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I'm surprised at the ire around this question. "Why don't you do X" is a great way to understand why someone did Y. A perfectly valid answer might be "X might

I'm surprised at the ire around this question. "Why don't you do X" is a great way to understand why someone did Y. A perfectly valid answer might be "X might be better, but Y is fine and it's not the highest priority at the moment." Or the answer might be any of the dozens Brendan Gregg gave (including "for reasons I can't disclose."). Any of these answers might be illuminating to the asker. Now, admittedly, it's very tone dependent. "Why don't you X" can be asked humbly and with a truly inquisitive tone, or with a sneering tone whose obvious implication is that you must be either ignorant of X or too dumb to see its merits. But in writing, at least, I try to infer the more charitable attitude of genuine curiosity.

burntsushi 5y ago
This is why I try to never ask "why don't you do X" without making it clear that I'm using it as a forcing function to satisfy my own curiosity, rather than trying to sneer at folks. Often this requires being a bit more verbose, but I've personally always found a bare "why don't you do X?" without any other context to come across as sneering. But yes, I also try to interpret it charitably as well too. I just also try to make my own curiosity clear on the flip side.
- hinkley 5y ago
  I've known a couple people who characterize others as getting upset for no reason/escalating a situation and I wonder if they were participating in the same conversation I was witnessing? Like seriously, you started it. Plenty of reason to be had. There's a whole thing called nonviolent communication and the basic premise is that if you spin someone up by choosing your words poorly, that's as much on you as it is on them.
  - switchbak 5y ago
    NVC is important, but I like to view it as "reducing the likelihood of inspiring defensiveness". It's definitely a two way street, and the skillfulness with which I communicate is definitely on me, and affects a dynamic. That said, sometimes even the most skilled communicator might find themselves spining someone up despite their best efforts. At the end of the day all we have is self awareness and good intent, but if the other person is hell bent on being oppositional, that's gonna be very hard to navigate.
- fishtoaster 5y ago
  Yeah, that's fair - I try to do the same. I've yet to find a particularly elegant way of asking it - it's usually something like "Why didn't you do X here? To be clear, I assume there was a good reason, I'm just curious what it was!"
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mym1990 5y ago
The 'why' in the question implies that one knew X was a possible solution, or that you should know that X is a possible solution. An alternate to the question might be 'have you tried to do X?'. Also, if you want to understand why someone did Y, ask deeper questions around why they did Y, don't ask why they didn't pick the other 500,000 possible solutions.
- tapland 5y ago
  Asking why they used what they did has always ended up in good explanations and less than expected defense of the tool/tech itself. Often it's just because it does the job and whoever used it knew it. Often I've asked it because I privately thought "why didn't they use X?", but I'm seldom actually interested in hearing why they didn't.
- rocqua 5y ago
  I very often find that my mind jumps to X as a solution. Then when X wasn't picked two things happen. Firstly, and sadly, I get a bit mentally stuck on X. Secondly I assume I have missed something. Whatever I have missed is probably quite important, since otherwise X was a good choice. Both of these effects mean that I will probably learn a lot from knowing why someone decided not to do X. So, if I've been mulling the question for a while, and can't get an answer, I think it makes perfect sense to ask "why didn't you do X". After all, that is exactly what I am wondering in good faith. It sucks that the question is often used sarcastically, because to me it's a very useful question for understanding someone else's process.
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TaylorAlexander 5y ago
It’s true. I built a robot intended to be open sourced and reproduced by others. I wrote the entire stack from scratch in Python. People on the forum asked “why didn’t you use ROS?” which is a perfectly valid question. My answer was that at the time I started the project ROS didn’t support Python 3, ROS is in many ways mostly a system for multi process communication which is something Python already does fine, and I wanted to avoid the learning curve of both learning ROS and learning our system. Also, I wanted to see if I could do it and what it would be like. But ROS is indeed a popular framework for robotics, so the question is a reasonable one to ask.
goostavos 5y ago
If you've say through enough conferences, the ire is because the question usually isn't in good faith. More often than not, it's someone with whatever you call the personality defect that leads them to constantly needing to "show how smart they are" to the room full of people by, presumably in their mind, dunking on the speaker with their wildly naive "what didn't you do X?" I've also say through Q&A sessions where a guy got up to the microphone to recommend books for the guy giving the presentation to read. It was uncomfortable.
