3 ms·

Here's how I avoid any appearance of a negative tone: Before I try to correct an error, or ask for anything, I always preface it with "Thanks a lot for <replyi

Here's how I avoid any appearance of a negative tone: Before I try to correct an error, or ask for anything, I always preface it with "Thanks a lot for <replying, doing something previously, I agree with X, etc...>"

mjburgess 5y ago
As soon as I noticed that pattern in your comms, I'd discount it. And probably be annoyed by the apparent insincerity, esp. when it would prefix something like "correcting an error". However, this would probably work on most.
- junon 5y ago
  There's no solution here. Everyone is debating what is offensive or not, bike shedding over subjectivity and emotion. Either you cushion the blow and do what the GP does and have the effect you mention, or they don't and come off as "offensive". It seems communication of any kind these days is a double-edged sword.
- pbhjpbhj 5y ago
  I have someone who reviews some of my work and will tell me how great my work is then points out all the changes they want made -- it's clear nothing about the work is what they wanted, so the "well done with ..." just feels like being gas-lighted. In this case, however, I don't think they realise they're doing it.
- avsteele 5y ago
  There's nothing insincere about it. It's a simple acknowledgement of the other persons contribution to a positive interaction. Trust me, no normal person is gets upset if you give them thanks or a compliment.
  - im3w1l 5y ago
    I think people get upset that they are interacting with an algorithm so to speak. Actually that's not it either, people don't get upset when you start all your letters with "Dear X,". The upsetting thing is the violation of expectations. They thought you spontanously dropped the compliment but you didn't. So the best thing might be to go even further, make it actually obvious that it is formulaic. Just thinking out loud here.

3 ms·

Here's how I avoid any appearance of a negative tone: Before I try to correct an error, or ask for anything, I always preface it with "Thanks a lot for <replyi

by avsteele 5y ago

mjburgess 5y ago
As soon as I noticed that pattern in your comms, I'd discount it. And probably be annoyed by the apparent insincerity, esp. when it would prefix something like "correcting an error". However, this would probably work on most.
- junon 5y ago
  There's no solution here. Everyone is debating what is offensive or not, bike shedding over subjectivity and emotion. Either you cushion the blow and do what the GP does and have the effect you mention, or they don't and come off as "offensive". It seems communication of any kind these days is a double-edged sword.
- pbhjpbhj 5y ago
  I have someone who reviews some of my work and will tell me how great my work is then points out all the changes they want made -- it's clear nothing about the work is what they wanted, so the "well done with ..." just feels like being gas-lighted. In this case, however, I don't think they realise they're doing it.
- avsteele 5y ago
  There's nothing insincere about it. It's a simple acknowledgement of the other persons contribution to a positive interaction. Trust me, no normal person is gets upset if you give them thanks or a compliment.
  - im3w1l 5y ago
    I think people get upset that they are interacting with an algorithm so to speak. Actually that's not it either, people don't get upset when you start all your letters with "Dear X,". The upsetting thing is the violation of expectations. They thought you spontanously dropped the compliment but you didn't. So the best thing might be to go even further, make it actually obvious that it is formulaic. Just thinking out loud here.