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Ask HN: How can I stop worrying and start living?

• praving5 5y ago
  I found this book really helpful. https://www.amazon.in/How-Stop-Worrying-Start-Living/dp/8175993952 https://www.amazon.in/How-Stop-Worrying-Start-Living/dp/8175...
• bitxbitxbitcoin 5y ago
  Try this: when you feel (1) or (2), turn to (3) to rationalize why you shouldn’t. The trick is keeping (3) at bay during all other times by identifying the things that you do enjoy in life - however insignificant they may seem - and take steps to do them more frequently and with greater depth. Please reach out to me (same username on Twitter) if (3) ever gets out of hand or if you have any questions about my suggested steps. Have a great day and I hope others chime in with some actionable steps, too.
• Flankk 5y ago
  I'd recommend trying daily meditation for a couple weeks, see if it helps you. Otherwise check in with your doctor, you could have anxiety. It's normal to have these feelings every now and then. It's not normal to feel like that all the time.
  • jimhefferon 5y ago
    Yes, do give it a try. You might try the Zencast podcast (free, I am not associated). Just to name a topic, you could give the series on introduction to mindfulness meditation a try. And, perhaps a chat with your doctor is a good idea in any event. Good for you for thinking how to work for the better.
    • jen729w 5y ago
      If you're on the scientific side -- which I guess this audience is -- and the idea of meditation feels a bit weird and spiritual, give Sam Harris a try. His 'Waking Up' app is marvellous. It just feels more realistic, more pragmatic. More grounded in how the world actually is. I really like it.
  • dmux 5y ago
    I'd put a caveat on this. If you already suffer from panic attacks, have schizophrenia or have suffered psychosis, meditation may _not_ be for you.
• jamps 5y ago
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEIqVq7EZqE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEIqVq7EZqE
  • spiffistan 5y ago
    Wow.
  • the_doctah 5y ago
    My depression is cured
    • deft 5y ago
      It seems from the comments on the video that your joke has actually been the case for a few people. Sometimes what's needed is a new perspective and a "worthless platitude".
      • DarylZero 5y ago
        No, they just think that temporarily while they're excited. It's like faith healing.
• quadcore 5y ago
  Read: the power of now https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808 https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenme...
• jamps 5y ago
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYi5aW1GdUU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYi5aW1GdUU take everyday as it comes. You will miss out, something bad is going to happened. The aim is to enjoy life while you still got it. Try to go out and enjoy the little things of life, a chat with a friend/family, a hot drink, a nice shower, a sunrise! Hope you get to feel better
• nr2x 5y ago
  Drugs work.
  • drran 5y ago
    Until they don't.
    • nr2x 5y ago
      The pharmacopeia is vast.
      • onecommentman 5y ago
        An Edisonian (try everything, like Edison did when searching for the perfect incandescent light bulb filament) approach to self-medication seems to be an expensive, dangerous, time-consuming and low-yield approach to addressing problems that may, in fact, transcend the physical body. The only plus I see is your corpse becoming impervious to decomposition, providing a post-life career as the Amazing Mummy Man in traveling freak shows. And as the fellow cleaning up after the elephants in the circus said, hey, at least you’re in show business.
        • nr2x 5y ago
          I think you're using the wrong ones.
  • JanisL 5y ago
    Just be very careful with this stuff and make sure to talk to a psychiatrist that knows what they are doing. I've seen a few people get prescribed benzodiazepines for anxiety related issues from general practitioners who didn't know what they were doing and the results were vastly worse than if nothing had been done. A tolerance can very quickly be built in which this class of drugs become vastly less effective and the withdrawals in particular were especially brutal. A public case of this was seen recently with Jordan Peterson lately and it shows just how serious this matter is (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ktjZhih3LQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ktjZhih3LQ for an example of how serious the health consequences are). Whatever you do just make sure you are informed, psychoactive drugs are a serious matter.
• randycupertino 5y ago
  This is a silly little mindgame but it really does help with worry and stress. You basically flip all worst-case scenarios on their head to see the advantages of whatever situation you're in. Good Game: <seemingly terrible thing happens> Good! Now I can .... Eg. My husband is divorcing me. Good! Now I can find someone who loves me deeply and doesn't leave ice cream containers composting on his desk. My upstairs neighbors are hella loud and annoying. Good! Now I can spend more time visiting family, out and about with friends and at the gym getting ripped. My research study failed. Good! Now I can devote my extra time to writing up another protocol and considering what else I want to work on. A massive pandemic has me working from home and not leaving the house. Good! Now I can read all those books I've been wanting to get to and haven't had the chance.
