8 ms·

Indeed; how is it fair that men are "forced" to work and provide income (with all the stress associated for that, especially for low-earners) and are "forced" t

Indeed; how is it fair that men are "forced" to work and provide income (with all the stress associated for that, especially for low-earners) and are "forced" to miss out on their kids? It seems to me that's just as much of an injustice as women being "forced" to stay at home. ("forced" in quotes as it's not strongly forced, but rather "forced" by expectations, prospects, etc.) I've long considered traditional gender roles of man works and provides income and woman raises kids and cooks to be unfair to both genders and a general issue that affects everyone, and not really a "feminist" issue as such (or rather, not exclusively feminist). In my country there's been a lot of discussion that a lot of women are working part-time rather than full-time, with many claiming this is horrible and evidence of discrimination. Maybe that plays a part, but it seems to me the real question is "why aren't more men working part-time?" rather than "why aren't more women working full-time?" And more general: up to a few decades ago it was entirely normal for a single earner to support an entire family and still have money for a yearly holiday. Now that's much harder financially, if not outright impossible. Something really profound changed in our economy with seemingly few people noticing or commenting on it.

ok_dad 5y ago
Men are socialized to work by the same society that women are socialized to stay home and make babies. Feminism's direct goals would be breaking that down so that men could stay home (unfortunately we cannot make babies) and women could work, or any other combination, without the traditional gender role boundaries. Feminism's goals are good for everyone.
- skinkestek 5y ago
  You are talking about a subset of reasonable feminists. Feminism also contains the culture that wants six year old boys to be held back, feel shame and suffer for the sins of their fathers. Feminism also contains the idea that being a man is some kind of disease, something to be ashamed of.
  - ok_dad 5y ago
    There are examples of men who want women to be chained to the kitchen; we should consider the reasonable views though, and not throw the baby out with the bath water. Ignore the fringe elements, even though that’s the thing that the media and social algorithms push since they’re the most “engaging”. They are the small minority.
    - skinkestek 5y ago
      > There are examples of men who want women to be chained to the kitchen; If you ask a representative sample of men most will disagree strongly and loudly. If however you ask feminists to distance themselves from the extremists you'll probably find a completely different answer. I have no papers to show but I have been watching the debate from the sidelines: Even something as simple as getting feminists to condemn "kill all men" is hard.
      - ok_dad 5y ago
        > probably Your whole argument hinges on this word, you are not arguing in good faith, but rather, building a strawman. I'm not going to engage with this style. Thanks. > I have no papers to show but I have been watching the debate from the sidelines:
        skinkestek 5y ago
        > you are not arguing in good faith, but rather, building a strawman. First strawman is not the word here anyway. That would mean I misrepresent others to make it easier to knock down their arguments. That said, I'm not a native speaker and it probably affects the quality of my arguments. I'll try to rephrase it as a thought experiment: If one ask - a random sampling of men to distance themselves from a tweet that says women should be chained to the kitchen - and a random sample of women to distance themselves from a #killallmen tweet how do one think the results would be? > I'm not going to engage with this style. Thanks. Your choice, for the benefit of everyone else I answered. But I think it is unfair to say I argue in bad faith.
- Beltalowda 5y ago
