9 ms·

> High tolerance for feeling ignorant, confused, silly, inadequate, a novice: none of these states should phase you: you should not have a comfort zone: let you

by kalev 5y ago

> High tolerance for feeling ignorant, confused, silly, inadequate, a novice: none of these states should phase you: you should not have a comfort zone: let your mind feel at ease in not understanding something: go to the eye of the storm and weather it: you'll come out being more capable; I’d love to be more at ease on uncomfortable situations. Any tips?

Frummy 5y ago
For me, it's closing my eyes, taking a few deep breaths, and then continuing. It's okay to be nervous and feel ones heart pounding and just notice all those physiological reactions, but keep going despite that. My old tendency was to switch task to something more comfortable, but just take a silent minute without switching tasks and then keep going.
dmos62 5y ago
This isn't really an answer, but I'd say that everyone's different. What works for you might be wildly different than what works for me. For what it's worth, I'd say that it's about being at ease with being uneasy. I find it unproductive to try to get rid of uneasiness.
ketzo 5y ago
I will give you a fairly specific answer that comes from my history of going to therapy for anxiety and depression. Whenever I find myself in an anxious or uncomfortable situation, the thing that I need to remind myself is that things are going to turn out okay for me, whatever happens. I do this by working my way up a version of Mazlowe's hierarchy: 1. Am I physically safe? Can I breathe? Can I move my body? 2. Do I have access to shelter? Do I know where my next meal will come from? 3. Are my loved ones safe? Do I have friends and people who care about me? 4. Do I have skills that I care about? Can I do work that I'm proud of? 5. Do I have a job that gives me money? That I like to do? In pretty much any uncomfortable situation you're in (at least in the context of career improvement), almost all of these things are totally unaffected. The sun will rise tomorrow, even if I bomb this programming interview. My friends will still be my friends, even if I do a bad job networking at this event. And the fact that so many of the good things in my life will still be good, even if an uncomfortable situation goes as badly as it can, gives me a lot more confidence. And then, like anything else in the world: practice, practice, practice. The more uncomfortable situations you put yourself in, the more you practice reminding your brain that "everything is okay, actually," the less uncomfortable you'll feel in any given situation.
- aj7 5y ago
  During stressful times, I’d have agoraphobic attacks in the car. They were pretty terrifying. I’d open all the car windows and blast the radio. But you know what worked much better? Solving math problems in my head.
  - ketzo 5y ago
    I like this one too! A big part of learning to deal with anxiety is understanding that an anxiety attack is rooted in a chemical, physiological response that you can't control; sometimes what you need to do is just ride it out, and let your body get back to normal. Math problems, loud music, singing songs -- great ways to "get out of your brain's way" as my therapist used to put it.
  - eurasiantiger 5y ago
    My go-to is trying to visualise and rotate various 3D shapes, like a cube, trihedron, dodecahedron…
- virgil_disgr4ce 5y ago
  This is great, and it made me realize I had started doing something similar recently: when I become anxious about something, say money, I ask myself: are my kids healthy and safe? The answer, so far, has always been yes, and that calms me down immediately.
  - ketzo 5y ago
    That's awesome! Glad to help you put a concrete framing to it. The more intentional you make it, the more effective it is, I think. There's a reason people keep pictures of their family at their desks; it's not just for decoration :D
- mbrodersen 5y ago
  Thanks for an EXCELLENT answer.
- stefanya42 5y ago
pmayrgundter 5y ago
For me it's practicing art. Mainly playing music with a group, sometimes writing and occasionally drawing or painting. It focuses me on the emotional experience and response to entering the unknown and finding flow there There's a book called Art and Fear that nails the tao of it.
- disqard 5y ago
  Seconding this recommendation heartily! "Art & Fear: Observations on the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking" It's surprisingly relevant to what folks like us go through, and how we relate to our creations, intangible though they might be (at least if you're purely in software).
bbertelsen 5y ago
Learn a new language! Be fearless when speaking it even when you know you're wrong. The results are humbling often hilarious and get you accustomed to frequent failure. This is also a good approach for people who are socially awkward or want practice just speaking to people. There are literally millions of people interested in doing "language exchange" sessions, where you do x minutes in your native tongue in exchange for x minutes in their native tongue. Not only will you learn a new language, but asking questions about idiom you do not understand is amazing practice for "anything" you don't understand.
vorpalhex 5y ago
I'm going to go a different advice route then other commenters here. If you went to the gym and did a really easy workout that was comfortable.. that would be a bad gym session. The goal is to push yourself. Not to injure yourself but to go until failure. We don't learn in the comfort zone. We learn and grow by pushing ourselves where we feel like we might fail and then pushing until we fail. Success isn't a game of avoiding failure. Success requires learning and growing from repeated failure. Failure isn't the opposite of success, it's part of it. Feeling dumb, not knowing where to go, having difficulty even reading and comprehending material is when we know we are engaged in building ourselves.
- raffraffraff 5y ago
  There comes a point in your life where this may not still be true. At 70 I doubt I'll be pushing "to failure" in training sessions. In fact, I'll probably consciously reduce the intensity of my training sessions and use them to maintain muscle mass for as long as possible into old(er) age. The same goes for work. I'm a hard worker, but I'm not gonna bust my balls at some startup so the CEO and his buddies can make a billion. Not unless I'm one of the founders. Some people have already done a shit ton of learning and growing, and maybe they're at a different stage in their lives. Like the stage where their 30+ years of experience are extremely valuable without grinding 50 hours a week.
  - Art9681 5y ago
    In hindsight, what we don't know is if the people who grinded 50 hours a week would have ended up in a stable situation later in life where they felt confident enough and had the means to take things at their own pace. Regardless, everything has a cost. If you are in a place where you can spend time at your leisure then that is something to be admired. You likely paid the cost for that (by grinding 50 hours a week) up front. For the younger crowd here, perhaps they should grind 50 hours a week so they too can build their "fortress of solitude". But if they can do it at half the cost, that would be ideal wouldnt it?
  - vorpalhex 5y ago
    You've confused personal growth and "the hustle". You should, as a person, work to grow and be stronger no matter your age, whether that's squatting 400lbs or doing your water aerobics. Work the correct weight for you. You should not bust your balls at some startup so someone else can get rich. That isn't helpful. Don't do that, regardless your age.
abirch 5y ago
Read Richard Feynman. The man was a genius and would ask as many simple questions early on. If he can check his ego, all of us should be able.
muzani 5y ago
I have a friend who took anti-anxiety meds and was immediately extremely productive.
- stefanya42 5y ago
  Agreed, I was on anti-depressants for years. Their most noticeable effect on me was a dramatic decrease in anxiety, and an accompanying increase in comfort in social contexts and far less catastrophizing about challenging life situations.

