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LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money ha

• tomhoward 5y ago
  Nowhere does this person say that they feel poor. If anything they are acknowledging they are well off, but wondering why they feel lost and unfulfilled in spite of their material prosperity. It's not exactly an unknown notion, that people can feel unhappy despite being financially and materially well-off.
• altdataseller 5y ago
  I don’t think you need to underplay OP issues. While he may be better off financially than lots of people, feeling lost with little passion for life is still not a good situation, and he deserves to feel the way he does.
  • altcognito 5y ago
    He's not underplaying it. He is telling him to have perspective. Life has been pretty good to OP, at least as he portrays it. OP is not wrong. Time is running out. His best physical years are behind him. On the plus side he has deep experience. He probably has seen quite a bit. Maybe his feeling of having seen everything is justified. Existential dread is a bit of a thing, but it comes for the successful and the truly unsuccessful alike. OP is also probably right, it's probably time to find a new passion, in tech or outside of tech. All of the other advice in this thread to really make sure you're focused on your health in all forms from this age forward is spot on.
    • bredren 5y ago
      > His best physical years are behind him. They could be. Or it could depend on OP. Tom Brady has more Super Bowl Trophies and MVP selections from __after__ he was 37. There are plenty of athletic sports where being young does not offer easy superiority.
      • enraged_camel 5y ago
        People like Tom Brady are extremely rare exceptions though, at the far, far end of the spectrum. In most competitive sports, player hit their peak relatively young, in most cases before they turn 35. This doesn't mean getting older necessarily makes one worse, but it definitely increases things like recovery times, chance of injury, etc. that tend to have that combined effect.
        • evilduck 5y ago
          I mean, Brady's an exception of course but quarterbacks and kickers can trend significantly older than most other positions in football because they're highly protected by both the rules and their teams and play designs because they're essential scoring roles and their value is largely accuracy, not physically beating an opponent one on one. The same is not true for most of the other players on the field.
      • msilb 5y ago
        This. I am 37 now and feel healthier and overall happier than when I was 15, 20 or 25. It really depends.
      • altcognito 5y ago
        So, I really did bounce back and forth on putting a qualifying "his best days are likely behind him". In an absolute sense, you will never have as many fitness "opportunity" as you did when you were 16-35. Speaking as an older dude who exercises a lot: Enjoy working out way, way harder than you should at a young age and getting away with it because your body is like a superhero with its recovery rate. I didn't mean anything beyond pure athleticism. Sport is another matter. Physically, it's much more tricky to train and become an at an older age. But I'll agree that for some folks, you can be a better version of yourself at earlier ages -- it is just dependent on what type of athlete you were then, and much permanent damage your body has sustained over the years. I ran sub 17 5k at 18 years old. Will my tendons and knees support the kind of workload that is required to attempt that again? One day, your body will fail. Even Tom Brady knows father time always, always wins. You have to choose your battles and figure out where you want to spend your time.
  • prometheon1 5y ago
    I'm not saying this is the case here, but there have been occasions where I got all up in my head about my problems and someone laughing at me and telling me not to take my problems so seriously was the perfect way to stop worrying and focus on better things.
    • Drdrdrq 5y ago
      Really? For me it was the perfect way to stop asking this person for advice.
  • bitxbitxbitcoin 5y ago
    Is deserves the right word? I’d say he is entitled to feel that way - not that he deserves it since that implies causality and almost seems like victim blaming.
  • ianai 5y ago
    It reads like a humblebrag to me.
    • altdataseller 5y ago
      "had 2 failed startups". "I am single and haven't had a serious relationship for many years now." I don't see the bragging part, personally.
  • sound1 5y ago
    I thought the parent made an excellent point, and encouraged OP to try new things without hesitation because there wasn't much he was going to lose, and because he was in that condition because he wasn't trying out new things (meaning there no serious psychological issues with him). I would be glad to get his advice.
• clysm 5y ago
  If you want anyone to take your advice, you should find a better opener than laughing at them and being dismissive.
  • DougN7 5y ago
    You make a good point, but I have to admit, as someone in my 50’s, I also chuckled that some thought they were old at 35. I guess time changes all of our perspectives a day at a time.
    • kjeetgill 5y ago
      I think it's because 30s is where a lot of people first feel age with concessions. It's right when you first feel that you heal slower, have to watch your joints more, etc. The stark contrast from your 20s when you feel progressively more bullet proof each year. Or - that's been my experience atleast.
      • aae42 5y ago
        37 year old, checking in, agree on all points used to be able to eat what i want, move the way i want, get hurt and bounce back quickly, not so much these days
      • kelnos 5y ago
        Yup. I bloomed a little late and had my social explosion throughout my 30s. But every year the next day after a late night out drinking hurt more and more. Aches start piling up, weight is harder to keep off, it feels easier to hurt myself, and slower to heal. Keeping your health together and your body moving is one of the most important things. But the rest of it is just in our heads. We can learn new things, meet new people, start new romantic relationships. But we have to want to do that, and put ourselves in positions where there are opportunities for those things to happen, and then take advantage of those opportunities.
