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One of the best people I've ever worked with used this approach. "I'm going to ask stupid questions now." and "Just so I'm understanding the problem, <here's

One of the best people I've ever worked with used this approach. "I'm going to ask stupid questions now." and "Just so I'm understanding the problem, <here's my interpretation of what you just said>." were two phrases she used all the time. I am surprised at how difficult it has been to emulate her technique. Feeling comfortable asking the obvious questions is one half of the battle, but the other, more difficult half, is knowing what obvious questions to ask. Most of the time when I ask obvious questions, the replies are yes/no. She knew how to ask them in such a way that gets the person talking in greater detail. It's kind of like being a great interviewer, there's a technique to asking questions in a manner which gets someone talking.

gremloni 5y ago
Same. “Just making sure I understand this correctly… stop me if I’m wrong” has worked wonders for my ability to contribute to a meeting.
nimbius 5y ago
the problem with this approach is that it makes building trust very difficult, as trust is based on a combination of character and competence. inquisitiveness during problem solving is admirable and good, but in the article many of the applications of 'looking stupid' only serve to render the author untrustworthy.
- pksebben 5y ago
  I know this might come off as adversarial, but might that say more about your metrics for trustworthiness than the party at question? Which bullets from the article would you consider untrustworthy?
mandeepj 5y ago
> Most of the time when I ask obvious questions, the replies are yes/no. I guess you might be asking straight up binary questions like - is it happening due to xyz? Maybe, changing the question format to something like - what do you think could be the cause behind _fill the situation here___? Just my humble opinion.
dharmab 5y ago
On my last team I coined the hashtag #StupidQuestionsEncouraged and used my role as a lead to both ask stupid questions and encourage others to do the same.
sharkweek 5y ago
VP in my org does this, and it really disarms the room. She’s big on that exact phrase of “this could be a really stupid question, but…” She’s also really good about making sure other people are rewarded for doing the same by reassuring someone asking what might be a dumb question as, “that’s a a great question and I’m sure others were wondering the same…” before responding. Great leadership, IMO.
- microtonal 5y ago
  In the group where I did my PhD, one of the professors would do this (but without pre-announcing). He would start with really basic questions and gradually build up to more complex questions. This was great for two reasons: 1. it builds up large common ground for understanding; 2. if someone in a leadership position does this, others will not feel ashamed of asking questions that they think may be basic.
  - yummypaint 5y ago
    My PhD advisor was great at doing this. Just having him in attendance at colloquium made the talks more informative.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
- nzealand 5y ago
  An EVP of Ops of a fortune 500 did this to an entire room of functional experts. We were there to discuss a technical implementation. She kicked it off by saying "Let me start by asking a simple question, why do we do this function?" I am now considered a domain expert. I love this question. It surprises me at how few people start with the why, or even can articulate the why. The room of experts, were assembled to roll out a new product in their area of functional expertise. None of us had an articulate answer as to the why. She kept on asking. She gently challenged bad answers with a follow up why. Then when everyone gave up, she gave her answer as to the why. It was brilliant. Always start with the why. Then ask why again. Keep on asking until you understand why.
phkahler 5y ago
>> Most of the time when I ask obvious questions, the replies are yes/no. She knew how to ask them in such a way that gets the person talking in greater detail. Dumb question here, but is it as simple as starting your question with "how" or "what" rather than "does"? The former invite explanation and the later looks for a yes/no. My big thing lately is to not ask rhetorical questions (which can be sarcasm in disguise) as they either cause people to be defensive or simply agree. Either way they do not speak directly about the "obvious" problem.
- marttt 5y ago
  > Dumb question here, but is it as simple as starting your question with "how" or "what" rather than "does"? The former invite explanation and the later looks for a yes/no. Yes, this is the 101 of basic interviewing in journalism. Inexperienced reporters often ask too many "does" questions and are puzzled afterwards as to why the interviewee didn't talk much. "Does" is also used when the journalist aims or pushes for a straightforward, yes-or-no answer. For example to interfere to a politician who is trying to avoid direct answers by trolling the interviewer with some off-topic agenda. See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Ws https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Ws Also, this is a funny proposal with regard to the Five Ws: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/additions-to-the-five-journalistic-ws https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/additions-to-th...
