6 ms·

Lack of eye contact. That's what I see among both sexes under the age of 30. Almost to the level of autism. An inability to have basic conversation. And the boy

Lack of eye contact. That's what I see among both sexes under the age of 30. Almost to the level of autism. An inability to have basic conversation. And the boys are totally ineffectual and terrified of trying to kiss a girl; it's been made faux pas to show any inclination. It's hard enough as a teenager to get up the courage to kiss a girl. Imagine if you think there's a 50/50 chance she'll completely destroy your life on social media, rather than just say "no thanks". In my mid-30s I ran through a spate of recent divorcees who all had almost exactly the same complaint. Their husband of 10 years hadn't slept with them in 5+ years, and was always in the basement playing video games or watching porn. Which he didn't want to watch with her. Two of them - totally separately - told me they would dress up in lingere and go to the basement and the husband would say he was too tired. A third said she felt "unfuckable" and started crying recounting it. (I said, oh no! You're totally fuckable! I also said, I would never play a video game rather than lay in bed with you. And it was like... holy shit) This is literally what's going on.

halo37253 5y ago
[flagged]
- captainredbeard 5y ago
  > We make it work and have sex a few times every month That’s not very much at all. Some of us are daily+ kind of people (and yes we have hard jobs that make a lot of money, too). Hope your wife is satisfied with this arrangement.
  - 11101010001100 5y ago
    How many kids do you have?
    - captainredbeard 5y ago
      3
    - Auracle 5y ago
      I know someone - a relative of my wife - with 3 young kids that has sex (more or less) daily. She wasn’t bragging when she told me. To be fair, she has a smoking body. The other half, not so much. My wife and I just have one 4 month old but we’re making an effort to have sex the days that we can. It’s not easy with a kid at this age! We maybe get one nap in the evening. After the baby goes to bed my wife usually needs to pump and get to sleep early enough so she gets enough before the baby wakes.
      - hdjjhhvvhga 5y ago
        I guess it depends on the kids. Some of them cry more, involve more energy, wake up earlier. When going to bed you remember the morning pain and quickly evaluate the pleasure component. Moreover, both partners need to have equally high energy levels in order to do that, and this can be a challenge even in a relationship without kids. So respect to those who manage to do it daily with 3.
        Auracle 5y ago
        Oh, only their middle child is easy. The oldest and the youngest are both handfuls. At some point I'm going to ask her for details. Maybe their sessions are pretty quick, for instance.
        halo37253 5y ago
        My oldest Child is in their teens. And I do stuff with my kids every day. Dad time is a everyday thing with my children. Even if it is for only 20 minuets per child. Or hours. Homework and spending time with family are very important for my kids.
      - captainredbeard 5y ago
        Exactly! This is a personal preference thing but I don't think folks realize how often some of us _have to_ make love to maintain sanity. They are often quickies due to the kids but we both strive to make it happen because we like it so much.
  - halo37253 5y ago
    Having Sex more than once a week 15 years into a relationship with 3 kids running around is not alot? I bed to differ. I think for most that would be more than they are currently do. Having sex daily is a young couple fantasy, and really at this point just waiting time. Time is the one thing we dont have. If Im not feelin it, and the wife isn't feeling it. I'm not going to force it. And If I want it, and she dont. Rubbing one off out in my office quick after the kids are in bed is no big deal.
    - captainredbeard 5y ago
      > If Im not feelin it, and the wife isn't feeling it. I'm not going to force it That is a good approach. I'm just saying that my "feeling it" is daily+, and I've been married to the same woman for over 10 years now. Libido varies. This isn't a judgement on your frequency, just contributing to the conversation so people have an accurate idea of sexuality distribution.
- claaams 5y ago
  I'd like to point out that cops in my city are not low wage jobs. They earn ~200k and more if they do overtime.
  - halo37253 5y ago
    Cops can earn a good amount, and can move up. But lets be honest this is not a game every cop has the option to do. only so many upper management positions. same with a teacher. All I meant by it is making six figures by the time you turn 30 is not as easy as a task.
- queuebert 5y ago
  I'm 10 years older than you, and this doesn't resonate with me at all. Having sex shouldn't be exhausting. It's fun and easy. In fact, your whole post makes me tired just reading it. You sound exhausted. I hope you can find a way to get some rest.
  - halo37253 5y ago
    Sex is a process, its the foreplay and the physical goodness. Yeah of course it is fun, and makes your body hurt the next day. But it is a process, and spending 30 minuets to do something I can rub out in a few minuets isn't always worth it. I am tired, and rest is not an option. Even when you go on vacation, you are not resting. You are working to allow your kids to have fun. You come home more tired than when you left. Yeah sexy is fun, and easy. when the time is right. Who has time these days. Time is the one thing I wish I had more of every day.
    - PaulHoule 5y ago
      If you're not having sex this attitude is part of the reason why.
      - halo37253 5y ago
        Or maybe when you do have sex it isn't fulfilling enough to last days. Every couple is different. For us there is a lot involved. Toys, spankings, choking, dirty talk, lot of movement, etc. We can do this once a week and the pleasure gained from it will last days. Also Locations change things up too. Never like spicing this up during a xmas party by sneaking off and getting it on.
      - relaxation 5y ago
  - bradlys 5y ago
    > I'm 10 years older than you, and this doesn't resonate with me at all. You might be 10 years luckier. Consider home prices in 2019 versus 2009.
- the_lonely_road 5y ago
  Cops are a low wage job that struggles to move up in life? Dude...sure there are guys that stay on the beat their whole 30 years but there is ample opportunity within any large city organization to specialize and move up into quite well paid (by any measure other than HN's tech salaries) professionals. Even the ones that don't still usually do ample overtime to increase their take home pay to levels unattainable by large swaths of white collar American workers. Keep in mind there is no 'the police' in the US there are like 10K different jurisdictions all doing their own thing and a little 2K person town with one sheriff and two deputies will function much different from the NYC police department.
