4 ms·

I was using Tantan last year, a Chinese dating app. I tried to send a woman I was flirting with a message like “that pic of you is sexy”, and the app warned me

I was using Tantan last year, a Chinese dating app. I tried to send a woman I was flirting with a message like “that pic of you is sexy”, and the app warned me against using vulgar language. I can’t say sexy. In a dating app. With a woman I matched with. What am I supposed to do? Say she’s doing a great job of maximizing her gene pool’s potential for aesthetic presentation in the context of a romantic setting?

api 5y ago
> Say she’s doing a great job of maximizing her gene pool’s potential for aesthetic presentation in the context of a romantic setting? If she goes for that, she's a keeper.
inetknght 5y ago
> I can’t say sexy. In a dating app. With a woman I matched with. Would you go into a Christian church and start preaching about Hindu gods? Some might, but nearly everyone would say it's disrespectful of a different culture. So it seems to me like it'd be a cultural difference. In Western culture sex is prominent (America, Europe, etc) even if repressed (America). In Chinese culture... well I'm going to assume it's still very much repressed.
- lotsofpulp 5y ago
  The example you described is not analogous to texting a woman in a dating app. But the point about cultural differences does stand (not that it should result in a government being able to police how two adults communicate.)
- orange_joe 5y ago
  Seems like you’re exercising a lot of social control over the couple. Why shouldn’t they be allowed to privately communicate their feelings. Simply chalking up social control to “cultural differences” ignores the fact that these aren’t cultural mores developed independently, but the results of a highly moralizing tyrannical government trying to assert social control for the material benefit of those at the top.
  - TeMPOraL 5y ago
    Indeed. After all, the application is supposed to be only a conduit for a private conversation between two people. Two adults can negotiate their own communications protocol. Just because you met someone in a Catholic church, doesn't mean they aren't interested in Hindu gods or in sexuality. People are not defined by the culture they live in. A dating app that tells you what you can or cannot say in a 1:1 conversation isn't a conduit for private communication - it's acting like a chaperone on the date. Except normally, chaperones are there to prevent sex, not police thoughts.
    - galfarragem 5y ago
      Might be useful to other non-natives also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaperone_(social) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaperone_(social)
  - inetknght 5y ago
    > Why shouldn’t they be allowed to privately communicate their feelings. I agree. > Simply chalking up social control to “cultural differences” ignores the fact that these aren’t cultural mores developed independently, but the results of a highly moralizing tyrannical government trying to assert social control I've never been to China. But even from an outsider's point of view your statement strikes me as self-centered. What right do you have to enforce your own morals upon an entire other nation? > a highly moralizing tyrannical government trying to assert social control for the material benefit of those at the top. Western countries are arguably the same. How does that make the Chinese government wrong and Western countries right? > Seems like you’re exercising a lot of social control over the couple. To circle back to this comment; am I? The control is over the internet. Until they've met in real life you're just a stranger on it. Strangers on the internet can be very dangerous and with very little repercussion. Governments have an obligation to protect their citizens. So you should speak kindly and respectfully. You never know what words might upset the other end. When you meet in person then you're putting your own person at risk for the words you say instead of just an online pseudonym. When you meet in person the stakes have been raised. What does the government do to prevent the couple from talking sexy after they've met in real life? I'm sure there's a lot but once you've met in real life then either you're physically in their culture or they're physically in your culture and respect boundaries must have changed. Can that system be abused for the people at the top? Absolutely. Is it abused for the people at the top? Well I live in America and so I see a lot of anti-China propaganda so I'd argue that it probably is. But you'd be blind to think that China's alone in that.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
fouc 5y ago
s/sexy/beautiful/
- moonchrome 5y ago
  Not even remotely interchangeable. s/sexy/hot
kietay 5y ago
Tinder does the same thing.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
sscarduzio 5y ago
Actually it's a good advice from Tantan. Chinese dating culture is very different. I'm not sure "sexy" is going to be received well, especially if she uses a translator (which is common).
- devoutsalsa 5y ago
  The woman I was flirting with was in Morocco XD

api 5y ago

> Say she’s doing a great job of maximizing her gene pool’s potential for aesthetic presentation in the context of a romantic setting? If she goes for that, she's a keeper.

inetknght 5y ago

> I can’t say sexy. In a dating app. With a woman I matched with. Would you go into a Christian church and start preaching about Hindu gods? Some might, but nearly everyone would say it's disrespectful of a different culture. So it seems to me like it'd be a cultural difference. In Western culture sex is prominent (America, Europe, etc) even if repressed (America). In Chinese culture... well I'm going to assume it's still very much repressed.

lotsofpulp 5y ago
The example you described is not analogous to texting a woman in a dating app. But the point about cultural differences does stand (not that it should result in a government being able to police how two adults communicate.)
orange_joe 5y ago
Seems like you’re exercising a lot of social control over the couple. Why shouldn’t they be allowed to privately communicate their feelings. Simply chalking up social control to “cultural differences” ignores the fact that these aren’t cultural mores developed independently, but the results of a highly moralizing tyrannical government trying to assert social control for the material benefit of those at the top.
- TeMPOraL 5y ago
  Indeed. After all, the application is supposed to be only a conduit for a private conversation between two people. Two adults can negotiate their own communications protocol. Just because you met someone in a Catholic church, doesn't mean they aren't interested in Hindu gods or in sexuality. People are not defined by the culture they live in. A dating app that tells you what you can or cannot say in a 1:1 conversation isn't a conduit for private communication - it's acting like a chaperone on the date. Except normally, chaperones are there to prevent sex, not police thoughts.
  - galfarragem 5y ago
    Might be useful to other non-natives also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaperone_(social) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaperone_(social)
- inetknght 5y ago
  > Why shouldn’t they be allowed to privately communicate their feelings. I agree. > Simply chalking up social control to “cultural differences” ignores the fact that these aren’t cultural mores developed independently, but the results of a highly moralizing tyrannical government trying to assert social control I've never been to China. But even from an outsider's point of view your statement strikes me as self-centered. What right do you have to enforce your own morals upon an entire other nation? > a highly moralizing tyrannical government trying to assert social control for the material benefit of those at the top. Western countries are arguably the same. How does that make the Chinese government wrong and Western countries right? > Seems like you’re exercising a lot of social control over the couple. To circle back to this comment; am I? The control is over the internet. Until they've met in real life you're just a stranger on it. Strangers on the internet can be very dangerous and with very little repercussion. Governments have an obligation to protect their citizens. So you should speak kindly and respectfully. You never know what words might upset the other end. When you meet in person then you're putting your own person at risk for the words you say instead of just an online pseudonym. When you meet in person the stakes have been raised. What does the government do to prevent the couple from talking sexy after they've met in real life? I'm sure there's a lot but once you've met in real life then either you're physically in their culture or they're physically in your culture and respect boundaries must have changed. Can that system be abused for the people at the top? Absolutely. Is it abused for the people at the top? Well I live in America and so I see a lot of anti-China propaganda so I'd argue that it probably is. But you'd be blind to think that China's alone in that.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

fouc 5y ago

s/sexy/beautiful/

moonchrome 5y ago
Not even remotely interchangeable. s/sexy/hot

kietay 5y ago

Tinder does the same thing.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

sscarduzio 5y ago

Actually it's a good advice from Tantan. Chinese dating culture is very different. I'm not sure "sexy" is going to be received well, especially if she uses a translator (which is common).

devoutsalsa 5y ago
The woman I was flirting with was in Morocco XD