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I will give you a fairly specific answer that comes from my history of going to therapy for anxiety and depression. Whenever I find myself in an anxious or unc
by ketzo 5y ago
I will give you a fairly specific answer that comes from my history of going to therapy for anxiety and depression.
Whenever I find myself in an anxious or uncomfortable situation, the thing that I need to remind myself is that things are going to turn out okay for me, whatever happens. I do this by working my way up a version of Mazlowe's hierarchy:
1. Am I physically safe? Can I breathe? Can I move my body?
2. Do I have access to shelter? Do I know where my next meal will come from?
3. Are my loved ones safe? Do I have friends and people who care about me?
4. Do I have skills that I care about? Can I do work that I'm proud of?
5. Do I have a job that gives me money? That I like to do?
In pretty much any uncomfortable situation you're in (at least in the context of career improvement), almost all of these things are totally unaffected. The sun will rise tomorrow, even if I bomb this programming interview. My friends will still be my friends, even if I do a bad job networking at this event.
And the fact that so many of the good things in my life will still be good, even if an uncomfortable situation goes as badly as it can, gives me a lot more confidence.
And then, like anything else in the world: practice, practice, practice. The more uncomfortable situations you put yourself in, the more you practice reminding your brain that "everything is okay, actually," the less uncomfortable you'll feel in any given situation.
- aj7 5y agoDuring stressful times, I’d have agoraphobic attacks in the car. They were pretty terrifying. I’d open all the car windows and blast the radio. But you know what worked much better? Solving math problems in my head.
- ketzo 5y agoI like this one too! A big part of learning to deal with anxiety is understanding that an anxiety attack is rooted in a chemical, physiological response that you can't control; sometimes what you need to do is just ride it out, and let your body get back to normal. Math problems, loud music, singing songs -- great ways to "get out of your brain's way" as my therapist used to put it.
- eurasiantiger 5y agoMy go-to is trying to visualise and rotate various 3D shapes, like a cube, trihedron, dodecahedron…
- virgil_disgr4ce 5y agoThis is great, and it made me realize I had started doing something similar recently: when I become anxious about something, say money, I ask myself: are my kids healthy and safe? The answer, so far, has always been yes, and that calms me down immediately.
- ketzo 5y agoThat's awesome! Glad to help you put a concrete framing to it. The more intentional you make it, the more effective it is, I think. There's a reason people keep pictures of their family at their desks; it's not just for decoration :D
- mbrodersen 5y agoThanks for an EXCELLENT answer.
- stefanya42 5y agoI am totally with you on this. Catastrophizing when things get difficult makes it so much harder. I make it a point to count my many blessings (most of which you enumerate there) every day.