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Few months ago I was asked by a colleague to contribute an inspiration for a company development workshop. Frankly speaking - I am pretty damn disillusioned by

Few months ago I was asked by a colleague to contribute an inspiration for a company development workshop. Frankly speaking - I am pretty damn disillusioned by now and couldn't come up with anything meaningful. He insisted, so I googled specifically for "coporate buzzwords" and came up with this: "Further establishing a welcoming and diverse work environment encouraging synergy and collaboration by committing to a common set of strategic goals." That statement was unanimously received very well and nobody realized that this is basically just sarcasm in action. Practically speaking my colleagues are all very smart (academics, PhDs all over the place) and should be able to detect bullshit bingo. At the bottom line though whether or not to go actively and motivatedly along with this ... bullshit makes a very practical difference with regard to boni. So, I don't know. Maybe it's me who's the idiot. In short: Bullshit bingo'ing is also often quite lucrative.

wallaBBB 5y ago
"Weird Al" Yankovic - Mission Statement https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4
- setgree 5y ago
  I loved this! And the fact that I was parsing its lyrics for meaning suggests I’ve become too immersed in the culture for my own good
- sidewndr46 5y ago
  As a long time fan of Weird Al, I've always been impressed with his knowledge of culture specifically outside his own domain. Making satire of Prince & Eminem is straightforward, they are basically his peers. What I'm impressed with is how does he get the insight into things like corporate America? Other songs like "It's all about the Pentiums" are satire, but they are accurate satire of a very early, nascent culture. It's rare that an entertainer can gain so much insight into things outside their own field.
- dgb23 5y ago
  "Paradigm shift" cracked me up!
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
Infernal 5y ago
> Practically speaking my colleagues are all very smart (academics, PhDs all over the place) and should be able to detect bullshit bingo. Who says they didn’t detect it? Welcoming, diversity, strategic, collaboration - these are religious tenets that are not allowed to be questioned in any professional context. Much more likely to have been an “emperor has no clothes” situation.
marcosdumay 5y ago
Besides the emperor has no clothes possibility, are you certain that a lot of people are just not in the joke and don't want to rock it?
- 2-718-281-828 5y ago
  are you certain you read my comment to the end?
  - KMag 5y ago
    You stated that nobody realized the sarcasm, but you didn't state how you know that. The GP is basically asking how you knew nobody got the sarcasm. The GP is implying it's possible that one or more people understood you, loved it, and didn't want to spoil the sarcasm fun by mentioning it, and instead feigned enthusiasm. The GP is implying it's possible someone added their own sarcasm on top of yours, but maybe you missed their sarcasm. The GP wants more details about how you know this wasn't the case. Your post lacks sufficient detail to determine how you arrived at the conclusion that nobody noticed your sarcasm. Without reading their minds, you couldn't know for certain, and the GP wants more details about your reasoning process.
    - 2-718-281-828 5y ago
      no, I didn't. I stated that maybe they (employees in general) knowingly go along with it for financial reasons.
      - KMag 5y ago
        Then I misunderstood "That statement was unanimously received very well and nobody realized that this is basically just sarcasm in action." and I believe the GGGP had a similar understanding to me.
        2-718-281-828 5y ago
        well, yes - let's say I kept thinking _while_ writing. I started out with that sentiment then I questioned it ;)
rocqua 5y ago
> "Further establishing a welcoming and diverse work environment encouraging synergy and collaboration by committing to a common set of strategic goals." That certainly is buzzword soup. But I don't think its fully incoherent or bullshit. It essentially says: Lets continue becoming more diverse. Because doing that will help us work together better and more. We will do this by all agreeing on what our goals are and agreeing that we will follow them. The core concept is not that bullshitty. Though how exactly agreement on the goals leads to more diversity isn't quite clear. If the workshop were to be about figuring out if / how agreement on goals leads to more diversity in your specific company, then your buzzword soup happened to deliver an accidentally useful discussion.