  • Trasmatta 5y ago
    Sometimes that type of response can actually be helpful at putting your current situation into perspective.
• drzaiusapelord 5y ago
  Yep this. The average rate of return is 10% so this is someone who can make $50k a year just off this money alone. The real median wage in the USA for workers who worked full time in 2020 was $56k. This person has enough money to nearly replicate the financial success of your average American via a do-nothing secondary income. Your average American retires with only $200k saved up by age 65 as well. $500k is a lot of money and its bothersome that its being played up here as being unsuccessful. This person is doing very, very well and I suspect "I only have half a million dollars sitting idly by" is a humble-brag as that is obviously a lot of money. Also 35 isn't 65. This is the prime age for most business people, artists, writers, etc. This is typically a professional and creative peak that lasts, at least, another decade or so. A person this age often has the drive and vitality of youth but the wisdom of someone older. Its no wonder so many great works are created by people around this age. I think this post says a lot about the demographic here who lean towards worshipping money to the point where having half a million is being "unsuccessful" and being merely 35 is being "old." Capitalism does a great job of making people feel bad about themselves because they arent mega millionaires and commercial media sells images of youth because promoting anti aging things like makeup, drugs, surgeries, fitness, etc is so profitable. Hiring managers also discriminate on age because working young and naive people like dogs and leading them to burn out is "good business sense," while dealing with an older person who knows this con and understands class struggle and the dishonesty of management and the perverse incentive profit demands is "bad business." My advice is that forums are a very, very poor place to get therapy. Go see a professional if you feel depressed. Forums like these are just echo chambers full of people with similar unresolved issues or with coping mechanisms that aren't healthy. And egotists who just want to tell you their life story, knowing full well stories aren't healing because if they were, we could cure all our malaise with just biographies of people who struggle. So, no "fitness" or "hobbies" or "kids"[1] isn't it, maybe some of those things is part of it, but there's a lot more a human being needs who has lost their way in an ultra capitalist and competitive society. Part of it is seeing the forest for the trees and a professional can help them get the rational self-awareness they seem to lack, as well as address their emotional issues. [1] If you are not dying to have kids then you shouldn't not have kids. There is a lot of toxic advice here about having children to "fix" things. Children should not be born as a way to fix yourself. It is 100% valid to not want children. I say this as a parent. Its a grueling and hard life compared to not having children, and if you have difficulty in life and don't even want kids, do not have them. They will not magically suddenly fulfill you or make your life easier. In fact, in many ways they will make things much harder for you in literally every avenue in your life. The world does not need more unwanted children or children used a marriage or personal emotional fixers.
• pm90 5y ago
  > my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat 100% agreed. Unfortunately we live in bodies that were hardwired to live in a hierarchical tribe; our early life is also a lot of rat racing. Just step aside from that, and know this: you are special in your own way. There’s nobody that’s just like you. Also to be clear, if you had accomplished more you would probably feel like that wasn’t good enough either. Accomplishments just don’t satisfy inner needs unless they’re something you genuinely deeply care about (and not just to measure up in society’s totem pole).
• aiisjustanif 5y ago
  Where did OP ever compare themselves to any but their younger self..?
• bredren 5y ago
  > Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Perhaps it would start to have meaning if the money was taken away.
• dsugarman 5y ago
  Your broader post shows that you actually care to someone soliciting feedback and I know you didn't solicit any yourself but I hope I could add some value. You're trying to give the gift of perspective but the tone is just awful to receive, their feelings are valid whether they has $5, $500k or $5M in the bank, it's just a feeling based on their own goals and perspective. You can build much better relationships and people will listen and respect you more if you lead with empathy. You can deliver a much more powerful message by saying "I know you feel inadequate today, I've felt that way too and it's really tough, but if you put things in perspective you are way ahead of your peers on things that really matter (money, life experiences, etc.)" That's what you were really saying anyway in the first 2 paragraphs.
  • Scea91 5y ago
    > That's what you were really saying anyway in the first 2 paragraphs. Maybe it would be more effective but OP was not really saying the "I've felt that way too and it's really tough" part. I have a problem with this 'lead with (fake) empathy' approach that at broader scale it makes it seem like EVERYONE has depression, imposter syndrome, etc. There are many of us who are genuinely happy with where they are at life and it feels almost improper to share that publicly.
    • dsugarman 5y ago
      I could totally understand how you would read it that way, it's true that I don't know exactly what he would empathize with, but the point isn't to be fake, it's to be genuine. It's not that you are feeling imposter syndrome as some true false thing, I don't think I ever have, but usually people don't feel 100% good about everything in their lives 100% of the time. If you can't empathize with that, which honestly I have to question, you should be able to empathize with something and you lead with that. What's right for you in your words. This stuff isn't intuitive, strong communication is hard work, leading isn't easy. A younger me would take your post personally, "he twisted my words and called me fake!", but assigning bad intention is rarely right and never helpful. I could instead reread my post and understand clearly how someone could read it that way and that's the empathy that was true to me so that's what I led with.