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How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

113 points by ed 5y ago

alecbz 5y ago
> you could be joyful but think your life is worthless I find this hard to believe. At a certain point I think a lack of meaning in your life is going to make you day-to-day unhappy, whatever you’re spending those days doing.
- ThalesX 5y ago
  I'm both a joyful person, and perhaps the futility of the entire Universe is what makes me so joyful in laughing at the meaningless of it all, while also appreciating the connections, insights and flames that are ultimately worthless. > I find this hard to believe. I would suggest you give Emil Cioran [0] some time. It sounds like the kind of person that you find hard to believe exists, so might provide some context. ---- [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Cioran https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Cioran
- throwaway22032 5y ago
  In short, we can have short term meaning, without long term meaning.
- timoth3y 5y ago
  >> you could be joyful but think your life is worthless > I find this hard to believe. Albert Camus developed the philosophy of Absurdism around a very similar idea. A gross oversimplification is that in the grand scheme of things, logically and objectively our lives have no meaning, but our brains are wired to need meaning. The solution is to create that meaning for ourselves even while acknowledging that meaning is a delusion.
  - randmeerkat 5y ago
    Alternatively, what’s wrong with just accepting that there is no meaning to our existence..? Why not laugh at the absurdity of it all instead? Don’t worry about this or that, just be…
    - gmadsen 5y ago
      meaning can be as simple as loving the people around you. It doesn't need to be a divine master plan
  - katzgrau 5y ago
    I think a better argument is that there is no objectivity to begin with. It's all subjective. If you believe life is meaningless, it is. If you believe there's meaning, there is.
    - chii 5y ago
      > If you believe life is meaningless, it is. If you believe there's meaning, there is. If you believe that there's meaning, and struggle to achieve said meaning, but ultimately failing, or ultimately proven that the struggle was ineffective at achieving said meaning, you will turn bitter and end up unhappy. If you believe life is meaningless, you will observe that your internal model is correct, and thus be vindicated, if not cynical towards everything. That's why ignorance is bliss.
      - katzgrau 5y ago
        > you will observe that your internal model is correct What I was saying is that there is nothing extrinsic to compare an internal model to, so you should know that any meaning created is your own. Creating meaning that requires you achieve something and possibly fail seems unnecessary. I view willful ignorance as a method of resisting potential pain - and resisting anything usually introduces its own pain at some level. I find that being aware of, and accepting of pain works well for me, although I'm not always good at it.
  - FrenchAmerican 5y ago
    Why should the meaning of life we choose for ourselves be a delusion? I get the point that this meaning is arbitrary (in the sense that it has no ground since the world is absurd). But as long as this meaning works for you, who cares if others find it meaningless? Loneliness may be an issue though, but this is where the internet, among other ways, makes a difference. You can look for like-minded people or publish your work, your project, your ideas to attract people interested. Some just can't stand a meaning world, but many as I consider this lack of meaning as a requirement for our freedom. I'm an atheist ; the absurdity of the world appeared to me at an early age - as an experience than my body can feel, an emotion, that only my mind made a rationale of. However, raised in an open-minded but deeply Catholic family, the Bible points that very clearly. God is said to have given humans the freedom to choose to follow the path of Jesus. Or not. Faith implies doubt, by definition. Having faith is not to be absolutely sure of the existence of God. Faith is hope despite the doubt, and God asks of the believers their fortitude in their faith into Him. The "ultra" believers, those who have no doubt, are not "in the faith". They are usually fanatics, those kinds of people who think they are always right and want others to be like them. It's like courage: being courageous means going over our fears. If you have no fear to handle in doing something, then your courage is not tested. If you have no doubt whatsoever in the meaning of life, you are either a fanatic (whatever you do, some are moneymaking fanatic, fame-fanatic, power-fanatic or racist misogynist incels, hate also provides meaning, onviously) or someone who avoid at all cost to face the absurdity of the world. For example, I have close friends who are always super busy. If they have half an hour of free time, they feel bad: they feel an emptiness that they can't bare. The world is absurd? Great, we are totally free to give ourselves the meaning we want to our life! Isn't that amazing? Find your crowd! They are