence or this is it for this experiment called 'being'. Realize what you are, or leave existence to those who are worthy. To be or not to be, that is the question.
• leto_ii 5y ago
  Here's a question that goes out to everybody: what happens if what you love can't bring you money? Either because it's not lucrative in the capitalist world, or because you won't be able to get good enough at it (e.g. you fell in love with the violin at age 45)...
  • toto444 5y ago
    Do it on your free time because you love it. What's wrong with playing the violin at 45? Find a job with a good work life balance and make the most out of your free time.
  • 52-6F-62 5y ago
    Love has nothing to do with money. If you truly love something, you'll commit to it anyway. Otherwise, there's probably something you love more. I recommend consulting the poets, and in particular, John Prine.
• taylodl 5y ago
  I enjoy making things - whether it be software or music. My day-to-day life choices are such that maximize my time I may engage in these activities. With regards to being scared/worried about things - there's absolutely no point worrying about things that are outside of your control. None. All that can do is produce anxiety. Will Putin decide to start WWIII? I don't know. Will it impact my life if he does? Yes! Absolutely! Is there anything I can do about it? No! So I don't worry about it. That's an extreme example, but you'll find there's lots of things that are completely outside of your control. So don't worry about them.
• markus_zhang 5y ago
  Alas I still haven't figured out that one thing in my life and I'm already one leg in my sarcophagus. Guess I won't be able to solve it but whatever.
• rsendv 5y ago
  Instantly reminded of Steve Jobs’ commencement speech <https://youtu.be/UF8uR6Z6KLc https://youtu.be/UF8uR6Z6KLc>
• slothtrop 5y ago
  The language used suggests to me a possible cycle of ennui -> "a-ha" moments of emotional investment -> confusion as to why having rationalized a purpose doesn't lead to consistent gratification, or uncertainty over said purpose -> "what is my purpose?". Repeat. What you specified as something you love are abstractions, removed from the action/labor. There are many jobs that solve problems, there are many ways to innovate. You can try to convince yourself that x or y should feel meaningful because "it does something important", but that works both ways - you can just as easily think "none of this seems important at all". Ultimately, I don't think you can rationalize work as being meaningful - it just feels meaningful. Rationalizing it works temporarily (like in those "ah-ha" self-motivating moments), but not lastingly. If you were told that pressing a red button all day would save lives, would it feel meaningful? Next question: do you enjoy being at a desk writing code and shipping products? I think we need to look to our daily actions and behavior, get closer to the metal. What this reveals to me is that there is probably a broad range of labor I could find meaning in, and certain conditions really make or break enjoyment. Meaning is sensory to me, it's a question of achieving "flow" states. You could try to recalibrate things at your leisure too: get more social validation, get more exercise, work with your hands as a hobby, volunteer if you enjoy it - whatever is lacking.
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    I love that framework! I definitively agree that I could be more specific, and overall, my pleasure is in building things and improving things. Independently of what it is, from coding to manual work. I simply love having these small success and accomplishments.
• ThinkBeat 5y ago
  That is a kumbaya care bear concept. If you are in a tiny percentile of people who can do that, you are most blessed and prlivliged. A member of the neo aristocracy. (Or you are skilled at deceiving yourself.) That "doing what you love" intersects with "what will get paid for" is rare as well. For the vast majority of people working is a nessescary evil to survive. If they made such a choice they would starve. If they are lucky they try to find small things that makes it better. All the major global religions have teachigns that life is suffering. (exactly how you will suffer, why and how varies more) Not getting to do what you want in order to surive has been around for a very long time. Currently I want to a be a philosopher. That would be me doing what I currently love. There is nobody dumb enough to pay me to do so. Esp. since I have no academic background, no credentials, I have not devoted my life from an early age to absorb thousands of years of teachings and writing. I am a neophyte at the very bottom rung. I can play around once my work for the day is over and write uneducated rants on the Internet trying to force a semi captive audience to read the garbage I type out. "The I only want to do what I love" is the new "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" [1] A different way to get there, or at least closer to it, is to go through something so drastically awful that whatever you do subsequently will be better. Every since I left the army, I try to be thankful for a roof over my head, a bed (dry bed), a shower and dry clean clothes. The rest are bonuses. To clarify being in the army is nowhere close to an objective "drastically awful". but it was a taste. [1] WIKIPEDIA: """ "Let them eat cake" is the traditional translation of the French phrase "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche",[1] said to have been spoken in the 17th or 18th century by "a great princess" upon being told that the peasants had no bread. The French phrase mentions brioche, a bread enriched with butter and eggs, considered a luxury food. The quote is taken to reflect either the princess's frivolous disregard for the starving peasants or her poor understanding of their plight."""
