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> The author even wrote that the father wanted to be involved in his child's life, but did not have practice or models for being the kind of father the author w

> The author even wrote that the father wanted to be involved in his child's life, but did not have practice or models for being the kind of father the author wanted. then the author's father should have figured it out. i don't have a lot of sympathy for people in problem solving fields that, for the life of them, somehow can't solve for family. You read the docs (books), figure it out, and seek SME's for guidance. Just like everything else.

WJW 5y ago
Perhaps. Not everyone can learn everything, and blaming the father for his shortcomings because he was apparently smart in other fields ("in a problem solving field") is just callous. Yes, the world would have been slightly better if he could have done it. But sometimes the world is not as great as we would like, and people inside it do not live up to our (or even their own) expectations. They deserve empathy, not to be called cowards in internet comments by people who never knew them.
- thebean11 5y ago
  Where do you draw the line? It seems like any shortcoming can be traced back to some mix of nature or nurture, is it just universally unfair to expect things from other humans? Of course even flawed people deserve some level of empathy, but there's a difference between empathy and immunity from responsibility or criticism.
shard 5y ago
> You read the docs (books), figure it out, and seek SME's for guidance. Just like everything else. Going a little beyond the case of the article, for something like interpersonal relationships, there are as many methods as there are practitioners, many of them diametrically opposed to each other. What's considered best varies by culture, by demographics, fades in and out like fashion, works for some personalities and relationships and not others, might be harmful in ways not currently understood. It's not like math where there are empirically correct answers that can be logically proven. Certainly one can do what one considers best based on the current situation and general consensus, but I don't think it would be surprising if some people find that their best intentions are considered strange or unacceptable some time down the road, as society changes. Getting back to the article, the author did not mention whether they talked to the father about their needs and wants. It is possible that the father thought he was solving for family quite adequately. We don't have both sides of the story.
nradov 5y ago
There are a lot of authors with strong opinions but no real SMEs.

WJW 5y ago

Perhaps. Not everyone can learn everything, and blaming the father for his shortcomings because he was apparently smart in other fields ("in a problem solving field") is just callous. Yes, the world would have been slightly better if he could have done it. But sometimes the world is not as great as we would like, and people inside it do not live up to our (or even their own) expectations. They deserve empathy, not to be called cowards in internet comments by people who never knew them.

thebean11 5y ago
Where do you draw the line? It seems like any shortcoming can be traced back to some mix of nature or nurture, is it just universally unfair to expect things from other humans? Of course even flawed people deserve some level of empathy, but there's a difference between empathy and immunity from responsibility or criticism.

shard 5y ago

> You read the docs (books), figure it out, and seek SME's for guidance. Just like everything else. Going a little beyond the case of the article, for something like interpersonal relationships, there are as many methods as there are practitioners, many of them diametrically opposed to each other. What's considered best varies by culture, by demographics, fades in and out like fashion, works for some personalities and relationships and not others, might be harmful in ways not currently understood. It's not like math where there are empirically correct answers that can be logically proven. Certainly one can do what one considers best based on the current situation and general consensus, but I don't think it would be surprising if some people find that their best intentions are considered strange or unacceptable some time down the road, as society changes. Getting back to the article, the author did not mention whether they talked to the father about their needs and wants. It is possible that the father thought he was solving for family quite adequately. We don't have both sides of the story.

nradov 5y ago

There are a lot of authors with strong opinions but no real SMEs.