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Ugh. I think this whole post starts with a flawed premise. It may be true that heterosexual men want sex. But so do heterosexual women and homosexual men and w

Ugh. I think this whole post starts with a flawed premise. It may be true that heterosexual men want sex. But so do heterosexual women and homosexual men and women as well, as well as those who are somewhere in the vast spectrum between these identities. The question to consider then is why does male heterosexual lust get special consideration? For example, consider the framing of calling the ability to reject male advances "power". Anyone can reject sexual advances from others for any reason, but it's rarely framed as a special position of "power" other than when applied to heterosexual male advances.

zionic 5y ago
Having something a lot of other people want with the ability to deny them is textbook power.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
bendbro 5y ago
> The question to consider then is why does male heterosexual lust get special consideration Male lust is given special consideration because it is the overwhelming majority of the lust expressed, leading to all the problems this article discussed. Perhaps it is a US-only thing.
- ipaddr 5y ago
  That's a core issue. Lust not being expressed in some genders. The other core issue is not respecting natural biological function need based on gender
dayvid 5y ago
Women definitely want sex, but it's not as urgent because they usually know that it's easily available for them. I taught English overseas right after college with other people from the states and it was the first time I saw women sexually frustrated. The local guys were too shy to approach the female teachers and most of the male teachers were going after the foreign women. It was also the first time I had women actively approach me, which shows you a completely different side of women than if you're an average guy (and showed me how where you live can VASTLY change your value).
- mateo411 5y ago
  Were you in the JET program?
  - dayvid 5y ago
    Yes
- commandlinefan 5y ago
  Even then it's different - I doubt the teachers you interacted with would have been satisfied with one-night stands. They're still expecting a long-term monogamous relationship, and are bound to be very upset if that doesn't happen.
  - bradlys 5y ago
    Eh. It varies a lot. But my own experience interacting with these groups is that I think what they want is everything. They want a ONS but they also want someone who wants more with them. They want the option for more but then to reject it. Basically, they want to feel desired for more than just a ONS but then reject it anyway. I think many people are like this but it’s very prevalent with women I’ve interacted with…
scarmig 5y ago
Male lust is higher than female lust. In the case of homosexual lust, on average people are matched: coarsely speaking, supply of sex equals demand of sex. Heterosexual lust introduces an assymetry: demand of sex outstrips supply of sex. This creates effective monopoly power.
- GhettoComputers 5y ago
  In the gay space, it’s actually the opposite, receivers are disproportionately weaker, more men would like to be fucked than to fuck.
tonguez 5y ago
"It may be true that heterosexual men want sex. But so do heterosexual women and homosexual men and women as well, as well as those who are somewhere in the vast spectrum between these identities. The question to consider then is why does male heterosexual lust get special consideration?" Who do you think has more sex: lesbians, or gay men? OK so now that we've settled that men have 1000x more sexual lust than women, let's ask ourselves, are there more gay men or straight men? Straight. "The question to consider then is why does male heterosexual lust get special consideration?" Probably because most sexual lust is male heterosexual lust.
- SpicyLemonZest 5y ago
  The problem is that the framing of male lust as a fixed constraint to be satisfied screens off a lot of hypotheses. For example: * Maybe societal beauty standards are causing people to have unrealistically high expectations, thus shrinking the dating pool and making it harder to satisfy everyone. * Maybe the average male lust has been artificially increased by something (porn? waifu gacha games?) and needs to be brought back down. * Maybe female lust has been artificially suppressed by something (I’ll refrain from speculating on what), and matching will work out if it’s brought back up.
  - throwawaygh 5y ago
    Or maybe literally every human experiences sexually frustration soemtimes but certain types of men have been so coddled that they blow up their smallest discomforts into Big Societal Problems That Must Be Solved.
    - Chris2048 5y ago
      > they blow up their smallest discomforts into Big Societal Problems That Must Be Solved aka a micro-agression?
- throwawaygh 5y ago
  > Who do you think has more sex: lesbians, or gay men? It depends the couple. Also depends on what you mean by "more" and what you mean by "sex". Is a once-a-week 4+ hour naked cuddle session with occasional touching/stimulation more or less sex than a multiple 10 minute BJs every day? I would tend to say "obviously more". A longish session once a week is probably fairly common for lesbian couples and multiple short sessions -- but on the order of a few a week as opposed to a few a day -- is probably fairly common for gay men. My genuine belief, having spent almost all of my life surrounded by lgbt folks, is that if you define "sex" in a way that isn't pathological, then lesbians probably spend more time on sex than gay men. (I also STRONGLY suspect there's a heavy overlap between people who think "it's not sex unless my dick is wet the whole time" and people who have trouble finding consistent sexual partners.) > OK so now that we've settled that men have 1000x LOL where did we settle on that? I agree with OP. Women enjoy sex (gasp!).
throwawaygal7 5y ago
They have to sell it as power to keep in step with a prior worldview about sexual liberation
psyc 5y ago
There's no true equivalence, because the effect under discussion is a matter of magnitude. The simplest illustration I can think of is that there is a large market for average-looking call girls, but only a small market for any-looking gigolos. There is no symmetry either between the extent to which men and women are motivated to pursue sex, or the extent to which they're receptive to it. It isn't to say that there is no demand/desire in the other direction (or direction(s) in the case of queer individuals), just that the other direction isn't the one that has a big impact or causes the common problems.
kkjjkgjjgg 5y ago
Wombs are more valuable than sperm, because it takes one womb per 9 months to make a new human being, whereas one "shot" of sperm could be used to fertilise millions of eggs.
guerrilla 5y ago
> It may be true that heterosexual men want sex. No, not remotely equally. We have a literal measure of this. Think about it: Sex work would be impossible if what you're saying is true. The demand for having sex with women is astronomically higher than the demand for having sex with men.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
  It is possible there just a lot of men who vocally express their inability to deal with their unrequited lust and feel a sense of entitlement to have their urges satisfied. Women could want sex just as often and just as badly as men, but are culturally less prone to express and feel entitled to it than men.
  - guerrilla 5y ago
    I'll believe the market over these theories espoused with zero supporting data. If women wanted sex enough, they'd buy it at a higher rate than they do (which is essentially not at all) regardless of cultural norms.
    - AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
      According to the voting market, people love corruption, party politics, authoritarianism, and war. Consider that there are a lot of factors that go into markets, and if they were simple to understand everyone would be making a killing day trading.
      - guerrilla 5y ago
        That market is different since people with billions decide who gets to be a politician, not voters. The consumers are the PACs, lobbyists, etc. not the voters. The voters are the product.
        AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
maire 5y ago
I agree that the whole article seems slimy. Having said that - for a short time in a young woman's life she is highly desired by men of all age groups. How can you take 50 year age range of of men who think they can (and should) get 5 year age range of women? But if a woman survives this 5 year period then relationships with men can be balanced and satisfying. Men still want women and women still want men, but it seems to be balanced.
- ipaddr 5y ago
  What 5 years is this? 13-18? 18-23? 25-30? 35-40?
  - maire 5y ago
    From highly biased personal experience 17-22. I won't get into the details but you are only young once ;-).
- maire 5y ago
  I just realized what bothered me about the article. It assumes the entire relationship between men and women is purely transactional. It is not. I just reread the article and the woman is a stripper. It figures.
GhettoComputers 5y ago
Because most people are heterosexual. If this was an article on health problems for overweight people who make a significant amount in the west you could say they’re not giving enough exposure to underweight people who should be equal represented.
gautamcgoel 5y ago
Which country was this?