by kalev 5y ago

Frummy 5y ago

For me, it's closing my eyes, taking a few deep breaths, and then continuing. It's okay to be nervous and feel ones heart pounding and just notice all those physiological reactions, but keep going despite that. My old tendency was to switch task to something more comfortable, but just take a silent minute without switching tasks and then keep going.

dmos62 5y ago

This isn't really an answer, but I'd say that everyone's different. What works for you might be wildly different than what works for me. For what it's worth, I'd say that it's about being at ease with being uneasy. I find it unproductive to try to get rid of uneasiness.

ketzo 5y ago

I will give you a fairly specific answer that comes from my history of going to therapy for anxiety and depression. Whenever I find myself in an anxious or uncomfortable situation, the thing that I need to remind myself is that things are going to turn out okay for me, whatever happens. I do this by working my way up a version of Mazlowe's hierarchy: 1. Am I physically safe? Can I breathe? Can I move my body? 2. Do I have access to shelter? Do I know where my next meal will come from? 3. Are my loved ones safe? Do I have friends and people who care about me? 4. Do I have skills that I care about? Can I do work that I'm proud of? 5. Do I have a job that gives me money? That I like to do? In pretty much any uncomfortable situation you're in (at least in the context of career improvement), almost all of these things are totally unaffected. The sun will rise tomorrow, even if I bomb this programming interview. My friends will still be my friends, even if I do a bad job networking at this event. And the fact that so many of the good things in my life will still be good, even if an uncomfortable situation goes as badly as it can, gives me a lot more confidence. And then, like anything else in the world: practice, practice, practice. The more uncomfortable situations you put yourself in, the more you practice reminding your brain that "everything is okay, actually," the less uncomfortable you'll feel in any given situation.

