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I can compare myself to my ex-girlfriend. We both face problems in life, but she is more consistently happy than I am. I think the main reason is that I was alw

I can compare myself to my ex-girlfriend. We both face problems in life, but she is more consistently happy than I am. I think the main reason is that I was always more ambitions, and more eager to take risks, and this lead to quite drastic changes in my life. Which were good for my career, but which destroyed my social life in the process. Also I abandoned all other interests I had such as hobbies or sports, to single mindedly pursue my goals. My ex on the other hand has consistently worked on building an ever expanding social circle. She is not so ambition and spends considerably more time tending to her social circle. And when she is alone she has her hobbies that she has been cultivating over many years. At the end of the day, I go to sleep thinking about the day when everything will turn out great and I will be happy. And she goes to sleep with fresh memories of her amazing day out with her friends. Of course she's happier. It's not some big mystery. It's just that nerds like me tend to neglect to tend to the simple but important aspects of life. Now at 30, I'm starting the hard process of trying to build some semblance of a normal life, after all but abandoning my ambitions.

TrainedMonkey 5y ago
This reminded me of an old anecdote: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6ft98c/conversation_between_a_fisherman_and_an_mba/ https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6ft98c/conversation_... Personally it had pretty large impact on me around 2018 or so. I put more effort into paying attention of what makes me happy and then doing those things. Pretty content with life right now.
- pen2l 5y ago
  Oh man, I'd literally been looking for this for so long, very glad to have rediscovered it. Separately, in the spirit of debate, I'm happy to see the comment made by 'takes_joke_literally (meme account as it may be) actually give a strong response: the fisherman was living a day-to-day's income and perhaps wasn't in a good position to take life's unwelcome surprises.
  - bittercynic 5y ago
    I really appreciate the sentiment, and think I would like to live the suburban version of that life. With some luck, and by maintaining thrifty habits, I think some semblance of that life is within reach for a good fraction of the population today.
iJohnDoe 5y ago
- louwrentius 5y ago
  That text is indeed open for interpretation. Neglecting your girlfriend. Or being dismissive of her lack of drive/ambition. Maybe it's not meant like this at all, but I don't see any acknowledgement towards her way of life or admission of regret.
  - goethes_kind 5y ago
    The text as I intended it to be read, was me learning a hard and very useful lesson from her. I am by no means dismissing her way of life. Quite the contrary. Sorry if it does not come through so easily.
extraAccount 5y ago
I think this is the most applicable case for most of us really. In my free-time I think of what better things I could be doing or working on, reading the news, new technologies, working or studying for my masters degree. Not exactly friend-making activities or memorable ones that you will think fondly of in the future. When I think back, its all a big blur of being all by myself, with a few actual memorable moments with people sprinkled in it. I compare myself to my brother, we both graduated and started our working lives. When I wake up in the weekend, all I can think about is all the work I need to do. When he wakes up, all he thinks about is going out, hiking, meeting new people. I think we are just wired that way.
pizza 5y ago
I figured it out.. I do the same thing, and for me, it's about my mortality. I, u/pizza, lived, because of all these projects I did.. stark realization, that over the next couple of years probably, I need to undo what I've learned to do w/ my free time.
alar44 5y ago
Hold up. You're only 30. In my 20s, I was more like your ex. Didn't focus on my career, had tons of hobbies and a healthy social circle. Turns out, a "social circle" isn't really a thing in your mid to late 30s. You might have a few close friends but most people are tending to families at that point. Try starting a career in your 30s that allows you to save for retirement so you don't have to work until you die. It's not easy. You're doing fine and you've set yourself up for success rather than "living in the moment" until you can't afford to.
- Barrin92 5y ago
  >Turns out, a "social circle" isn't really a thing in your mid to late 30s. You might have a few close friends but most people are tending to families at that point. Is this really still that common? I just turned 30, share a flat with two people in their mid-thirties, and we have what I'd consider a pretty good social circle going on of people from their late 20s to 40s and a lot of our friends live in similar households.
  - lumost 5y ago
    Depends on the city, you and your circle's life goals, and so on. As a recent parent I can say that I only maintain a few close friends whom I see sparingly. Between a full-time job, raising a child, and keeping a marriage healthy there isn't much time for much else. If your social circle isn't interested in children then this isn't going to be much of a difference.
  - Spooky23 5y ago
    It depends. Most of my friends got married from age 25-35 and their closeness usually aligned with the age of the kids. Personally, I think my wife and I have a better social life than we did, but usually the people we relate to are either old close friends or folks with kids in a similar cohort. We’re active in school and little league and get to spend time with people. I think people who don’t make an effort to be involved in something end up falling out and not having a social life. My four male cousins are all high flying finance bros and attorneys. They are in their 50s, never married, and from my perspective live like frat brothers. They’ve certainly dated more models and have been able to travel to really amazing places. Not my thing. To each their own - nobody else knows the right way for you to live!
WheelsAtLarge 5y ago
Hobbies and sports are a great way to disconnect from the stress of everyday life. If you are able to pursue them as an enjoyable pass time then your life is going to be so much better. They bring both social and mental benefits. Pick one you find interesting and start. You'll suck at the beginning but you'll get better. that's part of the joy. Like they say it's not always the goal but the journey. I've known plenty of people that aren't trilled with their everyday work/life but find it rejuvenating to spend a weekend doing what they love. It becomes a reset mechanism for a happy life. I highly recommend it.
bradlys 5y ago
The question you’ll wrack yourself over with though is - is it really possible for you to have ever had a similar experience? I find social circumstances tend to go much better for my ex’s than they ever did for me. Pretty privilege is a real thing and it’s nearly impossible to make up for. You’ll find exceptions but they’re just that - exceptions.

