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when I argue with my wife, we always make up in the end with a one or both of us apologizing, saying the words "I'm sorry". sometimes it takes a day for me to

when I argue with my wife, we always make up in the end with a one or both of us apologizing, saying the words "I'm sorry". sometimes it takes a day for me to get to saying it. And sometimes it feels like a major blow to my ego when I do finally say those words, even if I mean them. But I always come out the other end feeling a million times better. And never feel like I'm less of a man or whatever. feel stronger because I'm closer to my partner. and I'm no longer battling within myself. I have a hard time understanding people who don't apologize, when they know they've done wrong! It seems so stressful.

Veen 5y ago
People can have different perspectives on the same events. One can genuinely believe an apology is deserved, while the other genuinely believes it is not.
- awb 5y ago
  Sure, but an apology to me kinda feels like an acknowledgement that someone else's reality is valid. Not that I agree with it, or have the same reality, but just that I believe their experience is real. If someone says "You're a jerk" and I don't want to apologize, I'm basically saying: "You and I live in two different worlds. In your world I'm a jerk and in my world I'm not. My world is right and yours is wrong." You could do that, but it's risky. Either the other person capitulates and agrees they were wrong or there will be unresolved damage to the relationship. If someone says "You're a jerk" and I say, "I'm sorry, I don't want to come across as a jerk", I'm basically saying: "You and I live in two different worlds. In your world I'm a jerk and in my world I'm not. But your world is important to me and I know that me being a jerk in your world is a real experience for you and I feel sorry about that."
  - krageon 5y ago
    An apology is something you make for someone else. It doesn't say anything about internal state, and frequently does not.

Veen 5y ago

People can have different perspectives on the same events. One can genuinely believe an apology is deserved, while the other genuinely believes it is not.

awb 5y ago
Sure, but an apology to me kinda feels like an acknowledgement that someone else's reality is valid. Not that I agree with it, or have the same reality, but just that I believe their experience is real. If someone says "You're a jerk" and I don't want to apologize, I'm basically saying: "You and I live in two different worlds. In your world I'm a jerk and in my world I'm not. My world is right and yours is wrong." You could do that, but it's risky. Either the other person capitulates and agrees they were wrong or there will be unresolved damage to the relationship. If someone says "You're a jerk" and I say, "I'm sorry, I don't want to come across as a jerk", I'm basically saying: "You and I live in two different worlds. In your world I'm a jerk and in my world I'm not. But your world is important to me and I know that me being a jerk in your world is a real experience for you and I feel sorry about that."
- krageon 5y ago
  An apology is something you make for someone else. It doesn't say anything about internal state, and frequently does not.