- abnercoimbre 5y ago
  We solved the Q&A issue at our conference by having all attendees (in-person and online) use the same private chat server to funnel questions. We don't allow audience microphones.
rodgerd 5y ago
> I'm surprised at the ire around this question. Because even if you exclude the concern trolls who aren't actually interested in your answer, just fighting with you, it is a never-ending stream of people who want to bikeshed your choices devoid of the context that makes it worth even trying to answer. Life is too short.
whoisthemachine 5y ago
I think it's much better to instead ask "Have you tried X?" or "Have you heard of X, it might solve your problem or solve it better?", both of which don't imply that the receiver should have known of those solutions.
- hutzlibu 5y ago
  I am not sure about this, depending on the tone and context it might very well equally (or even more) imply, that the receiver is an idiot for not doing proper research.
- rocqua 5y ago
  Those make sense if you are trying to advise someone, less if you are trying to learn from someone.
EdwardDiego 5y ago
> "Why don't you do X" is a great way to understand why someone did Y. As the running joke on the TV series goes "Phrasing". Phrasing is the key difference, especially in a textual medium. As you point out, it's the tone. I've seen "Why don't you do X" phrased in a variety of ways, and the best phrasing I've found seen was along the lines of "I would normally do X in the scenario you've described, but Y was obviously better for your use case, would you mind sharing why?" The worst possible phrasing of "Why don't you do X" is "Why would you even consider Y, everyone competent knows X is how you do it". ...and then it turns out that actually, Y was the best way to approach the given use case, X wasn't suitable, and now someone looks like a bit of a dick.
- Dylan16807 5y ago
  > I've seen "Why don't you do X" phrased in a variety of ways, and the best phrasing I've found seen was along the lines of "I would normally do X in the scenario you've described, but Y was obviously better for your use case, would you mind sharing why?" There are multiple assumptions in that question that could make it crash and burn really badly. What if they actually didn't consider X? What if they do think Y is better, and X is interim? What if they had a lazy reason to prefer Y, and interpret the hyping up of the quality of their decision as calling them out?
  - EdwardDiego 5y ago
    Of course they're assumptions. They're assuming that the person doing Y did so in best faith and full knowledge. As opposed to assuming they're cousin loving inbreds who did Y because they hate every computer scientist ever. Assuming that doing Y was indeed wrong, and you want to correct that... do you think approaching it with the mindset of "you're a competent person who made the best choice you could see" is going to work better or worse than approaching out as "you're so incompetent, I've met more capable toasters, and you obviously did this because you hate America"? It's just people skills, my friend. Start your disagreements by assuming the best of your opponent.
    - Dylan16807 5y ago
hef19898 5y ago
In addition to being tone sensitive it is also very dependent on who's asking. If that person is, and that is something I hate, obviously less qualified in whatever field is concerned asks in an inquisitive tone (especially when having more hierarchical power), it's a sure way to knock any respect I had for those down a notch or two (or multiple, depending on circumstances, including my mood). That being said, I love being challenged. Also by people new or un experienced in my field. Because it's an opportunity to learn. Either because I missed something (naive questions are really great for that), because I have to voice my thoughts and explain my thought process (and discover flaws in it), because the person asking is way better in what ever we are talking about,... you name it. Being challenged just because definitely isn't part of that.
- Dylan16807 5y ago
  You hate when someone with more power than you uses an inquisitive tone? What tone do you want?
  - hef19898 5y ago
    Some general politeness and respect? Apparently too much to ask these days...
    - Dylan16807 5y ago
      Could you please explain what tone of voice that would be, and why it would not be inquisitive? I'm extremely confused, and I don't understand your implication that an inquisitive tone won't be respectful or polite.
      - hef19898 5y ago
        The comment above mine sums it up pretty well, IMHO. There's general curiosity, a justified demand for an update and the inquisitive version indirectly implying whatever you do might be wrong. The latter, from someone with more authority, is putting you in a defensive position from the get go. It is passive aggressive. And it is borderline hubris from someone with no qualification in the subject matter at question. I especially hate the last version of it, if you don't trust me to do my job properly, why hire me in the first place? Plus, it creates a toxic culture where everyone has to justify every single one of his decisions all the time.