TrainedMonkey 5y ago

This reminded me of an old anecdote: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6ft98c/conversation_between_a_fisherman_and_an_mba/ https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6ft98c/conversation_... Personally it had pretty large impact on me around 2018 or so. I put more effort into paying attention of what makes me happy and then doing those things. Pretty content with life right now.

pen2l 5y ago
Oh man, I'd literally been looking for this for so long, very glad to have rediscovered it. Separately, in the spirit of debate, I'm happy to see the comment made by 'takes_joke_literally (meme account as it may be) actually give a strong response: the fisherman was living a day-to-day's income and perhaps wasn't in a good position to take life's unwelcome surprises.
- bittercynic 5y ago
  I really appreciate the sentiment, and think I would like to live the suburban version of that life. With some luck, and by maintaining thrifty habits, I think some semblance of that life is within reach for a good fraction of the population today.

iJohnDoe 5y ago

louwrentius 5y ago
That text is indeed open for interpretation. Neglecting your girlfriend. Or being dismissive of her lack of drive/ambition. Maybe it's not meant like this at all, but I don't see any acknowledgement towards her way of life or admission of regret.
- goethes_kind 5y ago
  The text as I intended it to be read, was me learning a hard and very useful lesson from her. I am by no means dismissing her way of life. Quite the contrary. Sorry if it does not come through so easily.

extraAccount 5y ago

I think this is the most applicable case for most of us really. In my free-time I think of what better things I could be doing or working on, reading the news, new technologies, working or studying for my masters degree. Not exactly friend-making activities or memorable ones that you will think fondly of in the future. When I think back, its all a big blur of being all by myself, with a few actual memorable moments with people sprinkled in it. I compare myself to my brother, we both graduated and started our working lives. When I wake up in the weekend, all I can think about is all the work I need to do. When he wakes up, all he thinks about is going out, hiking, meeting new people. I think we are just wired that way.

pizza 5y ago

I figured it out.. I do the same thing, and for me, it's about my mortality. I, u/pizza, lived, because of all these projects I did.. stark realization, that over the next couple of years probably, I need to undo what I've learned to do w/ my free time.

alar44 5y ago

Hold up. You're only 30. In my 20s, I was more like your ex. Didn't focus on my career, had tons of hobbies and a healthy social circle. Turns out, a "social circle" isn't really a thing in your mid to late 30s. You might have a few close friends but most people are tending to families at that point. Try starting a career in your 30s that allows you to save for retirement so you don't have to work until you die. It's not easy. You're doing fine and you've set yourself up for success rather than "living in the moment" until you can't afford to.

Barrin92 5y ago
>Turns out, a "social circle" isn't really a thing in your mid to late 30s. You might have a few close friends but most people are tending to families at that point. Is this really still that common? I just turned 30, share a flat with two people in their mid-thirties, and we have what I'd consider a pretty good social circle going on of people from their late 20s to 40s and a lot of our friends live in similar households.
- lumost 5y ago
  Depends on the city, you and your circle's life goals, and so on. As a recent parent I can say that I only maintain a few close friends whom I see sparingly. Between a full-time job, raising a child, and keeping a marriage healthy there isn't much time for much else. If your social circle isn't interested in children then this isn't going to be much of a difference.
- Spooky23 5y ago
  It depends. Most of my friends got married from age 25-35 and their closeness usually aligned with the age of the kids. Personally, I think my wife and I have a better social life than we did, but usually the people we relate to are either old close friends or folks with kids in a similar cohort. We’re active in school and little league and get to spend time with people. I think people who don’t make an effort to be involved in something end up falling out and not having a social life. My four male cousins are all high flying finance bros and attorneys. They are in their 50s, never married, and from my perspective live like frat brothers. They’ve certainly dated more models and have been able to travel to really amazing places. Not my thing. To each their own - nobody else knows the right way for you to live!

WheelsAtLarge 5y ago

Hobbies and sports are a great way to disconnect from the stress of everyday life. If you are able to pursue them as an enjoyable pass time then your life is going to be so much better. They bring both social and mental benefits. Pick one you find interesting and start. You'll suck at the beginning but you'll get better. that's part of the joy. Like they say it's not always the goal but the journey. I've known plenty of people that aren't trilled with their everyday work/life but find it rejuvenating to spend a weekend doing what they love. It becomes a reset mechanism for a happy life. I highly recommend it.

bradlys 5y ago

The question you’ll wrack yourself over with though is - is it really possible for you to have ever had a similar experience? I find social circumstances tend to go much better for my ex’s than they ever did for me. Pretty privilege is a real thing and it’s nearly impossible to make up for. You’ll find exceptions but they’re just that - exceptions.