5 ms·

I miss handshakes. As a young male, I value a convention that requires men to be in contact with one another, and to look each other in the eyes. I've taken to

I miss handshakes. As a young male, I value a convention that requires men to be in contact with one another, and to look each other in the eyes. I've taken to fistbumps, but I miss handshakes. I also despise the idea of everyone being on different wavelengths regarding greeting gestures for the next 15 years. I don't want to be a part of this friction! This problem isn't going to keep me from being happy, or putting food on the table, but a lot of good work started with shared trust and a handshake.

gowld 5y ago
> requires men to be in contact with one another, and to look each other in the eyes. Why? That favors con artists over honestly nervous people.
- 7steps2much 5y ago
  I can only speak for myself, but it's nice to have physical contact with people. An easy way to battle the touch starvation
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - moron4hire 5y ago
    Why do you need physical touch from relative strangers?
    - kerneloftruth 5y ago
      When you don't want them to remain strangers.
    - simonsarris 5y ago
      I'm baffled at how millennia old* rituals involved with no-longer-being-strangers are lost on some commenters https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Funerary_stele_of_Thraseas_and_Euandria_Antikensammlung_Berlin_01.jpg https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Funerary_stele_of_Thrasea... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:OTArsameiaSockelIIIDexiosis.jpg https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:OTArsameiaSockelIIIDexios...
    - dmw1 5y ago
      Seems to me that the ubiquity of such greetings across all cultures would imply that you're the exception here, no?
      - DoreenMichele 5y ago
        A lot of cultures bow rather than shake hands.
        gehatare 5y ago
        Other cultures require you to get a lot closer than a handshake.
  - DoreenMichele 5y ago
    Strangers don't owe you that and there's still a global pandemic on. Pay for a massage or take up ballroom dancing or something if touch matters to you.
    - 7steps2much 5y ago
      Oh they don't owe me anything, and I didn't mean to say that they do. However, I am free to decide who I would rather do business with/work with. And as such I am free to prefer to work with people who shake my hand. As for the pandemic, I don't think it will remain an issue for forever. And even if it does, I don't mind carrying a bottle of hand sanitizer around.
      - DoreenMichele 5y ago
        Yes, you are free to decide with whom you choose to do business. The pandemic has dragged on a lot longer than expected. We still don't have a clear end in sight and some people feel this is "the new normal." I find it creepy and inappropriate that someone would feel that I need to service their touch starvation to do business with them when they can't be bothered to arrange their personal life to adequately meet that need for themselves. It smacks of something just shy of sexual favors since sex is a large part of how most people quench their need for physical touch.
        7steps2much 5y ago
        It's a rather far jump to go from handshake to sexual favours in my opinion, but if you feel that way then of course you can just choose to not shake people's hands. Nobody forcing you to after all!
        DoreenMichele 5y ago
        Nobody's forcing me but if enough people refuse to do business with me because I don't shake their hand, I -- what? -- get to choose between shaking hands and going hungry? No pressure. Just an FYI: I'm a woman. In my experience, a lot of men looking for excuses to touch me, such as shake my hand, are really angling to get next to me sexually. Maybe that's not a big issue in your life. It unfortunately is in mine. Edit: just to be crystal clear, my reason for not shaking hands is germ control, as stated elsewhere.
tokai 5y ago
Why not touching and keeping eye contact with your friends, and let strangers have some space?
- throwaway22032 5y ago
  The entire point of a handshake is as an introduction. They become no longer strangers via that interaction.
- suslik 5y ago
  How else would I make sure their knife hand is empty?
fartcannon 5y ago
Keep your gross clammy hands to yourself, please and thank you.
Dig1t 5y ago
Hey I agree with you on this one, you seem to have a lot of people disagreeing with you but I also like handshakes. I think they serve a good purpose in establishing a rapport and helping to build a conversation with a new person. Elbow bumps and fist bumps just don't have the same effect. Of course, we're all more health conscious nowadays, I think it's pretty easy to not touch my face after shaking someone's hand and hand sanitizer is now ubiquitous, so it doesn't seem like a big deal to me.
- Kye 5y ago
  >> "I think they serve a good purpose in establishing a rapport and helping to build a conversation with a new person. Elbow bumps and fist bumps just don't have the same effect." I hope you understand that someone who doesn't want to do handshakes doesn't necessarily get the same effect. Shakes and bumps would actually be misinformation in this case. For example: I never could work out how much pressure to put into a handshake. So nine times out of ten I get a dude on the other end crushing my hand because he either reads me as weak (too little pressure), or as challenging him (too much pressure). And I have no idea how to fix it! So I just don't. It's the same consideration people like me want from others. We're doing you a kindness by not trying to read your mind through your hand or elbow! You're welcome. I find that people who prefer nonverbal stuff often overvalue these as signals, while they actually mean nothing coming from me. They want to try and scry my inner state by reading my face or the way I actuate limbs, but they always get it wrong and ignore me pleading with them to listen to my actual words. I'm a very honest and upfront person, so you won't get anything from non-verbal stuff that you can't get from my words. Generally, the only people who get otherwise are people who've made me feel like I need to manage their emotions to secure my own wellbeing, and I try to disassociate with them. So you can see why I don't find much value in even trying: the people who I want to know understand and come to trust the kindness and truth of my words, and everyone else gets flung into deep space. Life is too short to spend it trying to live up to someone else's expectations.
throwaway22032 5y ago
Same. I just go for the handshake. IME the people who reject it are almost universally socially awkward in other ways anyway, so whatever. Call it a filter.
shard 5y ago
Of course, handshakes are culture-dependent. Large parts of Asia had always been handshake free unless meeting Westerners.

gowld 5y ago

> requires men to be in contact with one another, and to look each other in the eyes. Why? That favors con artists over honestly nervous people.