- commandlinefan 5y ago
  But it is bullshit - it just says, "let us do the things that work well, and not do the things that do not work well". It's not wrong, but it doesn't need to be said, either. Of course he was trying to be ridiculous, but it sounds like every other corporate mission statement.
  - rocqua 5y ago
    No, it is much more specific. It identifies a specific goal, a reason to reach that goal, and a way to attain that goal. The idea could actually be wrong. Whilst "do things that work well" is a tautological statement.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- seneca 5y ago
  It actually is pretty "bullshitty". Diversity is just cultural zeitgeist that companies parrot to please demographics they want to hire. It's the definition of Mammon. > Lets continue becoming more diverse. Because doing that will help us work together better and more. This is a tautology. I suspect you have a blindspot here, because this specific brand of bullshit is there to please people with your belief system. To others, it's as much bullshit as a company prayer, or talk of how a SAAS startup is "changing the world", would be.
kqr 5y ago
It's popular because it doesn't ruffle any feathers. I heard somewhere at some point that for organisational values to be useful, they need to provide guidance in making decisions. They need to be trade-offs. They need to reject something in favour of something else. So, rephrasing your bullshit bingo: "We are now pursuing a cultural shift: we will value good attitudes and difference of opinion over efficiency. We will start to ignore some of our personal goals and instead emphasise the goals we have in common." This is actionable. It can be used to choose a path to proceed when efficiency is pitted against diversity. It actually says something. And yeah, it's going to suck if you don't agree. Better that than meaningless drivel.
- hn_throwaway_99 5y ago
  > I heard somewhere at some point that for organisational values to be useful, they need to provide guidance in making decisions. They need to be trade-offs. They need to reject something in favour of something else. I think you really hit the nail on the head with this one, and it's why bullshit corporate value statements proliferate with ease: they can give the appearance of action without actually requiring any hard decisions. If a company decides to spend times on these "values" exercises, I think it's important to phrase it in what the company won't do. I.e., if a potential client is offering a million dollar contract, but requires constraints X, Y and Z, which constraints would require the company say "No, we won't do this deal, even if it means we'd lose a million bucks in revenue". Also, the other reason I get very jaded about "corporate values", is that it's easy to say that you have all these nice, progressive values, but when the shit hits the fan and the company is under duress, I've found those values usually go out the window, replaced by the only true value, which is "make money".
- mbrodersen 5y ago
  How is that actionable? Who defines what “good attitudes” and “the goals we have in common” is? Also “difference of opinion over efficiency” seems to indicate that it is better not to make progress, and be outcompeted by the competition, than to value one opinion over another. In other words, eventually the company will fail and everybody loose their jobs. People disagree all the time. You need a mechanism to pick one opinion over another to make progress.
iancmceachern 5y ago
Check out the Weird AL song "Mission Statement". It's exactly this. https://youtu.be/GyV_UG60dD4 https://youtu.be/GyV_UG60dD4
hdjjhhvvhga 5y ago
Let me tell you a secret: nobody cares. Except maybe the people who need to invent this stuff. Everybody else, including the ones who put the mission statement on the letterhead etc., just learned to ignore it. It's just like "How are you?" without really asking about your well-being. It's a kind of ritual. These words are basically empty, but have a function. However, the function is not so much in the meaning as in form. Nowadays you can't have a company without a mission statement, corporate values and so on. The point is, most values are the same. You don't have that much choice, you have to "embrace diversity" and so on no matter what you actually think. All companies do the same, and going in the opposite direction would be insane - you would simply lose customers.