  - cutemonster 5y ago
    & "(can you) describe (how) ..." is supposedly helpful too
- jimkleiber 5y ago
  > Dumb question here, but is it as simple as starting your question with "how" or "what" rather than "does"? I really appreciate that you used the technique that people were discussing and it still seemed to work here, at least it worked on me. I found myself thinking, "No no, that's not a dumb question at all and I feel grateful that you asked it!" So, thank you for that meta experience :-)
dinkleberg 5y ago
One thing you learn in sales is the value of open-ended questions. Until you consciously look at it, it's hard to realize how bad the questions we tend to ask are. Yes/no questions are the worst. But even questions like "What did you do?" aren't great because the answers can often be rather short. A better question is often posed like "Tell me about X" or "Describe how you did Y". Of course this isn't universally true, there is value in binary answers. But often you may find yourself, let's say in a sales context, asking something like "What tool are you using for project management?" The answer will then be something like, "I'm using Jira". Instead, if you ask, "Tell me about what you're doing for project management on your team", the answer may be much more detailed. "We follow the agile methodology and use Jira for our task management. We've got a dedicated project manager on the team who..." Getting good at asking the right questions is worth the effort.
- Zababa 5y ago
  That depends. Yes/no questions are great when you want to quickly validate something. Open-ended questions are great when you want to get a lot of information. Yes/no are for confirmation, open-ended for exploration. Different goals.
  - indymike 5y ago
    Hmm. Often times, an open ended question results in a much more accurate answer. Humans tend to approximate or even lie to force an answer to fit a limited choice question. Example: you want to know if water is falling out the sky. You ask: Is it raining? Response is no. You walk out the door and are rendered unconscious by golf-ball size hail. Better to have asked, "what's it like outside?" or, "what's the weather right now?"
    - reidjs 5y ago
      I think his response meant in situations where you just need to figure out which project management tool they use so you can log in for the first time, binary questions are the right tool for the job (information gathering). But I mostly agree that, in the big picture, the broad questions are more helpful for solving the complex problem you’re facing. and nobody is going to say it’s not raining when it’s hailing outside… but I understand if that was just a metaphor. You’re probably asking that question to figure out what kind of clothes to wear, and they would probably infer that. It’s so contextual though.
fatnoah 5y ago
> "I'm going to ask stupid questions now." and "Just so I'm understanding the problem, <here's my interpretation of what you just said>." were two phrases she used all the time. This is my approach when getting pulled into something. If I have no idea, I want to get that idea. I'll also use "this may sound stupid, but..." One of the smartest people I've ever met in business was also this way. He also never nodded his head in agreement unless he actually understood and agreed. If he wasn't sure, he'd pause for a minute and work it out, even if it meant pausing the flow of the meetings. Some people interpreted it has him being "slow" but it really meant he actually understand all of the things he was nodding to.
protonimitate 5y ago
Huh, interesting. I've done this pretty much my whole (programming) career. As a non-traditional, I always felt it was a weakness to be "that guy", but it's good to know that it's a common tactic. Luckily, I've always been around coworkers that never put me down for asking those questions.
NoRagrets 5y ago
Reminds me of something from decades ago in India, there was only television channel and it was state run. Early evenings were dedicated to rural areas and farmers there. Most of them were illiterate and did not understand what plant scientists or professors were talking about re inputs or seeds or Tractors etc needed to modernize Ag. So the format would be an interview in the middle of a coconut grove or a farm. The interviewer(usually female) would ask a question and the expert would answer. After he finishes answering, she’d turn towards the camera and go like “what you are basically saying is..” or “what he is saying..”..and she’d give the wrong details. Then the expert would interrupt her and explain it again with the correct answer. There were a lot of English words he’d use and she’d break them down in the vernacular and also in the same order as his sentence. These wrong things repeated by her were obvious misunderstandings anyone unfamiliar with fertilizer application would make…it was probably scripted so that the answer can be ‘corrected’ multiple times and also probably reflected mistaken notions by the viewer. Never once was the viewer(here, it was the illiterate non English speaking village farmer) made to feel dumb but always as though they are learning something valuable and special. It was like Sesame Street for farming adults. It was awesome and kept me glued to the television screen. I would memorize all the IRRI rice hybrids and probably was the only one in school who knew IR20, IR64 and IR8…and urea application rates for them. Ask anyone of a certain age who their favourite Sesame Street character is …and you would have cracked effective communication technique for that time period.