burntsushi 5y ago

This is why I try to never ask "why don't you do X" without making it clear that I'm using it as a forcing function to satisfy my own curiosity, rather than trying to sneer at folks. Often this requires being a bit more verbose, but I've personally always found a bare "why don't you do X?" without any other context to come across as sneering. But yes, I also try to interpret it charitably as well too. I just also try to make my own curiosity clear on the flip side.

hinkley 5y ago
I've known a couple people who characterize others as getting upset for no reason/escalating a situation and I wonder if they were participating in the same conversation I was witnessing? Like seriously, you started it. Plenty of reason to be had. There's a whole thing called nonviolent communication and the basic premise is that if you spin someone up by choosing your words poorly, that's as much on you as it is on them.
- switchbak 5y ago
  NVC is important, but I like to view it as "reducing the likelihood of inspiring defensiveness". It's definitely a two way street, and the skillfulness with which I communicate is definitely on me, and affects a dynamic. That said, sometimes even the most skilled communicator might find themselves spining someone up despite their best efforts. At the end of the day all we have is self awareness and good intent, but if the other person is hell bent on being oppositional, that's gonna be very hard to navigate.
fishtoaster 5y ago
Yeah, that's fair - I try to do the same. I've yet to find a particularly elegant way of asking it - it's usually something like "Why didn't you do X here? To be clear, I assume there was a good reason, I'm just curious what it was!"

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mym1990 5y ago

The 'why' in the question implies that one knew X was a possible solution, or that you should know that X is a possible solution. An alternate to the question might be 'have you tried to do X?'. Also, if you want to understand why someone did Y, ask deeper questions around why they did Y, don't ask why they didn't pick the other 500,000 possible solutions.

tapland 5y ago
Asking why they used what they did has always ended up in good explanations and less than expected defense of the tool/tech itself. Often it's just because it does the job and whoever used it knew it. Often I've asked it because I privately thought "why didn't they use X?", but I'm seldom actually interested in hearing why they didn't.
rocqua 5y ago
I very often find that my mind jumps to X as a solution. Then when X wasn't picked two things happen. Firstly, and sadly, I get a bit mentally stuck on X. Secondly I assume I have missed something. Whatever I have missed is probably quite important, since otherwise X was a good choice. Both of these effects mean that I will probably learn a lot from knowing why someone decided not to do X. So, if I've been mulling the question for a while, and can't get an answer, I think it makes perfect sense to ask "why didn't you do X". After all, that is exactly what I am wondering in good faith. It sucks that the question is often used sarcastically, because to me it's a very useful question for understanding someone else's process.

deleted 5y ago

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TaylorAlexander 5y ago

It’s true. I built a robot intended to be open sourced and reproduced by others. I wrote the entire stack from scratch in Python. People on the forum asked “why didn’t you use ROS?” which is a perfectly valid question. My answer was that at the time I started the project ROS didn’t support Python 3, ROS is in many ways mostly a system for multi process communication which is something Python already does fine, and I wanted to avoid the learning curve of both learning ROS and learning our system. Also, I wanted to see if I could do it and what it would be like. But ROS is indeed a popular framework for robotics, so the question is a reasonable one to ask.

goostavos 5y ago

If you've say through enough conferences, the ire is because the question usually isn't in good faith. More often than not, it's someone with whatever you call the personality defect that leads them to constantly needing to "show how smart they are" to the room full of people by, presumably in their mind, dunking on the speaker with their wildly naive "what didn't you do X?" I've also say through Q&A sessions where a guy got up to the microphone to recommend books for the guy giving the presentation to read. It was uncomfortable.

abnercoimbre 5y ago
We solved the Q&A issue at our conference by having all attendees (in-person and online) use the same private chat server to funnel questions. We don't allow audience microphones.