people out there sharing your meaning of life. Create a community of intention, so that you live in the world you want. "Become who you are". I'm not saying it's easy, and not everybody is in capacity to be free. But most educated people are, if they want to. But acting freely requires courage, much more than succeeding in the career and the way of life the society wants you to. That meaning of life that works for you doesn't have to be "for life". One path may prove less meaningful that expected. Loving to dev on projects you want to work on is meaningful to many. Having a well-paid job as a developer can be utterly meaningless: hence the so many side-projects to retrieve a bit of spontaneous enthusiasm whike coding. Sometimes, what has been meaningful for years is not anymore. Many men live that during their 40s, the so-called " mid-life crisis". Or you are done, that meaning doesn't work anymore. So what? Is it lost? No! As long as you had meaningful years, that's a huge win. Just time to move on and explore another part of yourself or becoming someone else.
  - cehrlich 5y ago
    I think there is some truth to this. Many of my colleagues who come from well-off families seem to struggle with finding meaning in their life, and I suspect it might be because work quite literally doesn't have a purpose for them - they could quit working today and not have to worry for many years, possibly forever. To me, I work so I can earn money and provide for my family, which I don't take for granted. That alone makes any work-related annoyance not such a big deal. Of course I also like getting intrinsic pleasure from work, social relationships, rewarding hobbies, etc., but I find meaning in life prior any of those, which is a good defense mechanism for when one or more of those things aren't going so well.
  - psychoslave 5y ago
    >The solution is to create that meaning for ourselves even while acknowledging that meaning is a delusion. Well, that also can be presented as "freedom of purpose". If you associate freedom to some positive and desirable situation, then you should welcome with gratitude that universe doesn’t come with any pre-established meaning for your life. You still have to deal with the fact that you can’t write on the book of universe as easily as you can fantasize any made up story, and that you are not alone with accreditations to write with some level of freedom.
  - marssaxman 5y ago
    > The solution is to create that meaning for ourselves even while acknowledging that meaning is a delusion. I have not been able to manage this trick. How do you make yourself act as though you believe something when you already know it could never be true?
non-cotton 5y ago
Do you want a happy life, or a worthwhile life? I think they're probably correlated, but I don't think you can guarantee one without risking the other. In that light, optimizing for happiness seems like the wrong move.
- throwawayboise 5y ago
  How do you define worthwhile?
  - qgin 5y ago
    When you feel like whatever difficulties or pain you face are worth it. For example, if you work hard every day at something that reduces the suffering of others, it can be worthwhile, even if in the moment it’s painful.
- eggsmediumrare 5y ago
  What is worthwhile if not happiness?
  - MerelyMortal 5y ago
    People can define what is worthwhile to them, such as helping others at their own expense. Perhaps one could argue that is what makes them "happy" and thus achieve "happiness" even though they might be suffering.
    - chii 5y ago
      Someone who pours their resources at helping others get happiness, but never achieving his own, will eventually turn cynical imho.
- qwerpy 5y ago
  The wrong move for people who want a worthwhile life, maybe. I’m not convinced that I, and perhaps a significant fraction of humanity, would choose a worthwhile life if we could only pick one to optimize for.
mbrodersen 5y ago
It’s actually quite easy: simply lower your expectations until your life is better than you expected. Sounds like a joke. But is it really?
- bigDinosaur 5y ago
  Yes, that does sound like a joke.
  - chii 5y ago
    it sounds like a joke because people who cannot lower their expectations don't believe those who did and their new found happiness must be a lie. I guess it really is dependent on personality, upbringing and other nurture of the person.
    - JetAlone 5y ago
      There's a point past which it falls apart. I can just lower my expectations to the point that I don't expect my basic human such as food etc. to be met and be happy? Really? The only way I have seen where this actually succeeds involves believing there is something better than this existence, available on the other side through the deprivation. And at that point, arguably, there is not a lowered expectation, but rather a new, heightened one.
- MerelyMortal 5y ago
  That's a little-bit of what I've done. Maybe put in another way: I've become more adaptable.
- paulpauper 5y ago
  sounds easier said than done. i like having things go my way
- nicklaf 5y ago
  So basically, maximal happiness then is no different than TCP throughput.
dang 5y ago