zionic 5y ago

Having something a lot of other people want with the ability to deny them is textbook power.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

bendbro 5y ago

> The question to consider then is why does male heterosexual lust get special consideration Male lust is given special consideration because it is the overwhelming majority of the lust expressed, leading to all the problems this article discussed. Perhaps it is a US-only thing.

ipaddr 5y ago
That's a core issue. Lust not being expressed in some genders. The other core issue is not respecting natural biological function need based on gender

dayvid 5y ago

Women definitely want sex, but it's not as urgent because they usually know that it's easily available for them. I taught English overseas right after college with other people from the states and it was the first time I saw women sexually frustrated. The local guys were too shy to approach the female teachers and most of the male teachers were going after the foreign women. It was also the first time I had women actively approach me, which shows you a completely different side of women than if you're an average guy (and showed me how where you live can VASTLY change your value).

mateo411 5y ago
Were you in the JET program?
- dayvid 5y ago
  Yes
commandlinefan 5y ago
Even then it's different - I doubt the teachers you interacted with would have been satisfied with one-night stands. They're still expecting a long-term monogamous relationship, and are bound to be very upset if that doesn't happen.
- bradlys 5y ago
  Eh. It varies a lot. But my own experience interacting with these groups is that I think what they want is everything. They want a ONS but they also want someone who wants more with them. They want the option for more but then to reject it. Basically, they want to feel desired for more than just a ONS but then reject it anyway. I think many people are like this but it’s very prevalent with women I’ve interacted with…

scarmig 5y ago

Male lust is higher than female lust. In the case of homosexual lust, on average people are matched: coarsely speaking, supply of sex equals demand of sex. Heterosexual lust introduces an assymetry: demand of sex outstrips supply of sex. This creates effective monopoly power.

GhettoComputers 5y ago
In the gay space, it’s actually the opposite, receivers are disproportionately weaker, more men would like to be fucked than to fuck.

tonguez 5y ago

"It may be true that heterosexual men want sex. But so do heterosexual women and homosexual men and women as well, as well as those who are somewhere in the vast spectrum between these identities. The question to consider then is why does male heterosexual lust get special consideration?" Who do you think has more sex: lesbians, or gay men? OK so now that we've settled that men have 1000x more sexual lust than women, let's ask ourselves, are there more gay men or straight men? Straight. "The question to consider then is why does male heterosexual lust get special consideration?" Probably because most sexual lust is male heterosexual lust.

