9 ms·

Having a supportive spouse is basically a superpower.

by yuy910616 5y ago

ezekg 5y ago
Absolutely agree. Thanks for reading!
yen223 5y ago
Being a supportive spouse is too
- nineplay 5y ago
  I'll stretch the analogy and say having a supportive spouse without being a supportive spouse is Kryptonite. I'll assume that should the OP's wife express that she was at the breaking point that he would be similarly supportive of her desires.
  - blunte 5y ago
    A non-supportive spouse may simply not understand you; or they may be caught up in their own struggles; or they may not be the right spouse...
  - notsureaboutpg 5y ago
    This isn't true at all. It's about expectations. If both spouses expect the exact same support, it's difficult / impossible. I see most successful marriages where each spouse does what the other is not as good at doing, where they complement each other and don't resent that they ~always~ do one thing while the spouse ~always~ does something else.
  - Jensson 5y ago
    Different kinds of support requests are very different. "Please don't ask as much of me in the future, I am at a breaking point" "Please do more for me in the future, I am at a breaking point" You see the difference in these two? In the first you ask for yourself to do less. In the second you ask for your partner to do more. The second often leads to your partner also burning out and then nobody has any capacity to spare creating a horrible situation. The super power isn't the support part, but being able to live with less part. Demanding high living standards and thus high workload from your partner is the kryptonite.
KennyBlanken 5y ago
At least in the US, there is a strong correlation between husbands losing their jobs and divorce. This blog post basically no different from the other "so I did X and now I'm a big success" anecdotal LinkedIn/Medium/Tweet thread posts. Not everyone is allowed to break gender roles. Edit: not going to promise this is the best reference/source, but it is at least one: https://time.com/4425061/unemployment-divorce-men-women/ https://time.com/4425061/unemployment-divorce-men-women/
- MathCodeLove 5y ago
  You say this like it's an inevitable part of life instead of picking just picking bad spouses or being bad at relationships. When the husbands in these relationships lost their job did they try to get back out there? Did they help at home? Did they do anything about it? If my wife lost her job and showed no motivation to get another one then I'd probably divorce her too. Part of what I admire in my partner is her incredible work ethic. Maybe instead of complaining about "gender roles" complain about people picking shitty spouses and not having hard conversations about these sort of situations before they actually happen.
  - bartvk 5y ago
    You can pick a great spouse but some people change after kids arrive. My partner had a great work ethic too. But after our daughter was born, that supposedly great work ethic caused them to keep working at the same pace, destroying our relationship. Admittedly, you also mention "bad at relationships" and that element was present on both sides as well.
    - Arisaka1 5y ago
      There are people who "change" even after marriage. My father had one such experience when he decided to get married again and his new wife asked him to put her in the house contract as an equal owner. He didn't take that well because, she asked barely a week after the marriage. For what it's worth, that was his second attempt to marry someone after he broke up with my mother. The first was with a woman who hated me in absurd levels to the point that she would attempt to choke me and throw knives at me because (according to my father, I was too young to actually engage her in any form of discussion) I reminded her of his previous relationship. And all that happened after 4 years of him being in a casual relationship with her. Anyways, I don't know if I would call it changing or rather that there are people who try to hide their true colors until I get what they want.
bserge 5y ago
Having any support, really. When everyone around you shits on you and belittles everything you do, you're playing on expert mode.
- hughrr 5y ago
  Not sure why you’re downvoted because that has been reality for some of us I’m sure. Me included. My pet favourite example is the ”you’re shit and going to fail. You should do what I did”. This is advice inevitably comes from very toxic personalities who are in serious trouble in one way or another.

Having a supportive spouse is basically a superpower.

ezekg 5y ago

Absolutely agree. Thanks for reading!

yen223 5y ago

Being a supportive spouse is too

nineplay 5y ago
I'll stretch the analogy and say having a supportive spouse without being a supportive spouse is Kryptonite. I'll assume that should the OP's wife express that she was at the breaking point that he would be similarly supportive of her desires.
- blunte 5y ago
  A non-supportive spouse may simply not understand you; or they may be caught up in their own struggles; or they may not be the right spouse...
- notsureaboutpg 5y ago
  This isn't true at all. It's about expectations. If both spouses expect the exact same support, it's difficult / impossible. I see most successful marriages where each spouse does what the other is not as good at doing, where they complement each other and don't resent that they ~always~ do one thing while the spouse ~always~ does something else.
- Jensson 5y ago
  Different kinds of support requests are very different. "Please don't ask as much of me in the future, I am at a breaking point" "Please do more for me in the future, I am at a breaking point" You see the difference in these two? In the first you ask for yourself to do less. In the second you ask for your partner to do more. The second often leads to your partner also burning out and then nobody has any capacity to spare creating a horrible situation. The super power isn't the support part, but being able to live with less part. Demanding high living standards and thus high workload from your partner is the kryptonite.

KennyBlanken 5y ago

At least in the US, there is a strong correlation between husbands losing their jobs and divorce. This blog post basically no different from the other "so I did X and now I'm a big success" anecdotal LinkedIn/Medium/Tweet thread posts. Not everyone is allowed to break gender roles. Edit: not going to promise this is the best reference/source, but it is at least one: https://time.com/4425061/unemployment-divorce-men-women/ https://time.com/4425061/unemployment-divorce-men-women/

MathCodeLove 5y ago
You say this like it's an inevitable part of life instead of picking just picking bad spouses or being bad at relationships. When the husbands in these relationships lost their job did they try to get back out there? Did they help at home? Did they do anything about it? If my wife lost her job and showed no motivation to get another one then I'd probably divorce her too. Part of what I admire in my partner is her incredible work ethic. Maybe instead of complaining about "gender roles" complain about people picking shitty spouses and not having hard conversations about these sort of situations before they actually happen.
- bartvk 5y ago
  You can pick a great spouse but some people change after kids arrive. My partner had a great work ethic too. But after our daughter was born, that supposedly great work ethic caused them to keep working at the same pace, destroying our relationship. Admittedly, you also mention "bad at relationships" and that element was present on both sides as well.
  - Arisaka1 5y ago
    There are people who "change" even after marriage. My father had one such experience when he decided to get married again and his new wife asked him to put her in the house contract as an equal owner. He didn't take that well because, she asked barely a week after the marriage. For what it's worth, that was his second attempt to marry someone after he broke up with my mother. The first was with a woman who hated me in absurd levels to the point that she would attempt to choke me and throw knives at me because (according to my father, I was too young to actually engage her in any form of discussion) I reminded her of his previous relationship. And all that happened after 4 years of him being in a casual relationship with her. Anyways, I don't know if I would call it changing or rather that there are people who try to hide their true colors until I get what they want.

bserge 5y ago

Having any support, really. When everyone around you shits on you and belittles everything you do, you're playing on expert mode.

hughrr 5y ago
Not sure why you’re downvoted because that has been reality for some of us I’m sure. Me included. My pet favourite example is the ”you’re shit and going to fail. You should do what I did”. This is advice inevitably comes from very toxic personalities who are in serious trouble in one way or another.