Related: A researcher on how to live a happy life - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23700043 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23700043 - July 2020 (199 comments)
civilized 5y ago
Happy? Why bother shooting so high? I'd settle for not miserable. On a good day I'd shoot for not stressful. On my best day I'd shoot for not boring.
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pmoriarty 5y ago
Happiness is tepid water on the tongue. -- Friedrich Hölderlin
evocatus 5y ago
- MerelyMortal 5y ago
  Edit: my mistake for trying to focus on the other parts of an otherwise racist comment. Edit 2: The reply was edited significantly prior to the "Edit:"
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osrec 5y ago
I seem to find happiness when I'm not concerned with finding it, and just fully involved in the situation/moment. Perhaps this is because I don't really pay attention to my happiness level when I'm actually happy, and so can "enjoy" the moment by being fully present. Yet, I feel my happiness isn't tied to how good or bad the particular situation I find myself in is (as I can't really control that), but more about how I deal with it. It's almost as if my happiness is tied to my ability to step up to the plate and meet any situation head on.
motohagiography 5y ago
Nice, but a lot of words. Happiness is how you choose to relate - that is, happily. It takes practice and exercise, and then over time, it's who you are. If it sounds simplistic, think of it like body building, where instead of lifting weights, you choose to relate happily, It's within the reach of every conscious being with choice. That said, choosing happiness is obviously often difficult, and also easier if you have someone you can ask for help, either a person, or a deity, a buddha, or maybe just a dog. If you are a committed atheist, you can always say, please dog, help me choose happiness. I can pretty much guarantee they will give you the only answer you need. Woof.
- psychoslave 5y ago
  Even as atheist one can converse with fictive entities. I would even go as far as telling that in any society that have any form of administration, one will have to deal with fictive entities. Back on the focus to happiness, I just finished to read ACT Made Simple: An Easy-To-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy[1]. I recommend it to anyone who thinks there is too much hindrances between them and happiness, or any life-according-to-own-values aim. What I especially appreciated in the book: - humor is often used at right level - it doesn’t sell itself as a stack of miracle turn-key solutions that works 100% of time - the work itself doesn’t simply expose practical skills and techniques, it is a living example of applying them [1] https://www.amazon.com/ACT-Made-Simple-Easy-Read/dp/1684033012 https://www.amazon.com/ACT-Made-Simple-Easy-Read/dp/16840330...
throwawayboise 5y ago
... studies show people expect their break-ups to be longer and more painful than they are, in part because we forget that our psychological immune system will kick in and we’ll decide we never liked the person anyway. I must be missing this "psychological immune system," as breakups of what (to me) were deeply committed relationships have been the most painful, longest-lasting things I've ever experienced.
- openknot 5y ago
  Yep. It's more likely that [certain] studies show [a proportion of] people expect their break-ups to be longer and more painful than they actually are. I would have liked to see links to those studies in the article to evaluate them. I was unexpectedly broken up with once (after committing for around 'just' a couple months), and it hurt for far longer and was more painful than I thought it might be. Things were mostly better after 4 months, and rarely thought of after around 8 months.
  - gunfighthacksaw 5y ago
    I’ve heard a rule of thumb that a break-up will sting for twice the length of the relationship. Assuming you were not the instigator.
    - Bradlinc 5y ago
      I've heard a rule that it was half the time of the relationship. From my experience your rule is more accurate!
rhinokungfoo 5y ago
I realized this a bit too late, but hopefully it helps someone - Try to optimize matching what you want to do with what you think is the right thing to do in as many situations as possible.
lucjac 5y ago
Nice article, highly agree with it! :) i’ve spent the last few years building an app fir your first point: “write down three things you’re grateful for every day” https://mindhappy.page.link/app https://mindhappy.page.link/app Its really amazing to see entries from years ago and you can effectively learn what you like from doing this consistently
- susodapop 5y ago
  At $57/year I’m struggling to see the value-add compared to a more-full featured journaling solution.
- jmiskovic 5y ago
