4 ms·

While I don't usually comment on downvotes, my guess is that the downvotes are because your question can come off as being insensitive. After someone tells you

While I don't usually comment on downvotes, my guess is that the downvotes are because your question can come off as being insensitive. After someone tells you about the tragic death of both of his parents, maybe don't start a guessing game of what his mother died of even if your loved one died of that same disease.

adventured 5y ago
The barrage of downvotes were typical HN assuming the worst (mindless insensitivity) rather than giving a benefit of the doubt about my intent. This, from HN's guidelines: Assume good faith. You won't see much of that on HN in my very long experience here. People so often jump right to assuming the worst, which is why that guideline exists. The assumption was that I was being insensitive, when the actuality was that I was going to attempt to start a conversation in order to better relate to the parent's story. I could have structured what I said better? That's fair, it happens, and it still doesn't change my intentions, which were positive. It's the classic and true line, that people judge others by their actions without considering intentions and they prefer to judge themselves by their intentions instead of their actions. That's why trying to assume good faith on the part of someone else is so useful on forums. I've got approximately four billion points here on HN, I don't care about the downvotes unto themselves, it's the lack of collegial communication instead of jumping right to a negative triggered reaction (a downvote, which represented a negative, incorrect assumption). You'll notice nobody asked why I was asking that very specific question, there was no attempt to give a shit about that, they all went right to behaving negatively.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- burnished 5y ago
  >>I could have structured what I said better I think this is the take-away. I'm sorry for your loss, and I suspect that it has made this topic much closer and realer for you than many other people. Whereas we are all familiar with insensitive assholes. It can be challenging to know how to best approach a situation where you think some one is being rude, without also opening yourself up for blame (or verbal abuse), in a calm and constructive manner. Even assuming good faith it would be very easy to see your original un-edited remark as some one curiously gawking at another person's tragedy. I can see that this situation is upsetting for you. It might help to reframe this by recognizing that calm, thoughtful, and articulate communication is difficult.
- EMM_386 5y ago
  This will likely get downvoted also. The issue is it becoming too meta and veering off topic. I didn't assume anything, and I'm sorry for your loss. But the topic is about how doctors choose to die and it's too off-topic to go into how votes on a particular website are counted. It really doesn't matter.

adventured 5y ago

The barrage of downvotes were typical HN assuming the worst (mindless insensitivity) rather than giving a benefit of the doubt about my intent. This, from HN's guidelines: Assume good faith. You won't see much of that on HN in my very long experience here. People so often jump right to assuming the worst, which is why that guideline exists. The assumption was that I was being insensitive, when the actuality was that I was going to attempt to start a conversation in order to better relate to the parent's story. I could have structured what I said better? That's fair, it happens, and it still doesn't change my intentions, which were positive. It's the classic and true line, that people judge others by their actions without considering intentions and they prefer to judge themselves by their intentions instead of their actions. That's why trying to assume good faith on the part of someone else is so useful on forums. I've got approximately four billion points here on HN, I don't care about the downvotes unto themselves, it's the lack of collegial communication instead of jumping right to a negative triggered reaction (a downvote, which represented a negative, incorrect assumption). You'll notice nobody asked why I was asking that very specific question, there was no attempt to give a shit about that, they all went right to behaving negatively.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
burnished 5y ago
>>I could have structured what I said better I think this is the take-away. I'm sorry for your loss, and I suspect that it has made this topic much closer and realer for you than many other people. Whereas we are all familiar with insensitive assholes. It can be challenging to know how to best approach a situation where you think some one is being rude, without also opening yourself up for blame (or verbal abuse), in a calm and constructive manner. Even assuming good faith it would be very easy to see your original un-edited remark as some one curiously gawking at another person's tragedy. I can see that this situation is upsetting for you. It might help to reframe this by recognizing that calm, thoughtful, and articulate communication is difficult.
EMM_386 5y ago
This will likely get downvoted also. The issue is it becoming too meta and veering off topic. I didn't assume anything, and I'm sorry for your loss. But the topic is about how doctors choose to die and it's too off-topic to go into how votes on a particular website are counted. It really doesn't matter.