5 ms·
That thread is fascinating. It's seemingly entirely occupied by people who are very well educated except for a glaring omission on the question of the most impo
by tbihl 5y ago
That thread is fascinating. It's seemingly entirely occupied by people who are very well educated except for a glaring omission on the question of the most important things in their lives.
It's well known that women very rarely date/marry below their level, which means an extremely narrow dating pool for these women at the top, not matched by their male peers. The same is simply not true for men. And if you're a man thinking of bucking this trend, you're putting yourself in a pretty risky place.
And it must be intensely frustrating for them to find it when they correctly surmise that they're running out of time (for having kids), after no one ever offering this wisdom before they had to suffer the consequences. I'm watching my siblings and my wife's siblings, along with many coworkers, suffer in this way, and it seems agonizing.
- redis_mlc 5y agoIn evolutionary psychology it's called female "hypergamy", so search for that. If you're a single "modern woman" who can't find or retain "a high value man", then contact Suzanne Venker who will deprogram out the "modern" part. If you're a single, average man, be and look successful first, then consider dating.
- nradov 5y agoThis Harvard Business Review article advised professionally ambitious women to remain single if they can't find a highly supportive spouse. I don't know if that's good or bad advice, just found it interesting. https://hbr.org/2017/10/if-you-cant-find-a-spouse-who-supports-your-career-stay-single https://hbr.org/2017/10/if-you-cant-find-a-spouse-who-suppor...
- yuppie_scum 5y agoI wouldn’t advise anybody to marry someone unsupportive.
- avmich 5y agoEven if the alternative is not to marry? Does it depends on weights of preferences?
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- MyHypatia 5y agoFor your health and happiness, it is better not to marry if the marriage is an unhappy one. There have been many studies on how marriage impacts the health of men and women. Happily married people have better health outcomes than single people. Unhappily married people have worse health outcomes. From one of the articles I cite below, "Marital stress is associated with lifestyle risk factors and nonadherence to medical regimens. Poor marital quality is also linked with more depression, hostility and anger, all risk factors for coronary heart disease. Thus, marital status and quality could influence metabolic risk factors and acute stress responses, which in turn predict cardio-vascular morbidity and mortality, according to the study." https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens... https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2003/09/marital-benefit https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2003/09/marital-bene...
- nate_meurer 5y ago"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." - Proverbs 21:9 "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" - The Apostle Paul, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9.
- scarmig 5y agoThe issue is that the "supportive" quality high achieving women look for is different from the "supportive" quality high achieving men look for. Essentially, the modal supportive wife wouldn't be given the time of day by potential high achieving female spouses if her gender were switched. What (straight) women value in a mate is very different from what (straight) men value in a mate.
- norov 5y agoProfessionally ambitious men should remain single if they can't find a highly supportive spouse. The point in the GP comment is with how many women refuse to marry below their income/professional status and socioeconomic level.
- q-rews 5y agoYou can try to flip genders and try to make it sound sexist, but obviously that doesn't work here, as the post suggests. A successful 50yo man can easily find a partner; A successful 50yo woman cannot (as easily).
- norov 5y agoDon't obsess over who looks sexist. Focus on the main issue that having a supportive partner is priority #1.
- TehShrike 5y agoTo give some meat to the "well known" claim above – this article describes (with data) some of the things feeding into the evolution of the marriage market in recent decades: https://quillette.com/2021/06/28/mate-selection-for-modernity/ https://quillette.com/2021/06/28/mate-selection-for-modernit...