  A superficial feedback based on your play-store presence: Your app icon is aesthetically unappealing. The yellows, reds and greens are too saturated and clash with each other and with blue background. I wouldn't want to keep seeing that icon on my phone app list. The app itself also has questionable design choices. The light blue background is too saturated and not good for text readability. I understand the brown background is not part of the app, but it still leaves bad impression in the screenshots. Maybe a color selection tool like huemint.com could be used for more pleasant and usable experience. Text entry box would benefit from more padding. There is a screenshot ("73 entries") showing two days with no notes in them, with huge and meaningless cards; that seemed strange and unrepresentative. The app description doesn't make it clear which features require subscription. I hope this feedback helps. Didn't intend to be insulting in any way.
WaxedChewbacca 5y ago
erilbeth 5y ago
I'm gonna kill myself if i see one more mindfullness suggestion.
- psychoslave 5y ago
  I wouldn’t like to sound like I’m making (meta-) preterition, so please let me tell you that I won’t recommend the reading of https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3383812/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3383812/
dlkf 5y ago
"Man does not aspire to happiness; only the Englishman does that."
jmstfv 5y ago
How do you define happiness in the first place? Is it a bliss, joy, pleasure, an ecstatic state of mind, the satisfaction of one's desires, or the absence of them? All of the above? Perhaps none of them? Personally, I define happiness as being content with where you are right now - you wouldn't want to be in any other place, in any other time, in any other state of mind. You're happy here, right now. You have your inner peace. I was listening to a podcast some time ago, and one quote struck a chord with me: “Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want”. Perhaps happiness is a choice after all.
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- jmiskovic 5y ago
  > “Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want” Poetic, yes, but doesn't agree with my experience. Anticipation brings excitement and a certain taste of happiness. I would say my 'happiness level' rises closer I am to the goal, and drops fairly quickly after obtaining the goal. If I wanted to maximize someone's happiness over time, I'd try to keep them in state where they are almost achieving their set goals for as long as possible.
  - jmstfv 5y ago
    > Anticipation brings excitement and a certain taste of happiness. It does bring excitement and joy, but this feeling is rather - you constantly have to chase it. > If I wanted to maximize someone's happiness over time, I'd try to keep them in state where they are almost achieving their set goals for as long as possible. There's a risk of burning out, so I'd be careful with that.
- hansor 5y ago
  >How do you define happiness in the first place? By measuring level of dopamines, and other neurotransmitters in brain when person claims to be happy. Easy and precise.
kashyapc 5y ago
There's a reason why Kahneman famously gave up[1] on happiness research, because of our muddled thinking about it. Instead, he argues (which I fully agree with) that we should focus on reducing misery. As a society it is far more difficult to agree on "maximizing well-being", but "minimizing suffering" is an objective we can all agree on as a measure of policy. And he says, setting "reduction of misery" as an objective for policy would result in very different activities. [1] https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium.MAGAZINE-why-nobel-prize-winner-daniel-kahneman-gave-up-on-happiness-1.6528513 https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium.MAGAZINE-why-no...
- nsomaru 5y ago
  That’s interesting, Schopenhauer (and, to my knowledge, the Vedantic tradition) define suffering to be the positive aspect (not as in good, but as in known or evident) and what we experience as happiness to be a negation of that. I’d be interested on exploring this further, is it an active avenue of research?
  - kashyapc 5y ago
    For current work, Paul Bloom comes to mind: "The Sweet Spot: The Pleasures of Suffering ..." Probably there are others too. From about 50 years ago, I'd also highly recommend "Toward a Psychology of Being" by Abraham Maslow. What a writer! That said, ideas about "graceful suffering" go back to the Greek and Roman Stoics from more 2000 years ago. Read some Seneca and Epictetus, I'd say. FWIW, I've written a detailed list of high-quality English translations here[1]. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22990579 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22990579
- darepublic 5y ago
  Reduction of misery may also entail reduction of happiness
  - ahevia 5y ago
    Could you elaborate how?
Thursday24 5y ago
Happiness is a "skill", not simply a "decision". A skill has to be learnt from the very basics, practiced day to day, and ultimately perfected to the point where the behaviour becomes second nature. Playing the mind skillfully is perhaps as difficult as playing multiple musical instruments simultaneously :) Which also means we all have large room for training and improvement throughout our lives.
graderjs 5y ago
Actually the regions have comparable life satisfaction, but people say California because they think of the weather and fail to take account of other things, such as the fact that California is full of tedious hippies. Hahaha. He just slipped that one in there :p;) xx ;p x