  Sure, I'm not "against" feminism in general or anything, although re-reading my previous comment I can see how it gave off that impression. I just think it's a very limited view on things, which translates into suboptimal solutions. I also think it can feed alienation among men at times, rather than involving them in the conversation. From what I've read and people I've spoken to, quite a large number – though far from all – feminists seem to agree on that in broad lines, yet somehow the public discourse still remains fairly narrow IMHO. Personally, I blame the "MRA" people and their nonsense.
- 202202092037 5y ago
  > Feminism's direct goals would be breaking that down so that men could stay home Please kindly let me know where such sort of feminism is happening - I would like to move there.
  - igetspam 5y ago
    Earth. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/feminism https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/feminism Feminism is the belief that women are deserving of equal consideration in all things.
- tsol 5y ago
  I'd like to see some stats that feminism has led to women marrying men who make less than them. From what I've seen, the expectation that a man should provide holds true even with egalitarian couples.
- fleddr 5y ago
  I'm sorry, but this is bullshit. Women, regardless of their own earnings, do not want men that are unemployed, lowly employed, "in between jobs". You will be completely ignored. It's a crude reality, but a reality nevertheless. Men are selected by utility. Read the article again. It seems there's whole armies of men with time on their hands. Unemployed, unable to get a partner. A great supply of male homemakers one would think. But no. Nobody wants them. A male without utility is cast aside like trash. Likewise, women do not really want the feminine or sensitive men that they claim to want. They may want it after first securing a man with good looks and good earnings, after which said man may at times express his emotions. But don't overdo it, obviously. This feminist idea to destroy male gender roles directly contradicts what women actually do. For as long as feminists do not marry economically disadvantaged men and financially take care of them, none of this will change, and it's all just a bunch of hypocrisy.
  - krageon 5y ago
    This entire comment is steeped in a deeply bitter tone, which you would do well to disabuse yourself of (it is not endearing and frankly is a little worrying). > women do not really want the feminine or sensitive men that they claim to want. You are wrong. Yes, as a partner you're supposed to have drive and groom yourself properly - this is true for everyone. After those basic life requirements, what is important is that you are capable of having a mature relationship with someone else. Part of that is knowing that you should express yourself and how to do it in such a way that it isn't a fight every time.
    - fleddr 5y ago
      It's not bitter, it's reality. Dodging inconvenient truths because they make people uncomfortable is exactly the issue I'm trying to describe. The massive divide between what people say they do and what they actually do. But if you don't believe me, do go ahead and create a fake dating profile. One in which you show economic fragility (which is the point of the OP article) yet that you're very much in touch with your feelings. Enjoy the crickets. Nobody wants you. Hence my point: be attractive, economically successful and only then might you also express some feelings. The thing you're missing here is "economically successful". You describe it as a basic life requirement but I made my remark in context of the article, which describes millions of men for which this is out of reach, even if they try. So the "mature relationship" doesn't apply as they won't be in any due to their economic status. And as this lack of economic success leads to a lack of romantic success, they sink into a depression, start drinking, and then kill themselves. None of which apparently is worrying, instead the worrying part is saying that women select for economic success, as this sounds shallow, bitter or even offensive. It's not offensive, it makes total sense from both a biological and cultural perspective.
bluGill 5y ago
Until a few generations ago everyone worked from home. The kids were with whichever parent or often extended family. You lived on your farm or in your village. Both parents did work on the farm as needed. Dad was never far from home and did take the older kids to the fields.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

