Sure, but an apology to me kinda feels like an acknowledgement that someone else's reality is valid. Not that I agree with it, or have the same reality, but jus

Sure, but an apology to me kinda feels like an acknowledgement that someone else's reality is valid. Not that I agree with it, or have the same reality, but just that I believe their experience is real. If someone says "You're a jerk" and I don't want to apologize, I'm basically saying: "You and I live in two different worlds. In your world I'm a jerk and in my world I'm not. My world is right and yours is wrong." You could do that, but it's risky. Either the other person capitulates and agrees they were wrong or there will be unresolved damage to the relationship. If someone says "You're a jerk" and I say, "I'm sorry, I don't want to come across as a jerk", I'm basically saying: "You and I live in two different worlds. In your world I'm a jerk and in my world I'm not. But your world is important to me and I know that me being a jerk in your world is a real experience for you and I feel sorry about that."