4 ms·

It feels to me like your initial intuition was right - they are being jerks/babies and they aren't respecting the decisions their past selves have made. I went

It feels to me like your initial intuition was right - they are being jerks/babies and they aren't respecting the decisions their past selves have made. I went through a phase of tongue-in-cheek "quantum planning", wherin I would give my friends a percentage on any plan I was invited to. So if I was asked to dinner I might just say "60%". Needless to say this didn't go down very well with people. There is a value to your word, and yes, it is more prevalent in closer-knit communities than in bigger cities, but I think that's because the cost of ditching a "friend" in a big city is much lower - after all there a plenty more potential friends to be had. But in my opinion someone who habitually breaks plans is giving a clear indication that they don't value their word and don't value the person they break plans with.

mgkimsal 5y ago
Might be something to do with LA (and possibly other large urban/metro areas) but possibly something more to do with 'school'. Even at a university level, people are still kids or young adults, don't have many connections, don't really understand the impact of their actions, reputation, etc. ) I saw this sort of "yeah/maybe/cancel" behaviour amongst some portion of peers back in my university days, but even then, it wasn't everyone, or even most people in my circles. It was known poor behaviour then. We tolerated things a bit more because... no mobile phones, no email, etc. If you weren't there, you weren't there, but often didn't have a good way to let someone know you had to cancel ahead of time (but you'd check your answering machine timestamp to verify!).
- madrox 5y ago
  This was true of my life in SF as well post college. I suspect it’s universal of life for young single people in cities. Looking back, if I had to diagnose it, I’d say it had to do with a compulsion to stay busy coupled with overcommitting to the point of social burnout. Kinda like how children get cranky when they don’t get their nap but don’t believe they’re tired until they fall over.
- jonnycomputer 5y ago
  You might be right about that. I left LA after graduating.
nlh 5y ago
BTW I kinda love your quantum planning approach. It's honest and accurate! If you're 50/50 on going to something, be transparent and tell others that. If they don't like it, that's on them, not you.
- alar44 5y ago
  But that's not how planning works. I want to know how many people to expect. I want to know if you're coming or not so I can plan accordingly. If someone just said 50/50 without any kind of reasoning or explanation, I'd say OK forget about it then.
- Spinnaker_ 5y ago
  It's terrible behaviour. Flip it around: "Hey, would you like to come to a dinner party at my house on Saturday. There's a 50/50 chance that I'll turn you away at the door." Don't make your indecisiveness other people's burden.
  - nlh 5y ago
    Ok totally fair! This does not work for dinner party planning. I was thinking more as an answer to “hey are you going to this party on Saturday?”
- lostcolony 5y ago
  Honest, maybe, but not transparent. "I've got a pretty busy day that day and am not sure I can make it" - transparent "I don't know if I'll be up to going to that that day" - transparent. "Hey, maybe; if I find nothing better to do" - transparent. "50/50 chance I'll be there" - all the charm of the last of those, without the transparency.
- schrectacular 5y ago
  Haha thanks, but I agree with the sibling posts, I just did it to be weird and provocative (and not but for more than a week or two) and people _hated_ it and for good reason, I think.
- darkerside 5y ago
Dragonai 5y ago
> I went through a phase of tongue-in-cheek "quantum planning", wherin I would give my friends a percentage on any plan I was invited to. So if I was asked to dinner I might just say "60%". Needless to say this didn't go down very well with people. This is hilarious. I do think it's generally a good idea to communicate hesitation or any degree of unwillingness, I'm just laughing at how you convey it with this approach.
8n4vidtmkvmk 5y ago
hahaha.. i thought about doing that percentage thing but decided it would be a dick move before i actually did it. now i just ignore the text for a day or so until I've made my decision and stick with it

mgkimsal 5y ago

Might be something to do with LA (and possibly other large urban/metro areas) but possibly something more to do with 'school'. Even at a university level, people are still kids or young adults, don't have many connections, don't really understand the impact of their actions, reputation, etc. ) I saw this sort of "yeah/maybe/cancel" behaviour amongst some portion of peers back in my university days, but even then, it wasn't everyone, or even most people in my circles. It was known poor behaviour then. We tolerated things a bit more because... no mobile phones, no email, etc. If you weren't there, you weren't there, but often didn't have a good way to let someone know you had to cancel ahead of time (but you'd check your answering machine timestamp to verify!).

madrox 5y ago
This was true of my life in SF as well post college. I suspect it’s universal of life for young single people in cities. Looking back, if I had to diagnose it, I’d say it had to do with a compulsion to stay busy coupled with overcommitting to the point of social burnout. Kinda like how children get cranky when they don’t get their nap but don’t believe they’re tired until they fall over.
jonnycomputer 5y ago
You might be right about that. I left LA after graduating.

nlh 5y ago

BTW I kinda love your quantum planning approach. It's honest and accurate! If you're 50/50 on going to something, be transparent and tell others that. If they don't like it, that's on them, not you.

alar44 5y ago
But that's not how planning works. I want to know how many people to expect. I want to know if you're coming or not so I can plan accordingly. If someone just said 50/50 without any kind of reasoning or explanation, I'd say OK forget about it then.
Spinnaker_ 5y ago
It's terrible behaviour. Flip it around: "Hey, would you like to come to a dinner party at my house on Saturday. There's a 50/50 chance that I'll turn you away at the door." Don't make your indecisiveness other people's burden.
- nlh 5y ago
  Ok totally fair! This does not work for dinner party planning. I was thinking more as an answer to “hey are you going to this party on Saturday?”
lostcolony 5y ago
Honest, maybe, but not transparent. "I've got a pretty busy day that day and am not sure I can make it" - transparent "I don't know if I'll be up to going to that that day" - transparent. "Hey, maybe; if I find nothing better to do" - transparent. "50/50 chance I'll be there" - all the charm of the last of those, without the transparency.
schrectacular 5y ago
Haha thanks, but I agree with the sibling posts, I just did it to be weird and provocative (and not but for more than a week or two) and people _hated_ it and for good reason, I think.
darkerside 5y ago

Dragonai 5y ago

> I went through a phase of tongue-in-cheek "quantum planning", wherin I would give my friends a percentage on any plan I was invited to. So if I was asked to dinner I might just say "60%". Needless to say this didn't go down very well with people. This is hilarious. I do think it's generally a good idea to communicate hesitation or any degree of unwillingness, I'm just laughing at how you convey it with this approach.

8n4vidtmkvmk 5y ago

hahaha.. i thought about doing that percentage thing but decided it would be a dick move before i actually did it. now i just ignore the text for a day or so until I've made my decision and stick with it