- splatzone 5y ago
  This is brilliant. I sometimes produce educational videos to teach kids programming. A recurring challenge we have is pitching the information at a level that’s interesting but not confusing for beginners and kids who are less literate. This format I’d like to try out
jorgeleo 5y ago
https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/active-listening-skills https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/acti... When you active listen, even if the question might feel stupid, the feeling gets lost in the fact hat the other person is receiving your attention. This technique is also teach for other contexts like counseling, or debating using the Socratic method.
bad_good_guy 5y ago
I've had PMs always lead questions like that, using "this is probably a stupid question..." and alternatives and I came to dread discussions with them, as I knew this meeting would involve loads of wasted time constantly 'excusing' their question instead of just asking it.
- Wowfunhappy 5y ago
  Just how long do they draw it out? Phrasing "So, stupid question: [insert question" really shouldn't add that much time, right? Or is the problem that the questions really are stupid? I have a weird job title but my position is probably closer to your PM, and I also use this strategy, so I'd like to know how to not annoy people!
  - cutemonster 5y ago
    Sounds as if you're doing it in a good way :-) (I'm not GP)
technobabble 5y ago
Thanks for the suggestions. I'm commenting on this thread so I can save it for future reference.
- aroberge 5y ago
  Perhaps a better approach is to click on "favorite" at the top. I personally find it easier than trying to go through my comments history.
  - pjot 5y ago
    Additionally, if you click the timestamp of a comment, you can “favorite” the individual comment!
  - lostlogin 5y ago
    It’s embarrassing how long it took me to find that button.
clairity 5y ago
this is also part of a coterie of non-threatening communication most women implicitly learn while growing up, to realize desired outcomes without negative pushback.
- ree-san 5y ago
  Am woman, hard agree!
serial_dev 5y ago
I don't like to say "I'm going to ask a stupid question". First of all, it feels disingenuous to me, people who say that never actually think that their questions will be stupid. And the second reason is that I think I might even convince myself that my questions are stupid... I know it sounds silly to some but little things like how you talk about yourself (and your questions) is important. I often ask these "stupid" questions, though. I usually start with: "it might have been said in other meetings, but just to be sure, what is...", "I might be a bit slow, could you explain X once again just to make sure I understand it", "So just to paraphrase what we've been discussing, X is Y, is that correct?", and sometimes I just ask "what does $acronym stand for and why is it important for us now". I, too, often find that nobody knows the answers to very basic questions and we are in a meeting of 6-12 people...
- 6gvONxR4sf7o 5y ago
  > ...it feels disingenuous to me, people who say that never actually think that their questions will be stupid. I ask questions that have a decent chance of making me look stupid all the time. Even when the rational part of my brain says "if you have this question, it's likely that other people do too," there's a big part of me that worries, "nah, I'm the odd one out here."
- icelancer 5y ago
  >> First of all, it feels disingenuous to me, people who say that never actually think that their questions will be stupid. I preface some of my statements with this, and I fully expect them to be stupid. In fact, many of the questions I ask that I don't preface with the above disclaimer are in fact quite stupid.
- saeranv 5y ago
  Yeah I feel the same way. I never understood the "This may be a stupid question..." framing. Asking fundamental questions in order to build up to a more complex understanding is the most effective way to learn, I have no hesitation about asking such questions.
  - not2b 5y ago
LegitShady 5y ago
I do this all the time. I'm a non computer engineer who gets pulled into all sorts of computer related things as the contact point with the actual business. Having a good BA and someone who asks stupid questions make such meetings end in positive results much more often. I also preface with saying I'm going to ask stupid questions and if anyone holds it against me I'm ok with it. If I'm asking a question it's usually because I don't understand a consequent of something someone said that everyone seems to just nod their heads and agree with, and that gives everyone an opportunity to reconsider the fundamentals.