  • alot 5y ago
    I had a realization the other day that nobody on the planet asked to be here. We all just appear one day and are forced to do what we can with what we have. No instruction manual, no control over our inherited reality, physical, mental or material. It stuck with me for several days and it has led to a surprising amount of psychic relief. I am finding myself more forgiving of myself and others.
  • the_only_law 5y ago
    I’ve tried this before, but I always fear I vastly overestimated my ability to handle the worst case.
    • randycupertino 5y ago
      > I always fear I vastly overestimated my ability to handle the worst case. Good! Now you can live through rough times and prove your own fortitude and resilience to yourself and the doubters.
      • cyberge99 5y ago
        “I don’t fail, I learn.”
• armenarmen 5y ago
  How much time are you on social media? Reading the news? Do less of that, delete the apps. Chances are, you'll find yourself going to check them several times a day if not several times an hour.
• jareklupinski 5y ago
  what's your caffeine intake? can try cutting out stimulants if you're using them every day
• unyttigfjelltol 5y ago
  Exercise. You are missing out on things, bad things will happen, and one day it will all come to an end. Now that we got that out of the way, recognize your body is a machine and you have at least some control over it. Get some exercise, change your location, give some attention to what you eat, connect with some people live. Make your body do something other than what it is doing.
  • GDC7 5y ago
    > exercise The exercise answer is really tiring. It became a universal remedy If we analyze what OP is saying we can rapidly see what he wants. Essentially he wants a long life where he gets to delay death as much as possible, live to 100 as a very rich person so he'd avoid missing out on things , stress free, and with the minimum amount of personal tragedies. All the amount of exercise in the world won't magically summon all the luck that it's necessary to be in the 0.000000001% who can claim to be fortunate enough to satisfy all the requirements set by OP. When the brain wants all the above and you throw at it a 20mi run...well let's say that if the brain was a person it'd look back at you and say something like : "Do I look like an idiot? Give me what I want , not this BS run or else I'm gonna make you miserable and no amount of running will change that"
    • kleer001 5y ago
      > It became a universal remedy Since we're all humans with human bodies there are universal ways to better our emotional and mental lives. There's a reason there's no obese 80 year old people.
      • GDC7 5y ago
        OP is not 80. OP has been very clear in expressing what he wants. How do you think exercise will enable him to do so? As you can see from his requests he's looking for some serious luck in 3 distinctive and uncorrelated domain (longevity, wealth and family life) not to lose weight.
        • 5y ago
• davidw 5y ago
  Talk to a therapist? And try talking with a couple to see which one is a good fit for you. And you're not alone, this has felt like a pretty stressful time to me, and I've been around for a while.
• steve_avery 5y ago
  I think the first piece of real advice I can give you is to seek therapy. Find someone who listens to you and try to explain what you are feeling to them. These problems are not unique to you, but your version of them is unique and giving prescriptive advice here will likely miss the kernel of your truth. Beyond that, the most simple advice is the best that I think you can hope for here. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself, deeply. What do you need right now? To eat, to sleep, drink water, go for a run? Listen to those needs and act on them before anything else. Good luck. You only have one life. Make it the best you can.
• habeebtc 5y ago
  Don't fear emotional or physical pain. Letting yourself experience it and accepting it as a normal part of life will help you be more present and enjoy the considerably more numerous good parts of life.
• treme 5y ago
  few things.. How is your sleep, diet and exercise? Have you done any therapy? sounds like you could really benefit from CBT to help you deal with catastrophizing.. "Catastrophizing is a way of thinking called a 'cognitive distortion. ' A person who catastrophizes usually sees an unfavorable outcome to an event and then decides that if this outcome does happen, the results will be a disaster." CBT can help you understand how to get out of such negative feedback cycles in your own head.
• james_burden 5y ago
  Explore.
• egypturnash 5y ago
  Drink more. Or whatever intoxicant works best to make you give less fucks and is least likely to drag you into a downward spiral of addiction. This constant worry may also be a symptom of some kind of anxiety disorder, which has its own calvacade of legal psychoactive chemicals with their own sets of side effects and problems you could look into getting someone to prescribe to you.
• mcafeeryan92 5y ago
  I think some of the advice here is quite good, but especially given the title of your question, someone has to point out that there's literally a book on the subject called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living," by Dale Carnegie. It's a good book. It probably won't solve all your problems without you needing to do some inner work, and I generally recommend meditation as a way to find peace, but also you should read the book since it directly answers your question :)
  • rexreed 5y ago
    Yes! I was about to say that this is the actual title of a very popular Dale Carnegie book, and having also read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (a true classic), I think the advice is timeless! It comes down to not worrying about things that are not in your control, focusing on the aspects of life that provide real meaning and enjoyment, and surrounding yourself with people who make you your best self. Among other things. Yes, it's a book nearing on 80 years old but the advice is solid and timeless, even in these frenetic days.
