3 ms·

Without understanding, we can’t take productive action. Of course, one can instead exit the situation, which may be the right move and doesn’t require much unde

Without understanding, we can’t take productive action. Of course, one can instead exit the situation, which may be the right move and doesn’t require much understanding. But that is often not an option.

watwut 5y ago
> Without understanding, we can’t take productive action. That is not true. You can protect against abusers without understanding them. Whether making sure you respond (so that you are not attractive target) or leaving or going public or retaliating. But, victims who believe they need to understand and emphasize with them end up excusing abusers, blaming themselves and end up perpetual victims.
- dwaltrip 5y ago
  That’s a good point. And for victims that may be the best way to move forward. However, beyond helping any victims — which is incredibly important and should be the first priority — the type of productive actions we can take are limited if we don’t have understanding of what is going on.
- wnoise 5y ago
  > You can protect against abusers without understanding them. You can, but not as fully nor as well. > Whether making sure you respond (so that you are not attractive target) You have to know that responding indeed doesn't make you an attractive target. Which varies depending on the motives of the abuser. Some are looking for a response, where the cruelty is the point. > or leaving or going public or retaliating. All of these may or may not be helpful. The first two largely based on power relations and PR. But the last is vitally dependent on the reactions of the abuser -- and again understanding the abuser is needed to predict whether that's a useful response.
kr15 5y ago
read Marshall B. Rosenberg, you will know what empathy is. this article is not about empathy, but about brainwashing yourself. it's a guide how to get a Stockholm syndrom

3 ms·

Without understanding, we can’t take productive action. Of course, one can instead exit the situation, which may be the right move and doesn’t require much unde

by dwaltrip 5y ago

watwut 5y ago
> Without understanding, we can’t take productive action. That is not true. You can protect against abusers without understanding them. Whether making sure you respond (so that you are not attractive target) or leaving or going public or retaliating. But, victims who believe they need to understand and emphasize with them end up excusing abusers, blaming themselves and end up perpetual victims.
- dwaltrip 5y ago
  That’s a good point. And for victims that may be the best way to move forward. However, beyond helping any victims — which is incredibly important and should be the first priority — the type of productive actions we can take are limited if we don’t have understanding of what is going on.
- wnoise 5y ago
  > You can protect against abusers without understanding them. You can, but not as fully nor as well. > Whether making sure you respond (so that you are not attractive target) You have to know that responding indeed doesn't make you an attractive target. Which varies depending on the motives of the abuser. Some are looking for a response, where the cruelty is the point. > or leaving or going public or retaliating. All of these may or may not be helpful. The first two largely based on power relations and PR. But the last is vitally dependent on the reactions of the abuser -- and again understanding the abuser is needed to predict whether that's a useful response.
kr15 5y ago
read Marshall B. Rosenberg, you will know what empathy is. this article is not about empathy, but about brainwashing yourself. it's a guide how to get a Stockholm syndrom