genghisjahn 5y ago
Whenever new people join the team, I always say, "Please ask stupid questions. I mean questions so stupid that you might think we would question why we hired you, because you think we think you should already know. Ask those types of really stupid basic questions. It will educated you, make us think, and I'm certain at least one other person already on the team doesn't know either."
- ryantgtg 5y ago
  I usually say, "please ask stupid questions, because if you don't then you'll run off in the wrong direction and work on the wrong thing for a week before the next review, and you'll have wasted a lot of project budget." At my work, there's a bad combo of senior folks who whip off vague instructions in a single sentence, and junior folks who are afraid to ask questions. I'm in the middle, and I try hard to demonstrate that it's fine to badger the senior folks with questions, and to check in with them constantly. The senior folks like it because it gives them confidence that you're working it out. But some of our straight outta school colleagues just don't do this ("Gotcha. Sounds good!" is a very common email reply from them) and it leads to confusion down the road. After giving them the "ask questions" talk two times, I usually give up on them. Also, in my position, I often have to review and edit reports that are largely written by electrical engineers and architects, and they all probably think I'm super dumb. I read the reports as the target audience (often non-subject matter experts), and so my comments are things like, "What do you mean by this [basic EE concept]?" I don't preface it with, "I know what this means, but the client might not, please elaborate..."
  - cmorgan31 5y ago
    Please, please keep doing this and encouraging this behavior. The more senior on the ic track you get the harder it is to find time to mentor. The reality is that is a core tenet of our position and we may be staying silent to not smother the room. If you need help and you have a competent senior they should encourage your questions or delegate to an appropriate senior if they are too busy.
  - Kinrany 5y ago
tombert 5y ago
I've stolen a similar technique from one of my favorite coworkers ever, which is to preface my questions but "This might be a silly question, but...". I like this because I feel like it kind of de-stigmatizes asking "obvious" questions. If you acknowledge that the the question might be redundant, but ask it anyway, I think it makes the dialog more approachable.
- ziml77 5y ago
  I think the biggest effect it has is that it stops people from thinking "is he stupid?" and getting annoyed at the question.
daddylongstroke 5y ago
Yes, these are two great phrases and methods to vastly improve your communication skills! Many people seem to be OK with leaving a conversation with assumptions instead of assurances.
namibj 5y ago
I think I possess this skill (at least partially), and the trick of "knowing what to ask" is to train yourself heuristics that guide you towards questions that reveal outstandingly large amounts of new information. Of course you have limited information, so those determinations about how much information a question's answer would yield are plagued by that. Hence the heuristics. This is not easy to learn, and great understanding ability is a prerequisite.
mnsc 5y ago
For me, I think it's about your speed of thinking. If you ask a probing stupid question and get a "yes". If you are quick to reassemble your very low level of understanding into a (wrong) model, you can ask question about this model. "So that means that x goes into y to do z?" which makes you indeed look stupid but it also triggers the person explaining into "ok, this is a full out idiot, I need to go slow and explain in extreme detail". But then I interrupt when it goes to slow with a new pieced-together temporary model from some fact they let out and ask a new maybe less stupid question that makes the explainer go "ok, maybe they understand a bit more" and goes faster/skips details. And then it's like that back and forth until I understand it all and my questions goes into the territory of "yeah, that bit I don't understand either..." which leads us to go on a joint adventure into even greater understanding. A fellowship of the stupid.
- datameta 5y ago
  My own issue with this method is trying to avoid sounding like I'm vying for brownie points by demonstrating knowledge after asking (what to them might be) a rudimentary question, especially so if my "update" is partially incorrect. It is to the point where I won't show someone I am aware of something simple they have just pointed out to me. Which either is something the author of the blog would condone or I have misconstrued in which instance it is useful to look like you have less understanding than you really do.
breakfastduck 5y ago
The top Business Analysts always posses this skill, too.