113 points by ed 5y ago

> you could be joyful but think your life is worthless I find this hard to believe. At a certain point I think a lack of meaning in your life is going to make you day-to-day unhappy, whatever you’re spending those days doing.

ThalesX 5y ago
I'm both a joyful person, and perhaps the futility of the entire Universe is what makes me so joyful in laughing at the meaningless of it all, while also appreciating the connections, insights and flames that are ultimately worthless. > I find this hard to believe. I would suggest you give Emil Cioran [0] some time. It sounds like the kind of person that you find hard to believe exists, so might provide some context. ---- [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Cioran https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Cioran
throwaway22032 5y ago
In short, we can have short term meaning, without long term meaning.
timoth3y 5y ago
>> you could be joyful but think your life is worthless > I find this hard to believe. Albert Camus developed the philosophy of Absurdism around a very similar idea. A gross oversimplification is that in the grand scheme of things, logically and objectively our lives have no meaning, but our brains are wired to need meaning. The solution is to create that meaning for ourselves even while acknowledging that meaning is a delusion.
- randmeerkat 5y ago
  Alternatively, what’s wrong with just accepting that there is no meaning to our existence..? Why not laugh at the absurdity of it all instead? Don’t worry about this or that, just be…
  - gmadsen 5y ago
    meaning can be as simple as loving the people around you. It doesn't need to be a divine master plan
- katzgrau 5y ago
  I think a better argument is that there is no objectivity to begin with. It's all subjective. If you believe life is meaningless, it is. If you believe there's meaning, there is.
  - chii 5y ago
    > If you believe life is meaningless, it is. If you believe there's meaning, there is. If you believe that there's meaning, and struggle to achieve said meaning, but ultimately failing, or ultimately proven that the struggle was ineffective at achieving said meaning, you will turn bitter and end up unhappy. If you believe life is meaningless, you will observe that your internal model is correct, and thus be vindicated, if not cynical towards everything. That's why ignorance is bliss.
    - katzgrau 5y ago
      > you will observe that your internal model is correct What I was saying is that there is nothing extrinsic to compare an internal model to, so you should know that any meaning created is your own. Creating meaning that requires you achieve something and possibly fail seems unnecessary. I view willful ignorance as a method of resisting potential pain - and resisting anything usually introduces its own pain at some level. I find that being aware of, and accepting of pain works well for me, although I'm not always good at it.
- FrenchAmerican 5y ago
  Why should the meaning of life we choose for ourselves be a delusion? I get the point that this meaning is arbitrary (in the sense that it has no ground since the world is absurd). But as long as this meaning works for you, who cares if others find it meaningless? Loneliness may be an issue though, but this is where the internet, among other ways, makes a difference. You can look for like-minded people or publish your work, your project, your ideas to attract people interested. Some just can't stand a meaning world, but many as I consider this lack of meaning as a requirement for our freedom. I'm an atheist ; the absurdity of the world appeared to me at an early age - as an experience than my body can feel, an emotion, that only my mind made a rationale of. However, raised in an open-minded but deeply Catholic family, the Bible points that very clearly. God is said to have given humans the freedom to choose to follow the path of Jesus. Or not. Faith implies doubt, by definition. Having faith is not to be absolutely sure of the existence of God. Faith is hope despite the doubt, and God asks of the believers their fortitude in their faith into Him. The "ultra" believers, those who have no doubt, are not "in the faith". They are usually fanatics, those kinds of people who think they are always right and want others to be like them. It's like courage: being courageous means going over our fears. If you have no fear to handle in doing something, then your courage is not tested. If you have no doubt whatsoever in the meaning of life, you are either a fanatic (whatever you do, some are moneymaking fanatic, fame-fanatic, power-fanatic or racist misogynist incels, hate also provides meaning, onviously) or someone who avoid at all cost to face the absurdity of the world. For example, I have close friends who are always super busy. If they have half an hour of free time, they feel bad: they feel an emptiness that they can't bare. The world is absurd? Great, we are totally free to give ourselves the meaning we want to our life! Isn't that amazing? Find your crowd! They are people out there sharing your meaning of life. Create a community of intention, so that you live in the world you want. "Become who you are". I'm not saying it's easy, and not everybody is in capacity to be free. But most educated people are, if they want to. But acting freely requires courage, much more than succeeding in the career and the way of life the society wants you to. That meaning of life that works for you doesn't have to be "for life". One path may prove less meaningful that expected. Loving to dev on projects you want to work on is meaningful to many. Having a well-paid job as a developer can be utterly meaningless: hence the so many side-projects to retrieve a bit of spontaneous enthusiasm whike coding. Sometimes, what has been meaningful for years is not anymore. Many men live that during their 40s, the so-called " mid-life crisis". Or you are done, that meaning doesn't work anymore. So what? Is it lost? No! As long as you had meaningful years, that's a huge win. Just time to move on and explore another part of yourself or becoming someone else.
- cehrlich 5y ago
  I think there is some truth to this. Many of my colleagues who come from well-off families seem to struggle with finding meaning in their life, and I suspect it might be because work quite literally doesn't have a purpose for them - they could quit working today and not have to worry for many years, possibly forever. To me, I work so I can earn money and provide for my family, which I don't take for granted. That alone makes any work-related annoyance not such a big deal. Of course I also like getting intrinsic pleasure from work, social relationships, rewarding hobbies, etc., but I find meaning in life prior any of those, which is a good defense mechanism for when one or more of those things aren't going so well.
- psychoslave 5y ago
  >The solution is to create that meaning for ourselves even while acknowledging that meaning is a delusion. Well, that also can be presented as "freedom of purpose". If you associate freedom to some positive and desirable situation, then you should welcome with gratitude that universe doesn’t come with any pre-established meaning for your life. You still have to deal with the fact that you can’t write on the book of universe as easily as you can fantasize any made up story, and that you are not alone with accreditations to write with some level of freedom.
- marssaxman 5y ago
  > The solution is to create that meaning for ourselves even while acknowledging that meaning is a delusion. I have not been able to manage this trick. How do you make yourself act as though you believe something when you already know it could never be true?