- rglullis 5y ago
  > Don't complain about me using my little amount of free time to blow off steam when I'm brining home 3x your wage. And this, my friends, is what you get for giving way to a culture of hyper-individualization and materialism.
  - halo37253 5y ago
    When it comes to your kids, everyone should want to set them up for life. My goal even from a young age before kids was to build generational wealth. We live in a world where money makes a big difference in lifestyle. Living Paycheck to Paycheck is a shitty way to live life. I did plenty of that early in life, and grew up in a house hold that lived paycheck to paycheck. I don't want that for my kids.
    - rglullis 5y ago
      Way to miss the point. You could be the King of England for all I care, if your relationship with your wife depends on how much you make compared to her, you have a lot (a lot!) of soul searching to do.
      - PaulHoule 5y ago
        It's also "if your wife's relationship with you depends on how much she makes compared with you she has a lot of soul searching to do." Historically women have married up in status. They still have that preference but that preference is not realistic now that more women are rising up higher in the workforce.
      - halo37253 5y ago
        Actually me and my wife are both 6 figure earners. I used a common example for young couples where the wife normally earns half if not less than their partner. And while there was a time in my life this was the case, my wife makes close to what I make. And we love each other. But with kids and day to day activities, there isn't enough time in the day. You'd be surprised how much you don't even feel the need for sex when you have so much other enjoyment in life. Between us working hard so we can retire early in life, we could stop working at the age of 45 if we wanted and our investments would still grow while living off them, I have plenty of enjoyment at home after work. I love cooking, I love engineering and wooding in my shop, I love playing video games, I love programming small little gadgets, I love to learn. Hell I even love to catch up on a TV show with the Wife, or play some Mario Party as a family. We're in bed by 10 most nights, and I'm up before 6. Me and the Wife don't need to have sex every night. Sure that was a thing years ago, but 15 years in once a week makes up happy. I get more enjoyment teaching my daughter how to design and build something from start to finish, or playing some Minecraft with my Boys. Making Something for dinner we've never had, etc. My priorates are in the correct space.
- yucky 5y ago
  >This younger generation simply has to work more. The data does not back that assertion up, at all. >Honestly having sex more than 1-2 times in a single week is exhausting. Well, that's a problem. Sex is supposed to be reinvigorating, not exhausting.
  - paulnpace 5y ago
    > The data does not back that assertion up, at all. Median home prices are accelerating in their annual price increase with a significant uptrend beginning on the mid- to late '90s. This represents a significant percentage of personal budgets, and those who are on the margins will be pushed out without increasing their income. It is an assertion on your part that there is no data.
    - yucky 5y ago
      You made the assertion that people are working more now leading to them being too exhausted for sex, which is false. Your reply then switched to increasing housing prices, not hours worked. Average hours worked have not gone up - https://clockify.me/working-hours https://clockify.me/working-hours
- noduerme 5y ago
  I don't know why this post should've been flagged. It's a valid viewpoint and a reasonable explanation. FWIW the idea of jerking off while your SO hangs out smoking weed and playing a video game is ...pretty alien and crazy to me. But I've been in mostly very long relationships and I do understand the ennui.
spywaregorilla 5y ago
> Lack of eye contact. That's what I see among both sexes under the age of 30. Not a significant thing > An inability to have basic conversation. Not a significant thing > And the boys are totally ineffectual and terrified of trying to kiss a girl; it's been made faux pas to show any inclination. It's hard enough as a teenager to get up the courage to kiss a girl. I mean you shouldn't kiss a girl without consent, but I assure you, plenty of teenagers are kissing > Imagine if you think there's a 50/50 chance she'll completely destroy your life on social media, rather than just say "no thanks". It's really not a thing. This one is just stupid. This time of thinking is OCD level anxiety of about unrealistic outcomes. > In my mid-30s I ran through a spate of recent divorcees who all had almost exactly the same complaint. Their husband of 10 years hadn't slept with them in 5+ years, and was always in the basement playing video games or watching porn. Which he didn't want to watch with her. Two of them - totally separately - told me they would dress up in lingere and go to the basement and the husband would say he was too tired. A third said she felt "unfuckable" and started crying recounting it. (I said, oh no! You're totally fuckable! I also said, I would never play a video game rather than lay in bed with you. And it was like... holy shit) This is literally what's going on. As a late 20's, moderately sexed, east coaster, the quote here is weird, dude. Both the content and the fact that it's being shared at all. People being depressed and having low sex drives and maybe just not liking their wives is bad and definitely a thing. Guys who can't comprehend not prioritizing sex as the top item at all times is also weird. I don't have interest in fucking more than maybe 3 times per week on a good week. Other than that and I would almost certainly prefer playing a game with my wife.
- tarboreus 5y ago
  What's the use of just saying it's not a thing? Make a point. I agree with OP. People around my generation (middle of the road millennial) and especially those younger have laughable basic social skills. The median 25-year-old can't talk on the phone, walk up to someone at a party and start a conversation, or act like a human being with a cashier or server. They also flake out on plans some huge percentage of the time. Drugs, porn, games, and social media are preferred to face-to-face interaction. Normal interactions, which are obviously often slightly awkward, are "cringe," and obsession with them produces a neurotic paranoia in daily interactions. And then we wonder why there's a mental health crisis, and why our communities are disintegrating, or why no one trusts society or one another.