ok_dad 5y ago

Men are socialized to work by the same society that women are socialized to stay home and make babies. Feminism's direct goals would be breaking that down so that men could stay home (unfortunately we cannot make babies) and women could work, or any other combination, without the traditional gender role boundaries. Feminism's goals are good for everyone.

skinkestek 5y ago
You are talking about a subset of reasonable feminists. Feminism also contains the culture that wants six year old boys to be held back, feel shame and suffer for the sins of their fathers. Feminism also contains the idea that being a man is some kind of disease, something to be ashamed of.
- ok_dad 5y ago
  There are examples of men who want women to be chained to the kitchen; we should consider the reasonable views though, and not throw the baby out with the bath water. Ignore the fringe elements, even though that’s the thing that the media and social algorithms push since they’re the most “engaging”. They are the small minority.
  - skinkestek 5y ago
    > There are examples of men who want women to be chained to the kitchen; If you ask a representative sample of men most will disagree strongly and loudly. If however you ask feminists to distance themselves from the extremists you'll probably find a completely different answer. I have no papers to show but I have been watching the debate from the sidelines: Even something as simple as getting feminists to condemn "kill all men" is hard.
    - ok_dad 5y ago
      > probably Your whole argument hinges on this word, you are not arguing in good faith, but rather, building a strawman. I'm not going to engage with this style. Thanks. > I have no papers to show but I have been watching the debate from the sidelines:
      - skinkestek 5y ago
        > you are not arguing in good faith, but rather, building a strawman. First strawman is not the word here anyway. That would mean I misrepresent others to make it easier to knock down their arguments. That said, I'm not a native speaker and it probably affects the quality of my arguments. I'll try to rephrase it as a thought experiment: If one ask - a random sampling of men to distance themselves from a tweet that says women should be chained to the kitchen - and a random sample of women to distance themselves from a #killallmen tweet how do one think the results would be? > I'm not going to engage with this style. Thanks. Your choice, for the benefit of everyone else I answered. But I think it is unfair to say I argue in bad faith.
Beltalowda 5y ago
Sure, I'm not "against" feminism in general or anything, although re-reading my previous comment I can see how it gave off that impression. I just think it's a very limited view on things, which translates into suboptimal solutions. I also think it can feed alienation among men at times, rather than involving them in the conversation. From what I've read and people I've spoken to, quite a large number – though far from all – feminists seem to agree on that in broad lines, yet somehow the public discourse still remains fairly narrow IMHO. Personally, I blame the "MRA" people and their nonsense.
202202092037 5y ago
> Feminism's direct goals would be breaking that down so that men could stay home Please kindly let me know where such sort of feminism is happening - I would like to move there.
- igetspam 5y ago
  Earth. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/feminism https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/feminism Feminism is the belief that women are deserving of equal consideration in all things.
tsol 5y ago
I'd like to see some stats that feminism has led to women marrying men who make less than them. From what I've seen, the expectation that a man should provide holds true even with egalitarian couples.
fleddr 5y ago
I'm sorry, but this is bullshit. Women, regardless of their own earnings, do not want men that are unemployed, lowly employed, "in between jobs". You will be completely ignored. It's a crude reality, but a reality nevertheless. Men are selected by utility. Read the article again. It seems there's whole armies of men with time on their hands. Unemployed, unable to get a partner. A great supply of male homemakers one would think. But no. Nobody wants them. A male without utility is cast aside like trash. Likewise, women do not really want the feminine or sensitive men that they claim to want. They may want it after first securing a man with good looks and good earnings, after which said man may at times express his emotions. But don't overdo it, obviously. This feminist idea to destroy male gender roles directly contradicts what women actually do. For as long as feminists do not marry economically disadvantaged men and financially take care of them, none of this will change, and it's all just a bunch of hypocrisy.
- krageon 5y ago
  This entire comment is steeped in a deeply bitter tone, which you would do well to disabuse yourself of (it is not endearing and frankly is a little worrying). > women do not really want the feminine or sensitive men that they claim to want. You are wrong. Yes, as a partner you're supposed to have drive and groom yourself properly - this is true for everyone. After those basic life requirements, what is important is that you are capable of having a mature relationship with someone else. Part of that is knowing that you should express yourself and how to do it in such a way that it isn't a fight every time.
  - fleddr 5y ago
    It's not bitter, it's reality. Dodging inconvenient truths because they make people uncomfortable is exactly the issue I'm trying to describe. The massive divide between what people say they do and what they actually do. But if you don't believe me, do go ahead and create a fake dating profile. One in which you show economic fragility (which is the point of the OP article) yet that you're very much in touch with your feelings. Enjoy the crickets. Nobody wants you. Hence my point: be attractive, economically successful and only then might you also express some feelings. The thing you're missing here is "economically successful". You describe it as a basic life requirement but I made my remark in context of the article, which describes millions of men for which this is out of reach, even if they try. So the "mature relationship" doesn't apply as they won't be in any due to their economic status. And as this lack of economic success leads to a lack of romantic success, they sink into a depression, start drinking, and then kill themselves. None of which apparently is worrying, instead the worrying part is saying that women select for economic success, as this sounds shallow, bitter or even offensive. It's not offensive, it makes total sense from both a biological and cultural perspective.

bluGill 5y ago

Until a few generations ago everyone worked from home. The kids were with whichever parent or often extended family. You lived on your farm or in your village. Both parents did work on the farm as needed. Dad was never far from home and did take the older kids to the fields.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]