non-cotton 5y ago

Do you want a happy life, or a worthwhile life? I think they're probably correlated, but I don't think you can guarantee one without risking the other. In that light, optimizing for happiness seems like the wrong move.

throwawayboise 5y ago
How do you define worthwhile?
- qgin 5y ago
  When you feel like whatever difficulties or pain you face are worth it. For example, if you work hard every day at something that reduces the suffering of others, it can be worthwhile, even if in the moment it’s painful.
eggsmediumrare 5y ago
What is worthwhile if not happiness?
- MerelyMortal 5y ago
  People can define what is worthwhile to them, such as helping others at their own expense. Perhaps one could argue that is what makes them "happy" and thus achieve "happiness" even though they might be suffering.
  - chii 5y ago
    Someone who pours their resources at helping others get happiness, but never achieving his own, will eventually turn cynical imho.
qwerpy 5y ago
The wrong move for people who want a worthwhile life, maybe. I’m not convinced that I, and perhaps a significant fraction of humanity, would choose a worthwhile life if we could only pick one to optimize for.

mbrodersen 5y ago

It’s actually quite easy: simply lower your expectations until your life is better than you expected. Sounds like a joke. But is it really?

bigDinosaur 5y ago
Yes, that does sound like a joke.
- chii 5y ago
  it sounds like a joke because people who cannot lower their expectations don't believe those who did and their new found happiness must be a lie. I guess it really is dependent on personality, upbringing and other nurture of the person.
  - JetAlone 5y ago
    There's a point past which it falls apart. I can just lower my expectations to the point that I don't expect my basic human such as food etc. to be met and be happy? Really? The only way I have seen where this actually succeeds involves believing there is something better than this existence, available on the other side through the deprivation. And at that point, arguably, there is not a lowered expectation, but rather a new, heightened one.
MerelyMortal 5y ago
That's a little-bit of what I've done. Maybe put in another way: I've become more adaptable.
paulpauper 5y ago
sounds easier said than done. i like having things go my way
nicklaf 5y ago
So basically, maximal happiness then is no different than TCP throughput.

dang 5y ago

Related: A researcher on how to live a happy life - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23700043 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23700043 - July 2020 (199 comments)

civilized 5y ago

Happy? Why bother shooting so high? I'd settle for not miserable. On a good day I'd shoot for not stressful. On my best day I'd shoot for not boring.