aj7 5y ago
During stressful times, I’d have agoraphobic attacks in the car. They were pretty terrifying. I’d open all the car windows and blast the radio. But you know what worked much better? Solving math problems in my head.
- ketzo 5y ago
  I like this one too! A big part of learning to deal with anxiety is understanding that an anxiety attack is rooted in a chemical, physiological response that you can't control; sometimes what you need to do is just ride it out, and let your body get back to normal. Math problems, loud music, singing songs -- great ways to "get out of your brain's way" as my therapist used to put it.
- eurasiantiger 5y ago
  My go-to is trying to visualise and rotate various 3D shapes, like a cube, trihedron, dodecahedron…
virgil_disgr4ce 5y ago
This is great, and it made me realize I had started doing something similar recently: when I become anxious about something, say money, I ask myself: are my kids healthy and safe? The answer, so far, has always been yes, and that calms me down immediately.
- ketzo 5y ago
  That's awesome! Glad to help you put a concrete framing to it. The more intentional you make it, the more effective it is, I think. There's a reason people keep pictures of their family at their desks; it's not just for decoration :D
mbrodersen 5y ago
Thanks for an EXCELLENT answer.
stefanya42 5y ago

pmayrgundter 5y ago

For me it's practicing art. Mainly playing music with a group, sometimes writing and occasionally drawing or painting. It focuses me on the emotional experience and response to entering the unknown and finding flow there There's a book called Art and Fear that nails the tao of it.

disqard 5y ago
Seconding this recommendation heartily! "Art & Fear: Observations on the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking" It's surprisingly relevant to what folks like us go through, and how we relate to our creations, intangible though they might be (at least if you're purely in software).

bbertelsen 5y ago

Learn a new language! Be fearless when speaking it even when you know you're wrong. The results are humbling often hilarious and get you accustomed to frequent failure. This is also a good approach for people who are socially awkward or want practice just speaking to people. There are literally millions of people interested in doing "language exchange" sessions, where you do x minutes in your native tongue in exchange for x minutes in their native tongue. Not only will you learn a new language, but asking questions about idiom you do not understand is amazing practice for "anything" you don't understand.

vorpalhex 5y ago

I'm going to go a different advice route then other commenters here. If you went to the gym and did a really easy workout that was comfortable.. that would be a bad gym session. The goal is to push yourself. Not to injure yourself but to go until failure. We don't learn in the comfort zone. We learn and grow by pushing ourselves where we feel like we might fail and then pushing until we fail. Success isn't a game of avoiding failure. Success requires learning and growing from repeated failure. Failure isn't the opposite of success, it's part of it. Feeling dumb, not knowing where to go, having difficulty even reading and comprehending material is when we know we are engaged in building ourselves.

raffraffraff 5y ago
There comes a point in your life where this may not still be true. At 70 I doubt I'll be pushing "to failure" in training sessions. In fact, I'll probably consciously reduce the intensity of my training sessions and use them to maintain muscle mass for as long as possible into old(er) age. The same goes for work. I'm a hard worker, but I'm not gonna bust my balls at some startup so the CEO and his buddies can make a billion. Not unless I'm one of the founders. Some people have already done a shit ton of learning and growing, and maybe they're at a different stage in their lives. Like the stage where their 30+ years of experience are extremely valuable without grinding 50 hours a week.
- Art9681 5y ago
  In hindsight, what we don't know is if the people who grinded 50 hours a week would have ended up in a stable situation later in life where they felt confident enough and had the means to take things at their own pace. Regardless, everything has a cost. If you are in a place where you can spend time at your leisure then that is something to be admired. You likely paid the cost for that (by grinding 50 hours a week) up front. For the younger crowd here, perhaps they should grind 50 hours a week so they too can build their "fortress of solitude". But if they can do it at half the cost, that would be ideal wouldnt it?
- vorpalhex 5y ago
  You've confused personal growth and "the hustle". You should, as a person, work to grow and be stronger no matter your age, whether that's squatting 400lbs or doing your water aerobics. Work the correct weight for you. You should not bust your balls at some startup so someone else can get rich. That isn't helpful. Don't do that, regardless your age.

abirch 5y ago

Read Richard Feynman. The man was a genius and would ask as many simple questions early on. If he can check his ego, all of us should be able.

muzani 5y ago

I have a friend who took anti-anxiety meds and was immediately extremely productive.

stefanya42 5y ago
Agreed, I was on anti-depressants for years. Their most noticeable effect on me was a dramatic decrease in anxiety, and an accompanying increase in comfort in social contexts and far less catastrophizing about challenging life situations.