rodgerd 5y ago

> I'm surprised at the ire around this question. Because even if you exclude the concern trolls who aren't actually interested in your answer, just fighting with you, it is a never-ending stream of people who want to bikeshed your choices devoid of the context that makes it worth even trying to answer. Life is too short.

whoisthemachine 5y ago

I think it's much better to instead ask "Have you tried X?" or "Have you heard of X, it might solve your problem or solve it better?", both of which don't imply that the receiver should have known of those solutions.

hutzlibu 5y ago
I am not sure about this, depending on the tone and context it might very well equally (or even more) imply, that the receiver is an idiot for not doing proper research.
rocqua 5y ago
Those make sense if you are trying to advise someone, less if you are trying to learn from someone.

EdwardDiego 5y ago

> "Why don't you do X" is a great way to understand why someone did Y. As the running joke on the TV series goes "Phrasing". Phrasing is the key difference, especially in a textual medium. As you point out, it's the tone. I've seen "Why don't you do X" phrased in a variety of ways, and the best phrasing I've found seen was along the lines of "I would normally do X in the scenario you've described, but Y was obviously better for your use case, would you mind sharing why?" The worst possible phrasing of "Why don't you do X" is "Why would you even consider Y, everyone competent knows X is how you do it". ...and then it turns out that actually, Y was the best way to approach the given use case, X wasn't suitable, and now someone looks like a bit of a dick.

Dylan16807 5y ago
> I've seen "Why don't you do X" phrased in a variety of ways, and the best phrasing I've found seen was along the lines of "I would normally do X in the scenario you've described, but Y was obviously better for your use case, would you mind sharing why?" There are multiple assumptions in that question that could make it crash and burn really badly. What if they actually didn't consider X? What if they do think Y is better, and X is interim? What if they had a lazy reason to prefer Y, and interpret the hyping up of the quality of their decision as calling them out?
- EdwardDiego 5y ago
  Of course they're assumptions. They're assuming that the person doing Y did so in best faith and full knowledge. As opposed to assuming they're cousin loving inbreds who did Y because they hate every computer scientist ever. Assuming that doing Y was indeed wrong, and you want to correct that... do you think approaching it with the mindset of "you're a competent person who made the best choice you could see" is going to work better or worse than approaching out as "you're so incompetent, I've met more capable toasters, and you obviously did this because you hate America"? It's just people skills, my friend. Start your disagreements by assuming the best of your opponent.
  - Dylan16807 5y ago

hef19898 5y ago

In addition to being tone sensitive it is also very dependent on who's asking. If that person is, and that is something I hate, obviously less qualified in whatever field is concerned asks in an inquisitive tone (especially when having more hierarchical power), it's a sure way to knock any respect I had for those down a notch or two (or multiple, depending on circumstances, including my mood). That being said, I love being challenged. Also by people new or un experienced in my field. Because it's an opportunity to learn. Either because I missed something (naive questions are really great for that), because I have to voice my thoughts and explain my thought process (and discover flaws in it), because the person asking is way better in what ever we are talking about,... you name it. Being challenged just because definitely isn't part of that.

Dylan16807 5y ago
You hate when someone with more power than you uses an inquisitive tone? What tone do you want?
- hef19898 5y ago
  Some general politeness and respect? Apparently too much to ask these days...
  - Dylan16807 5y ago
    Could you please explain what tone of voice that would be, and why it would not be inquisitive? I'm extremely confused, and I don't understand your implication that an inquisitive tone won't be respectful or polite.
    - hef19898 5y ago
      The comment above mine sums it up pretty well, IMHO. There's general curiosity, a justified demand for an update and the inquisitive version indirectly implying whatever you do might be wrong. The latter, from someone with more authority, is putting you in a defensive position from the get go. It is passive aggressive. And it is borderline hubris from someone with no qualification in the subject matter at question. I especially hate the last version of it, if you don't trust me to do my job properly, why hire me in the first place? Plus, it creates a toxic culture where everyone has to justify every single one of his decisions all the time.