gremloni 5y ago

Same. “Just making sure I understand this correctly… stop me if I’m wrong” has worked wonders for my ability to contribute to a meeting.

nimbius 5y ago

the problem with this approach is that it makes building trust very difficult, as trust is based on a combination of character and competence. inquisitiveness during problem solving is admirable and good, but in the article many of the applications of 'looking stupid' only serve to render the author untrustworthy.

pksebben 5y ago
I know this might come off as adversarial, but might that say more about your metrics for trustworthiness than the party at question? Which bullets from the article would you consider untrustworthy?

mandeepj 5y ago

> Most of the time when I ask obvious questions, the replies are yes/no. I guess you might be asking straight up binary questions like - is it happening due to xyz? Maybe, changing the question format to something like - what do you think could be the cause behind _fill the situation here___? Just my humble opinion.

dharmab 5y ago

On my last team I coined the hashtag #StupidQuestionsEncouraged and used my role as a lead to both ask stupid questions and encourage others to do the same.

sharkweek 5y ago

VP in my org does this, and it really disarms the room. She’s big on that exact phrase of “this could be a really stupid question, but…” She’s also really good about making sure other people are rewarded for doing the same by reassuring someone asking what might be a dumb question as, “that’s a a great question and I’m sure others were wondering the same…” before responding. Great leadership, IMO.

microtonal 5y ago
In the group where I did my PhD, one of the professors would do this (but without pre-announcing). He would start with really basic questions and gradually build up to more complex questions. This was great for two reasons: 1. it builds up large common ground for understanding; 2. if someone in a leadership position does this, others will not feel ashamed of asking questions that they think may be basic.
- yummypaint 5y ago
  My PhD advisor was great at doing this. Just having him in attendance at colloquium made the talks more informative.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
nzealand 5y ago
An EVP of Ops of a fortune 500 did this to an entire room of functional experts. We were there to discuss a technical implementation. She kicked it off by saying "Let me start by asking a simple question, why do we do this function?" I am now considered a domain expert. I love this question. It surprises me at how few people start with the why, or even can articulate the why. The room of experts, were assembled to roll out a new product in their area of functional expertise. None of us had an articulate answer as to the why. She kept on asking. She gently challenged bad answers with a follow up why. Then when everyone gave up, she gave her answer as to the why. It was brilliant. Always start with the why. Then ask why again. Keep on asking until you understand why.

phkahler 5y ago

>> Most of the time when I ask obvious questions, the replies are yes/no. She knew how to ask them in such a way that gets the person talking in greater detail. Dumb question here, but is it as simple as starting your question with "how" or "what" rather than "does"? The former invite explanation and the later looks for a yes/no. My big thing lately is to not ask rhetorical questions (which can be sarcasm in disguise) as they either cause people to be defensive or simply agree. Either way they do not speak directly about the "obvious" problem.

marttt 5y ago
> Dumb question here, but is it as simple as starting your question with "how" or "what" rather than "does"? The former invite explanation and the later looks for a yes/no. Yes, this is the 101 of basic interviewing in journalism. Inexperienced reporters often ask too many "does" questions and are puzzled afterwards as to why the interviewee didn't talk much. "Does" is also used when the journalist aims or pushes for a straightforward, yes-or-no answer. For example to interfere to a politician who is trying to avoid direct answers by trolling the interviewer with some off-topic agenda. See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Ws https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Ws Also, this is a funny proposal with regard to the Five Ws: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/additions-to-the-five-journalistic-ws https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/additions-to-th...
- cutemonster 5y ago
  & "(can you) describe (how) ..." is supposedly helpful too
jimkleiber 5y ago
> Dumb question here, but is it as simple as starting your question with "how" or "what" rather than "does"? I really appreciate that you used the technique that people were discussing and it still seemed to work here, at least it worked on me. I found myself thinking, "No no, that's not a dumb question at all and I feel grateful that you asked it!" So, thank you for that meta experience :-)