deleted 5y ago
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pmoriarty 5y ago

Happiness is tepid water on the tongue. -- Friedrich Hölderlin

evocatus 5y ago

MerelyMortal 5y ago
Edit: my mistake for trying to focus on the other parts of an otherwise racist comment. Edit 2: The reply was edited significantly prior to the "Edit:"
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- evocatus 5y ago
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osrec 5y ago

I seem to find happiness when I'm not concerned with finding it, and just fully involved in the situation/moment. Perhaps this is because I don't really pay attention to my happiness level when I'm actually happy, and so can "enjoy" the moment by being fully present. Yet, I feel my happiness isn't tied to how good or bad the particular situation I find myself in is (as I can't really control that), but more about how I deal with it. It's almost as if my happiness is tied to my ability to step up to the plate and meet any situation head on.

motohagiography 5y ago

Nice, but a lot of words. Happiness is how you choose to relate - that is, happily. It takes practice and exercise, and then over time, it's who you are. If it sounds simplistic, think of it like body building, where instead of lifting weights, you choose to relate happily, It's within the reach of every conscious being with choice. That said, choosing happiness is obviously often difficult, and also easier if you have someone you can ask for help, either a person, or a deity, a buddha, or maybe just a dog. If you are a committed atheist, you can always say, please dog, help me choose happiness. I can pretty much guarantee they will give you the only answer you need. Woof.

psychoslave 5y ago
Even as atheist one can converse with fictive entities. I would even go as far as telling that in any society that have any form of administration, one will have to deal with fictive entities. Back on the focus to happiness, I just finished to read ACT Made Simple: An Easy-To-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy[1]. I recommend it to anyone who thinks there is too much hindrances between them and happiness, or any life-according-to-own-values aim. What I especially appreciated in the book: - humor is often used at right level - it doesn’t sell itself as a stack of miracle turn-key solutions that works 100% of time - the work itself doesn’t simply expose practical skills and techniques, it is a living example of applying them [1] https://www.amazon.com/ACT-Made-Simple-Easy-Read/dp/1684033012 https://www.amazon.com/ACT-Made-Simple-Easy-Read/dp/16840330...

throwawayboise 5y ago

... studies show people expect their break-ups to be longer and more painful than they are, in part because we forget that our psychological immune system will kick in and we’ll decide we never liked the person anyway. I must be missing this "psychological immune system," as breakups of what (to me) were deeply committed relationships have been the most painful, longest-lasting things I've ever experienced.

openknot 5y ago
Yep. It's more likely that [certain] studies show [a proportion of] people expect their break-ups to be longer and more painful than they actually are. I would have liked to see links to those studies in the article to evaluate them. I was unexpectedly broken up with once (after committing for around 'just' a couple months), and it hurt for far longer and was more painful than I thought it might be. Things were mostly better after 4 months, and rarely thought of after around 8 months.
- gunfighthacksaw 5y ago
  I’ve heard a rule of thumb that a break-up will sting for twice the length of the relationship. Assuming you were not the instigator.
  - Bradlinc 5y ago
    I've heard a rule that it was half the time of the relationship. From my experience your rule is more accurate!

rhinokungfoo 5y ago

I realized this a bit too late, but hopefully it helps someone - Try to optimize matching what you want to do with what you think is the right thing to do in as many situations as possible.

lucjac 5y ago

Nice article, highly agree with it! :) i’ve spent the last few years building an app fir your first point: “write down three things you’re grateful for every day” https://mindhappy.page.link/app https://mindhappy.page.link/app Its really amazing to see entries from years ago and you can effectively learn what you like from doing this consistently

susodapop 5y ago
At $57/year I’m struggling to see the value-add compared to a more-full featured journaling solution.
jmiskovic 5y ago
A superficial feedback based on your play-store presence: Your app icon is aesthetically unappealing. The yellows, reds and greens are too saturated and clash with each other and with blue background. I wouldn't want to keep seeing that icon on my phone app list. The app itself also has questionable design choices. The light blue background is too saturated and not good for text readability. I understand the brown background is not part of the app, but it still leaves bad impression in the screenshots. Maybe a color selection tool like huemint.com could be used for more pleasant and usable experience. Text entry box would benefit from more padding. There is a screenshot ("73 entries") showing two days with no notes in them, with huge and meaningless cards; that seemed strange and unrepresentative. The app description doesn't make it clear which features require subscription. I hope this feedback helps. Didn't intend to be insulting in any way.