  • forgotmypw17 5y ago
    I've also read this book and would recommend it highly, along with How to Win Friends. I read the latter as a kid, and I don't think it has a lower bound on the age it's helpful at.
• baskethead 5y ago
  You sound like you have General Anxiety Disorder, something that many people have. You should talk to a therapist that specializes in anxiety, and she can guide you in ways to figure out why you are feeling this way and coping mechanisms to help you get past it. And if need be, anti-anxiety medication could be prescribed by a doctor.
• m_ke 5y ago
  There's actually a good book by Dale Carnegie with the same title that has some great advice. It's called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" and the audiobook is available on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7VBziVvJNY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7VBziVvJNY My favorite tip from the book was to think of the worst case outcome of whatever is stressing you out and to realize that in the grand scheme of things it's probably not that bad.
• achillesheels 5y ago
  How about taking an everlasting perspective? Ancient wisdom provides us with a healthy perspective on how irreversible all the motion of the cosmos is. And our place in it can be significant in relation to it by informing it with motion which continues on its endless flow. Point being: create art, which obligates one to develop an inner-confidence in one's own truth. That sense of irrevocable pride can provide one with a sense of certainty in the outcome of one's fate in life. Oh, and it will make one feel good in the process. Because art requires a communal, social, outreach in order for it to create a positive response in other people's lives, their own hidden truths which have just as much significance as yours and are being impacted by a world which is otherwise imperceptible to them - namely your own. :)
• idontwantthis 5y ago
  Do you take care of your body? Exercise and diet are critical for emotional well being.
• apatil 5y ago
  I've done three of seven Mindbloom sessions so far. The first gave me a resolution to a deeply ingrained and painful pattern like the one you're describing, which I have worked on for years, in a matter of minutes. The second, which I did on a day when I felt rushed, was disappointingly mild. The third, during which I wasn't rushed but was pretty tired, was intense and pleasant, but didn't offer any epiphanies like the first session did. I'm planning to give mindset and setting very high priority on my remaining session days in hopes of having more significant experiences. One miracle out of three attempts isn't bad, so I'm very happy I gave it a try. For an interesting overview of psychedelic therapy generally, check out "How To Change Your Mind" by Michael Pollan.
• _wldu 5y ago
  Try to always remember that bad things must exist so that good things can exist. Without bad things, we cannot have good things. This is called duality or inter-being in Buddhism. Take water as one example. It causes trees to grow that we use to build our houses, but it can also cause wood to rot and decay. Water gives life, but it also takes it away. If rot and decay were to disappear, we could not have solid wood to use and enjoy. We can replace rotting wood and rebuild houses when they decay. Everything will be OK. Both good and bad things are part of life. They need each other.
• felizuno 5y ago
  Check out Victor Frankel's "Man's search for meaning". His story is inspiring and he invented logotherapy which has had a prominent roll in depression therapy for decades now. It gets at the heart of the question "why live?"
• User23 5y ago
  1) You are. You only get one life and you’ll miss the vast majority of possible experiences. 2) It will. Either you will die an early death, which many would consider bad, or you will live long enough for other bad things to happen. 3) For me, Christianity solved for this. I was an agnostic for over three decades and for various reasons, mostly metaphysical, I became convinced of the necessity of a nonmaterial dimension to reality. I live my life with joy and gratitude in my heart every day. Obviously I think that’s the best path otherwise I wouldn’t follow it. But whatever your conscience and intellect might lead you to, you should ask yourself how your beliefs are shaping your life experience. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. There are of course many other more or less effective paths to take, ranging from Epicureanism to Stoicism and many more besides. At the end of the day though you either believe some higher power gives your life meaning or it’s on you to give your life meaning. For what it’s worth procreating makes most of this seem ridiculously childish and irrelevant, but I think one had best sort oneself out before doing that.
• srcreigh 5y ago
  It's hard to answer the question without more details about your life. Married? Age? Hobbies? Job? Also, what have you tried in the past that didn't work?
• adjkant 5y ago
  While there may be some good life wisdom dispensed in this thread, honestly I think it will all amount to armchair psychology. I think some individual therapy may go much further here. Have you been to one to specifically talk about this? If not, start there. This could be a mindset thing, or it also could be a specific to a diagnosis that may be helpful to have to better understand yourself. A qualified therapist will be able to help you figure that out.
• tmaly 5y ago
  There is a book by the same name https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4866.How_to_Stop_Worrying_and_Start_Living https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4866.How_to_Stop_Worryin... I read it many years ago. You essentially just have to take each day one at a time. Live in the now.
