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Whatever happened to just asking pretty girls you see on dates? That’s how I met my wife. Total stranger, gave her my number and asked her out for coffee. Be

Whatever happened to just asking pretty girls you see on dates? That’s how I met my wife. Total stranger, gave her my number and asked her out for coffee. Been married ten years now.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
kortex 5y ago
That approach for most folks is a) really daunting b) usually extremely low odds of success. It's one thing if it's someone in a social circle, however big. Total stranger? Seems to only result in frustration for most folks.
- baobabKoodaa 5y ago
  It's a skill that can be learned.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - CyberDildonics 5y ago
    You are absolutely right but you will never be able to convince anyone here that this is true.
  - rubyist5eva 5y ago
    100%, I still remember all of my epic failures when I started learning it!
  - paulryanrogers 5y ago
    Skill is certainly involved, as are sometimes crushing demographics. I grew up in churches that taught one to only date non-Catholic Christians. In the area those were rare, especially single ones my age. Then everyone has deal breakers further reducing the pool of possible candidates. I learned to be less picky but still had to travel about 50 miles away and only made 2 successful matches (i.e. second date) over 5y.
- kerng 5y ago
  The odds of success are probably higher then using one of the now common dating apps.
mcculley 5y ago
They are all looking at their phones now.
- 29083011397778 5y ago
  I'd argue many are throwing a different signal - wearing earbuds or headphones. Looking at your phone could be anything from talking to a friend to checking the weather. Listening to music sends a much stronger signal of "I'm busy, come back later or not at all".
ditonal 5y ago
Everyone overthinks things but this really is a good option. I’ve also been with my wife over ten years so maybe I’m not the authority any more. But even back then online dating was a thing but I had zero success with it. But it always seemed as a man, women basically gave you +2 in attractiveness just for having the confidence to go up and introduce yourself. Seemed crazy to throw those free points away so I just psyched myself into forcing myself to “just do it” if someone caught my eye. Besides meeting my wife this way, there was one girl who rather coldly rejected me that I later ran into via another social circle. I apologized if I had made her uncomfortable and she told me that even though she wasn’t interested she was also somewhat flattered and that the incident made her day. I think with sexual harassment in the world and all these apps everyone overthinks things and think just walking up to a stranger is for boomers or pick up artists. Really it’s just the normal human interaction that worked for a couple million years and still works today. And at least for typical heterosexual dynamics, the ability to make eye contact and say “Hi, my name is” will always be more impactful than a Bluetooth signal.
- ghoward 5y ago
  > But it always seemed as a man, women basically gave you +2 in attractiveness just for having the confidence to go up and introduce yourself. In my experience, you are 110% correct. I first saw my wife giving a speech and remembered her name. Two weeks later, I went up and introduced myself, with "Hello, <name>, my name is <ghoward>. Thank you for your [speech] about <thing>." There are a few interesting things about what she noticed. First, she didn't really notice that I got "<thing>" wrong. (I mixed her speech up with another person's.) Second, the reason she didn't notice is because all she noticed was that I remembered her name! And finally, as we were preparing to get married, many guys in our community got up in arms about how the community "superstar" was marrying me, someone known to be less attractive. My wife says all of the time that she chose me simply because I actually introduced myself and (later) asked her on a date. Though all of that doesn't explain how she still finds me attractive, especially since she now knows I'm not that confident after all...
  - kerng 5y ago
    Congrats. Well, you are confident when it matters!
fn-mote 5y ago
> Total stranger, gave her my number and asked her out [...] I'm really, genuinely glad this worked out for you. When feminists talk about the objectification of women, though, I think this is a prime example. (Admittedly there are no details.) The assumption that bothers me is that it is ok to approach a "pretty girl" about entering into a relationship. Isn't this problem as old as the hills? > Why can't I walk down a street free of suggestion? > Is my body my only trait in the eyes of men? > -- Suggestion, Fugazi, 1988 [1] https://genius.com/Fugazi-suggestion-lyrics https://genius.com/Fugazi-suggestion-lyrics
- drooby 5y ago
  A proposal to meet for coffee and get to know each other seems to be the opposite of objectification, no?
  - postsantum 5y ago
    Here is a handy educational video to learn the difference https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuUkYiaUc8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuUkYiaUc8
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
- leephillips 5y ago
  Those are not feminists.
- rubyist5eva 5y ago
  Modern feminists are just wrong.
peab 5y ago
It's very daunting, but in my experience it's extremely rewarding
Mountain_Skies 5y ago
There are dozens (probably hundreds) of articles demonizing men for interacting with women in public they do not know. Your comment sounds a lot like "Look the hiring manager in the eye and give him a firm handshake" advice that's half a century out of date. We no longer live in the type of high trust society where such casual interactions are welcomed or even socially acceptable. Perhaps that still exists in a small town that could be part of a Hallmark movie but in the typical contemporary urban center, you're just as likely to end up on someone's "I don't owe you my attention" tiktok video as you are to have a mutually positive interaction.
- baobabKoodaa 5y ago
  > in the typical contemporary urban center, you're just as likely to end up on someone's "I don't owe you my attention" tiktok video as you are to have a mutually positive interaction. I'm surprised to hear you describe those odds as undesirable. 50% chance of a positive interaction is an order of magnitude higher than I would have estimated. Even if there's only a 5% chance of a positive interaction, parent poster's advice is still worth it. If you are respectful other other people, those negative interactions will be short and not too bad for either party. The upshot of find love and a lifelong partner more than offsets those short negative interactions that you have to wade through.
  - lightspot21 5y ago
    This would be true if the world were not as highly interconnected as it is. Nobody wants to risk this "failure" being broadcasted and possibly following them through virality. People today are not allowed to "fail safely" so to speak. Not without social penalties even outside their immediate social circle.
    - baobabKoodaa 5y ago
      I know what you mean. The world was definitely different years ago when I met my wife. If I was single today, I don't know if I would take the same risks that I took 10 years ago. That said, I still think those are risks worth taking (even if I myself wouldn't have the balls to take them). If you go in with good intentions and treat people with respect, what's the worst that can happen? I don't think there's a lot of viral potential for a video where a socially awkward guy tries to talk to a woman and walks off after being rejected.
maccolgan 5y ago
Easiest way to go viral on TikTok as a sexual harasser so it seems...