WaxedChewbacca 5y ago

erilbeth 5y ago

I'm gonna kill myself if i see one more mindfullness suggestion.

psychoslave 5y ago
I wouldn’t like to sound like I’m making (meta-) preterition, so please let me tell you that I won’t recommend the reading of https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3383812/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3383812/

dlkf 5y ago

"Man does not aspire to happiness; only the Englishman does that."

jmstfv 5y ago

How do you define happiness in the first place? Is it a bliss, joy, pleasure, an ecstatic state of mind, the satisfaction of one's desires, or the absence of them? All of the above? Perhaps none of them? Personally, I define happiness as being content with where you are right now - you wouldn't want to be in any other place, in any other time, in any other state of mind. You're happy here, right now. You have your inner peace. I was listening to a podcast some time ago, and one quote struck a chord with me: “Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want”. Perhaps happiness is a choice after all.

deleted 5y ago
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jmiskovic 5y ago
> “Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want” Poetic, yes, but doesn't agree with my experience. Anticipation brings excitement and a certain taste of happiness. I would say my 'happiness level' rises closer I am to the goal, and drops fairly quickly after obtaining the goal. If I wanted to maximize someone's happiness over time, I'd try to keep them in state where they are almost achieving their set goals for as long as possible.
- jmstfv 5y ago
  > Anticipation brings excitement and a certain taste of happiness. It does bring excitement and joy, but this feeling is rather - you constantly have to chase it. > If I wanted to maximize someone's happiness over time, I'd try to keep them in state where they are almost achieving their set goals for as long as possible. There's a risk of burning out, so I'd be careful with that.
hansor 5y ago
>How do you define happiness in the first place? By measuring level of dopamines, and other neurotransmitters in brain when person claims to be happy. Easy and precise.

kashyapc 5y ago

There's a reason why Kahneman famously gave up[1] on happiness research, because of our muddled thinking about it. Instead, he argues (which I fully agree with) that we should focus on reducing misery. As a society it is far more difficult to agree on "maximizing well-being", but "minimizing suffering" is an objective we can all agree on as a measure of policy. And he says, setting "reduction of misery" as an objective for policy would result in very different activities. [1] https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium.MAGAZINE-why-nobel-prize-winner-daniel-kahneman-gave-up-on-happiness-1.6528513 https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium.MAGAZINE-why-no...

nsomaru 5y ago
That’s interesting, Schopenhauer (and, to my knowledge, the Vedantic tradition) define suffering to be the positive aspect (not as in good, but as in known or evident) and what we experience as happiness to be a negation of that. I’d be interested on exploring this further, is it an active avenue of research?
- kashyapc 5y ago
  For current work, Paul Bloom comes to mind: "The Sweet Spot: The Pleasures of Suffering ..." Probably there are others too. From about 50 years ago, I'd also highly recommend "Toward a Psychology of Being" by Abraham Maslow. What a writer! That said, ideas about "graceful suffering" go back to the Greek and Roman Stoics from more 2000 years ago. Read some Seneca and Epictetus, I'd say. FWIW, I've written a detailed list of high-quality English translations here[1]. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22990579 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22990579
darepublic 5y ago
Reduction of misery may also entail reduction of happiness
- ahevia 5y ago
  Could you elaborate how?

Thursday24 5y ago

Happiness is a "skill", not simply a "decision". A skill has to be learnt from the very basics, practiced day to day, and ultimately perfected to the point where the behaviour becomes second nature. Playing the mind skillfully is perhaps as difficult as playing multiple musical instruments simultaneously :) Which also means we all have large room for training and improvement throughout our lives.

graderjs 5y ago

Actually the regions have comparable life satisfaction, but people say California because they think of the weather and fail to take account of other things, such as the fact that California is full of tedious hippies. Hahaha. He just slipped that one in there :p;) xx ;p x