dinkleberg 5y ago

One thing you learn in sales is the value of open-ended questions. Until you consciously look at it, it's hard to realize how bad the questions we tend to ask are. Yes/no questions are the worst. But even questions like "What did you do?" aren't great because the answers can often be rather short. A better question is often posed like "Tell me about X" or "Describe how you did Y". Of course this isn't universally true, there is value in binary answers. But often you may find yourself, let's say in a sales context, asking something like "What tool are you using for project management?" The answer will then be something like, "I'm using Jira". Instead, if you ask, "Tell me about what you're doing for project management on your team", the answer may be much more detailed. "We follow the agile methodology and use Jira for our task management. We've got a dedicated project manager on the team who..." Getting good at asking the right questions is worth the effort.

Zababa 5y ago
That depends. Yes/no questions are great when you want to quickly validate something. Open-ended questions are great when you want to get a lot of information. Yes/no are for confirmation, open-ended for exploration. Different goals.
- indymike 5y ago
  Hmm. Often times, an open ended question results in a much more accurate answer. Humans tend to approximate or even lie to force an answer to fit a limited choice question. Example: you want to know if water is falling out the sky. You ask: Is it raining? Response is no. You walk out the door and are rendered unconscious by golf-ball size hail. Better to have asked, "what's it like outside?" or, "what's the weather right now?"
  - reidjs 5y ago
    I think his response meant in situations where you just need to figure out which project management tool they use so you can log in for the first time, binary questions are the right tool for the job (information gathering). But I mostly agree that, in the big picture, the broad questions are more helpful for solving the complex problem you’re facing. and nobody is going to say it’s not raining when it’s hailing outside… but I understand if that was just a metaphor. You’re probably asking that question to figure out what kind of clothes to wear, and they would probably infer that. It’s so contextual though.

fatnoah 5y ago

> "I'm going to ask stupid questions now." and "Just so I'm understanding the problem, <here's my interpretation of what you just said>." were two phrases she used all the time. This is my approach when getting pulled into something. If I have no idea, I want to get that idea. I'll also use "this may sound stupid, but..." One of the smartest people I've ever met in business was also this way. He also never nodded his head in agreement unless he actually understood and agreed. If he wasn't sure, he'd pause for a minute and work it out, even if it meant pausing the flow of the meetings. Some people interpreted it has him being "slow" but it really meant he actually understand all of the things he was nodding to.

protonimitate 5y ago

Huh, interesting. I've done this pretty much my whole (programming) career. As a non-traditional, I always felt it was a weakness to be "that guy", but it's good to know that it's a common tactic. Luckily, I've always been around coworkers that never put me down for asking those questions.

NoRagrets 5y ago

Reminds me of something from decades ago in India, there was only television channel and it was state run. Early evenings were dedicated to rural areas and farmers there. Most of them were illiterate and did not understand what plant scientists or professors were talking about re inputs or seeds or Tractors etc needed to modernize Ag. So the format would be an interview in the middle of a coconut grove or a farm. The interviewer(usually female) would ask a question and the expert would answer. After he finishes answering, she’d turn towards the camera and go like “what you are basically saying is..” or “what he is saying..”..and she’d give the wrong details. Then the expert would interrupt her and explain it again with the correct answer. There were a lot of English words he’d use and she’d break them down in the vernacular and also in the same order as his sentence. These wrong things repeated by her were obvious misunderstandings anyone unfamiliar with fertilizer application would make…it was probably scripted so that the answer can be ‘corrected’ multiple times and also probably reflected mistaken notions by the viewer. Never once was the viewer(here, it was the illiterate non English speaking village farmer) made to feel dumb but always as though they are learning something valuable and special. It was like Sesame Street for farming adults. It was awesome and kept me glued to the television screen. I would memorize all the IRRI rice hybrids and probably was the only one in school who knew IR20, IR64 and IR8…and urea application rates for them. Ask anyone of a certain age who their favourite Sesame Street character is …and you would have cracked effective communication technique for that time period.

