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"Elderly people should live with their families." Spoken with the confidence of someone who has never had to care for an elderly relative who was in both menta

"Elderly people should live with their families." Spoken with the confidence of someone who has never had to care for an elderly relative who was in both mental and physical decline. In any case it is a deeply personal decision without a definitive right or wrong answer. After seeing my Aunt try to care for my grandmother for years only for it to negatively effect their relationship because of her dementia I wouldn't blame anyone for choosing a care facility. I know people who were so effected by their experience of caring for an elderly relative that they checked themselves into a senior living community in their 50's so their kids would never have to feel like they needed to do the same for them.

roenxi 5y ago
Without disagreeing - if that is what happened to her relationship with someone close to her, what would have happened in a care facility of people who don't have any personal connection at all? These care facilities don't sound like fun either. Fact is that getting old can be a truly horrible process. Which is why the pro-euthanasia people keep standing up.
- pmorici 5y ago
  After she was too much for my aunt even with a part time home healthcare worker she did move to a care facility where she has lived for the past ~7 years. The two she has lived at are decent from what I can tell and close enough to family that someone visits her on a pretty much daily basis. Both ways can work.
batch12 5y ago
Damn-- in their 50s. I don't have much time left. I'd rather walk the planet than check myself into a center.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
throwawayboise 5y ago
There are probably well-run exceptions but in my experience senior communities are mostly about extracting all the wealth and insurance payments they can get from their residents before they die. You think it's hard taking care of your aging parents? They took care of you when you were a helpless, shitting, crying, little ball of flesh.
- gruez 5y ago
  >You think it's hard taking care of your aging parents? They took care of you when you were a helpless, shitting, crying, little ball of flesh. try lifting a baby vs an adult. also, seniors in retirement communities tend to have some sort of chronic condition that make them non-trivial to care for without medical expertise.
- conk 5y ago
  A baby can’t turn the stove on and burn down the house or attempt to drive a car and kill someone. Some forms of mental decline require specialized care facilities for the safety of both the elderly and their family members.
- whatshisface 5y ago
  You're sweeping a lot of people in your use of the term "aging parents," ranging from physically strong yet mentally deranged dementia patients, to little old ladies who simply don't have anyone to talk to. What is obviously true for the second is obviously false for the first.
- nradov 5y ago
  Babies gain a degree of self sufficiency within a few years, at least to extent of wiping their own asses. But elderly dementia patients can hold on for decades gradually requiring more and more hands-on care. When my time comes I don't expect my children to ruin their lives just to care for me.
- mjevans 5y ago
  Getting old sucks :( https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/end-life-care-people-dementia https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/end-life-care-people-dementia I need to write up some kind of living will or something where, sure expend whatever is (reasonable) to return me to normal health... until I forget why I need to ask for help (that I need) or even myself; and that isn't just a rare occurrence but an always or even mostly always state of my mind having fallen apart before my body. If my mind does fall apart before my body: I want any treatment known or suspected to fix that. Then to be admitted to any study hoping to establish such treatment. Then failing any hope of return to health... I'm already dead as far as our medical tech allows; make it painless, useful to those who might benefit from viable parts, useful to the progress of science (generally) and medicine, quick, and resource efficient; in that order of decreasing importance.

roenxi 5y ago

Without disagreeing - if that is what happened to her relationship with someone close to her, what would have happened in a care facility of people who don't have any personal connection at all? These care facilities don't sound like fun either. Fact is that getting old can be a truly horrible process. Which is why the pro-euthanasia people keep standing up.

pmorici 5y ago
After she was too much for my aunt even with a part time home healthcare worker she did move to a care facility where she has lived for the past ~7 years. The two she has lived at are decent from what I can tell and close enough to family that someone visits her on a pretty much daily basis. Both ways can work.

batch12 5y ago

Damn-- in their 50s. I don't have much time left. I'd rather walk the planet than check myself into a center.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

throwawayboise 5y ago

There are probably well-run exceptions but in my experience senior communities are mostly about extracting all the wealth and insurance payments they can get from their residents before they die. You think it's hard taking care of your aging parents? They took care of you when you were a helpless, shitting, crying, little ball of flesh.

gruez 5y ago
>You think it's hard taking care of your aging parents? They took care of you when you were a helpless, shitting, crying, little ball of flesh. try lifting a baby vs an adult. also, seniors in retirement communities tend to have some sort of chronic condition that make them non-trivial to care for without medical expertise.
conk 5y ago
A baby can’t turn the stove on and burn down the house or attempt to drive a car and kill someone. Some forms of mental decline require specialized care facilities for the safety of both the elderly and their family members.
whatshisface 5y ago
You're sweeping a lot of people in your use of the term "aging parents," ranging from physically strong yet mentally deranged dementia patients, to little old ladies who simply don't have anyone to talk to. What is obviously true for the second is obviously false for the first.
nradov 5y ago
Babies gain a degree of self sufficiency within a few years, at least to extent of wiping their own asses. But elderly dementia patients can hold on for decades gradually requiring more and more hands-on care. When my time comes I don't expect my children to ruin their lives just to care for me.
mjevans 5y ago
Getting old sucks :( https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/end-life-care-people-dementia https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/end-life-care-people-dementia I need to write up some kind of living will or something where, sure expend whatever is (reasonable) to return me to normal health... until I forget why I need to ask for help (that I need) or even myself; and that isn't just a rare occurrence but an always or even mostly always state of my mind having fallen apart before my body. If my mind does fall apart before my body: I want any treatment known or suspected to fix that. Then to be admitted to any study hoping to establish such treatment. Then failing any hope of return to health... I'm already dead as far as our medical tech allows; make it painless, useful to those who might benefit from viable parts, useful to the progress of science (generally) and medicine, quick, and resource efficient; in that order of decreasing importance.