halo37253 5y ago

[flagged]

captainredbeard 5y ago
> We make it work and have sex a few times every month That’s not very much at all. Some of us are daily+ kind of people (and yes we have hard jobs that make a lot of money, too). Hope your wife is satisfied with this arrangement.
- 11101010001100 5y ago
  How many kids do you have?
  - captainredbeard 5y ago
    3
  - Auracle 5y ago
    I know someone - a relative of my wife - with 3 young kids that has sex (more or less) daily. She wasn’t bragging when she told me. To be fair, she has a smoking body. The other half, not so much. My wife and I just have one 4 month old but we’re making an effort to have sex the days that we can. It’s not easy with a kid at this age! We maybe get one nap in the evening. After the baby goes to bed my wife usually needs to pump and get to sleep early enough so she gets enough before the baby wakes.
    - hdjjhhvvhga 5y ago
      I guess it depends on the kids. Some of them cry more, involve more energy, wake up earlier. When going to bed you remember the morning pain and quickly evaluate the pleasure component. Moreover, both partners need to have equally high energy levels in order to do that, and this can be a challenge even in a relationship without kids. So respect to those who manage to do it daily with 3.
      - Auracle 5y ago
        Oh, only their middle child is easy. The oldest and the youngest are both handfuls. At some point I'm going to ask her for details. Maybe their sessions are pretty quick, for instance.
      - halo37253 5y ago
        My oldest Child is in their teens. And I do stuff with my kids every day. Dad time is a everyday thing with my children. Even if it is for only 20 minuets per child. Or hours. Homework and spending time with family are very important for my kids.
    - captainredbeard 5y ago
      Exactly! This is a personal preference thing but I don't think folks realize how often some of us _have to_ make love to maintain sanity. They are often quickies due to the kids but we both strive to make it happen because we like it so much.
- halo37253 5y ago
  Having Sex more than once a week 15 years into a relationship with 3 kids running around is not alot? I bed to differ. I think for most that would be more than they are currently do. Having sex daily is a young couple fantasy, and really at this point just waiting time. Time is the one thing we dont have. If Im not feelin it, and the wife isn't feeling it. I'm not going to force it. And If I want it, and she dont. Rubbing one off out in my office quick after the kids are in bed is no big deal.
  - captainredbeard 5y ago
    > If Im not feelin it, and the wife isn't feeling it. I'm not going to force it That is a good approach. I'm just saying that my "feeling it" is daily+, and I've been married to the same woman for over 10 years now. Libido varies. This isn't a judgement on your frequency, just contributing to the conversation so people have an accurate idea of sexuality distribution.
claaams 5y ago
I'd like to point out that cops in my city are not low wage jobs. They earn ~200k and more if they do overtime.
- halo37253 5y ago
  Cops can earn a good amount, and can move up. But lets be honest this is not a game every cop has the option to do. only so many upper management positions. same with a teacher. All I meant by it is making six figures by the time you turn 30 is not as easy as a task.
queuebert 5y ago
I'm 10 years older than you, and this doesn't resonate with me at all. Having sex shouldn't be exhausting. It's fun and easy. In fact, your whole post makes me tired just reading it. You sound exhausted. I hope you can find a way to get some rest.
- halo37253 5y ago
  Sex is a process, its the foreplay and the physical goodness. Yeah of course it is fun, and makes your body hurt the next day. But it is a process, and spending 30 minuets to do something I can rub out in a few minuets isn't always worth it. I am tired, and rest is not an option. Even when you go on vacation, you are not resting. You are working to allow your kids to have fun. You come home more tired than when you left. Yeah sexy is fun, and easy. when the time is right. Who has time these days. Time is the one thing I wish I had more of every day.
  - PaulHoule 5y ago
    If you're not having sex this attitude is part of the reason why.
    - halo37253 5y ago
      Or maybe when you do have sex it isn't fulfilling enough to last days. Every couple is different. For us there is a lot involved. Toys, spankings, choking, dirty talk, lot of movement, etc. We can do this once a week and the pleasure gained from it will last days. Also Locations change things up too. Never like spicing this up during a xmas party by sneaking off and getting it on.
    - relaxation 5y ago