splatzone 5y ago
This is brilliant. I sometimes produce educational videos to teach kids programming. A recurring challenge we have is pitching the information at a level that’s interesting but not confusing for beginners and kids who are less literate. This format I’d like to try out

jorgeleo 5y ago

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/active-listening-skills https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/acti... When you active listen, even if the question might feel stupid, the feeling gets lost in the fact hat the other person is receiving your attention. This technique is also teach for other contexts like counseling, or debating using the Socratic method.

bad_good_guy 5y ago

I've had PMs always lead questions like that, using "this is probably a stupid question..." and alternatives and I came to dread discussions with them, as I knew this meeting would involve loads of wasted time constantly 'excusing' their question instead of just asking it.

Wowfunhappy 5y ago
Just how long do they draw it out? Phrasing "So, stupid question: [insert question" really shouldn't add that much time, right? Or is the problem that the questions really are stupid? I have a weird job title but my position is probably closer to your PM, and I also use this strategy, so I'd like to know how to not annoy people!
- cutemonster 5y ago
  Sounds as if you're doing it in a good way :-) (I'm not GP)

technobabble 5y ago

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm commenting on this thread so I can save it for future reference.

aroberge 5y ago
Perhaps a better approach is to click on "favorite" at the top. I personally find it easier than trying to go through my comments history.
- pjot 5y ago
  Additionally, if you click the timestamp of a comment, you can “favorite” the individual comment!
- lostlogin 5y ago
  It’s embarrassing how long it took me to find that button.

clairity 5y ago

this is also part of a coterie of non-threatening communication most women implicitly learn while growing up, to realize desired outcomes without negative pushback.

ree-san 5y ago
Am woman, hard agree!

serial_dev 5y ago

I don't like to say "I'm going to ask a stupid question". First of all, it feels disingenuous to me, people who say that never actually think that their questions will be stupid. And the second reason is that I think I might even convince myself that my questions are stupid... I know it sounds silly to some but little things like how you talk about yourself (and your questions) is important. I often ask these "stupid" questions, though. I usually start with: "it might have been said in other meetings, but just to be sure, what is...", "I might be a bit slow, could you explain X once again just to make sure I understand it", "So just to paraphrase what we've been discussing, X is Y, is that correct?", and sometimes I just ask "what does $acronym stand for and why is it important for us now". I, too, often find that nobody knows the answers to very basic questions and we are in a meeting of 6-12 people...

6gvONxR4sf7o 5y ago
> ...it feels disingenuous to me, people who say that never actually think that their questions will be stupid. I ask questions that have a decent chance of making me look stupid all the time. Even when the rational part of my brain says "if you have this question, it's likely that other people do too," there's a big part of me that worries, "nah, I'm the odd one out here."
icelancer 5y ago
>> First of all, it feels disingenuous to me, people who say that never actually think that their questions will be stupid. I preface some of my statements with this, and I fully expect them to be stupid. In fact, many of the questions I ask that I don't preface with the above disclaimer are in fact quite stupid.
saeranv 5y ago
Yeah I feel the same way. I never understood the "This may be a stupid question..." framing. Asking fundamental questions in order to build up to a more complex understanding is the most effective way to learn, I have no hesitation about asking such questions.
- not2b 5y ago

LegitShady 5y ago

I do this all the time. I'm a non computer engineer who gets pulled into all sorts of computer related things as the contact point with the actual business. Having a good BA and someone who asks stupid questions make such meetings end in positive results much more often. I also preface with saying I'm going to ask stupid questions and if anyone holds it against me I'm ok with it. If I'm asking a question it's usually because I don't understand a consequent of something someone said that everyone seems to just nod their heads and agree with, and that gives everyone an opportunity to reconsider the fundamentals.

