4 ms·

I have a friend who is preparing himself for divorce and he is terrified of what may happen. As I tried to counsel him a bit to help him down from the worry la

I have a friend who is preparing himself for divorce and he is terrified of what may happen. As I tried to counsel him a bit to help him down from the worry ladder, I thought to myself how scary it is that even despite our current point in history, divorce has rarely if ever worked well for men, and most of what I say to console him is likely meaningless comfort. With all the problems in the world, worry is what kills the most of us. I manage it by only focusing on what I can control and by staying out of the spotlight of scrutiny and shame as a man myself. It's probably also the reason why I've chosen to not get married unfortunately as well to this day.

akdas 5y ago
This is another reason we need to be fighting for economic reform. Divorce will never be pleasant, but ensuring economic self-sufficiency for everyone, at least finances will be out of the picture in these separations. Another way for us to create a society that supports men.
JasonCannon 5y ago
If he is terrified because of custody, I suggest you/him read this https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/67xa50/why_does_custody_leave_favor_women_is_it_because/dgu35xq/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=MensLib&utm_content=t5_38jid https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/67xa50/why_does_cu...
- orwin 5y ago
  Funnily enough, this post relate a bit to my family's experience, despite not living in the US. The older male judges (and even advocates) debouting my father times and times again, the only attorneys willing to take the case being young attorneys from a lot less conservative area, and the only judge ruling in favor being a younger, female judge. I've understood early that feminism was not about women but about gender perception.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - csdvrx 5y ago
    > The older male judges (and even advocates) debouting my father times and times again, the only attorneys willing to take the case being young attorneys from a lot less conservative area, and the only judge ruling in favor being a younger, female judge And the fact that a young female judge ruled in his favor should tell you that society is still improving: feminism was necessary at one point, like BLM currently is, but the goal is not to favor a specific gender or ethnicity (or whatever) but to create a level playing field for all! This is the road to progress! We aren't there yet, and it will certainly take a long time as social progress is very slow and many cultures and society are extremely conservative - even those you would think beyond that: simply look at how Europe decries what we do here in America as "wokeism", and you'll understand they've still got a long way to go... However, I see a lot of signs that it's not just a vain hope: the world is improving, on many indicators. It's a slow tide that'll lift all boats. It may hit first those of us who live in America, but everyone will eventually benefit from social progress.
willcipriano 5y ago
I'd move to Reno and hire Marilyn York if I had to divorce, her ted talk is a good use of ten minutes: https://www.ted.com/talks/marilyn_york_what_representing_men_in_divorce_taught_me_about_fatherhood/transcript?language=en https://www.ted.com/talks/marilyn_york_what_representing_men...
_3u10 5y ago
There are two things the higher income earner of a divorce needs to know: No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. If it flies, floats, or f's, it's cheaper to rent it. As soon as he is back in the saddle he'll forget all about it.

akdas 5y ago

This is another reason we need to be fighting for economic reform. Divorce will never be pleasant, but ensuring economic self-sufficiency for everyone, at least finances will be out of the picture in these separations. Another way for us to create a society that supports men.

JasonCannon 5y ago

If he is terrified because of custody, I suggest you/him read this https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/67xa50/why_does_custody_leave_favor_women_is_it_because/dgu35xq/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=MensLib&utm_content=t5_38jid https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/67xa50/why_does_cu...

orwin 5y ago
Funnily enough, this post relate a bit to my family's experience, despite not living in the US. The older male judges (and even advocates) debouting my father times and times again, the only attorneys willing to take the case being young attorneys from a lot less conservative area, and the only judge ruling in favor being a younger, female judge. I've understood early that feminism was not about women but about gender perception.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- csdvrx 5y ago
  > The older male judges (and even advocates) debouting my father times and times again, the only attorneys willing to take the case being young attorneys from a lot less conservative area, and the only judge ruling in favor being a younger, female judge And the fact that a young female judge ruled in his favor should tell you that society is still improving: feminism was necessary at one point, like BLM currently is, but the goal is not to favor a specific gender or ethnicity (or whatever) but to create a level playing field for all! This is the road to progress! We aren't there yet, and it will certainly take a long time as social progress is very slow and many cultures and society are extremely conservative - even those you would think beyond that: simply look at how Europe decries what we do here in America as "wokeism", and you'll understand they've still got a long way to go... However, I see a lot of signs that it's not just a vain hope: the world is improving, on many indicators. It's a slow tide that'll lift all boats. It may hit first those of us who live in America, but everyone will eventually benefit from social progress.

willcipriano 5y ago

I'd move to Reno and hire Marilyn York if I had to divorce, her ted talk is a good use of ten minutes: https://www.ted.com/talks/marilyn_york_what_representing_men_in_divorce_taught_me_about_fatherhood/transcript?language=en https://www.ted.com/talks/marilyn_york_what_representing_men...

_3u10 5y ago

There are two things the higher income earner of a divorce needs to know: No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. If it flies, floats, or f's, it's cheaper to rent it. As soon as he is back in the saddle he'll forget all about it.