- bradlys 5y ago
  > I'm 10 years older than you, and this doesn't resonate with me at all. You might be 10 years luckier. Consider home prices in 2019 versus 2009.
the_lonely_road 5y ago
Cops are a low wage job that struggles to move up in life? Dude...sure there are guys that stay on the beat their whole 30 years but there is ample opportunity within any large city organization to specialize and move up into quite well paid (by any measure other than HN's tech salaries) professionals. Even the ones that don't still usually do ample overtime to increase their take home pay to levels unattainable by large swaths of white collar American workers. Keep in mind there is no 'the police' in the US there are like 10K different jurisdictions all doing their own thing and a little 2K person town with one sheriff and two deputies will function much different from the NYC police department.
rglullis 5y ago
> Don't complain about me using my little amount of free time to blow off steam when I'm brining home 3x your wage. And this, my friends, is what you get for giving way to a culture of hyper-individualization and materialism.
- halo37253 5y ago
  When it comes to your kids, everyone should want to set them up for life. My goal even from a young age before kids was to build generational wealth. We live in a world where money makes a big difference in lifestyle. Living Paycheck to Paycheck is a shitty way to live life. I did plenty of that early in life, and grew up in a house hold that lived paycheck to paycheck. I don't want that for my kids.
  - rglullis 5y ago
    Way to miss the point. You could be the King of England for all I care, if your relationship with your wife depends on how much you make compared to her, you have a lot (a lot!) of soul searching to do.
    - PaulHoule 5y ago
      It's also "if your wife's relationship with you depends on how much she makes compared with you she has a lot of soul searching to do." Historically women have married up in status. They still have that preference but that preference is not realistic now that more women are rising up higher in the workforce.
    - halo37253 5y ago
      Actually me and my wife are both 6 figure earners. I used a common example for young couples where the wife normally earns half if not less than their partner. And while there was a time in my life this was the case, my wife makes close to what I make. And we love each other. But with kids and day to day activities, there isn't enough time in the day. You'd be surprised how much you don't even feel the need for sex when you have so much other enjoyment in life. Between us working hard so we can retire early in life, we could stop working at the age of 45 if we wanted and our investments would still grow while living off them, I have plenty of enjoyment at home after work. I love cooking, I love engineering and wooding in my shop, I love playing video games, I love programming small little gadgets, I love to learn. Hell I even love to catch up on a TV show with the Wife, or play some Mario Party as a family. We're in bed by 10 most nights, and I'm up before 6. Me and the Wife don't need to have sex every night. Sure that was a thing years ago, but 15 years in once a week makes up happy. I get more enjoyment teaching my daughter how to design and build something from start to finish, or playing some Minecraft with my Boys. Making Something for dinner we've never had, etc. My priorates are in the correct space.
yucky 5y ago
>This younger generation simply has to work more. The data does not back that assertion up, at all. >Honestly having sex more than 1-2 times in a single week is exhausting. Well, that's a problem. Sex is supposed to be reinvigorating, not exhausting.
- paulnpace 5y ago
  > The data does not back that assertion up, at all. Median home prices are accelerating in their annual price increase with a significant uptrend beginning on the mid- to late '90s. This represents a significant percentage of personal budgets, and those who are on the margins will be pushed out without increasing their income. It is an assertion on your part that there is no data.
  - yucky 5y ago
    You made the assertion that people are working more now leading to them being too exhausted for sex, which is false. Your reply then switched to increasing housing prices, not hours worked. Average hours worked have not gone up - https://clockify.me/working-hours https://clockify.me/working-hours
noduerme 5y ago
I don't know why this post should've been flagged. It's a valid viewpoint and a reasonable explanation. FWIW the idea of jerking off while your SO hangs out smoking weed and playing a video game is ...pretty alien and crazy to me. But I've been in mostly very long relationships and I do understand the ennui.