7steps2much 5y ago
I can only speak for myself, but it's nice to have physical contact with people. An easy way to battle the touch starvation
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- moron4hire 5y ago
  Why do you need physical touch from relative strangers?
  - kerneloftruth 5y ago
    When you don't want them to remain strangers.
  - simonsarris 5y ago
    I'm baffled at how millennia old* rituals involved with no-longer-being-strangers are lost on some commenters https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Funerary_stele_of_Thraseas_and_Euandria_Antikensammlung_Berlin_01.jpg https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Funerary_stele_of_Thrasea... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:OTArsameiaSockelIIIDexiosis.jpg https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:OTArsameiaSockelIIIDexios...
  - dmw1 5y ago
    Seems to me that the ubiquity of such greetings across all cultures would imply that you're the exception here, no?
    - DoreenMichele 5y ago
      A lot of cultures bow rather than shake hands.
      - gehatare 5y ago
        Other cultures require you to get a lot closer than a handshake.
- DoreenMichele 5y ago
  Strangers don't owe you that and there's still a global pandemic on. Pay for a massage or take up ballroom dancing or something if touch matters to you.
  - 7steps2much 5y ago
    Oh they don't owe me anything, and I didn't mean to say that they do. However, I am free to decide who I would rather do business with/work with. And as such I am free to prefer to work with people who shake my hand. As for the pandemic, I don't think it will remain an issue for forever. And even if it does, I don't mind carrying a bottle of hand sanitizer around.
    - DoreenMichele 5y ago
      Yes, you are free to decide with whom you choose to do business. The pandemic has dragged on a lot longer than expected. We still don't have a clear end in sight and some people feel this is "the new normal." I find it creepy and inappropriate that someone would feel that I need to service their touch starvation to do business with them when they can't be bothered to arrange their personal life to adequately meet that need for themselves. It smacks of something just shy of sexual favors since sex is a large part of how most people quench their need for physical touch.
      - 7steps2much 5y ago
        It's a rather far jump to go from handshake to sexual favours in my opinion, but if you feel that way then of course you can just choose to not shake people's hands. Nobody forcing you to after all!
        DoreenMichele 5y ago
        Nobody's forcing me but if enough people refuse to do business with me because I don't shake their hand, I -- what? -- get to choose between shaking hands and going hungry? No pressure. Just an FYI: I'm a woman. In my experience, a lot of men looking for excuses to touch me, such as shake my hand, are really angling to get next to me sexually. Maybe that's not a big issue in your life. It unfortunately is in mine. Edit: just to be crystal clear, my reason for not shaking hands is germ control, as stated elsewhere.

tokai 5y ago

Why not touching and keeping eye contact with your friends, and let strangers have some space?

throwaway22032 5y ago
The entire point of a handshake is as an introduction. They become no longer strangers via that interaction.
suslik 5y ago
How else would I make sure their knife hand is empty?

fartcannon 5y ago

Keep your gross clammy hands to yourself, please and thank you.

Dig1t 5y ago

Hey I agree with you on this one, you seem to have a lot of people disagreeing with you but I also like handshakes. I think they serve a good purpose in establishing a rapport and helping to build a conversation with a new person. Elbow bumps and fist bumps just don't have the same effect. Of course, we're all more health conscious nowadays, I think it's pretty easy to not touch my face after shaking someone's hand and hand sanitizer is now ubiquitous, so it doesn't seem like a big deal to me.

Kye 5y ago
>> "I think they serve a good purpose in establishing a rapport and helping to build a conversation with a new person. Elbow bumps and fist bumps just don't have the same effect." I hope you understand that someone who doesn't want to do handshakes doesn't necessarily get the same effect. Shakes and bumps would actually be misinformation in this case. For example: I never could work out how much pressure to put into a handshake. So nine times out of ten I get a dude on the other end crushing my hand because he either reads me as weak (too little pressure), or as challenging him (too much pressure). And I have no idea how to fix it! So I just don't. It's the same consideration people like me want from others. We're doing you a kindness by not trying to read your mind through your hand or elbow! You're welcome. I find that people who prefer nonverbal stuff often overvalue these as signals, while they actually mean nothing coming from me. They want to try and scry my inner state by reading my face or the way I actuate limbs, but they always get it wrong and ignore me pleading with them to listen to my actual words. I'm a very honest and upfront person, so you won't get anything from non-verbal stuff that you can't get from my words. Generally, the only people who get otherwise are people who've made me feel like I need to manage their emotions to secure my own wellbeing, and I try to disassociate with them. So you can see why I don't find much value in even trying: the people who I want to know understand and come to trust the kindness and truth of my words, and everyone else gets flung into deep space. Life is too short to spend it trying to live up to someone else's expectations.

throwaway22032 5y ago

Same. I just go for the handshake. IME the people who reject it are almost universally socially awkward in other ways anyway, so whatever. Call it a filter.

shard 5y ago

Of course, handshakes are culture-dependent. Large parts of Asia had always been handshake free unless meeting Westerners.