genghisjahn 5y ago

Whenever new people join the team, I always say, "Please ask stupid questions. I mean questions so stupid that you might think we would question why we hired you, because you think we think you should already know. Ask those types of really stupid basic questions. It will educated you, make us think, and I'm certain at least one other person already on the team doesn't know either."

ryantgtg 5y ago
I usually say, "please ask stupid questions, because if you don't then you'll run off in the wrong direction and work on the wrong thing for a week before the next review, and you'll have wasted a lot of project budget." At my work, there's a bad combo of senior folks who whip off vague instructions in a single sentence, and junior folks who are afraid to ask questions. I'm in the middle, and I try hard to demonstrate that it's fine to badger the senior folks with questions, and to check in with them constantly. The senior folks like it because it gives them confidence that you're working it out. But some of our straight outta school colleagues just don't do this ("Gotcha. Sounds good!" is a very common email reply from them) and it leads to confusion down the road. After giving them the "ask questions" talk two times, I usually give up on them. Also, in my position, I often have to review and edit reports that are largely written by electrical engineers and architects, and they all probably think I'm super dumb. I read the reports as the target audience (often non-subject matter experts), and so my comments are things like, "What do you mean by this [basic EE concept]?" I don't preface it with, "I know what this means, but the client might not, please elaborate..."
- cmorgan31 5y ago
  Please, please keep doing this and encouraging this behavior. The more senior on the ic track you get the harder it is to find time to mentor. The reality is that is a core tenet of our position and we may be staying silent to not smother the room. If you need help and you have a competent senior they should encourage your questions or delegate to an appropriate senior if they are too busy.
- Kinrany 5y ago

tombert 5y ago

I've stolen a similar technique from one of my favorite coworkers ever, which is to preface my questions but "This might be a silly question, but...". I like this because I feel like it kind of de-stigmatizes asking "obvious" questions. If you acknowledge that the the question might be redundant, but ask it anyway, I think it makes the dialog more approachable.

ziml77 5y ago
I think the biggest effect it has is that it stops people from thinking "is he stupid?" and getting annoyed at the question.

daddylongstroke 5y ago

Yes, these are two great phrases and methods to vastly improve your communication skills! Many people seem to be OK with leaving a conversation with assumptions instead of assurances.

namibj 5y ago

I think I possess this skill (at least partially), and the trick of "knowing what to ask" is to train yourself heuristics that guide you towards questions that reveal outstandingly large amounts of new information. Of course you have limited information, so those determinations about how much information a question's answer would yield are plagued by that. Hence the heuristics. This is not easy to learn, and great understanding ability is a prerequisite.

mnsc 5y ago

For me, I think it's about your speed of thinking. If you ask a probing stupid question and get a "yes". If you are quick to reassemble your very low level of understanding into a (wrong) model, you can ask question about this model. "So that means that x goes into y to do z?" which makes you indeed look stupid but it also triggers the person explaining into "ok, this is a full out idiot, I need to go slow and explain in extreme detail". But then I interrupt when it goes to slow with a new pieced-together temporary model from some fact they let out and ask a new maybe less stupid question that makes the explainer go "ok, maybe they understand a bit more" and goes faster/skips details. And then it's like that back and forth until I understand it all and my questions goes into the territory of "yeah, that bit I don't understand either..." which leads us to go on a joint adventure into even greater understanding. A fellowship of the stupid.

datameta 5y ago
My own issue with this method is trying to avoid sounding like I'm vying for brownie points by demonstrating knowledge after asking (what to them might be) a rudimentary question, especially so if my "update" is partially incorrect. It is to the point where I won't show someone I am aware of something simple they have just pointed out to me. Which either is something the author of the blog would condone or I have misconstrued in which instance it is useful to look like you have less understanding than you really do.

breakfastduck 5y ago

The top Business Analysts always posses this skill, too.