SpicyLemonZest 5y ago
The problem is that the framing of male lust as a fixed constraint to be satisfied screens off a lot of hypotheses. For example: * Maybe societal beauty standards are causing people to have unrealistically high expectations, thus shrinking the dating pool and making it harder to satisfy everyone. * Maybe the average male lust has been artificially increased by something (porn? waifu gacha games?) and needs to be brought back down. * Maybe female lust has been artificially suppressed by something (I’ll refrain from speculating on what), and matching will work out if it’s brought back up.
- throwawaygh 5y ago
  Or maybe literally every human experiences sexually frustration soemtimes but certain types of men have been so coddled that they blow up their smallest discomforts into Big Societal Problems That Must Be Solved.
  - Chris2048 5y ago
    > they blow up their smallest discomforts into Big Societal Problems That Must Be Solved aka a micro-agression?
throwawaygh 5y ago
> Who do you think has more sex: lesbians, or gay men? It depends the couple. Also depends on what you mean by "more" and what you mean by "sex". Is a once-a-week 4+ hour naked cuddle session with occasional touching/stimulation more or less sex than a multiple 10 minute BJs every day? I would tend to say "obviously more". A longish session once a week is probably fairly common for lesbian couples and multiple short sessions -- but on the order of a few a week as opposed to a few a day -- is probably fairly common for gay men. My genuine belief, having spent almost all of my life surrounded by lgbt folks, is that if you define "sex" in a way that isn't pathological, then lesbians probably spend more time on sex than gay men. (I also STRONGLY suspect there's a heavy overlap between people who think "it's not sex unless my dick is wet the whole time" and people who have trouble finding consistent sexual partners.) > OK so now that we've settled that men have 1000x LOL where did we settle on that? I agree with OP. Women enjoy sex (gasp!).

throwawaygal7 5y ago

They have to sell it as power to keep in step with a prior worldview about sexual liberation

psyc 5y ago

There's no true equivalence, because the effect under discussion is a matter of magnitude. The simplest illustration I can think of is that there is a large market for average-looking call girls, but only a small market for any-looking gigolos. There is no symmetry either between the extent to which men and women are motivated to pursue sex, or the extent to which they're receptive to it. It isn't to say that there is no demand/desire in the other direction (or direction(s) in the case of queer individuals), just that the other direction isn't the one that has a big impact or causes the common problems.

kkjjkgjjgg 5y ago

Wombs are more valuable than sperm, because it takes one womb per 9 months to make a new human being, whereas one "shot" of sperm could be used to fertilise millions of eggs.

guerrilla 5y ago

> It may be true that heterosexual men want sex. No, not remotely equally. We have a literal measure of this. Think about it: Sex work would be impossible if what you're saying is true. The demand for having sex with women is astronomically higher than the demand for having sex with men.

AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
It is possible there just a lot of men who vocally express their inability to deal with their unrequited lust and feel a sense of entitlement to have their urges satisfied. Women could want sex just as often and just as badly as men, but are culturally less prone to express and feel entitled to it than men.
- guerrilla 5y ago
  I'll believe the market over these theories espoused with zero supporting data. If women wanted sex enough, they'd buy it at a higher rate than they do (which is essentially not at all) regardless of cultural norms.
  - AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
    According to the voting market, people love corruption, party politics, authoritarianism, and war. Consider that there are a lot of factors that go into markets, and if they were simple to understand everyone would be making a killing day trading.
    - guerrilla 5y ago
      That market is different since people with billions decide who gets to be a politician, not voters. The consumers are the PACs, lobbyists, etc. not the voters. The voters are the product.
      - AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago

maire 5y ago

I agree that the whole article seems slimy. Having said that - for a short time in a young woman's life she is highly desired by men of all age groups. How can you take 50 year age range of of men who think they can (and should) get 5 year age range of women? But if a woman survives this 5 year period then relationships with men can be balanced and satisfying. Men still want women and women still want men, but it seems to be balanced.

ipaddr 5y ago
What 5 years is this? 13-18? 18-23? 25-30? 35-40?
- maire 5y ago
  From highly biased personal experience 17-22. I won't get into the details but you are only young once ;-).
maire 5y ago
I just realized what bothered me about the article. It assumes the entire relationship between men and women is purely transactional. It is not. I just reread the article and the woman is a stripper. It figures.

GhettoComputers 5y ago

Because most people are heterosexual. If this was an article on health problems for overweight people who make a significant amount in the west you could say they’re not giving enough exposure to underweight people who should be equal represented.

gautamcgoel 5y ago

Which country was this?