  • em-bee 5y ago
    what is a philosopher? someone who attempts to understand fundamental aspects of our life. but how can you understand life if you don't live it yourself? so, yes, you have to work to make a living, but understanding the point of that should inform your research into philosophy. if you spend all day studying the works of other philosophers then all you are doing is rearranging the findings of others without producing anything new. to produce something new you need to have a genuine source of your own life experience. so instead of looking at your current day job as something preventing you from doing what you love, use it as a resource that enables you to do what you love.
• Sohcahtoa82 5y ago
  > I've spent my whole life trying to find my purpose I've always been puzzled at how so many people expect to find "purpose". Nobody has "purpose". You weren't placed on Earth for a reason. You only exist due to the luck of your parents getting laid. And quite frankly, 99.9% of the population will be unremarkable, even if you restrict that 99.9% to first-world countries. I don't expect to have an impact on the world or even get my own Wikipedia page that doesn't immediately get taken down for not being notable. > Basically, I want to grow old doing what I love, not feeling that I am working. Not to pry, but I'm curious how much money you have. This is an easy decision to make once the stock options you earned at a startup make you a multimillionaire once they go public and you not longer have to work to earn a living. Much harder for someone stuck working minimum wage at two jobs 60 hours/week just to pay the rent. > More specially what that means is: building solutions that solve problems (help people) and improve how things are being done (innovate). Ah, the old "Making the world a better place" trope that the show Silicon Valley made fun of. ... God dammit when did I become such a cynic.
  • rilezg 5y ago
    If you believe you will be unremarkable and do nothing interesting, you will be right. 99.9% of people may be unremarkable to you, but I would say that 99.9% of people are remarkable to someone. Purpose does not mean fame and fortune. And for those who live your lives based on statistics: Remember, you are a sample size of 1.
  • rhn_mk1 5y ago
    Everyone's a hero of their own story. People want to be important and acknowledged. Having no impact on others means an eternal lack of acknowledgement. That drives people to have a purpose, I think.
  • brightstep 5y ago
    Sometimes (maybe most of the time) being a cynic is wholly justified.
    • tonyedgecombe 5y ago
• deleted 5y ago
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• Damogran6 5y ago
  I'm pretty happy having reached that point after burning out at a job I was laid off from. There were several times in my life where I thought "I need to make some changes or I'll never grow...and I think a lot of people talk themselves out of things that could make their life better (more income, more personal time, better boundaries from people that are harmful, insert your desire here)... And while you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, I ALSO wonder if I was successful, because I was smart enough to be successful. I did well enough in school, I was good enough at networking, I was smart enough to recognize patterns. I feel like it's not my place to say "You! You can do it! Go take life by the horns!"....because what if the person receiving that advice is a moron? Then I'd have guilt.
• AnimalMuppet 5y ago
  "Living life on your terms" isn't binary. It's fine to try to live life more on your terms. There are limits to how much you can do so, though. "Doing what you love" may not pay the bills. You can find something that pays the bills that you love more than what you're doing now. For example, if your thing is ballet, you may not be able to make a living at it. But you may be able to fit more of it in your life than you do now. It gets worse when you want multiple things. If I want my dream job and a relationship with this other person, depending on how demanding my dream job is, I may not be able to have both (or have all of both). And then you can just be in the wrong place or time. People in Ukraine don't get to live life on their terms right now. So we often don't get to live life on our terms. And yet, we often can choose to life life more on our terms than we currently are, especially in terms of jobs. And a job that you enjoy doing is much less of a drag than a job that you hate.
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    That's a really good perspective, thank you for the addition, it was quite valuable.
• Smithy1 5y ago
  My purpose is focusing on my spiritual path. 1)meditation 2)spiritual reading 3)spiritual practices: mantras and the like I don't do this for any "reward" but for its own sake. I acknowledge that my "eventual" goal is the return to God. That concept assumes reincarnation. I can't think of any other activity I can "take with me." I do it for the love of it.