spywaregorilla 5y ago

> Lack of eye contact. That's what I see among both sexes under the age of 30. Not a significant thing > An inability to have basic conversation. Not a significant thing > And the boys are totally ineffectual and terrified of trying to kiss a girl; it's been made faux pas to show any inclination. It's hard enough as a teenager to get up the courage to kiss a girl. I mean you shouldn't kiss a girl without consent, but I assure you, plenty of teenagers are kissing > Imagine if you think there's a 50/50 chance she'll completely destroy your life on social media, rather than just say "no thanks". It's really not a thing. This one is just stupid. This time of thinking is OCD level anxiety of about unrealistic outcomes. > In my mid-30s I ran through a spate of recent divorcees who all had almost exactly the same complaint. Their husband of 10 years hadn't slept with them in 5+ years, and was always in the basement playing video games or watching porn. Which he didn't want to watch with her. Two of them - totally separately - told me they would dress up in lingere and go to the basement and the husband would say he was too tired. A third said she felt "unfuckable" and started crying recounting it. (I said, oh no! You're totally fuckable! I also said, I would never play a video game rather than lay in bed with you. And it was like... holy shit) This is literally what's going on. As a late 20's, moderately sexed, east coaster, the quote here is weird, dude. Both the content and the fact that it's being shared at all. People being depressed and having low sex drives and maybe just not liking their wives is bad and definitely a thing. Guys who can't comprehend not prioritizing sex as the top item at all times is also weird. I don't have interest in fucking more than maybe 3 times per week on a good week. Other than that and I would almost certainly prefer playing a game with my wife.

tarboreus 5y ago
What's the use of just saying it's not a thing? Make a point. I agree with OP. People around my generation (middle of the road millennial) and especially those younger have laughable basic social skills. The median 25-year-old can't talk on the phone, walk up to someone at a party and start a conversation, or act like a human being with a cashier or server. They also flake out on plans some huge percentage of the time. Drugs, porn, games, and social media are preferred to face-to-face interaction. Normal interactions, which are obviously often slightly awkward, are "cringe," and obsession with them produces a neurotic paranoia in daily interactions. And then we wonder why there's a mental health crisis, and why our communities are disintegrating, or why no one trusts society or one another.