wallaBBB 5y ago

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Mission Statement https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4

setgree 5y ago
I loved this! And the fact that I was parsing its lyrics for meaning suggests I’ve become too immersed in the culture for my own good
sidewndr46 5y ago
As a long time fan of Weird Al, I've always been impressed with his knowledge of culture specifically outside his own domain. Making satire of Prince & Eminem is straightforward, they are basically his peers. What I'm impressed with is how does he get the insight into things like corporate America? Other songs like "It's all about the Pentiums" are satire, but they are accurate satire of a very early, nascent culture. It's rare that an entertainer can gain so much insight into things outside their own field.
dgb23 5y ago
"Paradigm shift" cracked me up!

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

Infernal 5y ago

> Practically speaking my colleagues are all very smart (academics, PhDs all over the place) and should be able to detect bullshit bingo. Who says they didn’t detect it? Welcoming, diversity, strategic, collaboration - these are religious tenets that are not allowed to be questioned in any professional context. Much more likely to have been an “emperor has no clothes” situation.

marcosdumay 5y ago

Besides the emperor has no clothes possibility, are you certain that a lot of people are just not in the joke and don't want to rock it?

2-718-281-828 5y ago
are you certain you read my comment to the end?
- KMag 5y ago
  You stated that nobody realized the sarcasm, but you didn't state how you know that. The GP is basically asking how you knew nobody got the sarcasm. The GP is implying it's possible that one or more people understood you, loved it, and didn't want to spoil the sarcasm fun by mentioning it, and instead feigned enthusiasm. The GP is implying it's possible someone added their own sarcasm on top of yours, but maybe you missed their sarcasm. The GP wants more details about how you know this wasn't the case. Your post lacks sufficient detail to determine how you arrived at the conclusion that nobody noticed your sarcasm. Without reading their minds, you couldn't know for certain, and the GP wants more details about your reasoning process.
  - 2-718-281-828 5y ago
    no, I didn't. I stated that maybe they (employees in general) knowingly go along with it for financial reasons.
    - KMag 5y ago
      Then I misunderstood "That statement was unanimously received very well and nobody realized that this is basically just sarcasm in action." and I believe the GGGP had a similar understanding to me.
      - 2-718-281-828 5y ago
        well, yes - let's say I kept thinking _while_ writing. I started out with that sentiment then I questioned it ;)

rocqua 5y ago

> "Further establishing a welcoming and diverse work environment encouraging synergy and collaboration by committing to a common set of strategic goals." That certainly is buzzword soup. But I don't think its fully incoherent or bullshit. It essentially says: Lets continue becoming more diverse. Because doing that will help us work together better and more. We will do this by all agreeing on what our goals are and agreeing that we will follow them. The core concept is not that bullshitty. Though how exactly agreement on the goals leads to more diversity isn't quite clear. If the workshop were to be about figuring out if / how agreement on goals leads to more diversity in your specific company, then your buzzword soup happened to deliver an accidentally useful discussion.

commandlinefan 5y ago
But it is bullshit - it just says, "let us do the things that work well, and not do the things that do not work well". It's not wrong, but it doesn't need to be said, either. Of course he was trying to be ridiculous, but it sounds like every other corporate mission statement.
- rocqua 5y ago
  No, it is much more specific. It identifies a specific goal, a reason to reach that goal, and a way to attain that goal. The idea could actually be wrong. Whilst "do things that work well" is a tautological statement.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
seneca 5y ago
It actually is pretty "bullshitty". Diversity is just cultural zeitgeist that companies parrot to please demographics they want to hire. It's the definition of Mammon. > Lets continue becoming more diverse. Because doing that will help us work together better and more. This is a tautology. I suspect you have a blindspot here, because this specific brand of bullshit is there to please people with your belief system. To others, it's as much bullshit as a company prayer, or talk of how a SAAS startup is "changing the world", would be.

kqr 5y ago

It's popular because it doesn't ruffle any feathers. I heard somewhere at some point that for organisational values to be useful, they need to provide guidance in making decisions. They need to be trade-offs. They need to reject something in favour of something else. So, rephrasing your bullshit bingo: "We are now pursuing a cultural shift: we will value good attitudes and difference of opinion over efficiency. We will start to ignore some of our personal goals and instead emphasise the goals we have in common." This is actionable. It can be used to choose a path to proceed when efficiency is pitted against diversity. It actually says something. And yeah, it's going to suck if you don't agree. Better that than meaningless drivel.

hn_throwaway_99 5y ago
> I heard somewhere at some point that for organisational values to be useful, they need to provide guidance in making decisions. They need to be trade-offs. They need to reject something in favour of something else. I think you really hit the nail on the head with this one, and it's why bullshit corporate value statements proliferate with ease: they can give the appearance of action without actually requiring any hard decisions. If a company decides to spend times on these "values" exercises, I think it's important to phrase it in what the company won't do. I.e., if a potential client is offering a million dollar contract, but requires constraints X, Y and Z, which constraints would require the company say "No, we won't do this deal, even if it means we'd lose a million bucks in revenue". Also, the other reason I get very jaded about "corporate values", is that it's easy to say that you have all these nice, progressive values, but when the shit hits the fan and the company is under duress, I've found those values usually go out the window, replaced by the only true value, which is "make money".
mbrodersen 5y ago
How is that actionable? Who defines what “good attitudes” and “the goals we have in common” is? Also “difference of opinion over efficiency” seems to indicate that it is better not to make progress, and be outcompeted by the competition, than to value one opinion over another. In other words, eventually the company will fail and everybody loose their jobs. People disagree all the time. You need a mechanism to pick one opinion over another to make progress.

iancmceachern 5y ago

Check out the Weird AL song "Mission Statement". It's exactly this. https://youtu.be/GyV_UG60dD4 https://youtu.be/GyV_UG60dD4

hdjjhhvvhga 5y ago

Let me tell you a secret: nobody cares. Except maybe the people who need to invent this stuff. Everybody else, including the ones who put the mission statement on the letterhead etc., just learned to ignore it. It's just like "How are you?" without really asking about your well-being. It's a kind of ritual. These words are basically empty, but have a function. However, the function is not so much in the meaning as in form. Nowadays you can't have a company without a mission statement, corporate values and so on. The point is, most values are the same. You don't have that much choice, you have to "embrace diversity" and so on no matter what you actually think. All companies do the same, and going in the opposite direction would be insane - you would simply lose customers.