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Those are small talk and are taxing on me :-( Years ago I read the book, "How to Practice" by the Dalai Lama. Like any book, there were a few parts that stuck

by 300bps 5y ago

Those are small talk and are taxing on me :-( Years ago I read the book, "How to Practice" by the Dalai Lama. Like any book, there were a few parts that stuck with me. Paraphrasing, one of them was: "If you are in the right frame of mind, your worst enemy cannot hurt you. If you are in the wrong frame of mind, your best friend visiting can seem like a horrific chore."

smiley0r 5y ago
So true
throwawayboise 5y ago
> your best friend visiting can seem like a horrific chore 100% for me. Holidays, with non-immediate family coming over, are a nightmare. I would be happy to meet at a restaurant or bar. Prepping the house and a menu of meals, snacks, drinks, etc. is not somthing I ever enjoy. It's stress from beginning to end. I've been known to feign illness to avoid these visits.
eatbitseveryday 5y ago
> "If you are in the right frame of mind, your worst enemy cannot hurt you. If you are in the wrong frame of mind, your best friend visiting can seem like a horrific chore." Can you tell me the connection to what I said? Best friends don't send me these little text messages.
- harry8 5y ago
  You're in such a particular frame of mind that you're missing it. These are the extremes. At the extreme with the "wrong" (bad word, for mine) frame of mind even your best friend is horrible to talk to. You are very unusually at that extreme. Half way between the wrong frame of mind and the opposite point on that spectrum you probably want to talk to your best friend but not someone further down your ordered list of friends. How far down is the cutoff where you don't want to talk to that person at all? That tells you how far away you from the (not so much worst, but probably most introverted) frame of mind you are. Remember your very, very best friend in the world wasn't that at some point and you had this whole journey of incidental and deliberate contact over time for them to get to be there. Someone thinking of you and braving the reach-out rejection vibe to send you a message asking how you are, well they might not be being totally manipulative and selfish and horrible. At least mentally give them that chance, and yourself that you are worth it. 2c, ymmv, everything said may not apply to you in any way at all.

by 300bps 5y ago

smiley0r 5y ago

So true

throwawayboise 5y ago

> your best friend visiting can seem like a horrific chore 100% for me. Holidays, with non-immediate family coming over, are a nightmare. I would be happy to meet at a restaurant or bar. Prepping the house and a menu of meals, snacks, drinks, etc. is not somthing I ever enjoy. It's stress from beginning to end. I've been known to feign illness to avoid these visits.

eatbitseveryday 5y ago

> "If you are in the right frame of mind, your worst enemy cannot hurt you. If you are in the wrong frame of mind, your best friend visiting can seem like a horrific chore." Can you tell me the connection to what I said? Best friends don't send me these little text messages.

harry8 5y ago
You're in such a particular frame of mind that you're missing it. These are the extremes. At the extreme with the "wrong" (bad word, for mine) frame of mind even your best friend is horrible to talk to. You are very unusually at that extreme. Half way between the wrong frame of mind and the opposite point on that spectrum you probably want to talk to your best friend but not someone further down your ordered list of friends. How far down is the cutoff where you don't want to talk to that person at all? That tells you how far away you from the (not so much worst, but probably most introverted) frame of mind you are. Remember your very, very best friend in the world wasn't that at some point and you had this whole journey of incidental and deliberate contact over time for them to get to be there. Someone thinking of you and braving the reach-out rejection vibe to send you a message asking how you are, well they might not be being totally manipulative and selfish and horrible. At least mentally give them that chance, and yourself that you are worth it. 2c, ymmv, everything said may not apply to you in any way at all.