• Smithy1 5y ago
  My purpose is focusing on my spiritual path. 1)meditation 2)spiritual reading 3)spiritual practices: mantras and the like I don't do this for any "reward" but for its own sake. I acknowledge that my "eventual" goal is the return to God. That concept assumes reincarnation. I can't think of any other activity I can "take with me." I do it for the love of it. This is an emphasis on the world of the soul rather than the personality.
• dkural 5y ago
  I find that this sense of dissatisfaction a lot of people have is in large due to lack of wider social connection or meaning. Finding purpose outside of yourself, not limited only to self-enjoyment will often provide connection well into old age, and due to the purpose itself being meaningful, can continue as mentorship, community participation etc. Atomized individuals ultimately often feel lonely as time goes on.
• p0d 5y ago
  Trying to live my life the way Jesus taught. I believe life and work have purpose. I think we should work hard and enjoy what we have. Not compare ourselves to others as you say. I don't think death is the end. I think my work is to help look after this rock and contribute to society. I think I need some framework beyond my own head to make sense of life, work and death. As a younger man I would have said I have faith in Jesus and what's the harm if I am wrong? I don't think like this anymore. I have journeyed with the teachings of Jesus for 30 years and look forward to meeting the man himself.
  • crossingTime 5y ago
    As a scientist and programmer, everything to me points to a creator. Obviously every person has a different set of options, and some people have no options. I think most people that aren't following Jesus are already following "I decided that I must live my life on my terms." OP has just decided that they want to choose a different direction of what they are choosing to do in this life. I believe the true purpose is to glorify God and share the gospel of Jesus Christ with others. I've gone through cancer and lost children. Pain is thankfully only temporary. I believe the joy of God is eternal and most people will not find joy/happiness outside of this in their lifetime.
    • p0d 5y ago
      Your comment touched on something which was on my mind when I was writing my own comment. The problem of pain and suffering. A lot of modern 'success' thinking does not consider the difficulties of life. I am inspired that you have remained true to your beliefs having battled, lost so much. A dear 40yr old friend died of cancer last year leaving behind his wife and 3 little girls under 10. He was one of the best men I knew. His work colleagues spoke at his funeral of how good a man he was. A man who never lost his temper and clients requested him as he was so well respected. I hope at my own funeral similar will be true.
• gerbilly 5y ago
  The problem isn't so much with work, which many people have mentioned, it's with careers. The most famous quote, might be from Into the Wild: "Careers are a twentieth century invention." I'm aware that this quote isn't entirely accurate, but I think it makes a good point. Most people didn't have careers in past centuries, and those that did were from the upper classes. Careers as diplomats, military officers etc. I think the biggest mistake that we made as workers is to buy the lie that we must all have a career, and always be moving up. I think careers are something we got sold on, and it was an easy sell because having a career as opposed to a job is a status symbol. It seems similar to the escalation in weddings. People used to get married at the church and then have people over at the house for a wedding lunch, and that was it. Low expense, people still got to see each other and celebrate together. But over time we let ourselves get sold on the idea that upper class weddings are the proper way to do things, with the big expensive reception, the games with the cakes, and the fancy clothes you wear once. TLDR: People want to imitate the rituals of the upper classes. Having careers and seeking advancement is another example of that. Just like expensive weddings, it can lead to immiseration for no good reason. PS: If you are in tech, one good alternative to a corporate career is to be a freelancer. You can take contracts, work out their term and either sign up for another term, or leave a gap between and go traveling. As a contractors you can also remain neutral regarding office politics.
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    100%, that's a really good point of view that I had almost forgotten about. It's a bit like the Ikijai in Okinawa (Japan) where the concept of being retired doesn't exist. It's a concept that we've been sold to.
• nunez 5y ago
  honestly at this point in my life i'd be happy to have a consistent 11am-5pm workday. i hate hate HATE getting up before 9am.