Whatever happened to just asking pretty girls you see on dates? That’s how I met my wife. Total stranger, gave her my number and asked her out for coffee. Been married ten years now.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

kortex 5y ago

That approach for most folks is a) really daunting b) usually extremely low odds of success. It's one thing if it's someone in a social circle, however big. Total stranger? Seems to only result in frustration for most folks.

baobabKoodaa 5y ago
It's a skill that can be learned.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- CyberDildonics 5y ago
  You are absolutely right but you will never be able to convince anyone here that this is true.
- rubyist5eva 5y ago
  100%, I still remember all of my epic failures when I started learning it!
- paulryanrogers 5y ago
  Skill is certainly involved, as are sometimes crushing demographics. I grew up in churches that taught one to only date non-Catholic Christians. In the area those were rare, especially single ones my age. Then everyone has deal breakers further reducing the pool of possible candidates. I learned to be less picky but still had to travel about 50 miles away and only made 2 successful matches (i.e. second date) over 5y.
kerng 5y ago
The odds of success are probably higher then using one of the now common dating apps.

mcculley 5y ago

They are all looking at their phones now.

29083011397778 5y ago
I'd argue many are throwing a different signal - wearing earbuds or headphones. Looking at your phone could be anything from talking to a friend to checking the weather. Listening to music sends a much stronger signal of "I'm busy, come back later or not at all".

ditonal 5y ago

Everyone overthinks things but this really is a good option. I’ve also been with my wife over ten years so maybe I’m not the authority any more. But even back then online dating was a thing but I had zero success with it. But it always seemed as a man, women basically gave you +2 in attractiveness just for having the confidence to go up and introduce yourself. Seemed crazy to throw those free points away so I just psyched myself into forcing myself to “just do it” if someone caught my eye. Besides meeting my wife this way, there was one girl who rather coldly rejected me that I later ran into via another social circle. I apologized if I had made her uncomfortable and she told me that even though she wasn’t interested she was also somewhat flattered and that the incident made her day. I think with sexual harassment in the world and all these apps everyone overthinks things and think just walking up to a stranger is for boomers or pick up artists. Really it’s just the normal human interaction that worked for a couple million years and still works today. And at least for typical heterosexual dynamics, the ability to make eye contact and say “Hi, my name is” will always be more impactful than a Bluetooth signal.