• honkycat 5y ago
  therapy is the thing that will help you. Also medication can help. Taking anxiety medication felt like turning off a switch that controlled an alarm siren in my brain. Some people are opposed to medication, and to them I say: grow up. Talk to a doctor.
  • trembonator 5y ago
    The cure to my anxiety is not having a shit boss out to fuck you over or a coworker get under your skin and sabotage you
• jrs235 5y ago
  Read The Underachiever's Manifesto: The Guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great? http://amzn.to/1GmFRvX http://amzn.to/1GmFRvX
• HKH2 5y ago
  1. It is impossible to keep up with everything. 2. Probably, but you can only work with what you've got. 3. Work on being comfortable in your own mind, and make a home that reflects your mind, then you will be comfortable in your own body. In that state, your existence is self-explanatory.
• wussboy 5y ago
  Check out “Get Out of your Mind and Into Your Life”. Helped me immeasurably.
• itisit 5y ago
  You may want to consider seeing a therapist. They can help address all three (and more) of those concerns.
• orgels_revenge 5y ago
  Play sports. Visit the countryside.
• helph67 5y ago
  I'm not a health professional! Exercise. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/08/210804123610.htm https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/08/210804123610.h... Get off your butt. https://scitechdaily.com/sitting-more-is-linked-to-increased-depression-and-anxiety-sneaky-behavior/ https://scitechdaily.com/sitting-more-is-linked-to-increased... Ensure you sleep/wake at regular times. https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/857448 https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/857448 Magnesium may help, taken just before bedtime. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/magnesium-the-most-powerf_b_425499 https://www.huffpost.com/entry/magnesium-the-most-powerf_b_4... Get a pet and take it regularly for walks in a park.
• pjkundert 5y ago
  Look to Jesus. What is going on can’t be defused by purely physical responses. There are deeper things at play.
  • forgotmypw17 5y ago
    I can't recommend enough a simple prayer technique of 3 steps. I think that even to someone who is not a believer, it can be helpful. First, I start by expressing gratitude for something I appreciate. There's always something, even if it is being alive, breathing, and if you're lucky enough, walking, roof over your head, able-bodied, etc. Throughout the day many things happen which we can be grateful for, but we tend to overlook them, unless we intentionally cultivate a gratitude habit. The second part is asking for forgiveness for anything we regret doing one way instead of another. Whether it is being impatient with someone, or missing an important detail, or losing our cool, etc. Even without contacting a higher being, you can ask for forgiveness from yourself, and that helps one stop dwelling on past mistakes and focus in living in and enjoying the present. And the third part is asking for help, I guess this is what makes it a prayer. I ask for help often, and I get it, though not always in the way I expect. But even on a materialistic-deterministic way it can help one focus on what to look out for, and notice opportunities which one might have otherwise overlooked. I usually avoid asking for something too specific, and instead ask for things like help with progressing my work, help with thinking positively, help with bringing more joy into someone's life or my own, etc. This is also a good opportunity to pray for help for others.
• ashwinipatankar 5y ago
  you are not alone, many of us has the same thoughts. One way that I can think of is read as many books as possible, it will definitely help to alter the way of thinking. Also, we need to change with time, our priorities changes over time, to be happy we don't need something fancy, we can be happy with what we have where we are as it is a choice.
• deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
• poormystic 5y ago
  Spend lots of time looking after others without seeking reward for yourself. Then there will be love in your life, and happiness will inevitably follow. Happy people are beautiful and easily loved, so you'll be doing yourself the most wonderful service by giving yourself to others.
• t0bia_s 5y ago
  Religion helps to trust and have faith and live a meaningful live.
• kleer001 5y ago
  See a therapist. (you might need to shop around, finding the right fit can be hard) Get offline. No news, no social media. Read old books. The older the better. Exercise strenuously and regularly. Sweat. The best exercize is the one you do regularly.
• lukastr0 5y ago
  The go-to book for this problem is "The Worry Cure" by Robert Leahy. The book starts out by explaining why many popular methods for fighting worry are actually ineffective or counterproductive - for example, trying to assure yourself that the thing you worry about will most likely not happen. There's a better way, and it is explained through a series of simple exercises in the style of CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). I first read it ten years ago, and I still use the tools on a weekly basis. Changed my life, and the lifes of two other people I gifted the book to. You can get a gist of his method in this podcast: https://www.listennotes.com/da/podcasts/the-aict-cognitive/dr-robert-leahy-on-worry-LTCMu4aObFo/ https://www.listennotes.com/da/podcasts/the-aict-cognitive/d...