• rzazueta 5y ago
  I'm with you. I was unemployed through most of 2020, due partially to the corruption at the highest levels of a company I was working for in 2019 (you've heard of them) and then due to the response many companies had during the initial days of the pandemic to stop hiring and circle the wagons. I was left with a lot of free time on my hands, during which I began questioning everything. I think I'm on the other side of all that now. I don't have "one thing" I have three, and I think it;s the same three things every person wants: * To be well loved * To be well fed * To be well rested All of the complicated things we're told we should want fall into those three buckets. We want a good job that pays well so we can not worry about where our next meal will come from (well fed), nor where we will sleep for the night (well rested). We want to buy things or do things to impress other people and gain their attention (to be well loved). All of these are easily hacked by moneyed interests who turn your simple needs into a complex arrangement that makes them richer on your efforts. The system we live in is designed explicitly this way, and the people at the top continue to pass laws and policies and set social expectations through their control of mass media to keep this system in place because it benefits them. It sounds wildly conspiratorial, but it's also obviously and provably 100% true, even if the perpetrators themselves don't believe it - and I would argue many think they are actually doing the right thing while conveniently ignoring the damage they cause. So my new primary goal is to focus my efforts not on improving the lives of some faceless investors who already have more money than anyone needs, and to instead focus my efforts on the people who matter - myself and the communities that support me and which I support in kind. This means my family, my neighbors, and the people in my city - "the people that we meet each day" - must become a higher priority for my attention and actions. But it also means supporting other communities - like the developer community, the open source community, and the gardening community, etc. - that I gain value from. Ultimately, it all leads to taking control of my life in a way that sees me selecting who and what I interact with based on my values and how these communities support one another. I no longer trust companies to take proper care of their employees - they are all focused on getting the most work for the lowest cost and passing the difference as profit to investors who add zero value to the company. But you can't operate in this messed up system without money, so I still need to sell my time to people. Instead, I consult for a few companies at a time for an agreed-upon sum up front. I'm fortunate to be in a position to have knowledge and experience that these companies are willing to pay such a premium for, but I designed my career that way so... it was somewhat expected. I'm still struggling with the sense that I "must work for 8 hours a day" and "be at my desk to be responsive to my supervisors". I've only been doing this for a year and that's still a struggle. But I do find the time to go out and work in my garden every day while the sun is still shining. My son's school has degraded to a point where I no longer see the value in his attendance there (they keep cutting things to the bone) so we'll be returning to homeschooling in the fall. This time around, though, I will be able to be more involved instead of relying on my poor wife to handle the load on her own while I gallivant across the globe for my job. My plan is to set aside two hours a day for one on one instruction with my son on a variety of topics, to try and reignite a love of learning in him that has been all but extinguished by academic bureaucracy. I can't change the world. But I can change my world.
• CrzyLngPwd 5y ago
  I hope it all works out for you. The only purpose to life is to live. "How to live" is the hardest part.
• thelastinuit 5y ago
  dyson sphere... as crazy as it sounds. that's it.
• kkfx 5y ago
  I think I'm living to live, not for any special purpose, but I want to do various things, so create not one but various purposes, one is enjoy my life, of course, but it's not the only. One is live something behind me, something future generations might benefit from, because all living being want to live better and that's not an easy thing, a generation after another progress potentially can improve life etc. However I'm not really "totally free", I live in a society, I depend on many others (for instance for food, industrial products, services, ...) so my freedom is limited by others freedoms, my will is limited by others will and to live all well matching individual agenda is not easy but we need to find a balance. That's is. Unfortunately our life cycle is far shorter than social cycle so if we born in a bad era we have to go through it, but that's do not means avoid living a life just because there is something to do, the key is finding a good balance and probably it demand the entire life keeping adjusting the aim.
• xyzzy21 5y ago
  Good for you. This is a wonderful milestone of self-reflection. Some people NEVER make it. Best of luck!
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    Thank you, truly appreciate it :)
• yoyonamite 5y ago
  True liberation is non-attachment. By attaching yourself to doing something that you love, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Is this really what I love? Is my solution actually helping anyone? Will I have to make compromises to better monetize my solution? I've been working on this project for a year and don't feel like I've made a meaningful innovation. Some people go down this path and everything works out well but not everyone.
  • hugohamelcom 5y ago
    That's definitively a good perspective, and a great reminder!
• 8bitsrule 5y ago
  No argument with the wisdom in those words. Be vigilant in protecting your choices. Events and misunderstandings will arise at inopportune times, mistakes will be made. Moments will test our resolve, try to confuse us, to throw us off-balance. Move aside, then regain the course.
• mapster 5y ago
  We spend our prime decades unhappy that we are piddling away the amazing life we have. There’s a sadness and a truth there.