ghoward 5y ago
> But it always seemed as a man, women basically gave you +2 in attractiveness just for having the confidence to go up and introduce yourself. In my experience, you are 110% correct. I first saw my wife giving a speech and remembered her name. Two weeks later, I went up and introduced myself, with "Hello, <name>, my name is <ghoward>. Thank you for your [speech] about <thing>." There are a few interesting things about what she noticed. First, she didn't really notice that I got "<thing>" wrong. (I mixed her speech up with another person's.) Second, the reason she didn't notice is because all she noticed was that I remembered her name! And finally, as we were preparing to get married, many guys in our community got up in arms about how the community "superstar" was marrying me, someone known to be less attractive. My wife says all of the time that she chose me simply because I actually introduced myself and (later) asked her on a date. Though all of that doesn't explain how she still finds me attractive, especially since she now knows I'm not that confident after all...
- kerng 5y ago
  Congrats. Well, you are confident when it matters!

fn-mote 5y ago

> Total stranger, gave her my number and asked her out [...] I'm really, genuinely glad this worked out for you. When feminists talk about the objectification of women, though, I think this is a prime example. (Admittedly there are no details.) The assumption that bothers me is that it is ok to approach a "pretty girl" about entering into a relationship. Isn't this problem as old as the hills? > Why can't I walk down a street free of suggestion? > Is my body my only trait in the eyes of men? > -- Suggestion, Fugazi, 1988 [1] https://genius.com/Fugazi-suggestion-lyrics https://genius.com/Fugazi-suggestion-lyrics

drooby 5y ago
A proposal to meet for coffee and get to know each other seems to be the opposite of objectification, no?
- postsantum 5y ago
  Here is a handy educational video to learn the difference https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuUkYiaUc8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuUkYiaUc8
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
leephillips 5y ago
Those are not feminists.
rubyist5eva 5y ago
Modern feminists are just wrong.

peab 5y ago

It's very daunting, but in my experience it's extremely rewarding

Mountain_Skies 5y ago

There are dozens (probably hundreds) of articles demonizing men for interacting with women in public they do not know. Your comment sounds a lot like "Look the hiring manager in the eye and give him a firm handshake" advice that's half a century out of date. We no longer live in the type of high trust society where such casual interactions are welcomed or even socially acceptable. Perhaps that still exists in a small town that could be part of a Hallmark movie but in the typical contemporary urban center, you're just as likely to end up on someone's "I don't owe you my attention" tiktok video as you are to have a mutually positive interaction.

baobabKoodaa 5y ago
> in the typical contemporary urban center, you're just as likely to end up on someone's "I don't owe you my attention" tiktok video as you are to have a mutually positive interaction. I'm surprised to hear you describe those odds as undesirable. 50% chance of a positive interaction is an order of magnitude higher than I would have estimated. Even if there's only a 5% chance of a positive interaction, parent poster's advice is still worth it. If you are respectful other other people, those negative interactions will be short and not too bad for either party. The upshot of find love and a lifelong partner more than offsets those short negative interactions that you have to wade through.
- lightspot21 5y ago
  This would be true if the world were not as highly interconnected as it is. Nobody wants to risk this "failure" being broadcasted and possibly following them through virality. People today are not allowed to "fail safely" so to speak. Not without social penalties even outside their immediate social circle.
  - baobabKoodaa 5y ago
    I know what you mean. The world was definitely different years ago when I met my wife. If I was single today, I don't know if I would take the same risks that I took 10 years ago. That said, I still think those are risks worth taking (even if I myself wouldn't have the balls to take them). If you go in with good intentions and treat people with respect, what's the worst that can happen? I don't think there's a lot of viral potential for a video where a socially awkward guy tries to talk to a woman and walks off after being rejected.

maccolgan 5y ago

Easiest way to go viral on TikTok as a sexual harasser so it seems...